How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?

  • hermitcrab - O.O He reacted really well, actually....I never realized it, but he always just randomly starts telling me things about himself when we're sitting next to each other. And we're not even talking, we're just kind of like....there? Wow I never realized that.

    And you mentioned someone saying their cancer would just walk away from them at a bar? Wow mine does that, too. Except I wouldn't follow him, i'd think 'well if he doesnt want to talk to me he can go f himself' and i'd go socialize with someone else. Guess that was the wrong move, LOL....

    thanks for all your advice, guys!

  • Thank you keljoran, for answering all of my questions, appreciate it lots,

    Thank you maria for coming up with a great topic and story line, I see you are really into your cancer, and though I have my reservations, according to alot of the advice you're recieving you're on the right track, I hope you win in the end girlfriend.

  • Sexygem-have you read the other thread Maria started before this one? Cancer man and he is confusing is the name...if not when you get a LOT of time you should! We and many others posted so much it got up to like 148 pages! Tons of helpful information there too, actually that one helped save my sanity over my cancer!

    You asked some great questions and also got great answers! I also have experienced some things with my cancer in the intimacy department that I've never done and also was worried for a while about being "that kind of girl" but I wasn't in the end 😉 I also can relate to your not wanting the "rug pulled out from under you" statement

    Hermit Crab-I did get to see mine last night and ended up spending the night and as far as I know I will be seeing him later. He told me he loved me again so I am going to believe him thanks to your insight. He doesn't say it often nor do I, like I said his actions tell me more than anything.

    Well I have to get out of here for now a tornado is on the way!!! If I can I'll be back!

  • Made it thru 🙂

  • The Cancer guy I know likes to delete me from Myspace in order to get my attention... I don't understand why he just cant call or text like a normal person... I lost all patience. haha

  • I did read maria's original , and remembered her and the situation when I found this one, these post are a HUGE part of the reason I decided that I was no longer able to guess, and hope and believe without anything concrete from him, ultimatums do work.... even on cancers

    although I imagine that being there in his life for all of this time and having proved myself and cried and worked and toiled over him for over 3 years being connected with him on a friendship level for 6 years helped.

  • cancercan- a tornado!? Eeep I hope you're okay o.o

    Thanks sexygem, and don't worry. If it works out, that's amazing. If it doesn't, that sucks, but that's life. This whole thing is a learning experience, and that's how I'll take it. I really have learned a lot, and I'm thankful for that. So I'll keep trying what I'm trying, cause I've never done it before, and if it works out i'll let you know. It seems to be working a lot better then what I was doing before, lol.

  • keldjoran is right on, things that are from the heart be it physical emotional or materail mean alot it really speaks to the soul and also doesnt take alot to come up with but reqiures deep feelings and feelings drive us. When we do withdraw from our lives ussually when we do want to come out but are unsure, a little re-assurance to let us know its ok and you are still willing to talk and are not hurt from our own actions, because we know that when we do get into our shells we can make others feel unwanted and hurt....If your ok then I feel better to come out and possibly reveal more of me to you<--- and you can draw a line and let him know what you expect from him(speaking of your ultimatums)

    @CancerCan I think your cancer really trusts you, thats great, its hard for one to put thier faith in another person hope the bad weather wasnt to much its really good that you are making considerable progress with you cancer.

    I hope everyone the same success in the relationships, I dont mind at all helping where I can. Im a cancer and I see everything in me that you all have been discribing, to me I see it as an eye opener and the more I read and help the more I learn about myself and understand my own feelings. the oush and pull ,withdrawing, going through all the emotions I have experianced and wish to Improve my own relationships, so I am more than happy to offer my insight and experiances

  • Keldjoran thanks for all the cancers are so confusing! lol...I'm a Virgo woman, so while i am emotional and all of that, I'm also very logical so some of it I'm having to force myself to understand/accept....

    I know you said Cancers don't like to hurt ppl's feelings (like most individuals), but what if they are directly asked to just be honest? For instance, I've been involved in some twisted love triangle with a Cancer male/myself (again, a Virgo)/and his ex-a Sagittarius--for what seems like forever now. I've asked him multiple times to just let me know if he doesn't feel that way about me or if he thinks we should just be friends, but NEVER has he said this to me. On the flip, whenever he gets all distant and I throw that request out there to him, he starts to act like he's into me again. He's on one of his MIA-kicks right now as a matter of fact, probably because I told him that I still have feelings for him, but if it's time for me to move on then please let me know and I'll do so...he said he'd call me back, but didn't. We've been thru this before...It's very likely that we'll speak in a couple of weeks and all will be back to "normal". So basically he sends mixed signals, so how should I take this?

    Another things, I know Cancers have a hard time forgiving when they've been wronged, so maybe you can explain this as well...He was with his Sag.-ex for like 8 years and they do have a child together. So I can imagine the bond one would have because of that...but the reason why they initially broke up is (supposedly...maybe he lied lol) because she cheated on him and he caught her...Wouldn't this be the ultimate betrayal? She still has feelings for him, however, and I know he hasn't been completely honest with her about me although he says he has. Is he trying to spare her feelings because Cancers love hard and he's still not over her? So confused!

    Lol, anyway, sorry if this has been discussed a million times, but I'd like some advice please. My poor, logical Virgo mind and very emotional heart are at war....

  • Whoa........lf245706 seems you have a crab thats still hangin on. We do carry the torch for considerable amounts of time and if she is still trying to be in the picture then that complicates things. your situation is tumultuous, for he has had a strong bond and still has feelings for this woman. depending on the level of her affair he may still feel the need for her companionship. with her attitude complicates things because she knows that he will always hold on to what was as long as she reminds him. If he feels she is moving on then he will move those feelings to the back of his mind to slowly die away, but the thing is he needs to come to this conclusion on his own or he will never feel this way. maybe in this case he needs the space to realize this, if he hasnt gave you the "friends" line then he might feel strongly for you to, but your situation reqiures that you keep your own intrest in mind. you dont wanna be hurt be this guy because he happens to decide he wants to rekindle his relationship with his ex(which he will be involved with for some time to come). his honesty would be your best ally, in time if he knows what you expect then that will give you a better angle if this is what you want to pursue.

    If you want to go the extra mile befriend her, then help him realize she is movin on. this would reqiure a certain amount of deception on your part with her and vagueness with him. but the closer you get to her the further he will move from her

  • Im on the wagon again, and still confused by my Cancer guy. I am sick and tired of his constant testing me. and I know he is doing it. Now he has completely avoided me, even when I do every once in a while try to text him. The only time I saw him happy to see me was when I unexpectedly visited him. Even then, we talked for a few min and then left for him to be alone. I dont understand why he is so sensitive that is the question. He says that he doesn't get offended a lot, but it seems that I am the only one who can rile him up! EVEN When it's not towards him at all!!! I don't understand why he has to take everything I say into account and it hurt him. I'll complain about something that happens during the day, and he'll get sensitive. What's up with that?

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  • Wow Squabull, that's how mine is acting, too. I really don't get him at all. Everything will be fine and then something will happen (that i cant pin point because i dont know what it is) and he'll backpeddle like crazy. Like right now he's going back and forth between talking to me and avoiding me completely. It's really frustrating. I notice if I start talking to another guy, i'll quickly get his attention. He'll come over and be like 'whats going on over here?' and kind of....assert himself? I don't know how to describe it. But it's really difficult to work with him like this, and it makes me not want to. Like Squabull said, i'm getting sick of the 'tests', if that's whats going on. I'm considering sending him a message and telling him that I'm done and lets just be friends. He obviously doesn't want anything to do with me so that's fine, I get it.

  • Hermit_Crab thanks so much for the response, I really do appreciate it...I mean, I'm a Virgo so it's really natural for me to be logical about this whole mess, but I can't deny what I'm feeling which is that he cares a lot about me, but he's so caught up b/t the two of us that he doesn't know what to do. Obviously if he hasn't committed to me by now there's a very large chance that he never will. And I haven't stopped talking to other guys because I know's just for some reason---maybe this is a Crab thing?---he was able to suck me in and make me really fall for him. And I know that he was (is? who knows...) into me too. I've dated other guys that I've been able to move on from in a matter of weeks or months and for some reason he is just hard to shake. Part of me wants him to just say, No, we'll never be together, because that would be the quickest way for me to drop this situation. The fact that I don't know how he really feels is frustrating.

    And as for his "ex"----as idiotic as she is I don't think she'd buy for a second me trying to befriend her lol. We've exchanged words and it's already clear that she doesn't like me because she thinks I'm trying to step on her toes basically. It's funny you suggest that tho, because my cousin---who's also a Cancer!---suggested that. And it's so frustrating to know that she basically has a hold on him until she makes it clear that she's no longer interested. I mean, doesn't he have any say in that? Lol. That makes me feel like I'm on the back burner just IN CASE she gets tired of him and he has nothing else to fall back on. Plus, I feel that she never will do that because she hates me and obviously doesn't want me to "have" him. Is there any way for him to move on from her w/o me having to be deceptive to both of them? For instance, would it mean anything at all if I--yet again--tell him how I feel and how much all this indecisiveness is hurting me? I'm just honest and don't like to play w/people's feelings, but obviously that doesn't seem to have worked so far...

    That being said, is it normal for Crabs to be avoidant if they don't want to deal with something of this nature? We talk on the phone, for example, but it has literally been months since I've seen him face to face. I'm currently finishing up my degree out of the city, so I'm only back home on the wkends, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it, either...But I think he knows I would want to talk about all of this if we did meet up, so I feel like that's scaring him away. Also, how do I know during these long periods where we don't talk if he's done w/me or if he's just craving his space?

    Sry for another long post, I've got a lot going thru my mind right now. Hermit_Crab and anyone else with insight is free to respond, and many thanks in advance 🙂

  • @MariRia and @Squabull...judging from your posts apparently Cancers do have the tendency to avoid to an extent...sigh....sending mixed signals is not cute lol 🙂

  • if245706, who I will now call IF because your name is too long, what's your zodiac sign? It's funny, you're acting exactly like me! I'm never too over the top or clingy with him for the same reasons, and i've also desperately tried to get him to tell me to piss off, I don't want you, and he never does.

  • @MariaRia i've been trying to figure out how to change my darn forum name cuz it is too long, and i didn't expect to be posting when i made my was just something i'd remember for signing in. It's "LF', btw, my initials 🙂

    Lol I'm a virgo, what about you?

  • iF245706 i am a virgo and i think with our natural analytical personalities we may fare worse sometimes. i have caught myself picking stuff to death or making up crap! LoL

    i've been at it 11 months now and we had two great nights together. friday his best bud who is a trucker was in town and i have noticed that the last 2 times he was here i was invited along on their outings and used to he'd either disappear or i'd see him and they'd go on to another place. also his business partner has nascar get togethers all the time and i've been going there too?!

    hermit crab-does that mean that now that he is including me with his friends and their girls i'm to think i am secure in my place. i feel it, but i have learned to be cautious in taking the "comfort zone" for granted as every time i have it blows up!

    well gonna run start some laundry and will be back

    thanks for the concern the storms luckily blew over without a touch down! i have lived with them all my life so i don't freak too bad as they can pin point them so well i will take cover though!

  • one other thing...mine has never pulled the really long avoidances luckily! i tried it and made it 3 weeks lol couldn't stand it. had to go see if he'd act like he missed and still wanted me and he did; now if that ex wife would go away lol!

  • MariaRia>>>So...i've read a lot on here that sometimes Cancers will say things just to see what your reaction is. To see if you'll say what they want you to say. But, how do you know when they're testing you?

    Sandran>>Always take it that a Cancer is testing you.This is how we see if a person is trustworthy or not.Cancer's are real good listeners.We hang on every word.So if you fall into a lie we will remember it.We also read into intuition skills.Mostly body language...And Cancer has them.You cannot lie to a Cancer..LOL.When alot of signs learn from talking to others.A Cancer will learn by Your actions..We Are Visual Learners.We learn by watching you.So be careful..

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