Here is the first part of a chapter of story i am doing, good thinking on starting a new thread maybe people can join in and show us their different talents or what they can do
i have changed it a bit from some advice i had from Rc dreamer:
First chapter of a book im writing called (the unexpected visitors) looking for as many pieces of advice from anyone.
so hope you enjoy it, maybe i will put more up if you like it ^^
Best wishes RebeccaAnn
It was a cold summer evening; I was standing beside my bedroom window, looking out onto the street outside my house. The street lights where on and I could see the moon hanging outside, above the houses. It glowed brightly through my bedroom window. It made shadows dance across my room. I looked with wonder up at the stars they were twinkling and sparkling.
It was like they were flashing their own special tune to me,
It felt good it was like they were calling me for something special.
I lived in an old cottage it was under the name of west stone, I lived here with my family though if you’d call it that, my only family being my dad, though I didn’t think much of him, he always came home in a right state. He gets drunk most evening’s now, James was his name.
Everyone called me Evelyn or Eve for short dad said it means light. I like it; it’s different like me.
I’m not good at making friends see, I like to be alone, it gives me time to think about things, maybe its not a good thing but that’s how I am.
We live in a lovely country village, is filled with flowers and trees, there are some really nice houses here, that look like they have not been touched in years.
They look very warn down, there’s weeds wrapped up all around them, windows and doors are all boarded up, and the most strangest thing of all, they were four houses in a row that looked like that, almost like they weren’t part of this time. They had a name as well they were called the Reineed houses, not sure what that meant but cant be anything good.
Dad and me have only lived her for a few days. He wanted to start somewhere fresh after mum had died. She had cancer that made her really ill, we did all we could to save her but even with all that effort, nothing had worked.
Her name was Roselyn, she had bright red hair hung over past her shoulder’s she had a rather round face, a bit like me. Her eyes where a mixture of blue and green, aqua eyes my dad had described them.
He said I have the same colour eyes as my mum, though I think mine were bluer.
My hair was a rather dark brown; I had very curly locks that hung way past my shoulders. Like my dad he had dark brown curly hair to, though it was shorter than mine was.
His eyes where a strange colour of darkish green.
The wind whistled through my bedroom window, the floorboards creaked and moaned. It was almost like the house itself was talking to me; it had felt like that for a while now. The house feels restless, like it has a mind of its own.
I wasn’t scared I was use to being alone, though some weird things have already seemed to happen in this house.
It does make me feel uncomfortable the walls were stoned and not bricked the roof was thatched it smelt funny.
The rooms were all medium size bedrooms. They were exactly the same size all seven rooms one guest room, dads bedroom, my room the bathroom, downstairs the living room, kitchen and the downstairs loo, exactly the same size and shape.
It seemed a bit weird; dad didn’t think that he thought it was normal for a country cottage house. But I think he’s wrong so I’m going to do some investigations of my own.
As I sat there gazing up at the sky lost in my own world, the lights outside started to flicker. I looked out closely watching the weirdly flickering lights it was almost like they were being made to flicker.
The sky outside started to grow darker; the moon disappeared behind the looming clouds.
Mist started to appear on my bedroom window and the room suddenly felt colder. I started to get Goosebumps trailing up my arm. I wanted to move but couldn’t. I was magnetised to the spot. I looked down by the streetlights. There was a person there and there wasn’t before. They were dressed in black; their hair seemed thick and long carried half way past their bottom that was long, and very dark black. I couldn’t look away but I wanted to, I couldn’t pull back from the window.
My eyes burned on them alone, then the shadowy figure looked up at me, and she was very terrifying. Her eyes were cold and black and skin looked white as death, her lips were a bright red and she glared at me almost like she was looking right through me, right past my soul.
I like it Rebecaa,
When I first started to write, my thoughts were every where ,i mean everywhere.I'm still like that today"
I had learned about paragraphing my thoughts, changing them around makes the story flow so we don't jump from one paragraph to another without jumping from the past to the future too much,does that make sense...lol.Just my opinion ,please i am no expert or on the best sellers list hehee
keep posting I'm interested....
Okies. i will post the next chapter will be longer.
The lights flickered again and the mysterious death like women disappeared. My body was sweating and shaking, my bedroom went back to being that warm and cosy bedroom it was before the women arrived I looked away from my window.
I looked around my bedroom making sure I was actually awake, my bedroom was a rather dark shade of blue, a bit like the ocean, the floor of my bedroom was a sea green colour it feels like I was standing in the middle of the ocean itself.
My room was the same size as a rectangle, my bed was just the ordinary single wooden bed, on the right hand side was my chest of draws, backed up against the wall to my left was my treasure chest, it had all my favourite things in it.
I stopped gazing about my bedroom and looked back at the window there was still a trace of mist on the windowpane and there was a little light coming through.
It was dawn, the sun was coming up the sky was a brilliant shade of pink and orange. As I was mesmerised looking at the sky there was a sudden banging sound. I jumped and turned to my bedroom door. My dad was still sleeping I knew because I could here him snoring in the other room, the walls were thin here.
I crept over to my bedroom door then another bang descended from downstairs, I jumped again, thinking to myself that this night had already been crazy, and I wasn’t in the mood for more surprises.
I was breathing pretty hard as I came out onto my landing, and headed for the spiral staircase, it looked longer than it did before.
Then another bang seemed that it was coming from the kitchen I shivered, it was getting chilly again.
I then moved my way towards the stairs and started heading down.
I got half way down when suddenly there was a massive Knock at the door. I stared hard at my door, my knees started to shake and my hands clung to the banister of the stairs. I willed myself to move, my heart hammered in my chest, I reached for the door and put my hand on the doorknob, I turned it and opened my door. I peeked around, there was no one there, I looked down at the floor, there was a piece of paper, sitting on the door mat outside, I found the courage to reach down and grab it quickly, headed back inside.
I made sure I locked my door, and raced back up stairs and went into my bedroom, the clock on my wall read four o’clock.
I closed my bedroom door and looked at my piece of paper, I assume it was for me.
I sat on my bed and I carefully unfolded the piece of paper, I screamed and dropped it on the floor. The paper had a name on it, the name looked like it was written in blood, it was sticky and smelled funny.
The name on the paper, I knew what this meant this was very bad, for me and for dad. We were in big trouble. As the blooded piece of paper, the name written was “Morrigan”.
They were in trouble because Morrigan is the Celtic goddess of war, death, ravens and fertility. She is also known as the dark goddess and fate itself.
Which means something big is about to occur, I was wondering, whilst holding this piece of paper, why the goddess Morrigan would want to come to a small country village such as Flint.
Then it suddenly dawned on me, Flint was a Celtic name to, so she must have been attracted to this village because it was a Celtic village.
That explains something; know all I needed to do was to find out what she was doing here and why.
I knew the first place to look the reined houses on the corner of Elm Street, I dug out some clothes from my draws; a black and white checkered top would do and some blue jeans, maybe a light blue hoodey to go on top.
I grabbed a bag, stuffed my notepad and pen into it, and dug out my torch, just in case of emergency’s I grabbed my trainers from under my bed, and shoved them on my feet.
I took a glance at my clock it now read six thirty, time is flying fast, I thought to myself.
Dad was still sleeping I flung my bag onto my back and headed towards my bedroom door. I emerged onto the landing feeling a little disorientated I tried shaking my head to shrug of my drowsiness.
I reached the spiral stairs case and headed for downstairs I decided id go to my kitchen first, I opened the door to again my rather rectangular looking kitchen, and went to the first draw on my left.
I opened the draw and took out a packet of picklocks and a screwdriver.
I went to my fridge and took out a bottle of water, and a breakfast bar.
Put them into my bag and headed to the front door, I turned to my right and opened the cupboard under the stairs, I grabbed my dads English baseball cap, and slumped it onto my head thought to myself, I must be weird if I liked baseball. Shrugged of the weirdness and headed again for my front door, opened it and stepped outside.
Into the early hours of the morning,
The sky was a clear crystal blue, the sun was rising just above the houses on the right hand side of the village, its blinding light ray’s carried across to the ground making it seem like the ground was going to open up right in front of me.
I carried on walking, the village was covered in magnificent blossom trees, that were a gorgeous shade of pink and red, they coated the pavements in blossoms.
The village had a little shop on the right hand side of robin’s nest. It was how ever only a tiny convince store,
But the surrounding area had hanging over the store were the most beautiful trees id ever seen, Willow trees that were a shade of dazzling dark green, their leaves reached to the ground, like a race to see which was the longest leaf.
I stopped gazing at them, and turned the corner of robin’s nest, and headed down towards henry’s way, the village was eerily quiet I had not seen or herd any people yet. There were no cars on the road or parked up. The atmosphere of the village was filled with tranquillity. I stopped at the sudden sound of horse’s hooves.
A sudden gust of wind emerged from out of nowhere, the horses hooves’ got louder and louder one two three, one two three, was the steady rhythm of the horses hooves, it seemed that the horse was at a canter, and heading fast towards me. The massive sound of the hooves clip clopping against the concrete making the ground vibrate underneath my feet, it made my body shiver and as it seemed I was again rooted to the spot. I could not move I was facing the wrong way, the horse was coming from behind me, I had to move or this horse would trample me.
Another gust of wind and again the horses hooves picked up its pace, changing its steady rhythm to a one two three four, one two three four, I had noticed it had changed from canter to a fast passed gallop, and was now nearing me. I was desperately trying to move from the middle of the road, I tried pulling myself away but I was at a loss, as I still could not get myself to move.
Again, a burst of wind came from behind me violently shoving me off the road and threw me onto the pavement.
A massive black Arabian horse galloped passed me, it was a dazzling shade of dark black, its mane seemed even darker, and flew across its forehead.
It stopped suddenly, and looked at me as i was lying on the pavement, it was already ahead of me, but it new i was there. It snorted stared straight at me like it was seeing who I really was for the first time, and galloped off, in the way i was heading.
It had left as quickly as it had come, i had not seen anything so evil looking yet beautiful at the same time.
I could not move from the pavement I had been thrown onto, I forced myself to get up, I wanted to go further I needed to find out what those houses were but my body wouldn’t let me follow the horse, I was shaken with fear, instead without warning I turned the way I had come and ran back to my house I did not stop to look back,
That horse had shaken me and I new I would not have be able to follow it in case I sore it again I never wanted to see that horse again, it was too terrifying.
I neared my house, and glanced at the watch I had on my wrist, it had just turned 8 o’clock; the atmosphere had turned very sullen,
I entered my front door with frantic speed, I wanted to check if my dad was okay, I hurried up my stairs and turned into his bedroom on the left, it was empty so I figured.
He had not been home much of the days lately I figured he was at his friends but that seemed almost impossible considering there seemed to be no people around here.
I wondered were he could have gone, then as I was staring into his bedroom, a sudden hand touched my shoulder, I must have jumped 10feet in the air as I nearly fell over, I herd someone laughing that voice that I knew almost immediately, of course it was dad.
Theres more of the secound chapter but i will let you read that part first ^^
hope you are liking my story shatz ^^ i may post more up, see what you have to say about that part though
Best wishes and hope all is well with you.
HI REBECCA, THIS CHAPTER DREW ME IN TO WANTING MORE,
IT FLOWED AND WAS DRAWING ME IN, I COULD FEEL IT AND SEE THE STORY, THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT,
READY WHEN YOU ARE
He looked kind of grubby as I scrutinized him, his suit was all muddy and his hair was all in not’s, I shacked my head and gave him a very disappointed glare.
He gave me a glare to and told me “ was you making all that racket this morning, I swear you was trying to wake me up un purposely see this is what happens when I try and get a descent nights sleep, your such a noise you give me a head ache.”
I didn’t reply, I knew if I talked he would see it as a threat and since he’d been drinking I couldn’t let him hit me, I knew he’d been out drinking this morning, must have been when I left because I could smell it on his breath.
He came up towards me and stood right in my face, I didn’t like that he started grumbling at me again, he didn’t make sense when he was grumbling.
So I tried to reason with him “ dad I can’t hear you, speak up please.”
He looked like he was about to smack me, his pale face and green eyes glared at me, it seemed like he was in a trance as to what he was going do next.
I did something next that I knew I was going to regret, but I was so angry with him that I couldn’t stop myself, so I said to him “ Mum would be very disappointed in you, she won’t like what you’re turning into.”
That was when he ticked again, and tried to furiously grab me by the neck, but I hang back, and threw the bag of my back, and threatened to hit him with it if he’d touched me again like that.
I was shaking vigorously as his hand retreated and he replied in a rather shaky tone “ well then… ill be seeing you later, I’m off if that’s how you feel.”
I nodded and asked rather angrily “ where you going then?”
He added, “off to a mates for a drink, wont be long not that you’d care.”
I stiffened at his harsh tone of words, and added rather grumpily
“ Well then see you later.” He took one look at me, grumbled a “ Yeah what ever.” And skulked down stairs he threw open the front door, and slammed it shut behind him.
I thought to myself; Well good riddance then grumpy old git, though I knew I was still worried about him, even after the things he’d said and done, I still wanted to make sure he was ok, but I knew he wasn’t so I just left him to his own devices, so he could at least try and sort out that head of his, I didn’t know what to say or do to help him, I’m only thirteen what would a teenager now about how to handle their fathers.
My father is supposed to be looking after me, not the other way around.
I shook myself and took a deep breath so I could calm down.
Then as suddenly as I started to relax, there was another banging sound, and then there was 188.8.131.52 knocks at the door.
I forgot to mention this chapter was called 184.108.40.206 knocks at the door lol ^^ just so you know. and i hope you enjoyed it i wont put anymore up at the moment.
I really need to finish it i have done more, but i still need to get it done as i have a set date lol!
i really hope you enjoy the two chapters and any comments or advice given is really appreciated!
Thanks Rebecca, I'm into your writing and story.
Thanks for sharing it with me:)
just some editing and small grammar mistakes but thats what writings all about hehe
you probably will re write over and over, what worked for me is that i used to print out the first 20 or so pages and read it over a few times out loud, that seemed to help me with my grammar and spelling mistakes...You will also find it helps when you read it out loud to see if the story line flows, But again I am no expert, Just opinions from other writers that help me.. I still do it to this day, i have so many writings on the go its crazy.
A personal question if I may, is this about your life? Sorry i just had to ask...The father triggered some emotions in me, because my father was an alcoholic, maybe thats why i asked.
Hugs to you Rebecca, have a great weekend.
Sheila in a way i have used some of my experiences in this story yes, i have used a lot in this character that ressembles me. i am glad you like my story, and i will keep writing, i only have the one story on so it wont be so bad for me, sticking to one story and having a goal gets me excited for what might happen to it.. i will do what you say because any good advice is the best advice espeacily from friends.
i dont mind sharing any time sheila ill let you know when i am done writing it and may post the rest for everyone to see.
i like to share my writings it feels good to know someone appreciates you're work.
Do you do writing then if so what type poetry? Maybe hoping i can see some sometime, that be nice.
Sorry if the farther bit brought up emotions for you i know how it is, but i guess in a way thats good and thats what i wanted the story to do. i am so glad you liked it, it means i know im on the way to something new.
Best wishes to you
No problem about my dad, Rebecca...I have dealt with all of my past with my dad....He passed away almost 4 years ago in August...The last 3 years of his life we were father and daughter and it felt good.
As far as what I write its ALL about everything that I have dealt with in my life,
addiction, verbal,mental, and physical abuse,depression, suicides in my family, sexual abuse as a young child and young adult,postpartum depression was the one i got published when my daughter was three, so that would be 7 years ago....
SURE SOUNDS LIKE I'M A NUT BAR HAHAHA LOL.!
On the contrary sheila you done something very brave and wrote about about your life's experiences but i think that when you wrote it you wrote it more for you're self rather for other people, or maybe both. Maybe it feels good to write about what happened to you, as a way of release and healing so no sheila you are not a nut bar, because id have done the same thing.
its nice to now you finally felt that farther and daughter feeling maybe i will one day before its too late.
i was tempted to write a book about myself, but i have not done that much yet, so i figured id leave it till i have some real experiences and then maybe one day like you i will try and publish one with my life. and i got that inspiration from you so you must be proud of you're self.
because i am, love you lots sheila maybe even to much lol
Best wishes RebeccaAnn.
SHatz let me know how you are from time to time Hope all is well with you at home, Been sitting in the sun and had a picnic with my dad the other day at a river was lovely, nice getting wet in this hot weather.
Hope all is well Best wishes to you
Awe, a picnic with your dad, thats so cool, I'm feeling better.Just need some energy....It was raining here today, i'm a leo and i need the sunshine...
Are you doing okay?
i am doing okay shatz got a busy few days ahead of me, its a nice cool day today ^^ planning on making a visit to my old school, to see some people who i haven't seen for a while and have an interview for a new college on Thursday trying to get into health and social care course.
What have you been up2 anything nice
hope you had a lovely weekend.
Hey shelia glad to see you're Okay, hope things are okay with you! all is well here lol
shelia just been chilling here watching films like madagascor 2 and walking the dog had pancakes for lunch lol my friend made them yummy hope you are Okay and having fun not too busy i hope.
Lots of love