How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?
And to Virgo99 I dont think you should call him, he's pushing you for a reason. I learned the hard way. Although he still wants your attention so at least call him once in a while to let you know you're still there, but you need to start being independent at first and he'll come back.
Im not chasing after mine after a few weeks of doing so, and it has slowly started to get results. Mine is slowly trying to show attention towards me (indirectly) but soon he will talk to me. So yes, yours will contact you soon.
Squabull, thank u really... I sooo hopeee soooo! I sooooo missssss him.... Like crazy miss him! I am totally in love with him especially after what he is doing! I feel like a weirdo for acting like this! I swear I would have disappeared if it were any other guy! I don't know why I fell for him while treating me like this... I promise I wont call him... still i soooo hope he will as soon as possible! will keep u updated Thank u again
Hi! I am new to this. I too am in love with a cancer who must be related to all these other men.
sexygem, we are just having a philosophical discussion here, there is no animosity. Of course I respect your point of view even though it doesn’t agree with mine. Jealousy has touched my life in many ways and it has been a major milestone for me to overcome. From the time of my first bf, who would intentionally make me jealous so that he could feel good about himself, to so called friends in my life that were disloyal in many ways so that they could feel better about themselves, to meeting my SO whose first wife came after him with a knife and then tried to commit suicide, to watching the way some couples interact differently as individuals and become bumps on a log when they are together. Take for example, maria’s cancer (sorry maria) who is now conditioned to put distance between himself and any woman or is afraid to give a friend a hug because he is fearful of a jealous reaction. It is an ugly emotion, one which not only causes breakups in relationships but also strips away someone’s self esteem or causes someone to become fearful of acting as their true self, depending on which end the emotion is being projected.
There are different degrees of flirting and of course even I have a certain tolerance depending on the level. My guy works in the food industry (no surprise), so he will always treat the “hired help” (another term I’m not keen on) with kindness and respect. If he wants extra cheese on his pizza and doesn’t want to pay for it (frugal), his voice softens and he turns into a little boy wanting a favour. We all do it to a certain degree and I’ve done it to get a traffic ticket lowered. It’s a different story if we are out and he spends the night playing up to another woman as if I had no significant role in his life. That’s not flirting anymore, that’s sending a clear message that he is not taking part in a relationship. So you see, I don’t think our opinions differ that greatly, we just have different tolerance levels.
We all carry baggage into a relationship, whether it is from previous relationships, environment or upbringing. So it is not in my best interest to dismiss them as invalid just because I have never experienced them in their shoes. I will always try to understand where people are coming from, whether it’s cultural, religious, societal, familial and even astrological. Understanding people does not mean I will perpetuate an undesirable behaviour, but to readjust myself so that there isn’t the need for them to protect themselves behind it.
Again my apologies maria for derailing your thread.
Back to the topic of Cancer men.
maria, I don’t think the reference to you being too young is in regards to your age or maturity. I am 4 yrs younger than mine. I think your virginity scares him…lol
That's for him to deal with !
hi ladies i didn't think there was any animosity. sorry if i offended you with the term the help I refer to myself as "the help" in my occupation it to me means there to serve. You're right there are degrees of flirting being kind, considerate, and friendly are how you are supose to treat everyone that is different from flirting.
I am the biggest flirt I know I flirt because it makes me and the person who I'm flilrting with feel good, but I'd never flirt with someone other then the person who I am accopaning on a date because it's not fair to them. I give the person I am with my attention and expect them to do the same. That doesn't mean we can't be free to scocialize with others and possesivness and controling behavior I abhor I don't do it I don't respond to it.
jelousy is a natrual human emotion especially when you love someone, i feel it sometimes and he feels it sometimes when either of us feels it we talk about it and make the adjustments because we care.
Not with this guy because I don't know it he could handle it, but in some of my past relationships I've subltly flirted with other guys in order to get a response (i know it's wrong) but if they didn't react it would be obvious to me that they just weren't that into me. This is different howerevr from a person who is abusive and unreasonable
virgo99 hang in there HE WILL CALL they always do. If he doen't call by the holidays make sure you check in on him. It won't hurt to send a little text message, but it can be devastating when they don't respond. Has anyone read women are from venus men are from mars? It talks about men's natrual tendency to back away and that it is not neccecarily a reflection of their feelings for or about a relationship. I love my cancer very much but I found out after trying so hard for all these years he's not THAT different from my past lovers. Just sweeter and softer when I said tones I meant tone of voice.
You know, Aqua, I got that impression. And yah, it's for him to deal with. The problem is that happened to my last boyfriend, and he was so intimidated he like....never touched me!! LOL! He thought he was 'dirtying' me. Well, that's the point. And so, I hope to God that doesn't happen with him. Though he kind of already has, hahaha.
Coming from a Cancer here, we are masters of reverse psychology and manipulation and will use it if we have to. I know it sounds bad, but it's true. We are also very charming with our ways and will use humor to work things in as well as state blunt flaws about ourselves, kind of in a way of saying "This is me, take it or leave it" We're extremely shrewd and mindful of our dealings and will most likely think out every single word before we say it. We seem tough and collected on the outside but are extremely sensitive and somewhat insecure on the inside. Be careful of hurting us as we will go back into our shell and sulk for a while until we get enough affirmation to come out again. However we are EXTREMELY tenacious and will not give up on someone that we want. We will sink our claws in, plot and obsess over how to get what we want and most of the time we will get it. If someone isnt interested they have to spelll it out for us and tell us before we will stop pursuing lol. We are very ambitious in love and want it all, when we want it. However we are also a bit shy and will dance around a situation instead of addressing it straight up. We are walking contradictions in so many ways. I even annoy myself with my behavior! We are very very complicated and we make it more complicated for ourselves but not just being straight up about our feelings.
Okay. So, dcrcjw (and thank you for posting!). Explain this to me, please. You are obviously attracted to someone. You invite them over to your house (a few times, not just once), they even meet two of your closest friends. They tell you over and over they like you, you give them the excuse that you're 'not ready for a relationship', 'you dont want a relationship', 'they're too yong for you', whatever. You essentially reject this person like 6 times over the course of a year, a year in which you are intimate with this person like...3 times, and have spent much time alone with each other talking about your non existant relationship.
So, when this person takes what you say the way any normal human being would and says 'okay, so you dont like me enough to date me' you say 'i actually like you a lot, im just not ready for a relationship'
then, months later, after you reject this person again, and she says 'so we're never going to be together?' you come back with "I never said that."
What is going on, Cancer? Is it possible for a man to actually, honestly, really not be ready for a relationship, even though they like the person a lot? Or are you hanging onto this poor girl as an option incase no one better comes by?
Hey maria, I wanted to say that I am sorry, I have been a nay sayer to you. I have been to hello and back with my cancer and I remember when all of my friends and I do me ALL of them didn't understand that it wasn't all in my mind, I remember wondering the same thing (if it was all in my mind). I forgot how it feels when you know in heart that something real is just out of your grasp. I should not have been so harsh a judge of your guy or situation. A year ago no one ever would have thought that me and mine even had a chance but us. For the record I don't think your guy has insincere intentions or he would have "taken advantage" of you he seems like a solid dude who doesn't want to hurt you. I don't know what is going to happen with your relationship with him I hope it goes the way you want it to My cancer after all of the back and forth for over 3 years has finally droped his gaurd yours may too.
And as for dcrcjw, what can I say.... there's a cancer for ya... lol. I think when dcrcjw posted he/she had already read a little of the background on your cituation, and that was his/her take. He/she may be a little gun shy of mettleing further or imputing motives on your cancer, and with the post full of you(s) and they(s) may have made our cancer friend feel a little self defensive as well.
One thing I've learned about cancers is for the best direct answers keep it impersonal.... for instance you may say to your guy what advice would you give to a girl and explain your situation but keep third person, he may give you some good advice on how to get him.... good luck
maria, may I make a suggestion? Please, don’t talk in the negative, i.e.
“so we’re never going to be together?”
“Or are you hanging onto this poor girl as an option in case no one better comes by?”
Instead say, “When you are ready and if I am not seeing anyone, will you come to me?” Stop believing that you are a standby. The problem with someone not acting or saying as expected is that we start doubting ourselves, don’t let that happen.
I have an Aries moon/venus so I can be as persistent as you in wanting what I want. The more pressure you put on him, the more he’ll talk in circles because you are asking him to commit to a relationship that he has no feel for. I truly believe (and I know if worked for me) that if you just let things flow naturally, he will ease into it. Let him get to really know you, because only then will he truly feel safe enough to be in a relationship.
sexygem, lol, you don't need to apologize. The situation looks bad written down, and even I don't know what's going on, so I don't blame you. Honestly, I remember a year ago when I first told him I liked him and he told me he didn't want a relationship, I thought "well. Thats that, then." and I was crushed. And now look at all that's happened....so, you're right when you say you never know.
Aqua, I never even thought of that O.O. That does sound much better, hahaha. And I swear, I try to keep it casual, but when we end up at his house after being out drinking and i've got a few in me and he asks 'whats on your mind?' when I sigh deeply....well....he asked for it!! Hahaha. But i'm going to make a strong mental effort not to let the word vomit ensue.
There's one other thing really bugging me about the situation. That girl I mentioned at work. She is totally relentless. And the thing is (and probably because she can keep her mouth shut) she's managed to weasle into his life and they're really good friends. But he won't let me in like that. i've tried to casually be like 'hey, lets go for wings!' but to no avail. He isn't ready for that yet. We'll only hang out of its after work. It hurts that he let her in and wont let me in, when we met at the same time. And I see him talking to her at work when they're alone and they talk so close to one another...ugh it just really upsets me. And I know he knows that, because if I pass by he'll see me and he'll back away. But if we're talking and she sees us, she'll come by and stand beside him, and he'll usually quiet down, too.
I did hear him talking about the two of them when one of our coworkers asked about them. But someone was friggen talking to me at the same time!! It was so painful, LOL. I couldnt tell the guy to shut up for it would be obvious i was eavesdropping, but what I did overhear was 'nipped it in the bud' and 'she did....and i was shocked' and 'it is what it is' but that could mean anything. So I still don't know. I asked him a long time ago if he ever did anything with her, and he laughed and said no, she's not his type. But....it still bothers me.
She follows him around at work, it drives me nuts. I dont know how he can stand it, i'd be completely smothered if I was him. Though, the same coworker who talked to him about her, I was telling her about a rumor that him and I were sleeping together, and I said "I don't know how that started...I mean, do I jump all over him or something?" and she laughed and said "Absolutely not. I've never noticed anything like that." and then she paused and said "Why would people make up that rumor...do you guys like each other?" and I just laughed and said I dont know why, but it made me think. When she asked about her if he said they were more then friends, she wouldnt ask me if we liked each other. So maybe that's my answer.
I mean, I know that they wouldnt spend nearly so much time together if SHE wasnt constantly calling him, talking to him, etc, but still. I hate her, lol. Like I really do. And she doesn't seem to like me either, which I find interesting because I really don't chase him at work like she does. Maybe I give her dirty looks....that's very possible, LOL. But she definitely does NOT like me.
look, I have been in the worst on off relation with a cancer year and learned my lesson the hard way, actually all of the guys I have met this year are caners lol
and about testing, the good cancer guy will test u like this, and this is how me and the new cancer am dating now started relationships:
hey stop the noise me and my girl are talkin!
(to a car behind us)
"so I am dating an armenian chick then?"
and that was all while we were still gettin to know each other and hangin out as friends)
I only smiled and did not respond so he got the message that I said yes lol
I've read every post here thus far and after dating one cancer for many years and FINALLY getting engaged which was no easy task and coming close to marrying him I give myself a high five for NOT marrying the secretive, lying b a s t a r d with addictions that took me years to find out due to his secretiveness and hiding. Since then I told myself I would NEVER become romantically involved with a CANCER again and I've kept my word.
Now it's been years later and I did find myself attracted to one particular cancer because of his looks, poetry writing and sheer brilliance. He is brilliant and that's what attracted me from the get go, what I've learned is that unlike my EX CANCER and HE is HONEST and pretty much lays it all out. Although he says he's physically and attracted to me in every way and has told me he loves me and would die for me, etc. he's also been truthful and revealed his addictions and I have kept my eyes clear and my ears open. I see the RED FLAGS by his online behavior
and learned that if a guy tells you he's not such a great guy...take his word ! It's a WARNING!
If a guy says he's not ready and doesn't want a relationship then he doesn't. A guy may find you physically attractive and otherwise appealing and fun to hang out with as friends but if he wanted more he would tell you with his words and back his words up with ACTION.
I'm not a spring chicken, I've been there and done it with a few signs and I don't have time or am I willing to go through the drama. Plain and simply guys of that sort haven't grown up and don't have their crap together, they are emotionally unstable and have deep seeded issues.
All the love in the world won't change them. You can't make a man be a better man. Your love, patience, forgiveness, understanding will not. A man will ONLY become a better man if he genuinely wants to but even then many never succeed because their belief system is already set and old habits die hard.
So to answer the question " How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you? " ....
Most likely he is not testing you at all he is just being "himself."
he is testing u cuz he want to be sure u love him even in his most dramatic moment and u always gonna be whit him no mater what (yes we r so dificult)
maria please don't blame your co-worker, she knows what you are going thru, cause he is confusing her too. If you two keep focusing on eachother he will never have to make a choice.
Yah...I know :(. This wouldn't be so aggravating if I could see him more often. I guess I'm just ravenously jealous that she gets to like...call him and see him so freely. But i guess he figures he's safe with her because she's supposed to 'know' that they're just friends. Meanwhile with me, he risks hurting me if we spend too much time together, with the date of his 'readiness' forever looming in the sky with no guarantee of when. So maybe he's a lot smarter then me in this situation, LOL.
I have just joined this topic and really enjoyed reading most of the responses. For the past 10 months I have been 'establishing' a relationship with my Cancer man ... I am his Scorpio lady. It's been a journey I must say, as I have found his deep emotional feelings and possessiveness very ideal, matching much of my own. However, his mood swings and sensitivity are difficult at times. My mood swings and sensitivity are hidden from most peoples view and his are quite open. We have had some loud discussions over the months, something that I have never allowed myself to do my whole life (which by some standards is a long long time .. hehehe) BUT I love the fact that we can be so dramatic. This relationship has given both of us a safe place to be ourselves, to appreciate the likes and not so much likes of our personalities. The ONE thing I have learned (the hard way) is that Cancer men really do require reassurance all the time. It's what keeps them feeling secure and happy and content. Seems like a chore some days, but hey, if that's what he needs that's what he'll get because the rewards to me are so pleasing. What a relationship!
I just started reading this little chat too and this is very interesting. I am going to be quite honest, you are too good for a guy like that. He is doing nothing but playing games with you. It is not testing. He isn't waiting to see if you do the right thing and then he will feel safe enough to stop. He is toying with you for his own amusement. You seem like the type of person who cares for others deeply once a connection is established, but you can not drain that ability on a person who doesn't reciprocate. If he is telling you he doesn't want to be with you, seeing another girl from work, talking to her in ways he won't talk to you, and ignoring your advances then the message is clear: this is a one sided relationship. At work you put a lot into it because you may enjoy it but mainly because you are getting paid. In that token, you are putting all this relationship work in and not getting paid. Meaning, nothing is coming out of it to benefit you but confusion. I have been in situations like yours where I wanted so much more than the other person wanted. I ended up getting hurt in the end. You seem like a nice person, so I don't want to see you get hurt. You have endless options when it comes to men, trust me. It doesn't matter about how you look or how old you are. It is about loving yourself enough to accept the men that put the same effort out that you do. And once you appreciate yourself more, many men will appreciate you more. I am a cancer girl, which is different than a boy. But I do know what you mean by testing someone to see if they say what you want them too and I don't feel like this is an example of that. This is him telling you blatantly what he wants. He is only getting what he wants from you, praise, affection, attention and giving nothing in return. And in a selfish sense, who wouldn't want something for nothing? But you can't keep giving him that. He does not deserve it. And to be very personal, if you are still a virgin and he is not, he is probably getting some elsewhere. All these girls he has as friends and all the attention he likes shows he likes open options and is probably enjoying his "manhood" right now. If he stops talking to other girls or hugging them when you come into a room it isn't out of respect, it is out of secrecy. He feels guilty, like he is doing something he shouldn't. I have seen these actions in a man who was cheating on me. I don't want to get you down and I am sorry for being quite frank, but I want you to go after what is best for you. Enabling yourself to get treated show poorly shows that you need to love yourself more. Give yourself everything you deserve, nice treatment, happiness, and a clear mind. Don't battle changing a man into something he is not. Find one who fits seamlessly into your life without changing much of anything about him or yourself. I hope you take this in the best light for I don't mean any negative or hurtful feelings.