How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?
man! im glad i joined this forum. people help out eachother, people helped me and probably will still need to help me but for this im thankful, im only 21(male) and i dont know crap so its nice to have lets sayyyy "more experienced" people (mostly women i think) on here to gain information not just how a specific sign behaves but also how the opposite sex behaves, and how it affects the people we care about, I for one think im the one coming off as the "needy" one even though im really not but i just feel so strongly about this girl that its driving me bonkers!!, but then again i dont at all consider myself the average guy< being 6'5 and sturdy built so people feel safe around me and are intimidating too many but then theres this soft teddy bear on the inside lol, i actually wouldnt mind if a girl kinda seemed "needy" would make me feel wanted. and could tell me anything and wouldnt scare me away.
hey all, thanks for ur replies really.... i couldnt type b4...
i have ceried that i cant open my eyes now, like crazy cry cry cry.... i have never been like this b4.... n AQUA, dont worry, he never knows n will never know am weak... with him am sooo strong n confident.... n he keeps on telling this.... n he apparently like this....
today is the 7th day without him... n i promised myself not to calll or contact him... he is seeing me online on FB n msn not talking for no reason.... i am hurting myself... a lottttttttttttt....
I sooooo want him.... n am not gonna call....
Hello virgo99, I'm sure you know from reading all these posts, you are not ALONE. I for one had a most difficult time trying to understand my cancer friend and then I happened upon the forum and began reading all the similarities I had been observing and scratching my head about. I somewhat knew he didn't like being smothered or was moved by bouts of emotional upset and that he often disappeared, but it wasn't until these past six months, the friendship began to turn into something more and his behavior wasn't making sense to me. He was like a thoroughbred horse out of the gate, charging towards me relentless in his pursuit. Then somewhere along the track, he balked and fell behind the pack (sorta speak). So many times I felt abandoned or disregarded for no apparent reason. I kept asking myself, "why would he hurt me this way, I have done nothing but care and love for him". Turns out, he was/is caring and loving, just fearful of another failed relationship. With sound input, particularly one person on here, (AquaBubble) I was able to have a better understanding of why he seemed to be, what I call, in a Menopausal state of mind (for those who understand how that feels) on/off, high/low, appear/disappear craziness, so on so forth, if you know it, you get it!
I BACKED off..collected my thoughts AND feelings and continued with my life, safely tucking him away in my heart and thoughts. You see, I am a woman of great strength and patience in most anything I deal with (of course there are exceptions) and this is an absolute requirement of a Cancer sign which has taken some time for me to learn (the lesson has been valuable). Alas! This patience has rewarded me once again with a "I love you".
So BREATH in <> BREATH out <> keep reading, keep learning. All good things come to those who wait and if it doesn't, it wasn't worth it to begin with.
Now Go Take On the Day!!
Dear Sexygem & Aquabubbles, thanks for the good advice. The reason he likes me to cry is not bc he hurt me; but bc he sees that I'm not emotionally shut down and withdrawn from my emotions. My moon is in aloof Aquarius, remember I can be cold as stone? Thank goodness for Sag rising; although I want to blast him to peices instead of nurture him when he's being an ass. I need to remember that hurting him is equivalent to hurting myself.
Sexygem, last night he told me that he wanted me to help make him a better man. Yes, he feels my pain when I cry and cries with me. My big mistake is seeing red and responding in anger to his hurt feelings. We are both very sensitive and allow our fears to take over.
Why would any one nurture someone who is being unloving? The most frustrating thing about the way a lot of cancer men operate is that ,in a way, it makes us feel responsible for their bad behavior. We think we can love him out of his inconderation, when we respond like any human being does when they've been hurt, we end up feeling like oh that why he was treating me badly because he was scared that I would respond. Does this make since? It is easy to romaticize the situation when a person is refusing to even acknowlege that they have hurt you and still wants to connect with you on some strange inter realm connection. I have been angry and sad and communicate that with my words minus the emotion, because any message you send us hard to recieve after it gets lost when it is burried in yelling or crying.
I don't think every cancer is alike but it is frustrating reading again and again about a cancer who is sending mixed signals and a woman who is refusing to accept that she is doing NOTHING to deserve this. I played the game soooo long, it wasn't until I joined this forum, started reading other stories seing myself as "that girl" that I decided that the implication that there may possibly, one day in the futrue, once i prove myself over and over, that he would have no choice but to love me too was not good enough for me. The truth is we need to start asking and expecting someone to prove they really deserve that type of commitment from US.
Do yall know I was so wraped up in convincing him that I was the one I for him that I didn't even care how much he hurt me as long as it didn't mean he would never come back. It wasn't until i reclaimed my power that I started to really question what I was actually getting from him? I was too caught up in the emotional see saw to ask myself "OK sexygem, once you get this elusive man in your hands what is he going to bring to your life"? At this point I am just feeling like I'm starting to know the "real him" flaws and all. After I finally said NO MORE it STOPS TODAY.
I know some of what I said can sting, because at one time I would've cringed at my own insigts, I just don't want anyone to forget that they deserve to get the same amount of love, support, effort, respec,t concern, and friendship that they are giving. It seem like no one understands. When we get that we matter as much or more then these guys they will get it too. Until then, we will continue to be victims of their whims. And they will end up with someone falling for someone who won't.
Mariaria don't you think it is absolutely disrespectful for him to be walking another girl home while trying to develop a connection with you? Don't you think he is causing confusion at your place of bussiness by "double dipping"? Aren't you appauled and offended when he flirts with other women when he is out with you? While not accepting this type of disconcern for your feelings may make him leave and not come back, do you want to spend the next few years dealing with this? If so Why? What are you getting in return for the love and pain that you've been carring all by yourself?
It is ok to be loving, supportive, paitient and kind but make sure it's for someone who would do the same for you.
I've seen a lot of cancers married to what seem like the meanest mates. I guess the saying is true: cold, hard, and cruel is the man who's paid too much for what he's recieved. Make sure these guys are giving you more then just false hope. Make them stand up or sit down.
Hello sexygem. I like it when I read words of DEEP THOUGHT& MUCH WISDOM, I just finished reading your post and I think everything you said is so true, although this site speaks mostly of the cancer sign, We should all take your advise no matter what sign we are with,....really isn,t it important to us all. ........... Leonida
P.s. maria sorry about the comment of him flirting with other chicks in your face, I reread your opening it made no mention of that, that must of been another cancer.
My cancer actually told me his ex wife and ex girlfriend complained that he would do that, he has never done that to me though.
I hope nobody thinks I'm judging or minimizing their connections I'm speaking from the heart and truly understand your pain. You are all my sisters.
OMG Ladies, I put up a post cancers aren't complicated sometime ago, After no response for sometime I decided to check it today. I acutally got a male cancer who not only responded but gave a candid strait forward answer about their thought process, and veiws of the dating game, check it out it may suprise you.
sexygem, July6 boy knows when he is being hurtful better than anyone else. He just doesn't understand why I'm hurtful in response. He wants me to apologize so that we can make up quickly. I playfully tell him that i'm sorry that he's an a*****e, lol. He wants to let up right when I'm really going! He recovers quickly after he vents his frustrations and fears.
He is worth everything I go through with him. I am his world, he is very giving. Besides, he puts up with my shortcomings. I'm Taurus, very stubborn and slow. We deal with our fears differently: he gets angry and I become avoidant. I can't imagine life without him.
Good luck with your RN, may you be successful. My Mars is in Gemini.
maria, the hard part is learning to relax and take the pressure off of yourself (and him). He’s not just looking for words; it’s also what you do, and by the same token you need to watch his actions too. Let him get the feel of you; to understand your energy. If he’s an evolved cancer he’ll be confident enough to not need constant reassurance, and if he’s really interested in you, it’s not testing so much but more an indirect way of discovering if you share the same values and beliefs. Just be your natural self.
"No- no way, you can’t care about me that much..." He may think you don’t know him well enough to care about him that much. He may not doubt your words; he just might not feel them. Sometimes the more cryptic messages are better off explained by him.
GemTwin, I’m so happy to hear you’re doing well.
Oh and just to let you know…mine flirts with waitresses to get better service or to get some kind of preferential treatment from someone. You could call it that manipulative side showing. He doesn’t flirt to pick up women. If yours is doing that then I’d say be very careful.
quixotic and aquabubbles I think when you're actually in a relationship with a person, what ever two people find acceptable is between the two. NO ONE has a right to determine what another can tolerate or judge when they have their own issues. I really was speaking more for women who are not in a relationship, who are investing a lot and getting little in return.
While I personally would not like my man to flirt with ANYONE while we're together, especially the help (I don't believe it gets you better service just more attention) i would feel he's sending a message that he finds her company more intriging then mine, but that's how I feel I'm sure that I tolerate things that other's would find unacceptable. No one is perfect everyone has to deal with something and we just have to find someone who's bs is accepatable for us.
On the other hand, I think a woman is being unfair to herself when she allows herself to be treated unfairly by a man who has not shown that he is in it for the long haul. When a man is trying to win your affection he is supose to be on his best behavior to me. in my oppinion, a man who does not want to be in a relationship with you is not one who you should make sacrifices and concessions for, that does not seem to be the case with either of you.
The point I'm trying to make is a lot of cancer men use the wounded soul routine to play games just like the other sighns and we fall for it because they are not "mean" when they are being mean. I'd never dated a cancer so it wasn't until I'd been dealing with mine for over a year and a half when i actually noticed that the words were ones I'd heard before but his demeanor and tones distracted me from the harshness of his statement.
One time he said i would love to reamain friends but if you don't I understand. Now befor when I heard this it was done in tone that said I really don't care, but the way he said I responded differently then I had this particualar day I was like wait a minute did you just say if i don't want to remain frinds it's ok? He was being mean, and up until then I would have responded similar as mariaria "no I still want to be friends". But when I realized he was actiting like a leo but sonding like a sweet guy I never let his tones confuse me again.
That's why i think maria isn't hearing that this guy is saying straight up I don't want to be in a relationship, I will hurt you liket he last guy, I'm not who you think, You can't feel this way about me, I don't want to take advantage of you, these statement are warnigns not conversation topics.
Maybe this guy is attracted but if a leo, gem, sag, scorp, aries, aquar all of the stronger signs said it you wouldn't wonder if they meant it their intention would be clear some of the other signs (cancer being only one of them) may seem like they just don't know what they're saying, really don't mean it , just affraid, but they saying the same thing, and they mean it. They really do, if you choose not to listen or believe, in the end they feel like they were honest with you and your hurt feelings are your own fault
hey, plz i have asked this several times now n noone replied... i know it seems lame n silly... just do u think he will call back??? or should i call?? last time we met was last thursday... that is 8 daysssssssss.... he said he needs to take things slowly... i said r u pushing me away, he said i have no problem telling u let's stay friends or not even friends if this is the case... so no... i am only saying let's slow things... (IF SOMEONE HEARS HIM SAY SO, HE/SHE MIGHT THINK I AM PUSHY! I CALLED 2 times per week n met him once) So what do u think he will do?? is it over?/ he didnt say it is over! am i giving him wrong msgs by not calling?? why should i do the calling part everytime/? plzzzzzzzzzz replyyyy........
sexygem, I don't have too much time to respond right now on my views, but will in detail later. The biggest issue with jealousy is that it doesn't reflect on the person that is "flirting", it reflects on the person that is experiencing the jealousy. If that woman isn't confident and secure enough in herself then she will be jealous of anyone even though it is harmless. It doesn't mean that she accepts her man chasing after another woman in order to hook up with them. That is a BIG no-no in my books. I don't believe anyone has a right to inhibit another's freedom to socialize just because she doesn't possess that confidence in herself or ability to trust their mate.
Oh, wow. Lots of convo's going on....
So, to jump in on the flirting business. He doesn't flirt with girls in front of me. Actually, if he's hugging one of his friends and I come into the room, he'll stop right away and put distance between himself and that girl. If he's talking to another girl and I notice him, and he notices me noticing, he'll, again, put distance between himself and that woman, or quickly finish up their conversation and leave. I wasn't expecting him to do this, but he does it. He is the kind of person who loves attention. He likes to go out and talk to girls. At first, this upset me. But he's a dude, and he's very comfortable around women. Most of his close friends are girls. I'm the same way, I love hanging around guys and most of my friends are guys. i would hate it if I went somewhere and I saw a bunch of guys I knew, and I went to talk to them and my boyfriend was shooting me deathglares the whole time. It's just not cool and I don't like not being trusted.
That said, sexygem, thank you very much for your concern. I understand fully why you are saying what you're saying, and of course you're absolutely right. But, don't worry about me so much. This situation does not affect me on the level it used to. It's like this little cushion of 'whatever' has fallen around my mind. I'm just letting things happen as they happen. And, of course, the less I try the more that happens, LOL. I spent the night with him last night. I got to meet two of his close friends. But we also had another conversation, and again he brought up that I was too young and he just didnt want anything right now. So, I was like 'whatever, eff this dude. He obviously doesn't care about me very much.'
So, kind of as a way to close off everything for myself, I was like 'So, we'll never be together." and he turned around quickly and was like "I never said that. I don't know why you would think that, because I never said it." and I just like...did not even have words. To me, hearing 'you're too young' and 'i dont want a relationship' a dozen friggen times generally means 'no'. I was so frustrated, I turned around and went to sleep. I'm not putting much thought into it, because it doesn't make any sense. Maybe he misunderstood what I meant by 'together'. I don't know. I just know I'm not suffering because of it, and I will keep my attitude of 'whatever happens, happens.'
Oh, and Aqua, thank you so much for your help. What you say makes a lot of sense. It's just hard to prove that kind of thing when I only see him at work. There's little i can do, and the more I talk to him the more I think it's useless to try. But I will just be natural and calm, and not care, LOL. Not so much about him, but about the situation. I'm very offended by this whole 'young' business. I feel like he's insulting my maturity. I don't think he means to be, but to me he is. He can stick his sausage in a freakin outlet if he thinks I'm going to waste more breath trying to argue my maturity to him. If he doesn't want to date me because I'm younger then him, then that's just fine.
AquaBubbles, I like what you said about jealousy as I tend to be jealous being a Taurean. Some men do like a lot of attention and especially from women, but it is harmless unless a jealous partner overreacts. And the Cancer men feel hurt if you don't trust them when they're being loyal in their own way.
Sexygem, I am confused about his" tones". I think you are saying that they mean what they say not out of harshness; but to explain their feelings and honesty. I know that you are concerned with MariaRia getting hurt.
Gotta run for now. Be wise and learn from each other. Take care of yourselves because no one else can do it the way you can. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves the love that we need instead of relying on others to do it.
Like I said aquabubbles, everyone sees things differently, the trick is to find someone who's foibles you can tolerate, while I personally think it is not cool at all, I don't judge anyone for the choices and terms they agree are acceptable. Now for me, and I've never been called jelous by anyone, the fact that it makes me uncomfortable/unhappy is reason enough that my man shouldn't do it. If it doesn't make you uncomfortable then he's doing nothing wrong. I put up with other things that my friends say they wouldn't. but it truly doesn't bother me that much so it's ok in my relationships.
That's what I was trying to say when you're in a relationship if a couple chooses to agree to an "open" relationship and they're both happy who is anyone to judge, but if she is hurting it's not cool. and the there's no point in being hurt by a man who doesn't love you.
Aquabubbles, I agree with you 100%. I think I have said this before..but my cancer flirts a lot with other girls (Not necessarily around me). He has very rarily flirted with me when he was trying to get me to date him, so I guess that was a sign that he wanted me to be with him. When I found out about the flirting with girls, I got really jealous but not to my man but to the girls. I get jealous if the girl start to reciprocate feelings for my man cause I start to feel competitive... sorry ladies but nowadays if he flirts, Im laid back cause I know that one day he'll come back to me. Let the guy have his fun