I have a boyfriend that is married and he has said for the past 3 1/2 years that he is getting a divorce should i wait and be true to my heart or should i turn and walk away
It's never too late (for you) to start anew, meaning break-away from this. Remember lessons learned from this. I hope your friend can do the same.
WALK AWAY GIRL!
You need a hug girl. I dont think I would put up with a for that long while waiting. You can always tell him when you see the divocred finalized that MAYBE you'll take him back. And thats a strong maybe
I drew a spread and looked into this for you, and I'm sorry to say that I see he has no intention to leave his wife at this time. Oh, he thinks about it, sure. But as long as he has options, he will make use of them. This is not to say that he has no feelings for you, as he does. There is a deep, loving friendship that has supported the two of you for some time. Yet, men in his position often are looking for the "perfect" time to take action, and as we women know, that time rarely comes. There is no ideal time to leave someone, break up a family, and it takes a massive, sustained effort to do it. Men also like to plead the poverty card; "I'll have to give up everything, she'll bleed me dry" when the truth to this is more along the lines of, I'd rather be unhappy than do anything different.
You are worth much more than he can give you; in my spread I drew the goddess card, and what this tells me (and hopefully tells you too!) is that you are a Goddess; you can have ANY man you want.
I see that things are about to start getting rough on his end. Now would be the prime oppty for you to make a move to let go of something that only gives you 1/2 of what you want and deserve. Make a list of those characteristics you want and need in a relationship, and then insist upon having them with no compromise. Your happiness is worth more than half measures. : )
Exactly what is your 'boyfriend' waiitng for that is taking him 3 1/2 years to get a divorce? Obviously you fulfill certain needs that he is not getting from his marriage. As long as he's got you to fulfill these needs, then he probably figures he has all (or enough) of what he wants or needs between both you and his wife. So long as he has the option of both of you, he'll never get a divorce. Why should he make a choice between one woman or the other while you are giving him the option of having both? After 3 1/2 years it's obviously not bothering him that he is living a dual life.
Here's my advice: Never make someone your priority when you are only their option. Why don't you follow your heart's TRUE desire and run, don't walk, away from this selfish liar as fast as you can because as much as you may have convinced yourself that this man is "the one", your heart would not intentionally lead you to fall for a man with whom you have to share with another woman. You deserve better than that and you know it, and if you don't think so then you are greatly mistaken! I wouldn't put up with that crap for 10 minutes much less 3.5 years, so if you believe your current situation is an acceptable way to be treated then you need to take some time away from relationships for self-healing so you will be able to realize how valuable you really are. It's not until you believe that you are worthy of having great relationships that you can acheive the type of partnership your heart truly longs for... one founded on mutual love, adoration & respect, not one created out of deception, false promises & emotional turmoil.
Long story made short: He's not going to leave her or he would have already! As awful as it may sound, you (and his wife, assuming she knows) have allowed him to get away with this little love triangle for 3.5 years already so there really isn't any motivation for him to change because he has the best of both worlds, he's "having his cake & eating it too" and so far that has been acceptable to everyone involved. He behaves that way because he can and obviously he doesn't care about either of you enough (or he cares about himself more) to make a decision and end the affair, instead he keeps stringing you along on this emotional roller-coaster ride making promises he never intends to keep with no regard for you or your feelings. Now does that sound like something your heart would to lead you into?
The solution: Tell him that you deserve to have a meaningful and loving relationship and that you are going to do whatever it takes to find one, whether that be with him or someone else. Tell him that you love him but that you deserve to be somebody's one and only and that you can't wait any longer for him to decide when and if he is ever going to make you the main priority in his life. Tell him that if he wants you in his life at all that he has to commit to you (and only you) 100% and that he must end things with his wife immediately. Then, tell him he has a certain amount of time (3 months or so) to make that happen or else you're gone for good, no exceptions. Then, the most important part, STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!!! IF HE DOESN'T COMPLY, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
One last thing... let's say you give him the ultimatum, he divorces his wife and you finally get the relationship with him that you have been longing for for the past 3.5 years.... you will always have to deal with the fact that he already had one affair with you, so who's to say he wouldn't have another affair with someone else. Do you really think you could deal with the lies & deception, not to mention having to share him again? I personally think that there are plenty of men out there who would be much better catches and treat you way better than the unappreciative cheater you are with right now, so please try to remove your rose-colored glasses and take this into consideration because I don't want you to sell yourself short and settle for less than you deserve. Remember: You have so much to offer someone, but you must expect the same in return. You are an amazing person worthy of love and great relationships, but you will only find it if you truly believe that.
I hoped that helped! Keep us updated and good luck!!
View this outside the bubble. You met him, he probably told you from the start he was getting a divorce. Your thinking I'll wait for him. You were trapped.
Don't get into the mind frame that you met him and now he's yours. Never demand that a person leave their spouse--not good spiritually. Seems like it all boils down to I'm better than the other. Maybe you think that way, but I think this is the spiritual lesson in all of this. This is an awful position to be in and I believe you don't really want to be in this positon.
I'm one of the Samson's disciple. The One 'love' betrayed me not once, but twice and I still loves her. Why? Forgiveness is so powerful that breaks sin. She is married too, I still love her and wishes her the best. I'll support you whatever choices you make, but be gentle. tender-