How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?

  • No worries maria. I’m just tired; negativity takes more energy than I’m willing to give. You have spunk, charisma and a zest for life and I like you. Your desire to understand people and situations will help you to maintain the balance within yourself because it will give you the perspective to deal with any situation that comes your way. That is my belief and what has helped me, especially during the tumultuous stages of my relationship.

    All is good sexygem. I know where you’re coming from. We just delivery differently and not too many people pick up on where I’m coming from. I do wish you all the best.

  • See, what both of you guys say make perfect sense. A splice of both of them is like THE solution. Because you keep your air of independence and non-bullshit-taking which any man will respect, but you still have empathy for what crazy cancer nuttiness is going around in his head, and in that way you are still affectionate and understanding. Affectionate and understanding without being a doormat. TUH DAAH. And so you end up giving him the space he needs by giving YOURSELF space because of the haziness of your relationship, but you can still show him you care about him and accept him for who he is, and that you're there for him.


  • And AWW, thanks guys! I like you too 😄 It really says something about a person who will try so hard to help someone they've never actually met face to face. You're both very generous and I'm really greateful for all your efforts.

  • Thank you maria. I feel badly but I am just trying to looking out for you. and yes you can be understanding , patient, kind, and loving and still protect yourself. It has not been easy I have cried, and don't get me wrong I have put up with a lot of bs in the name of love too. I totally know what you're going thru and hope he does realize what he's missing out on.

  • Okay, so this is random, but seriously listen to "Who do you think you are?" by the spice girls. I had it in my head all day and it put me in an amazing mood, hahaha.

  • Hi Maria, I've been married to a Cancer man for almost 12 years. I'm awfully late in this discussion because I'm new to the forum, and I have to admit that I haven't read all the posts in this thread -- but from my personal experience, Cancers NEVER stop testing you. I'm not sure they ever completely trust, either. There's always an excuse as to their behavior or beliefs, it's always something that happened in the past, even though the past was usually so long ago and the circumstances are sometimes way beyond ridiculous. There are times when I've had to (ever-so-gently, because you know how sensitive these people are!!!!) tell him to try to let go of his past, because it's interfering with his NOW.

    The good news is that he's really good about trying to improve, even if it's bit by bit.

  • I thought me and mine were finally "there" since I broke away and we had 4 great nights and days then the next time I see him he tells me he loves me and then goes into a conversation about hanging out drinking with his ex-wife but that nothing happened since she is newly married. I am so tired of her.

    I have just started doing what I want with who and trust me I have gone out recently with two very, very great looking guys and they have money to throw away! I still can't get my cancer out of my system. He doesn't want me but sure doesn't want anyone else to have me....

    So do what you want in the mean time and if you can stomach it, see the cancer too.

  • Thanks for your reply CancerCan, I am Sag rising. He has told me so many times that all I needed to do was to hold and kiss him when he's acting so mean because he is really scared.

    I have learned to swallow my pride and eat humble pie, lol. We saw an ad for a roommate posted on a bulletin board and hes asked me if I wanted him to pay for 3 months for my rent. I didn't go bonkers on him. Later when I confronted him about it, he said that he needed to be certain that I was going to stay with him. That night he woke up in a terror and told me to hold him & be close to him for a few days and never leave him. I told him that all he had to do was ask me; he asked me and I reassured him that I wasn't going to leave him.

    _I left him twice in our 4 year relationship because when he gets angry, he tells me to pack my things and go. He fell apart each time that I left.

    I'm developing my softer, feminine side and learning not to take what he says literally. I too, had an affair when I left earlier this year. I thought he would never get over the affair, though he respects me for being honest about it. He needs to think about saying things out of hurt, just to hurt me.

    My lesson is to still stay connected and love him anyway instead of withdrawing, yes? We need to work all these things out now, not later because all we have is now, dears. Life is so short.

    He is very resilient and bounces back quickly when he tires of his charades. He then wants to kiss and make up. Chins up, ladies._

  • I'm sorry, CancerCan. I'm glad that he told you, though. Maybe his ex has a short memory, maybe she doesn't remember the agony that he put her through? Relationship triangulations are so complicated.

  • Oh to be in love with a cancer. Aughh the good ole days when I wanted to run down the middle of the road screaming. Then it would quickly turn into me thinking I was the luckiest girl to be alive...then back to the running and screaming. I love my ex cancer bf and wouldnt change that experience for the world. Best of luck to you all. I didnt make the cut for my guy but his memory will be a pleasant kind of torture for years to follow. ( :

  • Pleasant kind of torture. I like that, it preety much wraps up my experience.

  • My favorite part is how their zodiac sign is also the name of a disease that kills millions of people.

  • Thanks quixotic for the support....

    Lovin: Sorry to hear about your's being an ex now. So does that mean you don't have the house key anymore?

  • ok I am back on the good side of the relationship, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say even if it doesn't work out , It was better to have loved and lost a cancer then to never have loved at all. NO?

  • maybe not just cause we're doing well, even at our worst times I never wished that we'd never met, only that I hadn't fallen so hard that I lost my common sense. They are (if nothing elese) really sweet guys

  • Hmm....thats a good question to ask yourself. I'd never regret it because I've actually learned quite a lot. Most of that is patience, LOL, but also how to curb my impulsiveness a lot better. I think I'm slowly, sloooowly getting better at this dating thing.

  • Wow.. I've never knew who women felt about cancer men till now, I kinda like it. but anywho I just wanna give Maria a Male cancer perspective. Yes, you are being constantly being tested. there are 3 ways to go about it though.... pass, fail OR if you recognise the challenge just say "stop it" and when he says what, reply " you know". it does me everytime, once we've been found out we kinda retreat back to our shell. Realize we only do it to find out your TRUE feelings because we cant just come out and ask "do you like other guys?" or whatever might be on our minds.

    Im reading mostly your post MariaRia but someone alleged that their relationship is all about them, now Im not doing us crabs any favors but it is about us......wait for it....ok you guys thought you knew it was and your right, but its because of our own insecurities. we demand it be on our terms to re-assure your commitment to us, but once we feel more confident about you then we would rather cater to you and your needs. till then we need to be absolutly sure and confident in you because of our insecurities and our own emotional nature<---emo for sure.. all of us

    sometimes we withdraw to sort our own feelings but we dont wanna emotionaly distance ourselves and Auqa did state correctly that we need to be assured that when we are ready with the right person we will confide to them our intimate feelings in an attempt to sort our feelings or just have a shoulder. but if we feel our feelings will be exploited we will lash out... the part you guys hate to deal with. there are things we really like though[qoute=MariaRia]I don't know what changed, but I've been a lot more open and friendly with him, [/qoute]Awesome we love hearing things about other people thats true because we are infactuated with other people, like you said we Aspire to be socail butterflys.

    [qoute=MariaRia]I love hanging around guys and most of my friends are guys[/qoute] This is infuriating and drives cancers crazy, again we are emotional and view ourselves ase the center of everything close to us:/.[qoute=MariaRia]He can stick his sausage in a freakin outlet if he thinks I'm going to waste more breath trying to argue my maturity to him[/qoute] LMAO 😄 anyhow I flirt like crazy for no reason but dont put a second thought into it afterwards,specailly when it comes to service, if I thought it would get me better service I wouldnt think twice about it, but in a crowded room all I can see is the woman I'm in love with and shes the light in the room nothing shines more bright.

    the way I see it, its not a cancer trait for the reason he wont be in a relationship with you(though it maybe) Its a male thing that is complicated by him being a cancer........ok follow me.... Man wants sex, cancer is emo, so being a virgin he sees you as pure but doesnt want you to give that to him unless you actually want to be joined for life, and if hes not ready for THAT then he would rather not um for lack of a better word take that from you. I garuantee hes Bangin one of those girls that like to hang around him, just ask him if he is and who, he will tell you because he does are and wants you to know who he is and see if you will still hang around, in this case age and maturity is no issue, your chasity is BUT is more important than him and he feels the same way. if you are actually willing to wait for him to be ready to commit to you and do all that good stuff then he will view that as very preciuos...........move on

  • [qoute=MariaRia]My favorite part is how their zodiac sign is also the name of a disease that kills millions of people. [/qoute] I hate that part..cancer should be called tumorous growth desease

  • Hermit Crab: hello, i have a question you may can shed some light on. my cancer guy tells me he loves me but "not like that" and every time i try to walk away he will not let me. his ACTIONS are totally opposite and even people who don't know us have told me that man IS in love with me. i too hang out with mostly men, but he knows them. could this be part of it? i have poured my heart and soul out to him and he knows am completey and 100% in love with him. that seems to swell up his head sometimes LoL. he insists he is still in love with his ex wife but can't control that and he's right, BUT tells me I am the only person he really wants to do things with and has asked me to move in with him? to me that say's i am second best.

    i hope you reply soon...thank you

  • Oh, and HermitCrab, just give us some general advice please 😄 Or maybe some obvious 'tests' they'll throw at us so we're ready for them.

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