How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?

  • @CancerCan, yeah being a Virgo makes you prone to being overly-analytical to the point where you can break down the tiniest conversations or actions in order to come to any type of conclusion. Personally speaking, I always prefer to have an answer to any problem/question/situation, but I know this isn't always possible so I've had to accept that fact and move on...

    @Sandran & MariRia...I'm not sure I've ever experienced this with my cancer testing me. Maybe he's done so but I just didn't realize it? Can you give an example...

    Ha, funny story. I may have mentioned this earlier but I'm not a clingy girl at all. I'm very affectionate and I make it clear to a guy if I'm into him (whether it be directly or flirtatiously), but I don't act clingy or "desperate" for lack of a better word. So when we go thru our long spells where we don't speak, I guess I could be the one to pick up the phone cuz it's a two-way street, but sometimes I don't because I feel like he should be making the effort. And at times he has, but not as much as I have. So one time I was so fed up with him that I called him and I swear he sent me to voicemail...instantly pissed off, lol. And I was a little tipsy (oops), so I left him a voicemail telling him not to call me anymore thinking that would get his attention cuz it has in the past when I've left him "serious" voice messages. WRONG. He def didn't call me for like 3 months and in any other situation I would've been fine, but I was like, "Oh no, he hates me. I shouldn't have done that, I was drinking" lol. So I caved in I called him. I was really interested to just see whether or not he would answer since I told him not to call me, but he answered and acted like nothing happened. was all back to normal. I didn't get that, but was thankful! Now if everything else could get back on track...

  • Oh my stars IF!!! how can they be all alike? as far as i know from other cancer threads, the virgo/cancer is kind of unique so it's nice to have another virgo to talk to!!! God help us! I love him SO much, he knows it too.

    Word to the wise or virgo/virgo chicks, as much as these forum's helped me they can mess with your head so like i found if it's good, don't go to the forums too often cuz i made up stuff for a hot second about me and mine just by reading the boards! if only i wasn't such a virgo?! i had a numerology report done for me and "him" and apparently it is unlikely as hell for a virgo woman and a cancer man but it said IF we did establish a connection it is impenetrable SO, patience deary. All I can say is good luck!!!!

    what day is your b'day? augusut 26 for me...i must say if 3 months went by i'd be gone even if i was dying inside f U @ k that....

  • Lol @ CancerCan...I know three months is a long, long time. And during that time of course I thought about him, but I just took things further with another guy I was talking to (which is a whole other can of worms lol). I was more so just curious to see if he'd answer the phone and how he'd act. I prob would've been devastated had he ignored my phone call or answered coldly towards me, but he was all "Baby this" and "baby that' and called me like every day for a week or so. Of course he's on a disappearing act again, so what did all that even count for lol...Idk if I'm being stupid or not, but no matter how many other guys i see or talk to I can't shake him. So annoying. For all this drama we better be destined to be together! 🙂

    And I know, the boards are full of SO much great info that you can sometimes get lost in. I have to remind myself that astrology can only say so much cuz these are all separate situations, but I love that people on here are so helpful...and I thought that Cancer/Virgo relationships were s'posed to be really good?? And yes these Cancers we're talking about seem to have the same thing going on, it's sooo strange lol.

    Oh my bday is Aug. 30, btw. Love it! 🙂

  • sandran>> I get this impression very often. It puts me on edge...because sometimes what comes out of your mouth is not what you mean at all. And then your like 'damn....did I 'fail?'" and then I get annoyed that I'm getting tested anyway. But, yesterday I kind of found myself doing the same thing. I said something just to see what he would say back, in a testing kind of way.

    I have a question for the cancer men floating around on this thread.

    So, I'm trying to decide something, and I don't want to rush it because it's pretty big. I'm planning on sending him a message telling him you know, I get it, he doesn't want me, so I'm going to give up on him. It's not going to be a whiny or mean message, I plan on telling him I still really care about him, and i'm willing to compromise what I want if he'll tell me what he's comfortable with, but from what I can see he's not interested so I'm going to pull back. Do you think this will go over well...? I mean, i guess it doesn't really matter. But....yah I don't know. I figure if he wants me he'll tell me if he wants to keep me around. Right??

  • Squbull>>>Now he has completely avoided me, even when I do every once in a while try to text him. The only time I saw him happy to see me was when I unexpectedly visited him.

    Sandran>>>That is a typical Cancer.A Cancer does not spend time calling.You are better off going in person.We are not telephone people.We hate talking on phones.Texting is much worse.That is just to much bothering a Cancer...The phone and texting is suffocating to a Cancer.If you must call.Just say I miss you and hope to see you soon.Don't drag drama in it.

  • MariaRia>>I'm planning on sending him a message telling him you know, I get it, he doesn't want me.

    Sandra>>You don't know that...

    MariaRia>>I don't know. I figure if he wants me he'll tell me if he wants to keep me around. Right??

    Sandran>>Not always...Sometimes the Cancer needs a little push to show you care.Do little nice things for him.The calling on the phone when it's short and sweet is ok.But, long drawn out professing your love is a bit much.Cancers feel emotions.We are very emotional.We need to be shown not told how much you care.WE are Visual people.We learn better by watching.Cancers spend alot of time alone.It makes people worry.We need checked on in person.Use email instead of calling a Cancer.We need time to regroup and have time to respond with an answer.


  • Hey Maria! to quote you "I get this impression very often. It puts me on edge...because sometimes what comes out of your mouth is not what you mean at all. And then your like 'damn....did I 'fail?'" and then I get annoyed that I'm getting tested anyway. But, yesterday I kind of found myself doing the same thing"

    When you say out of your mouth did you mean "cancer's mouth"? If so, I find that SO VERY TRUE; you and I kinda "know" each other LoL-and you've seen me say how many times? "he will say he doesn't love me like "that", or we are just friends" but I will be D A M N E D every time, and I mean every time I decide to walk away from this (non-relationship) if he won't break his neck, shell, claws, and pretty much anything breakable to SHOW/ACT the complete 100% opposite!!! One night he was way too chatty with some chick and the first time in a long time he literally hurt and made me mad, but anyway, I got up once, went and paid my tab he stops mid-sentence with her-and asks me what I was doing and where was I going, then comes and hugs me and says I love being in the same room with you it comforts me-buys me a drink to make me stay then keeps talking to her- now he was only talking BUT (you know) and he had already given me his house key, and I simply finished that drink, and when I got my keys out of my purse just took his key off my ring and slid it over to him. He tried not to take it but I got up and left anyway.

    I have a convertible and it took me a few minutes longer than usual to get the top up I was shaking so badly, he came out to my car and I let him put my top up for me; we sparred back and forth and I got "you are my very best friend in the world and if I were hurt or sick, you are the 1st person I would want to be there with me, blah, blah" I asked him to please just stop playing with me and go back in to the chick and to please get out of my car. He called me 3 minutes later and tried to explain our situation to me. We were on the phone ALL the way home and even after we both got home and the very next day and for quite a while after he was so freakin' attentive to me I didn't know what to think. It was kinda like by the call he was proving to me that he did not pick her up for a roll in the hay. That isn't the only time a similar situation happened and he has always called me like that. I think 3 times total in 11 months...

    I usually try to play cool and if I do get jealous definately NOT show my a$$, I am too vain for that LoL! I get the impression that when he knows I am and I actually might walk out he is remorseful that he hurt me. He has one of the biggest hearts too...

    Now it's been a couple of months that he has said anything close to that, since I pulled what I will call my HERMIT act for those 3 weeks, he actually called my son and my BF one day to see if I had my cell number changed (I forgot to pay the bill and it was disconnected for a day). Funny thing is both of them told him " h e l l, I don't know if she did or not!! They have long ago stopped trying to figure out what we were doing and will not believe we will spend too much time away from each other either! My BF told me, "I used to fall for that stuff, and then learned if I give them 15 minutes they will be all over each other again LoL-she said our average is 7 minutes until he comes to me and picks me up in a hug!" She was like "every time!" One thing for sure is we cannot stay away from each other when in the same room it isn't possible-even if it ain't always the grandest of circumstances

    During my 3 weeks I met up with another dude so fine I could barely hold my mouth closed and we went out with friends on the river, etc; spent the whole Labor Day Weekend together; and I KNOW my J was told about it; BUT I had gotten the ex wife spill one too many times and fooled myself into thinking I COULD LIVE WITHOUT HIM ;+}

    We live in a kinda small suburb around a very large city, but it's kinda one of those everyone knows too much about everyone else in lots of ways. And as a matter of fact I talked to and texted with this new friend tonight, and last weekend platonically hung out with him and his best friend Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. We each were in our own beds alone, so since I STILL have not heard from his lips I am in fact his girlfriend that I owe him monogamy but I DO also feel I should not pass by every opportunity to get out and do fun things because to me there is a very real chance that he doesn't "love me like that" Although Hermit Crab assures me he does 🙂 and all as far as I know he honors me in the monogamy department as well.

    We have pretty much always not put on fronts from the beginning and both of us have been through enough trials and heartaches to KNOW that even though it may rip out someone's heart that things are better for both people to be honest, brutally honest about something. To both of us we feel like it simply boils down to respect and allows the other to save face. One time he actually met his ex wife at our bar, but you know, he called me to tell me and also said he would not do anything to make me have to feel embarrassed, humiliated or foolish while there and she wasn't married at that time. I was flipped out he was with her because she is a threat to me-but at the same time it made me feel so good to know he truly did think enough of me to be upfront. It was amazing how many text messages I got from people that night asking me or telling me he was there with her. It was easier to stomach by being able to thank them for having my back, but yes I did know. They were kinda impressed as well. Heck, they were fighting like crazy within 45 minutes!

    As I've said we are within 5 weeks of being in this relationship a year. He has cooked for me tons of times and I have yet to reciprocate. That is mostly due to my situation I told about below.... I want to but today he didn't answer my call or text so I'm letting my mind do it's Virgo thing and try to understand why after the weekend we had he didn't answer. I asked a specific question. My question after all this babbling I have done tonight is should I wait a day or so and tell him I'd like to cook him dinner-he has made several comments since we're back together about my not cooking for him ever. When I get in Virgo mode I start feeling defensive and feel like I might get either no response or him say he will not have time this week and am afraid to bring it up. Oh well y'all I am gonna shut up now I'm sure you're happy LoL!! It's nice to be able to pour out these crazy stories and be 100% understood. If I said this to my friends they'd want to lock me in a padded room MUAH :+)~

    **** I am sorry to be rambling tonight ****

    My mother has the beginning to mid stages of Alzheimer's and had been very angry and mean to me for a week. I know she doesn't mean most of it but it is hard to take. I had a wonderfully fabulous career, made a very comfortable salary, had my own home etc., and in less than a year I sold my home, and then ultimately lost my job trying to keep up with her. I have not allowed myself to wallow in pity or even remotely feel sorry for myself but I gave in finally and ended up in tears for the best part of a week. NOW it looks like she is going to need major back surgery and has been in so much pain she is crying and only 69. I need to go job hunting tomorrow but I am so concerned for her and my heart is breaking I can't go to sleep. I ask that those of you who believe to pray for her. I am a survivor and will make it through this one way or another.

    So good night and I apologize for rambling I just feel insecure right now!

  • Sorry one more thing...I know how stupid I sound it has only been a day and night since we've had contact Lord what is it with this spell he's cast over me?

  • Hey maria! guess who's back? I know a lot of the advice on this forum has been to be the ever devoted, waiting, wanting,doting, ever forgiving doormat. I just haven't found that to be affective to establish a relationship with ANY sign.

    Have you knowticed that when you have is attention the most is when you're not interested in it? You get more reciprocity when you are not giving anything? Me too. Cancer men are still Just Men. They need the same chase, challenge concept, they just need a little reassurence that you actually do like them or they give up easy. I think it's a great idea to send the text, I'd caution you on a few matters if you are just "testing" tho.

    1. Say that you care about him, but are not sure of what his bounderies are, tell him you feel badly when you feel you have crossed them, but don't know what he expects, tell him you don't want to compromise or damage the friendship and that's what you're concerned about, and that's why even if he doesn't see you as much as he use to, you're just doing what you think is best FOR HIM. Tell him you hope he knows how you feel and that you welcome any time he has to spend with you , and not to hesitate to reach out to you if he needs you anytime, any day, any way.

    2. Tell him, that you see how some of the girls hang on him and never want to be like that, it makes people gossip and you detest gossip, mention that it is the reason you'd prefer to meet away from co-workers prying eyes, and the stories that can be made up about your friendship. Cancer's chereish their privacy and enjoy their secretes try to be one (at least for now)

    3. In the future avoid interjecting his feelings for you ie. "you don't want me" , "You don't liked me", "I get it" ect. unlike air and fire signs cancers will not correct you with the correct answer they will simply say " I never said that" " I don't feel that way" or " why do you say that"? If you want to know how they feel ask or simply wait they will tell you when you are talking about something completley random

    4. last and MOST important, never agree to compromise on anything you need in order to feel fulfilled. When the time is right (and only then) When he is asking you what you want from him, when he is concerend that he has pushed you away, when he is ready to talk, offer to see if/how your desires and his can compliment eachother.

    Good luck! Go get em girl!

  • cancercan, Ignore the ex wife, she is not your friend until he says he doesn't want you in his life he does and her opinion is null and void. Women have a tendencey (self included) to feel like they own cancers because of the connectoin, but he owns himself and if you two are enjoying one another... she can kick rocks.

    Protect yourself pay attention to your intuition, keep calling him to task, and still being by his side, it may not work out, but at the end of the day, you've done everything you were supose to do. Good luck

  • Thanks Hermit... for your reply on control (p13). Thanks Keldjoran & Sandran... for your wonderful insights, also. You, and others, have really good insights; ia rush, more later.

  • Hi everyone - it has been a while and things have been going really well... Until about 3 weeks ago when I had had enough and broke up with my cancer again due to his inconsistency and mixed signals... I really (again) said I was through... Asked where i stood and told him i couldn't stand this anymore and that i had been asked out on a date by some other guy n I didn't want to go cause of him and if he couldn't tell me what he wants then maybe I should just go... And move on... Well I got the "do what ever you want" response and I had text him at the exact same time that I wasn't going to go... And that I just wanted to know where I stood. Then i got "we should just be friends as he can't handle my drinking" (well he is just as bad as me if not worse!!) so that was fine, we had been in contact nearly every day and I told him that I cannot handle a s3x only relationship n couldnt do that anymore he responded that he didn't expect me to..... So on Sunday night when I went to use his computer we ended up back together.... This seems to happen every time with him! I also told him that i need to come first and that I couldn't accept any less from him - he had really been trying over the last 3 weeks and the one time he let me down in that time I told him and he hasn't done it again.... So I am wondering how long this will last and if i am who he wants..... Oh and he initiated Sunday night.... N i stayed again on Monday... We went to dinner etc and had a really nice night...

    I am sooo over the waiting around for him to make up his mind as it would seem... Being a cap I have no patience and just want everything NOW!!! I am into my 15th month with this guy and am almost at my wits end with him.... Have tried to move on again and again and he keeps pulling me back to him - even when I am trying to start again...

    I am really feeling the roller coaster at the moment and really don't know when it is going to end.... I have been told that he does love me and all the rest of it - but i really don't know...

  • Gemini here involved with a Cancer man who is is simply crazy about me! I give him his time and space..period! In between all that, i let him know how much he is loved. And they say that we are not compatible.. I beg to differ

  • any insight into my situation would be greatly appreciated...

    I feel like when we are together I am his entire world but when we are apart he barely thinks of me... As there is not the regular/daily contact with him that i see with all my other friends relationships - i know i shouldn't be comparing but sometimes it is hard when he just doesn't contact me for a couple of days.....

  • Sexygem -Very good advice, thanks a lot. I've re-written that email/facebook message like....3 times already, LOL! I know I have to be careful what I say, so i'm trying to get it right. And that helps a lot. He really does respond like....wicked fast if he senses im upset and moving away. It happened yesterday. Actually, I wrote about that night we went out and he was so back and forth with talking to me and not talking to me that it put me in a funk. I didnt end up talking to him the rest of the night and almost refused to hug him goodbye when he asked. The next day at work, he was on me right away.

    sandran - yes, im definitely working on showing him with actions instead of words. I never used to do that, and I realized it recently. I was just too scared to show him that way incase people noticed.

  • your advice about telling cancercan's cancer 's ex to kick rocks! lol....sounds like something i'd say...i can't stand these chicks who think they own a man just because they've had him once or even all the time lol.

    @hiprincess...hon, i wish i had more time to write but i have to sign off fast tonight. believe me i know how you feel and so do many other women on this board who will give you advice. cancer men will give you great advice too, i'm sure. if you scroll thru some of the past posts in the meantime you may find some great info there. sorry i can't write more at the moment, but i'm sending positive vibes your way!

  • I think communication is very key to us crabs.... for some reason we get all mushy and like to talk about the way we feel,even if we dont really know how we feel. if you ever get this opportunity find out exactly what he wants and maybe tell him what you want or feel. really we want to know how you feel about a variety of presonally I try to surpress these ichy feelings in hopes to save a bit of my manlyness:-DJK....I need someone to talk to also

  • How do we know when it's a lost cause? When should we give up?

  • I asked the same question bighorn no one seems to be able to answer.

    But to answer your question and hiprincess questions you've got to remember what you want and sometimes we can get so excited about the potential of a relationship that we forget the actuallity. Like my mama use to say when you're full you'll get up from the table.

    Hiprincess instead of asking him how he feels and what he wants tell him what you need and want in order to be able to continue to support him.... believe it or not after a cancer has feelings for you, ask and you shall recieve. Try it. Don't ask him can you date other guys, and call him before and after , tell him if he is unwilling to love and accept you completely as you do him then you have no choice, inspite of your love for him and the love you know he feels for you, bug to spend your time with some one who can or will love you. No need to go extreme and tell him when youre going on a date, just letting him know you have options that you are NOT afraid to excercise should get him at LEAST trying to make it work and that's all we are really asking for from our men.

    Yeah If I'm pretty terible and teritorial, but I take my issues and problems up with my man not the other woman because I know we both want the same thing, HIM!

  • Hi hermit!!! glad you're here. Don't be cross with me cause I'm so hard nose, I have a HUGE heart, gotta protect it. Now I need your advice, my cancer recently lost a family member to H1N1, He told me about it, but we were talking so much and long (always pay attention ladies they say the most important things at the most random times) that I didn't realize that his young family member had just passed. anyway, I called him and he was out of state, going to the services, I am very good at reading his nonverbal clues he was NOT HIMSELF. VERY EMOTIONAL . I told him I could hear it in his voice, he said he was glad I called and that he'd be coming home in a few days but needed some time to regroup and would call me later this week, It's wednesday, should I call him or just wait until he calls me?

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