Genuine insight needed please
Hello , I am so frustrated ! A week ago , I felt a spark and some attraction on seeing a guy . It's had seen him a couple of times before just didn't feel anything like that before although he is cute. This really surprised me . After feeling so good about that for day or two , I had a reality check I know this guy won't ask me out or even approach me because it's just me . I'm always unlucky in love .I don't think I'm someone he would consider dating if he is single because of my personality. This is just so sad ... I hate the universe for making me feel this moment to remind myself that I'm still single. I would appreciate some genuine insight on my situation . Why am I always the pretty girl/woman nobody wishes to date and get to know better ? Thanks.
I know where you are coming from, sister.
While I sat at home every weekend for what seemed like years, all the guys who really liked me were too afraid to approach me. I'd run into some guy at a store and he'd reveal his deepest feelings for me right on the spot, like how I was too pretty to be with someone average like him. The one excuse I have heard, repeatedly, is that guys know themselves and know you deserve someone better than him.
I never had any idea anyone ever felt that way about me until years later. Like I mentioned to one fellow, I would have loved to know someone cared about me because I was alone on all those weekends when you feared rejection and said nothing.
Because of this experience, I can tell you for certain YOU are NOT the problem. It's the guys who have a problem with wanting to impress their friends that keeps them away from girls they really like. Few men are brave enough to strike out on their own, and when they do, you will understand why they know you deserve better.
Do not take it personally. You are not unlucky, at all. You simply have not found the right guy. The right men are the ones that do not push the chemistry button so that your knees turn into jelly. The right men are the ones who open up and allow you to see what is underneath. Inner beauty is far more preferable to having eye candy on your arm and much more satisfying, too.
Trust your gut instincts, not your hormones.
Thanks Firefly01 , many pretty women have boyfriends and attract attention . I can't seem to figure out why I can't get a decent looking guy to ask me out . This is the reason why whenever I feel some attraction I wonder if that person will ask me out and if it will lead to something . Unfortunately for me , that never happens. Just like the guy I mentioned , he is good looking too but this didn't mean anything .
I've been looking for so long and I'm so fed up of waiting for that right guy . I think chemistry is great to have with a guy and the inner beauty of the person is equally important .
Do I have any chance of finding this "right guy" this year ?
Hello littlespark, This is just a thought to consider,I think it would not hurt to a bit brave and perhaps you ask , After all it is 2009 and things have changed a lot, just go for a coffee or tea house, and maybe at the very least you will have made a new friend.,
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I agree with TheHangedWoman, but I also feel that sometimes even though you might have some old fashion values, what if you (Pretty Lady) went up to your choice of male and made a move? I
ve been told the same things youve heard over and over by men...and let me tell you that if you push the buttons sometimes, you might just find your Knight and Shining Armour! Men are floored when you go up to them...and some might think your flirtatious or even a little (sluty) but it
s only because they dont have the balls to approach you it
s has alot to do with ego. Stand firm, know what you want and go for it! As for mister right....well we all have qualities and faults...and itll be natural when it comes, cause you`ll love all of him and him all of you....be patient Grasshoppa! as my late native Grandmother would say!
Hi, You've have received good advice. I will not pursue anyone unless I know of or about them. Someone that's a stranger--probably not good advice. Everyone has a circle of associates and friends. Sometimes another person can help or drop a hint. I have always felt that a relationship is doomed unless the man carries the spark--don't ask me why. If you approach someone that you don't really know, always best to do it to get to know--that's all. Going past the surface, you'll find out more--like if you really like this person. They don't have to know what your intentions are.
Hi littlespark, just want to clarify, I probably did not explain myself properly. what i really meant was it does not hurt to be the one to strike up the conversation. I watch and have observed that a lot of men do not have that ability,,but us women we are very knowledgeable in today,s world.... and their are a lot of small talk topics that we can open up a conversation with that would be interesting and would allow you to get to know a little about someone and them a little about you.,,,,, NOW THAT COULD BE THE BEGINNING OF A NEW RELATIONSHIP,FRIEND OR PERHAPS MORE . That is really what i was suggesting . ....LEONIDA
Hi Leonida , thank you very much for your advice . But I'm shy too and I really need to find someone I like/am comfortable with to make that first move . For instance , that guy I talked about , I would never have the guts to ask him for coffee or something . I have no idea what he thinks of me and I don't think I have the personality that attracts guys.....
If you felt a spark, he probably felt it too. Communication is an inner dialog more than anything else. Strengthen you condidence about how you feel about your self. Read self-help-books, religious or spiritual text or do anything to teach yourself to believe that you can get what you want. That is what the religious and spiritual text promice all the time.
Littlespark you keep saying about your personality. What is wrong with your personality you make it sounds like you have a big problem with it. Please explain what you mean.
Littlespark you said: "I'm always unlucky in love .I don't think I'm someone he would consider dating if he is single ........ because of my personality............... This is just so sad ... I hate the universe for making me feel this moment to remind myself that I'm still single. I would appreciate some genuine insight on my situation ................. Why am I always the pretty girl/woman nobody wishes to date and get to know better ?...................... Thanks.
So there are two things you are focusing on - your personality and maybe how your looks might be scaring folks away?
How would you describe your personality? ... What do you think men like in a woman?
hmmm, i agree with the answers you've received - and I wanted to throw my 2 cents in -
first, this situation is of course a challenge for you to work through - and there is no magic button for you to push - no matter how many times i tell you it's NOT you it's THEM - it's not gonna make a difference for you until you get your own 'aha' and something insides you 'lights up' ... your work starts with hearing these things and getting educated ...
so here is some more info .... how about stop so much focus on yourself and try working on making others 'comfortable' with your beauty - women, men , cashiers, folks you come in contact with ..
there's a great little book called 'Silent Power' by Stuart Wilde
there is lots of interesting information in it that you could actally use ie - most people are so focused on themselves - they barely notice others or how others may be feeling
very cool little book with lots of information and exercises about 'tuning in' to someone else ... and how are they feeling - scared, nervous , etc ..... walking around and about in the mall at first - silently send them good vibes - if what you 'get' is they may be feeling sad or something ...
it could help you cultivate 'graciousness' - if you are shy - you could still be 'gracious' towards others ....
next I would tell you - without this 'perception' problem <that you="" are="" the="" pretty="" girl="" who="" can't="" get="" guy="">-When it comes down to it - you can still only marry one person at a time - all the others aren't a match ... soooo 99.9% of the men you meet AREN'T the one... so whether you go thru men or can't dates
it's probably a lot about timing .... meantime thank goodness you are NOT going through all the 99% of the 'wrong' ones ... getting your heart broke over and over ...</that>
Also - how about - 'talking to your future husband' - he's going through whatever changes and lessons that are bringing him closer to you!! take a time out and 'connect with him' - chances are he's scared and lonely , too - send him positive energy so he can be a kind and loving 'helpmeet' when the time is ready for you two to get together ...
me - in my life i had to polish the quality within me that was 'trustworthy' as i didn't 'trust'
- gosh that was something!!
Intuitively - i feel that for you working on polishing the quality of graciousness ... would / could help you become a person that folks would warm to, - in fact, you might find yourself doing random acts of kindness and making a huge difference in someone's day or even life!
well for me it's Brook Shields - she's beautiful - but wow what a gracious woman she is in every interview i have seen her in ... is there anyone who epitomizes graciousness for you that you would set as a role model ??
and if you polish graciousness ... it's a quality people can feel - you can do this w/out really changing how you are - that is, if you are quiet and shy or loud and assertive ... cultivating graciousness would work with any personality - really - that is unless you are a jerk - <smile>being more gracious WOULD make you less of a jerk so to speak ..</smile>
anyway - order that book - it's only 3x5 in size - but it's a book i've carried in my purse for years!
and like The Hanged Woman said - check out other self-help books- you might find yourself on a wonderful journey of 'self - discovery'
We ALL have to 'get over ourselves' - and it seems to be a never ending job - However, I promise you - it is more than worth it!
i am more human, i am more loving, and i am more content - and i'm still getting over myself! lol's
The problem is internal, not external. Instead of seeing yourself as the pretty woman that noone wants to date, see yourself as the vivacious woman that is irresistable. Hold this vision in your head, meditate on it everyday and clearly visualize yourself being outgoing and attractive to that cute gemini guy you met, or even see yourself laughing and talking while being admired by a few cute guys. Do this visualization and soon you'll actually feel it coming to you. Don't be surprised if in a few weeks you see some pretty magical changes in your social status.
Thanks a lot for the kind advice everyone When I talk about my personlality , I mean that I'm not really a cheerful , loud girl . I don't smile much . I'm a bit reserved and shy . The reason I don't smile much is that I can't force myelf to smile when I feel unhappy . According to me , guys would be more attracted to talkative , cheerful and pretty girls. They seem more approachable ..
All these years , I have been single I thought I was probably just waiting for the right one to come along . But after waiting so long and still nothing , I'm obviously discouraged .
And I've also consulted other psychics regarding this . They all told me I would find love . They said I would in 2/3 months but after 2/3 months still nothing lol !! Some of them have told me I would find love this year and some said next year or not anytime soon ... How strange is that none of the predictions match ? However I don't blame the psychics , I ask them for insight and they simply tell me what they say ...
I really don't know what to do about this search for love . I'm always told to have self love to attract love . Hell I do love myself and treat myself well . I'm also told to stop looking and let it come to me . How do I do that ? Whenever I go out , I'm reminded that most people my age have settled down or have someone in their lives .
One of these days , I think I will be mentally prepared to give up on finding love and accept to be single all life .
As I said.
You need to seek confidence in your self. Read self help books, books about communication, books about communication between man and woman. For example John Grays books: "Men is from march, women are from venus." Perhaps you learn a bit about what happens inside a mans mind. This might make it easier to read the mens minds while talking with them.
Men most of the time want sex and are quite slutty, in my opinion.
If sex is all you want, you dont need to go far to get it. Men are sluts. In my personal opinion.
But if you want a good relationship, you must learn the different between the free whores and the real thing. Sorry my bad language.
But many men are not sluts. Many men are good and like gold, diamonds and silver. They last for a long time (in the relationship) and they are really valuable.
Did you see the links about the secret? The secret is that the negativity you store inside of your feelings and create with your mind, really become reality. So you must be consious about how you see yourself, how you feel about yourself. So that you no longer attract uninterested men, so to speak. Learn to attract what you want by changing the way you see yourself.
Stop saying (and I mean REALLY stop): "Why do they never find me interesting?" Instead say: Why do they always come to me for help and support (in this way you will come to understand men better)? Why do so many want to be with me? How come I am so interesting?
Or rather: The perfect man is on his way NOW!
The problem is in your own attitude. But dont see it as a problem. See this as an opportunity to change the way you see yourself and the effect you have on others.
The *** are hiding these words:
Those words that I have used to describe men. But dont worry. Many men are good too.
Hi TheHangedWoman, thanks I will look for the "Men is from march, women are from venus." book and read it .
Littlespark, I love The Hanged Woman and what she says, it's even better with the language differences!!! (And I am celebrating that, certainly not a put down!) What this lovely and very helpful lady means is the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
By the way, she is right in that you are projecting how you think of yourself. If you don't think you are interesting enough or approachable enough.....then men won't either, it will be in the vibe you give off. Perhaps you could google "Affirmations" and have a go at saying them to yourself a few times a day. If you say them to yourself while looking at yourself in the mirror, smiling at yourself, it haves a greater effect. Stick with it, and soon you will see a turnaround. What we say and believe.....is. We create our own reality, so you want to say and think good things about yourself and you will manifest good things for yourself. Remember YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!
Thank you for the complements Wenchie.