Avoiding Negative energies



  • Hi All,

    I don’t know if there is any help. If you are around someone who is so negative and grouchy, how do you keep that energy from affecting you? My fiancé (father of my children) is so negative all the time, constantly complaining and angry at me, at other people. He seems to think that he is always right and definitely is not objective. I think he is self absorbed and doesn’t seem to care about other’s feelings. You get the picture. I feel like he is drawing bad situations to us. I love him but really don’t know how much more I can handle and I am starting to think that if he were more positive our life would run more smoothly and I would feel less stress. Even our children are starting to dread being around him. Talking to him does not seem to help. Suggestions or insight is welcome.

    Luvslife



  • Hey luvslife, it may be a good time to stop and try to first understand the source of your partners frustrations. Avoiding is giving up! Stress has a funky way of compounding when not paid the proper attention. So, try not to worry about how to cope and what is to come. Let go of the fear and accept the situation no matter where the faults lay. Approach it with everyones well-being and happiness as your focus... Patience



  • Hi Alfied,

    Welcome aboard. He says he is frustrated because he is staying home for the past few months after being laid off from his job and taking care of our 3 young daughters. But I don't think this is reason to mistreat me. This situation is difficult for us all. I believe that I handle stress differently than he does. He goes out about 6 nights a week, comes home drunk, is irritable the next day. This is how he is handling his problems. And he is making more problems. I am usually a very positive person but I am having a very hard time with this and I don't think I want to keep living with a man who has no respect for anyone and not even himself. Sorry, I am a little passionate about this right now. I am trying to be patient but this situation is turning into mental abuse for me and his anger is inpacting our children.

    Luvslife



  • Make sure he knows how you feel and stand your ground. That situation doesn't sound good for you or your children. It may be uncomfortable but making a separation might give him the kick in the ass he needs. Everything runs its course. Sometimes its hard to discern swirled in the midst of it. There has to be respect and trust between loved ones, but you ultimately decide how much.



  • I just don't know at this point. This is hard for me. I feel his stuggles and his pain sometimes. I think that he suffers from BiPolar Disorder and have urged him to seek help from a professional but he will not. When I enter our home, it feels like the negative energy is hanging heavily in the air and I feel like it presses on my chest. This is the best that I can explain. This feeling is overwhelming and I feel like I can't wait to escapre. Off the subject what is the picture of on your profile? Thank you for listening. I think that is what I need right now-someone to listen.



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  • Laithano,

    Thank you for sharing your story and for your support. If my fiancé was a bad father then this would be such an easy decision. In general he is great with our children. We just do not get along and he is angry a lot. I think it is difficult because our girls are 5 months, 3 years and 2 years. Most of my time is either spent at work, or taking care of my children. I have little time to nurture our relationship and now I guess he is giving up. Not to mention, he says that he feels less of a man because he is not providing and we are struggling….We just found out we are being evicted from our house. I know we should not stay together just for our children. I just wish it would get easier. I think now that the only way for us to stop arguing is to separate.



  • Hi there,

    been there done that. I got out of it with an ultimatum. he started to be verbally abusive towards my kids and me and I wasted no time in telling him to sort his life out or get the hell out of my house. I threatened with separation and eventual divorce. He went away for a couple of days and thought about it and we sat down and found a solution which has worked for us.

    I was also told by someone to send him otters because they are healing animals and always find a way in and around things. I did this with my hubby, asked the angels to send him otters, physically sent him a picture of one, imagined the little creatures swimming around him. he has his breakdown this weekend and is picking up ina very positive way now.

    Don't forge the male pride thing about providing for a family. That hurts them if they cannot do this. Still, not an excuse for abusive behaviour.

    Good luck, it is a hard place you are in.



  • Paddifluff,

    Otters, Huh? Well it's worth a try. I hope we can find a solution. Getting him to talk is the hardest thing without an argument.

    Luvslife



  • Hey Luvslife,

    Things looking up any? That negative energy your describing could be complicated...and your fiance may be acting as a catalyst. Try to remove and reset your thinking and feelings from time to time. Your expectations creates extra anxiety, that can cause a tight feeling in your chest. O and my profile picture is a headshot of me.



  • Hi Alfied,

    Well, I feel like my life is falling apart but I am trying to stay positive . I just think sometimes you have to hit the bottom in order to start climbing back up. I have been having a lot of financial problems since my fiancé has not been working and he spends a lot of money when he is out drinking. We were finally evicted from our house. I have been telling him that this was going to happen and he just tells me to quit nagging. The cost of living is so high here and I cannot find an affordable place to live. I guess me and my daughters will be staying with my mother for a few weeks and my fiancé is going to stay with a friend. Our struggles-my fiancé and mine-are not new. He is very immature and easy with money at age 40. I am the more responsible one. These problems have been going on for almost 3 years now. That is when his mother passed. My fiancé misses his mother so much. I sometimes think that the only way he will heal is if he receives some kind of sign from her to guide him in the right direction. I don’t know if spirits can know what is happening in our world but if they can I know she would be so unhappy with how he behaves. I feel like I am too nice to him and I have been working on boundaries with him but I don’t think he cares. Right now, all I can think about is that I need to find a new home for my daughters and I am praying this is a chance for a new beginning.

    Luvslife



  • Seems to me you have your ducks in a row. 😎



  • Hi Luvslife,

    I am so sorry to read you were evicted, with 3 small children, i totally feel for you. Chin up, Im sure the ideal place will come up and you can have your own space again.

    Hmmm the other half, well it is becoming common place for men to be staying at home minding the children especially tradesmen. Could it be that he is depressed? He has had the death of his mother and then loss of his job, now the loss of your home, and he is feeling a failure. I know if I get stressed I externalise my frustration, in my hubbys case, he withdraws, this is not good (my hubby has depression as a reaction to several life crisis). Could it be that he is self medicating by drinking so much. To cope with the stress and also to get out of the house. Pretty stressful minding 3 small kids all day.

    Instead could he get an evening job, or do a class to improve his skills and thus his chances of getting a job? Better than going to the pub.

    In the last 2 years I have had to learn to budget (not that I was a mad spender) but loss of business, paycuts, etc, we needed to keep a tight hold of the finances. Do up an Income and Expenditure spreadsheet and involve him. Its you and him together. He mightnt be so spendthrift with the cash if he knew what was going out. A friend told me once that she put a small amount of money in 2 accounts, one for herself and one for the hubby, it was called the fun money, so if he wanted to go out with the lads, he used his fun money and if she wanted that handbag, she used her fun money. that way the other couldnt complain about spending the money. It was for each to do with what they wanted. Im thinking of doing this!!

    you are such a battler!!!! Its not what life throws at you, but how you cope/react and your doing fantastic. Women tend to cope better in these situations.

    I will be praying that you get a place soon!!!!

    PS: I have 3 under 6, they are gorgeous but its some job. I get angry at people that say, so your not working!!! I miss not working and the isolation, so to a degree understand how your partner feels.

    I hope you both work it out.

    L&L. Caz



  • Cazmayo,

    All of what you say about my fiancé is true. Believe me I know that it is difficult to stay home with three little ones and I think he feels “less of a man” for not being able to provide but he has such a self defeating attitude. I am becoming numb to my feelings for him. I don’t get angry anymore. I just feel hurt. We are living with my mother and I have found a new place. My fiancé left Sunday night and I haven’t seen him since. He calls about once a day to see how I am doing and the kids. My mother is angry because I have had to drive her car to work every day since he left and she has been pressuring me to report my car stolen. I don’t know if he is staying with another woman or what he is doing. He didn’t take any clothing just what he was wearing. All I want is happiness for me and my family and of course, him also even if that means we won’t be together. Sometimes, I think he would be happier too without me. Thank you for the suggestions. I really like the suggestion for having him help with the budget and will try to implement that if he comes back around.

    Luvslife



  • Hi Luvslife, your name says it all. You should love life, happiness and joy. I hope you don't mind me jumping in as I so understand what you are going through as I myself live with an unhappy person. Rule number one which works for me is to totally iqnore him when he vents and realize that he is not talking to you he is talking "at" you, which is different. 2- Don't let him lower your self esteem because I can tell you are a wonderful person with a lot of potential inside of you but if you listen to enough put-downs (you or some people) start to believe it.

    3.-Imagine your self in a White Bubble of light, nothing can harm you or come near you and that you are protected by God's Spirit or the Christ Light. (Hopefully you believe).

    4. Praying for Peace before you get home works too.

    .

    Have you considered that being evicted may have answered your prayers, yes you are home with Mom, but you and your kids are safe and this is a great opportunity for a new beginning like both for yourself and your kids. I hope you use this time to evaluate your life, write down what's important for you and what you want for you future and for your children and then decide the best way to get there. Maybe go back to school you as a single parent could get lots of free Grant Money from the Government and you could get a better paying job.

    I can't tell you what to do with your life, but if you were my daughter or my friend I would say that it doesn't look like NoW is the time to settle with "That One." Pray for him, tell him Alcohol is not the answer and maybe he should get counseling before it's too late.

    I'm at a point in my life where I think I'll be moving on soon, I've been with my headache for 20 years, don't know why I stayed so long other than I wanted my kids to have a better life but at what cost? They couldn't wait to get out! Don't move too fast towards a permanent relationship until you have really considered the long term cost to all!

    Good Luck! 🙂



  • P.S.: Be strong, it's in you!



  • Hi Poetic555,

    I think about my children in this situation. I am torn. I grew up without my father and little participation from my mother. My grandparents raised me. Fortunately they provided me with a loving stable environment. I still have “father” issues. I missed out on a lot not having my father around. I only want the best for them. I guess part of me does still love this man and part of me hates him. Sometimes he can be so easy. Is this how your husband was? Sometimes, just that little bit of good makes me think that it could be this way all the time if he would just lighten up.

    Luvslife



  • Mine was a good provider, worked hard paid the bills, but not a good husband. He loved his kids but he was and is just a miserable person. We were and are opposites, my kids never wanted him to go with us because he was a party pooper. I was raised by my Mom and stepfather who was an alky my real father was a bum maybe I shouldn't say that he had a hard life from what I understand his father was a nut and abused him physically so there you have it.

    I don't have any father issues though had a loving gradfather too.

    I know its not easy, I left him a few times but always went back. Now he is trying to be better but I think it's too late, we'll see. I'm wondering if it was worth it, I think Peace of mine and freedom is better than all the money in the world.



  • You love them and want to help them but we can't change other people, we can only pray for them, he has to fight his battles but don't be the the one he takes his frustrations out on. Tell him how you really feel and tell that either he wants the relationship to work or not. Be careful too with the fooling around he's doing, what if he gets something their is no cure for and brings it to you then who's going raise your kids??

    I believe God and the Universe shows you signs about what you are dealing with early, I had a sign before I married him and still did it anyway. Listen to your intuition. I'll be happy to talk to you anytime. Always keep money too that he doesn't know about.



  • I'm there too love and hate, I try not to hate, I've been speaking my mind to him lately I think he is really afraid of me now. He said that he doesn't know who I am anymore. While I'm here typing a woman just walked in and she's having the same problem, small world.


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