How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?
Sounds like mine too. Mine is VERY flirtatious, except when he was courting me he wasn't that flirty as he is with other girls.
LOL, the closest thing to a flirt my guy ever did to me was on our second date only. I’ve watched him switch it on/off like a light bulb so really, I don’t take it seriously either.
I can't believe how close all cancers are! It is as if you are telling my story! like simply same details! I am sick of waitingggggggggggggggg! I think him acting like this, is making me fall more for him! I feel soooo weak n soooo in love at a time he didn't call since 5 days and I have promised myself not to contact him this time! I never show him that am that weak ! Will wait n see what will happen! I soooo misss him! but am high maintenance, I have never accepted to be treated like this! I simply walk away with no regret! but he is different! He is making me sufferrrrr! like how am i his girl and he doesnt know anything about me since 5 days! what should i do?? do i wait, will he come back,,, howcome when we r together hecant leave and he enjoys his time a lot and keeps on mentioning it then he disappeard for days until i call back... how can he be like this........ i am so confused.... i want him n dont know how to have him...
geez im a sag/ virgo/ aries, not even a cancer but i do sound alot like some of these guy, in my current situation ive only known this girl for a month now and i really feel like she could be the "one" but on the other hand im super sensative and have alot of walls up and extremely nervous around her, and weve talked and both had a strong connection with eachother but, now i thinkin that the timing right now for both of us is all wrong, shes super busy, and i need to get my life together again, but she giving me the confidence to do things that until recently i thought i couldnt do and kinda gave up on, and she says she MIGHT NOT be ready for a relationship but i think shes wants to but is unsure where i stand in all of this, so im playing by ear right now lol
Hey virgo99 I think you've got the right idea, I agree that it's the waiting that gets us wraped up in the return of our "investment" (affection). I have never been this confused before, as well, that's how I forgot "the rules" that a lady ought not pursue. I wanted, needed, him to recnonize what I took for granted was obvious that I was special, I'm not sure when I forgot that I WAS special, Now that I've remembered I'll make sure I never let anyone make me forget again. And if I get the feeling that he's forgoten... we're done. I can't go thru the bs anymore, AND HE KNOWS IT. Even when he needs space he text me or calls me to say hey it's not you or anything you've done. He'll say I'm busy, or something, and I say ok. But I can't do another whodini routini I Refuse. Oh and Mariaria he KNOWS how much you like him, no matter what he says, and I'm sure others know you like him too. Once you've given your power away you don't even have the strenght to figure out how to get it back, but it starts by thinking you deserve to get the love you give.
thank u sexygem for replying! what do u think should i do?? how should i act if he calls?? do u think he will ever call?? please help me! he is my first cancer n i dont want to act the wrong way n lose him...
HEARD THAT mariaria!!!
The cancerman in my life makes me feel like everything between us is ALL about HIM! Everything is always on his terms. It seems we only talk when it is convenieant for him and him only. It really hurts my feelings when he does this.
I seen my cancerman on saturday because I had not seen him since his birthday in July. Although it was short visit, we still had a good time together. Later on that nite, i ran into his buddy at the market and was very shocked because I had my boyfriends son with me. (if anyone doesnt know, the cancer man i am speaking of is a good friend/someone that i have been wanting to be with for over 7 years/having an affair with him) His friend (frank) told him how i had such a "deer in the headlights" look. When we spoke yesterday....my cancerman (Jay) noted that he spoke with Frank and he started to laugh about my reaction. After that.....i havent heard from him. He wont respond to my texts or my calls.
I HATE IT!!!!!!!!
All good advice!!!
I keep posting trying to get rid of those annoying selling posts...
Scorpiogal, Cancer men do want everything on their terms and want to run the operation. This is difficult to accept.
MariaRia, these men love with all of their heart; so, they need to know that you can put up with their nonsense. They need constant reassurance, lest you forget it.
I think that they are SO insecure that they need lots of attention and admiration from others regardless of gender. They need to feel accepted for who they really are and really understood.
I've been telling Cancer man that he's just concerned with his hurt; but, that I hurt too when he's mean because of his hurt. I know that he cares when he makes simple gestures like calling during the day to discuss my needs, what's for dinner, his working out after work, calling before he leaves work, etc. I let him know what I want, how i want to be treated.
I let him know that I'm super sensitive, too. I won't give him the massage he wants if he's being disrespectful. The hardest part is remembering that it's not quip pro quo, I need to stop the insanity for my own well being.
When he's acting the worst is when he's the most hurt. I need to learn to give him love and affection and not withdraw. How do I not take his anger personally? He says that all I have to do is kiss and hold him when he's raging at me. Any suggestions?
Very wise words AquaBubble. Male Cancers hate being treated indifferently and unkindly because they are so sensitive to their environment; I need to remmember this. It's just so difficult when they are being so hurtful in defense of not being understood. These men are SO demanding that only a strong partner can handle them.
My Cancer says that he likes when I cry because it reminds him that I'm a sweet girl. I don't like being vulnerable by crying and usually fight, instead. What do I need to learn here?
i have never ever cried the way i am crying now!!! i feel soooooooooo weakkkk, i love him sooo much n he simply doent care! he has disappeareddddd! caring less! my heart hurtsss! i want him back n i dont know what to doi!.... plz help me.... plz help me
I've recently started dating a Cancer male, and someone on this board said it best...
"The more secrets I find out about him the more I like him. He has so many interesting facets to his personality, I love it and it's like I have an insatiable appetite for more. I just hope he keeps telling me."
I know he has flaws, but I accept him the way he is. I've been married before. I have not seen any dealbreakers / red-flags to date.
I did, at first, stress over changes in his behavior as he went from a specific pattern of contacting me to being more available and then suddenly missing for days and even a week at a time. He, also likes to call for dates randomly, and on his terms. In general, I like the spontaneity, but I also have a few hangups around this I'll get to later.
I don't think that at any time I became the pursuer. I almost always let him call me first; I'll return calls, but have initiated them only a handful of times over the past 3 months. I've written him off at least 3 times in the 3 months that we've been dating. sigh
I did, however, initiate a call to him last night. And while he said he was glad I did, I'm still afraid it was a mistake - he kept apologizing for being so busy and being out of touch. I told him, repetitively, that I wasn't upset and I wasn't calling for any other reason than I was thinking of him and wanted to say hello.
I'm concerned that it was a bad move because I have been 'good' all along at giving him space, I think. Like I said, I almost never initiate a phone call or text message exchange. I have continued dating - up until about a month ago - other people because he hadn't asked me to see him exclusively.
However, the other thing I was concerned about was seeming "too" indifferent. I know his online profile at the dating site where we 'met' has been inactive for the past month. He definitely seems to be very sensitive. His uncharacteristic, week-long disappearence act came after a short increase in activity together and intimacy (at least, I thought).
And so that's ultimately my problem... I have become quite fond of this man, and while most men would seem to fit into the "seem indifferent and then they'll chase" category, I can't help but feel that this one needs some reassurance from time to time. And yet I also feel like he's testing me sometimes. And so I get confused...
I agree quixoticaquarianmoon, they want a strong woman beside them that can stand on their own 2 feet, and not because you can’t depend on them but because you don’t need to depend on them. They will catch you if you fall, but they will not hold you up to stop you from falling. I don’t think mine is demanding at all and actually feel that more often than not he is demanded upon.
It is not okay for him to take his hurt (caused by others) out on you, nor is it okay to like to see you cry. I used to have a b/f that would provoke me into tears just to see how much I cared; it’s just plain wrong, imo. Don’t take the bait when he gets crabby or feels hurt; instead of crying or fighting just calmly tell him that when he’s ready to talk about whatever is upsetting him, you’ll be there to listen. And don’t fret about it; he will talk when he’s ready.
Virgo, what’s going on?
I've noticed that about them, too. and i think its because of the space they need. If they had a needly girlfriend, she would be way too clingly. They seem to get smothered easily.
I think the hardest thing about dealing with cancers is finding that balance. You need to give them their space but make them feel secure, loved and needed. You're supposed to be strong willed and independent, but as men they still need to feel like there's a reason they're in your life. You have to be honest but you can't be too honest or you'll offend them and hurt their feelings.
It's just such a constant teeter totter....when do you ever know the right things to do? And why the hell do they have to take so freakin long to figure things out???
Virgo99 I trully feel your pain, I actually told my cancer after one of his bouts how weak I felt for him. I can tell you what I wouldve (probly did) do during this phase of our relationship, Thanksgiving is coming up try to hold out until then. If he calls you tell him that you're not use to this type of behavior and cant understand. Tell him it hurts you most because you thought that you'd connected on a freindship level and that's what is being compromised. Be sure to tell him that he hurt your feelings, but don't go all emotional on him. You will have to reapeatedly tell him this though for this won't be the last whodini routini. But be sure to tell him that everytime and always use I messages, never make it seem as if you are blaming anyone, just trying to understand what he needs from you. Hopefully it goes as planed, if not call him on Thanksgiving day like nothings is out of line and when he says he wants to see you again say "oh I thought you didn't like me anymore". To get a cancer to respond the best trick that has worked over and over(for me), until I put my foot down, was being a better victim then them never get angry accuse or name call that will only drive them away and give them an excuse for inconsiderate behavior.
Quixotic, I get concerned about any man, any sign who gets off on seeing a woman he cares about (even just as a friend) cry. I have found my cancer (and many other cancer friends) find it difficult to handle that level of emotion, tears usally make them either cry or shut down and or run because it makes them too emotional and they tend to feel your pain. Any man who enjoys your pain is mean at best abusive at worst. BE CAREFUL and good luck ladies.
mariaria please re read all your post about this guy, it may take some of your confusion away. Pretend like it is someone other then him and you and what is going on will be very clear. Has he asked you out on a date? Have you kissed? Has he said that "I DO like you too, I just get confused", or has he been preety consistant in his kind rebuttles? I had a co worker at my job who made an absolute fool out of herself over my cancer, She hates me now because I didn't want him talking to her in my presense because she had the hots for him. Even though we weren't together I am very clear on what I feel is unaccepable behavior, He told me they were just friends and they were NEVER alone together only in groups and not very often and that she knew that they were just friends I was like THE WHOLE WORLD knows she is absoulutely crazy for you and talking to both of us at the same time is disrespectful. He continued being friends with her but any time I came around the conversation ended abruptly beacuse he didn't want to upset me. She followed him like a puppy for over a year even though he was not feeling her that way. She blamed me for his rude behavior. Don't be that girl. She never even got a kiss she cried to my friend one day
I remember one time when my hormones were acting up, and all of the sudden I started sobbing uncontrollably. I could not stop myself! He started pacing and said “sweetie please, you have to leave now”. He just did not know what to do. Why was I crying? What did he do? He got really agitated and once I stopped crying, he meant it, I really did have to leave because he had to think about what he did to make me cry. He couldn’t talk about it then, but he grilled me about it the next day.
Clingy and needy not good, because he’ll think there’s something wrong and eventually he’ll figure out if it’s him or the other person.
I think if you find the balance within yourself, everything else just falls into place. Once he knows that you love him unconditionally you don’t need to be so careful about hurting/offending him because he knows you never would.
Yes we've kissed, we've gone out on a date, though I hinted at it and he took it home. Yes he's said "I like you a lot, I'm just not ready for a relationship." Those were his exact words the first time we had an intimate discussion about our feelings. He's invited me over to his house before. He stares at me ALL THE TIME. I'll get a feeling, turn around, and he'll have to turn his head quickly and look in the other direction because he caught me staring at him.
There's no way I'd be this confused if all the above didnt happen. We've had many intimate moments.
Actually, you are describing someone else. There is a girl at work who follows him around like a love sick puppy. Everyone at work, including me, knows she's crazy about him. EXCEPT HIM. I've actually gotten mad at him because he flirts with her and he SHOULDNT. He said "I;m not sending out any signals" and i told him he is. Once i asked if he'd ever do anything with her, and he actually chuckled and said "she's not my type." When they're talking to each other and I come in the room, he also stops talking to her, probably for the same reason. It's so funny you should describe that girl. I don't like this girl at all, and I don't think she likes me. She always asks him to walk home with her (they live like....3 streets away from each other. UGH.) and he accepts because....well, how could he say no? They're leaving work at the same time and they live 5 minutes away. And when they leave she walks by me and shoots me a smug look. I just want to punch her.
Aqua....thats the hard part, right? I will never forget his reaction to me telling him how much I cared about him. He was like "No- no way, you cant care about me that much..." and I was just like '.....what???' Not expecting that reaction. I hope he believes everything I told him.