• Looking for some Advice, though if anyone would answer it i would be most greatful.

    There seems to be a situation with which, that i go in circles with, a man and a girl.

    and i am not sure if anyone is willing to take a look and offer some adivce, i would be much appreciated. These two people have played a large part in my life. however trying to understand them can be difficuilt sometimes. what they want from me, especially. We have just gone in circles and it seems to be in and out. i feel like i am standing by myself in this situation, but i realize there are some things you just cant heal or control. Anyway i dont know if anyone needs anymore information as im only being brief here, for my own reasons. I hope that someone will respond if not. i realize that people maybe busy too.

    Thankyou for any response is greatful and welcomed.


  • Bump

  • Bump

  • SunDanzer,

    You might need to at least divulge who this man and woman are in relationship to you if not the nature of the problem.

  • They are friends who have been apart of my life since I was 18 but they're has been a lot if conflict. The man is in his 50s the woman is close to.him but doesn't like me. We have talked between us since I was 18 and it's been on and off for years. It's like an endless circle we want to get close but this woman seems to be in the way that's how I feel anyway. I suppose I have been hurt by it many times and I need to find away out. I don't trust that they're gone this time because every time they say they leave they come back. They are from another country but I feel psychically drawn to both. The woman and the man. I have a feeling there here to teach me something. It's the man I'm more interested in. I have always spent time with those older than myself it's just the way I am. This man seems to be obsessed with me but thinks I'm obsessed with him I don't know if its healthy anymore but I wasn't aware of Internet dangers at the time I was just looking for love and comfort and safety. So apart of me wonders why I am attached mentally this way. Perhaps it's a conflict within myself but I don't know wish I could see the situation more clearly cause I keep going back.

  • Psychic drawn to them. The man is Australian and I feel like he will come back apart of me each time is drawn to this idea. it's like he was a really close friend for along time nut now nothing. It's been arguments iv tried to leave but some how they pull me back maybe cause I'm young and nieve but I don't know just wish for some advice really its silly cause they're in another country bit he did help a lot. I do try to focus on other things too but it's like he's always on my mind fustrating. Comes and goes to.

  • bump

  • If you give me the birthdates of all of you, I can tune in and look for specific issues.

  • okay that would be really helpful. i have tried to sense and feel things but i cant do it on my own. i have tried to figure out what they want from me. i know some of the details of the situation and have an idea why but its still confusing. it keeps going over itself. so its like a muddle in my head. i just really need some clarity. as much as anything. you may have to dig deep on this one if you can. id appreciate the effort and time taken over it.

    He was born on March 13 and he is age 53 i dont have the year.i think it would be 1963.

    if hes 53.

    The woman is 17 Decemberi dont have her birth year im afraid but im guessing she is about 35-40. i have her name though i dont know if names help. but this guys birthday year, is the most important. she is quite close to him anyway from what i know. any advice would be greatful, or information. I am 24 i was born on the 9th of november 1991.

    09/11/1991. this is the uk so birthdates tend to have the month in the middle. I hope you can folllow what im saying. i dont really want a birthchart of them though, just an idea of whats going on in the situation.

  • You and the man: this man has become a mentor to you. Powers of persuasion are enormous in this relationship, so much so that people are liable to believe almost anything the two of you say. The result is that you have a tremendous moral responsibility not to betray the trust of those who follow you. Of course, it may not be so easy for the two of you to reach agreement or even to meet physically in the first place. This relationship is more soulful than romantic. An element of sorrow or pain may pervade it, for it carries with it an awareness of the travails of life. Happiness here has a slightly bittersweet quality, being suffused with the belief that, although life is not a bed of roses, things most often turn out for the best. A spirit of resignation can infuse the relationship. As friends, you two may prefer to keep to yourselves rather than play a strongly social role. Increased reflectiveness and spirituality often manifest here with age and maturity; after a stormy early relationship, the two of you may slowly begin to develop meditative powers and to ponder the meaning of life. Basically, the two of you together can spur each other on to produce great leaps in your learning and knowledge. But the relationship will only get easier over time. You are both each other's teachers in life. However, it can also be painful and regretful before it matures. This man can become very cynical and fatalistic at times and your innocence and naivete help to bring him back to a less distrustful attitude. As he ages, he acquires even greater negative expectations and you help him keep the spirit of optimism alive. This man wants to be admired and is attracted to intelligent and open-minded people. You are drawn to this man because you have trouble resisting temptation and a relationship with a much older guy can seem tempting just because it is forbidden. But while it may work as a love attraction (and certainly the man is flattered by the attention of a much younger woman) it would be awful as a marriage or live-in relationship. However it is 'safe' to you because you live in different countries. Having a connection with someone face-to-face in your own country would be less secure for you. This is a passionate and steamy relationship, even though long-distance, but for long-term peace, you both need to cultivate your spiritual sides more.

    You Sundanzer, will find yourself many times during your life in situations that test and challenge your resolve. Temptation and the moral issues it uncovers for you will be a constant factor in your life. The pursuit of physical and material pleasure is a powerful drive for you. The great majority of the time, you will be able to find a balance between satisfying your urges and doing the right thing, but occasionally you may dip into behavior that is morally questionable. This isn’t to say that you are amoral. Quite the opposite; you are an honest and well-intentioned individual. It’s just that sometimes you can get so caught up in the enticement of the moment that you lose a sense of perspective and of right and wrong. Unfortunately, you aren’t always good at dealing with rejection and, instead of treating it as a learning experience, you are likely to isolate yourself with resentment and self-pity. Learning to become more resilient or to roll with the blows by tapping into your inner strength is therefore essential for your psychological growth. You love deeply and intensely, and, because you are extraordinarily seductive, you will rarely lack admirers. Surprisingly, given your energetic and sexual nature, you may choose to be celibate. In the right mood, though, you can be spontaneous and passionate, but you can also be moody and distant, which may confuse your loved ones.

    You and the woman: you two generate so much energy that there is no way your relationship can contain it. Energy like this is stimulating, exciting and a source of creative fuel, but it also demands the freedom to follow as many avenues of advance as possible. The relationship, then, should focus on creating freedom and latitude between the two of you. It should be structured freely enough to allow you the space you both need; if it is not, power struggles can easily emerge between you. The two of you may have a tendency to poke yourselves into each other’s affairs and in general to breathe down each other’s necks. Paradoxically, in order to guarantee the maximum freedom to you both, you may have to agree upon and observe a set of fixed rules.

    Open lines of communication are essential here; the relationship will certainly suffer without them. This woman's sense of humour is limited and she takes life very seriously. She may not enjoy your periodic depressions and resentments that are part of your passionate nature and may feel you are hurting this man. You can feel neglected in this relationship but must be self-sufficient enough to handle it. Peace can be achieved as long as the two of you agree on rules that you can observe strictly. You will not tolerate being dependent on each other. You can be controlling in your own way Sundanzer and this woman's need for freedom may not be at all what you have in mind, and the relationship can be stormy. She may feel you are blocking her relationship or freedom with this man. You may have been seeking a role-model in this woman but if she ignores or neglects you or is absent from the relationship, it can flounder. Friendship can work only if the two of you focus on responsibility to a common activity, project (or person like this man), rather than on a mutual emotional need. Too often, temperamental differences here can eventually lead to alienation.

  • Hey captain I agree with alot of what you said, with me and the man, that it is soulful and we are both teachers to eachother, however communication has been lacking awhile know, i also agree with what you said about me, and the sexual and passionate loving of a friendship is important to me.

    We have had some very steamy and passionate moments in the past, when we first started out. but now its dwindling friendship that seems to be ending on a rather bad scale. the woman your right she feels i have hurt him and in many ways i have but they have also both hurt me. sorrow and pain may well pervaide the connection from continuing and im already feeling a sense of alienation, me and the woman dont get on at all and your right she does take life very seriously, so i think we have our heads bashing alot of times.

    I feel she spies on me. somehow. because she did alot in the past and she always has away of getting back in through to the people i care about its like this intuition or feeling of knowing she is and she doesnt want to admit it, when i have tried to talk to her about it she just denies it and her my friend does always agree with her.. its become that rediculous that iv had to end my old acount and create a new facebook account, she was defiently breathing down my neck but i guess we do it to eachother in ways. they both are buissness partners; so it wouldnt surprise me about the freedom thing, theyre just does not seem to be away forward right now as i am blocked from him particularly. he doesnt answer my emails, as she once told me she tells him not to email me. so yeh i think shes jealous too.

    i Suppose i have learned alot but they still pull me back in, at the moment im taking it easy with them and have distanced myself yet again, hoping it will work, however, the break doesnt seem to last long and when we do talk its like icant be myself and they argue with me and say mean things. so its like they are both siding.

    I lost another friend because of this situation too. so im just very tired of it really. i dont know if it will resolve, or not. But maybe in the future when people have matured abit more. it seems like the friendship is meaningless right now and empty. But also i still feel we are drawn to eachother in ways. there is some comfort in that. without him i wouldnt have known alot of spiritual stuff that i know now thats how i feel about it anyway, i proberbly would but i still believe you meet people for a reason.

    your right about most things, im blocked by this woman though and because theyre so close, i am the one whose an outsider. i have always spent time with those older than myself. even like 30s-40s. partly because i like to listen to some people. those older can teach us alot too as much as those younger. The communication is difficuilt here and i dont know if theyre is hope for the future with it, but i bare that in mind.

    he is distrusting at times and cynical yes hes often called me obsessive of him and he believes in psychic attacks too, iv had alot of pain to and i feel like theyre both against me. so we dont always find a win win situation.

  • i really appreciate your insight, and help if there is anything else you see for the future about the friendship would be helpful but i think its kind of blocked and unressolved right now.

    you have a good insight to things, its helped me understand it abit more anyway.

  • I'm afraid your friend is distancing himself from you because yes he does feel you have become obsessive - and he is right. You must try not to depend so much on the relationship and make new friends in your own country and home. I feel this relationship is coming to its natural conclusion. You have learned all that you can here and it's time to move on. You have to let go though this will be hard for you. You need a new start. I also feel your male friend has become interested in someone else where he is.

  • There is a lot of pull back from him from before. So I hope I can let go this tune. I feel.his spirit is close to me at times but I dunno.of that's in my head or not. Because when we talk it's always negative now but his spirit feels the same when we first started which is weird. He also thinks.himself. as a phoenix. In a spiritual term and gave me a lot of good things. Inn my. Life it just feels sad that it seems to be taking all the good feelings he did give away and like it didn't mean anything. Do you sense anything about his spirit still being there or do you think it's the past just in my head. I sometimes just think that..maybe I can take refuge so to speak in this forum for abit on and off. I don't know it my feelings are a curate about the spirit thing and it could just be me and past residue of old friendships. I don't know if you have an opinion on that. I think.it's important that we reach out to those who care about us and any friends or.people that might be wanting to help it's good to let go.but also very hard at times. What's this forum like for being busy these days in chatting.finding some comfort and security I's what I really need.

  • SunDanzer,

    Unfortunately, yes, feeling his spirit close to you is most likely a fabrication as you don't want to let go. What was your relationship like with your father? Only being interested in or having a proclivity or fascination with older men is often a sign of having "daddy issues." You may subconsciously be seeking to be adored and protected. when young, we look to our father for a sense of safety, security and protection. Our relationship with our father is our first male relationship and teaches us how to accept and expect love later in life.

    Just something to think about. It's what jumped out at me loud and clear from your first post.

  • That's the thing water girl my dad has been really distant since I was younge and he wasn't very nice to me when I was younever for along time we get on a bit better but we rarely talk now. He came just after my dad left and my family broke down. He protected me and helped me out a lot that's the thing I was very young when I met him.and the friendship felt real to me. We where very close and he supported me just after I had a lot of arguments with my family. He was always there unlike my dad he was one.of the second to third men in my life that really felt secure and safety. So I do feel really upset about this situation. I got hurt a lot by my dad when I was younger and my mum and me has lots if arguments he was always there and acted yes like a dad. But it was very special to me and to him at the time. It'd ashame I feel he will forget about me and pretend I didn't happen and just be another memory I suppose that makes me feel sad. It's happened before though but I felt this went deeper. Daddy issues Might be the case but he did help a lot for me. I was in deep waters a number of times he helped me. We talked on Skype a fee times but mostly kept to chat messager. If I wasn't around he'd message me and it be equal now it's just distant and I suppose because my dad wasnt there for me he filled the gap. I don't think it's a bad thing that someone did play a bit of a rescuer and was there to comfort after the pain and trauma that happened. He was around my life at a very low period and wanted to help. Now he's taken that help away and it just feels like a whole. I suppose I will have to let go but expressing our feelings to someone I think it really helps. I just feel sad that after all we have Beenough through he doesn't want to try and longer. There doesn't seem to be any way to reach him, in my own way. But at least I can express how I feel I guess we all want to be heard and understood. He did a lot for me.

  • You know what I guess it doesn't matter. time moves on people change and people forget people sometimes. sometimes people do scare me with what they become or are like anyway I very much appreciate the comments and advice I guess there isn't much left to say or do. enjoy your week and it was good to speak to you both.

  • SunDanzer,

    i know it's hard, I do. When you first posted I asked what these people were to you - the relationships - because I got Mom and Dad, but that they weren't actually your Mom and Dad. They are mirrors to you of these relationships. The thing is, the sooner you can delve into the issues with your parental relationships, the sooner you will heal and then be able to have a healthy relationship with a man. I'm sure this man did provide comfort to you and it did help you. But at some point it became obsessive and needy on your end. That's what happens....we feel the hole inside ourselves, then someone comes along and it feels like they are filling it but the hole gets deeper and deeper and harder to fill so we become needy. The truth is nobody can fill that hole for you. You need to learn to do this yourself. The first step is to recognize when you are latching onto someone out of that need. It's always subconscious, but it becomes easier to recognize as time goes on. When I was in my 20's I excelled in my career because I had a need for approval from my older male bosses - the approval I never received from my father. I had to learn to recognize that need in myself. Eventually, I got to the point where I no longer needed their approval - my own approval was enough for me. You will have a tendency to develop crushes on older men, men of authority, etc. Just recognize it so it doesn't become out of control. The woman was also a teacher/mirror to you as a representative of your mother. She was something that you perceived as "in the way" of your relationship with this man and an animosity developed. So you may also have a tendency to subconsciously attract these older, father figure type men where there is another woman involved. Married men, men in other relationships, men with a sibling who might get overly involved, etc. The best advice I can give you is to find a counselor and begin therapy to talk through and work through these issues. It will be the safe space you need, but without the danger of it becoming an addiction. The therapist will not take advantage of you. The therapist will be able to help you more directly. The therapist will be able to recognize if you've placed too much importance on him/her (projection) and will work through that with you as well. It's not that there is something wrong with you - we all have our childhood issues. It's just a question of if you want to continue suffering or find a way to work through it and heal. Also, spiritually speaking, the best way to resolve this karmic wound is to try and work through this directly with your parents. If that's not possible, then it would help to find a way to come to a place of forgiveness - knowing that they are human beings with their own issues who did the best they could. Hope this helps.

  • Hey water girl. Your proberbly right. I do have a councelor and anxiety depression issues on and off but depression Is way slot better than it use to.before. He.in part helped with that.

    I think.some. partnerships can work with older men as I have known a few who in local terms get on really well. And it really works.but unless it's to do with being in another country and yes past issues unresolved from my parents. I always think it's the spirit that's important and it depends on your wants and needs to as a person. I have had a number of good times that I treasure from people that have been good to me. I know I still have things to work on.my mum's relationship is a lot better now than it use to be and family are more there in a sense. Just my dad is distant. However with my mum getting married and having a partner now it seems like it might balance itself out. I know I do have to move on but realization is just about acceptance and forgiveness to. I have things I can focus on and work through with friends that are really there for me. I think that's important. to see the ones that really care rather than the ones that just hurt or use you. I am having a lot of goals towards the future and don't really want to be held back. It will just be hard cause of the constant chatting on and off that we did do. So it is a challenge. I still believe that there was something special and something happened that was short lived happy ness. Like the captain said. But time changes people. So in the end we do have to learn to have a betree understanding of a situation from another perspective. Thats why I tried to seek out such advice here. I hope I can find some peace within the period of acceptance on this situation.

  • At some point, we all have to stop longing for substitute parents and realize that we can be the grown-up and take care of ourselves. Perhaps this man is withdrawing through kindness at realizing you need to become more independent on your own. We all have our own best teachers and parents inside of us.

Log in to reply