Dealing wiyh stubborn Scorpio man
I have been dating this scoripo on and off now for some time. I made a comment last week that really insulted him. I have apologized at least 100 times but he does not want to make up...so it seems. I am quite sad and don't know what else to do. The impatient Aries in me wants to keep trying but I also don't want to get him fed up and I don't want to seem desperate. I really care about this man and I know what I said was wrong but how do I fix this???
Scorpios rely on their 6th sense that cautions them about what others say and do. This is how they are able to get through life, on a surfboard. They ride the waves until something pushes them off balance. Then, to recover, they dive into deep waters and seek solitude to lick their wounds.
This year has been my Scorpio learning year. ALL of the men I have met have been Scorpios. It seems there comes a time, usually about 2 months, when they realize they are on a sinking ship and want off. Even when you apologize for stuff HE did (like take a joke personally), he cannot seem to forgive and forget. He takes everything personally.
Whatever really happened, I can tell you from experience that it has nothing to do with you. This is their problem. Unless he wants to make a connection, you will be in the dark without a flashlight until he decides the time is right.
I've tried everything under the sun to make him (them) understand, but it is useless to degrade yourself in front of him. Besides, it is also a test of your endurance. Scorpios "test" those they love in the worst possible ways; but once they make a decision, they do not budge. That is how Scorpio is a "fixed" water sign, like ice. Other water signs can move ice, and fire can melt them somewhat, and even air can alter their shape, he is still fixed and icy.
Make a list of the pros and cons, all the positives against all the negatives, and you will see a faint pattern emerging that will clue you in on his true feelings. They love to play mind games, and when they do not win, they sulk. They may also privately agree with you that you are right, but don't expect an apology. Their manner is strictly matter of fact with a cool appraisal. He only says what he means. If he has not said the words, then you can be sure he does not feel them.
Don't expect a miracle. Their timetables are like God's timetable. When he is ready, you will know it. If he is not, then count your blessings.
As a scorpio female....the best insight i could give you is that, although we may come off tough and fearless...deep down we are REALLY sensitive people! I dont know too many male scorps in my life, but as a female, I can tell you this....... when we love....we love deep! And when someone we love hurts us, whether its words or actions, it really hurts!!
I would have to say Firefly said it best!! We are water signs, we ride the waves and if we fall off our surfboard and lose balance from the rough waters.... we dive deep in the waters to hide the shame or guilt or whatever the negative situation that occured to cause us to fall off balance, and we seek solitude to heal our selves by trying to understand how we even fell off and how to prevent the same occurence. When we give our heart to someone....we EXPECT (i know that is a fault of ours to an extent) that the person we love treat it with the SAME respect as we do! If you dont....it hurts us bad! The walls come up and our guard within our heart is stronger than ever. Yes, we are stubborn. We forgive...but most of the time...we never forget. We dont forget because we dont want to be hurt again for the same reasons.
My suggestion to you would be....stop apologizing 100 times, because in order for us to accept your apologies, they must be sincere. And HE has to be the one that feels it was sincere. You could apologize a million times, but unless he knows its from within your heart and he can put some trust back into you that you wont hurt him again, your sorry's mean nothing.
Be creative....I imagine your Scorpio man likes the water. Not sure if you live together or not. But if youve given him a few days to cool off or should i say "think and heal". Send him a letter with a little gift and leave it on his front door. Inside the letter, invite him to meet you for dinner (pick a place by the water) and from there that will be your opportunity to show him how much your sorry. Be sincere and reassure him that your apologies are heart felt. Dont pressure him to accept your apologies right then there. Instead...just let it be known and give him time to marinate on your apologies and only that! In the mean time....just have fun with him! I think he would enjoy that and before you know it.....he will open back up and HE will talk about the situation that happened. If he does that....then it means...he wants to give you a second chance. GOOD LUCK!
PS... If you know his schedule as far as when he gets home, leave the letter and gift and tell him to meet you in the letter. but DONT CALL HIM! If he calls you to confirm....GREAT! If not..still show up to the restaurant...and wait for him. If he doesnt show or call...then you will know....hes DONE!
Wow and thank you! You are right about all of it. They do take their sweet time to come around but being the impatient Aries woman that I am, it's so tough to sit and wait. He does say what he means but only the things that he knows will hurt me or play with my head. The nice things like 'I love you' he chooses to not say that often or at times when he doesn't think that I am really paying attention. It's really weird but this is a very twisted sign. And here I am thinking that I am the crazy one. LOL Thanks again~~
Your are sooooo right Scorpigal! Aries22 ... take it easy with your Scorpio....Scorpions are bored by unthought, ignorant comments. In order to stay away from the sting, stimulate your Scorpio with intelligent meaningful and pshycological conversation. They love surprises, not expensive ones, just well thought ones! From the heart!
Many thanks to both Fieryfly01 and Scorpigal...the advice I received from both was great and extremely useful. I will definitely trying to understand my scorpio man a bit better.
I have not long broken up with my scorpio man 10 days ago. I broke it off through circumstances being that he was married we were together for 2yrs. Kept saying im going to leave his wife when i have saved enough money to get a place of his own. Id spent two christmas all alone whilst he went to Tenerife with his wife and grandson. I wasnt prepared to spend another this year. As i saw it he should have been saving that money also to move on so we could eventually have a normal relationship. I know i broke it off but we both thought the world of each other. So far i havent heard a thing from him. So i was just asking if they are stubborn. In the past i have always texted after a couple of days. I am a Aquarius stubborn too. So i wonder if he loves me as much as he says he does will he move out and get in touch so as not to loose me i wonder?????????????? Any suggestions????
I have known Scorpios to be very stubborn. But the more you ignore them the more they chase. I don't think this man is right for you. Not sure if he will ever leave his wife. You deserve to be happy and if you stay with him he will just assume that you are okay with the situation. Do what's right for you.
I too said something hurtful to my scorp ex after he ended the relationship on good terms and he became very cold and distant towards me. I felt very bad because I hurt his ego, but at the time I was hurt by the break up and I wanted him to hurt too(because I didn't see his pain, I didnt think he was). He has told me to leave him alone forever and that he couldn't be my friend right now and to stay out of his life until I understand boundaries. However the same day he called me 3 times and when we finally talked he said he couldn't be my friend(crazy). To me it seems like he is leaving a "door" open into my life...is this something that scorps do because most people I want to be done with I don't respond to at all. I have been trying to be a supportive person in the back ground because I feel he is going throught a storm although he says he isn't...what do yall think?!?!?!? BTW he is moving away so I sent him a farewell gift. I called to see if he received and he did and stated that he liked it...I'm content with the break up, if he feels he cannot give me what I need, but I don't like the hate that seems to be there.
Sounds exactly like my current situation ^. Last week my scorpio guy of 4 months told me to move on and to stop trying to be with him. Then last night he shows up at my favorite night spots_ i ignored him. He hurt me this time. Good luck to you and your guy. Be patient with scorpio's, If your willing to accept the situation as it is they will come back on their own terms. .. Waiting for mine to come back from a vacation to truely gage his feeling vs. his words.
Hmmm - this is a lot of insight into Scorpios. May I say that their stubborness can be impenetrable and if they don't want to budge, they will not. What I find interesting is this: They will say that they are your very good friend. That they like you a lot. Don't push them, etc. etc. If they like you they will leave these "doors" open to you. Ask you for little favors here and there - just to have an excuse to call you and see what your situation is. They will contact you when they want to but do not seem to want to be contacted themselves. They want to feel you out without being direct. If they are in a long term relationship already, something major will have to happen for them to break it off. There will have to be some sort of insecruity in the love of the one they are in the relationship with, before they will leave. Once they commit they can be very loyal and it seems they do not like the drama of divorce/breakup, etc.
@ turledust, i think you are correct. My scorp ex does not like me being friends with his friends or fam after the break up, but he is friends with my sister and my cousins....hmm
How did things end up with you and your Scorpio?
I am a Cancer male, dating an Aries male wiht a similar situation
He has that Aries impatience and does things similar to your apologizing 100 times
What's the best way to tell an Aries to slow down and have a little patience and work through thing, rather than run through solutions?
We've talked many times and I've tried to get this message through to him, he understands it and what i say, but he doesn't APPLY it
Often times if I'm hurt, I do like your Scorpio does, I jump to the depths of solitude to heal and to figure out what happened
He interprets this as he's losing me, so he races to find a solution and coddles me and can be a bit smothering; not taking enough time fo rme to work through it on my own. Any advice?
Hi Kelcrab - I am a Pisces and I once had an Aries BF that I loved a lot and he loved me also, but he could be somewhat overwhelming for me. Sometimes smothering. - (My Geminii husband - although an air sign - is/was the same way. I think you are experiencing the affect that a fire sign has on a water sign - it's nice to have the water's warmed but sometimes too much warm can "dry us up." The only way you can save yourself is to withdraw from the heat for a while. DOes that make sense? Perhaps if you explained to your friend that you love the warmth of his love - but too much of it will turn you to vapor and you will float away - only to condense somewhere cooler - he might be able to understand that concept. (I look at the effect my Geminii husband has on me as - "if the air is too warm - it will cause the water to turn to fog" or a concept like that. Its just a though.t Good luck.
That makes sense, I think fundamentally I don't want to hurt his feelings, so maybe my explanation to him wasn't direct enough. I will try your explanation and see how that goes.
On a sidenote, my previos long term relationship was with an Aqua who was VERY smothering lol Fire + Water or Air + Water can be quite difficult...
HOw did things end with your Aries if you don't mind me asking?
When we were in Graduate school he was accepted to a School in Florida and I was accepted in California and contiued to live in California ever since and he continued to live in Florida ever since. Since then I had a Leo BF that was kind to me but for some reason it got boring. Then I had a short term sort of BF who was a player. He was A Taurus. He is now on his 3rd wife and 3rd kid and does not even live in the U.S. anymore. My current husband is a Geminii but perhaps because he has a Scorpio Ascendent it worked out. We were married for 19 yrs then one day he decided he wanted a divorce. (He always says that he saved me from the Taurus) We argue about averything because he is SOOO controlling and he is rather jealous. Maybe that is the Scorpio ascendent also. I don't think he appreciates smart women or their ideas. His family is way too big. He has far too many "friends" - not real friends but acquaintances that he calls friends. And he just isn't home and "present" like I expect a husband and father to be. I think that's the Geminii part. Now he has come back to live in the house until certain debts that endued from the divorce are paid off. What he will do next, I do not know. Augggghhh.
Good Luck to you. I have a friend who is a Scorpio and there's a test of patience if anything.
Turtledust and Kelcrab,
I haven't logged on in quite a while and was so surprised to see your replies. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my issue. As it turns out my Scorpio guy and I faded for a while because he was just too laid back about it all and had such a difficult time expressing his feelings that I eventually felt myself fading. This ended up to something new for me...I ended up dating a new man....a cancer LOL. That was quite interesting and very different from my Scorpio. My cancer was super romantic and affectionate...very kind and gentle but wayyyy too smothering at times and very emotional. It became difficult for me to figure him out at times and he would get irritated with me about that. When I would ask him to talk to me and tell me how we could work and make it better....he'd clam up and push me away. That was really difficult for me since as an Aries our number one thing is communication. He was also a bit mean at times...sort of saying really sharp and hurtful things that would upset me. It kind of ended with zero closure. We faded and he never wanted to sit down and talk about what made him leave...kind of sad about it since I really had feelings for him.
Surprisingly enough as my cancer and I started to fade...my scorpio started to come back into the picture. I guess it took him feeling that there was a possibility of losing me for good to wake up a bit. I am not saying that it is peachy now but he is certainly trying to show me more affection and attention which is what was lacking before. Now I am just wondering when we will get to a more serious level???
As for us Aries' folk....we can be a bit overbearing and smothering at times but we will understand if you talk to us about it. Make sure you choose your words wisely because we are very sensitive even though we act rough and tough. We will definitely forgive you for hurting us but it takes us a while to forget and we don't open up and trust that easily so when we do...we feel like that is golden and what you to know that it should be appreciated. The thing is that we are often two extremes.....we are either laid back and reserved (but this doesn't mean that we are not into you. It just means that we are taking our time and are observing your behavior. We need to know if we can feel comfortable enough to let our guard down and not get hurt) OR we are head over heels crazy about you and its hard to contain our happiness. Sort of complicated, huh??? Please feel free to contact me again if you need some Aries advice.
Best of luck to you both,