How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?
Mariaria, glad that you have resollve and are handling everything well. I wish you all the best and admire your positive attitude. Have a blast, you are very strong!
I went to a female therapist whom specialized in love addiction/avoidance and suggested that I attend women's only 12 step meeting that I mentioned earlier. I met some wonderful ladies, went on some retreats on the beach, etc. Pia Melody is a good author on codependence. Helped me ge through a divorce, which is hard for anyone.
Great advice tanyatime. Steve Harvey is funny isn't he lol. It is tough to get into that mentality, I am a cancer as well and though we feel a lot it can be tough to put a new shell on then the one we have been wearing so long. But men, especially when we are younger, play too many games because most of them don't even know what they want for themselves. How you can even start a relationship with someone if they don't know what they? Anyways, I really like what you said and even though I am not in this same situation, I am going to keep it in mind. I need to get a bit tougher lol
hi everyone...just want to comment that if a cancer man is communicating with you in any way he is testing you. Everything is a test to him. So just be yourself and its either gonna work out or its not. MEN! UGH! lol
So my cancer, and I have not spoken scince last sunday. He keeps leaving messages on my home phone when I'm at work, and he picked up the phone yesterday to tell me he was kind of busy, and would call me back.
I am glad that he is taking this time, it worried me that he hadn't in a few months, I am even happier that he is trying to do so in a way that doesn't hurt and confuse me.
I wanted to thank everyone who has responded to this and other topics about the cancer, it has changed my relationship 100 fold. I found strenth in your stories, so similar to mine, and patience from your advice in the times I forget how far we've come. Trying to find a balance between being sensitive to his needs and my own is hard, but everyone here has helped and supported me in one way or another thank you.
I'm glad things are going well for you, sexygem Good luck honey and thanks for all your help.
thank you, maria, and good luck to you too. Keep us posted I know your guy will be back tryign to confuse you with his confusion before too long.
hey, I have an issue with a cancer(me). I know my GF is pretty much commited but I cant seem to give her the complete trust she desires. at times it seems that she is just telling me the things that I wanna hear(because she is used to dealing with me for ages) and well.......doesnt take my feelings seriously. so Im not sure if its just a facade or if her own thoughts and feelings genuine. you know its hard for cancers to trust but Im so deeply invested, so in comes the test and challenges....I may text her a few times but not call and wait to see if she calls me, and if she does then I may seem dis-interested but really i wanna know how much she has missed me and desires to be next to me. It seems that i at times even dig myself a deep hole and cant back out of it and hope that things just settle down or that she just breaks down and wants to forget everything that happened. I feel sorry for everything you girls go though
Hermit_Crab, i don't have advise really. I don't think you guys do this because you want to.... i just hope that you have a better understanding now what you are putting her through. Being on the receiving end of the tests etc is not easy. Can't even suggest that you tell her this... because i know you find it difficult.
I would love your input on my thread too please.
Love and light to you
UGH HERMIT! LOL! Yes, you are doing to her what the men have been doing to us, and to a noncancer you have no idea how confusing it is. Especially with books out there titles "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU." Some women seriously treat this book like the bible. If I were you, I would make sure she doesnt get within 30 feet of it, or she's gonna get seriously insecure.
You need to learn to just breathe and let go. If your girlfriend is putting up with all this, then obviously she cares and wants to stay. No woman in their right mind would go through hell when they're not that interested. Trust me, it happened to me once. I liked this guy....kinda. I thought he was intelligent, and fairly attractive, so I tried a few dates to see what it would be like. Well, he got cocky and started pulling mind games on me, so I told him where to go and ended it there.
meanwhile, I've been dealing with even worse stuff with this Cancer for over a year, and now he tells me he can't decide at this point if he wants to be with me in the future, so in the meantime i should 'move on'. Do you think its so easy for me? Nooooooo. LOL.
The point is, cut your girlfriend some freakin slack, Mr.Cancer. You seriously cannot let fear rule your life or your relationships like this. I've learned to completely ignore the normal fear of rejection and humiliation and so forth, and I think you should work on doing that, too.
Also, communicate! Let her know where your coming from, always. This way, you'll know where she's coming from, too.
Hey hermit, I'm sure she is preety acustom to your antics, what you may try is when you are feeling vulnerable to her tell her that you know how much she has gone thru to make the relationship work and that while others may have given up the fact that she has remained loyal means a lot to you.
It helps to get reassurance evry so often that the love isn't all in your mind that way when times are hard you have something to hold on to.
well i think i can help you there a little bit at least im a cancer.....I test ppl all the time its just something we cancers do y i have no clue :P.....we need to build a trust and friendship before anything else happens, if u want to jump into a relationship and u push it on a cancer then ur pushing them away and somewhat distancing yourself from
here let me give u alittle more info
Cancer Deep Inside:
It is difficult for cancer to open up and have a close emotionally fulfilled relationship with someone because they are so closed off emotionally and physically to the world. This is driven by their fear of trust, Cancer has a difficult time trusting people. This causes built up anger and resentment inside, the contradictory nature really takes a toll on them and they can have a negative outlook on life, thinking that life is just too hard and miserable. This is unfortunate because when good experiences are to be had, they are skeptical of people and their surroundings and they experience tunnel vision due to their depressed outlook and they miss the nice things and happy experiences in life that make it worth living. In addition to lack of trust for people, Cancer is deeply sensitive and easily hurt, this is other reason why they have their defense shell in place, to avoid being hurt by others. Cancer lives in the past. They hold past events close to them and often dwell on the past. They have to learn to let go and live in the present instead of spending their time being sick with nostalgia. Cancer has a lot of emotional issues to deal with but once they overcome this large hump of shyness and insecurity, there is practically nothing they can't do. With their strong intuition, sensitivity, powers of observation and intelligence, they will have great success in anything they undertake. Cancer is constantly feeling, feelings and emotions are hallmarks of this sign and this is the root of their problems, human beings are not as evolved in the emotional area and this is where cancer gets the brunt of their problems. They are the ones who have to cope with their strong feelings more so then any other sign. Once properly harnessed, there is nothing that is this powerful astrology sign can not accomplish. Harmony is very important to Cancer, it keeps them happy. Conflict of any kind causes great distress. Deep inside, Cancer is a very powerful sign, they have the ability to stand up for what they think is right and they have lots of perseverance and can be fine on their own provided they don't let their emotions get the better of them and have the stability they need. They are not fond of change but they have the ability to do what needs to be done, they are not pushovers or lazy people.
if u want more info heres the website:
Sorry Hermit I was at work so I could not give you what I feel you needed.
Being involved with a cancer, by the time you are in a relationship you realize that they sometimes act strange. Early in the relationship you question if they really even like you, but as you develop a strong communication ( non verbal of course) you feel the love know it's there and real. But it is confusing with no verbal reassurance, when you pull away without a warning, when you don't answer or return calls, when you don't want to make love it makes you wonder if you misread the non verbal cues.
After following your advice my cancer left a message for me in it he told me he was ok and really appreciated my concern, and was glad that I cared, and called to check on him. He said he was busy gave some details and repeated how appreciative he was to have me in his life.
That meant the world to me, it made all of the questions, worries, concerns about where I stood with him vanish he was verbalizing what I can FEEL him feeling. (if you know what I mean)
When you are feeling safe and secure telling her how much she means to you and that you know how hard it is for her will make the times that you do need to be reassured, or babbied, or loved out of your shell, easier. Remember your woman is also afraid of being rejected, let her know that will never happen, even when your being difficult, it's because you love her, and sometimes worry if she really loves you as much.
I believe in love and as long it is real she can be strong when you are weak and she can be soft when you are hard. and of course vise verse.
Love hard, fight hard, and fight hard for the love
Let me clarifiy when you pull away, do not call, or want to make love it makes her question if she's misread your intentions in a relationship.
Let me clarifiy when you pull away, do not call, or want to make love it makes her question if she's misread your intentions in a relationship. Telling her how you feel when you are feeling safe and secure will help her deal with the days that you are not feeling safe and don't want to talk about it.
Okay, not to take away from Hermit because he's been so helpful so let him have some help......but I need help ;.;
I don't know what to do now. I don't really know how to like....act. At work I just haven't been starting any conversations or paying much attention to him, really. I can tell he's noticed, but I don't know what he's thinking. I'm not being mean, i'm just not being attentive. It upsets me...I want to be in his life, but I don't want to be hurting. I really want him to show me that he wants me to be in his life still. The only way I can think of getting him to do that is to completely cut him out and see how he reacts. But every time I try It drives me nuts. I'm going kind of nuts now, LOL.
I was thinking of sending him that message we were talking about, sexygem. I do truly want things to go back to the way they were. But I'm scared to send it because I don't know if I should, or if I should let him do the talking if he wants us to be friends. UGH.
The circumstances have changed a bit, wait a while, completely ignore him, I promise he feels it, then, after a few weeks go right up to him and say "hey (what ever his name is) how you been? When he answers kind of shyly confused, gush " I was worried that I'd lost you as a friend and I NEVER wanted that". THEN send the message later that evening, be sure to end the message with a question. ie. How do you feel about that? Do you agree? What do you think is best?
And I know they say never use jelousy, but I disagree, Maria I am SURE that some guy at your job is crazy about you and you haven't even noticed him noticing you. Focus your effort in the coming weeks on looking for that guy, when you find him spend some time getting to know him and weather you like him or not laugh at all his corny jokes, meet after work, schmooze and if the cancer comes around, by all means be friendly but let him know he has lost his 1st place position , and when/if the other guy comes around abruptly end the convo and follow the new boo.
Be friendly and flirty with all the boys, but tone it down with Mr. cancer . Soon a lot of guys will be talking about how nice you are, or sexy, or lovely. Oh yes, and get a signiuture fragrence that smells light and preety, so that EVERY man at your job is taliking about how good you ALWAYS smell. Let other men tell him that you are wanted.
That should help him realize that you are a hot commodity, I did do this with my cancer during the first year, after I cussed him out and we didn't speak for a few months. When we staarted back dating again he was like, "I can't believe you are still single so many guys like you" and I told him that I only like him, that I was only trying to respect his boundries and, didn't know how.
It is hard but focusing on finding the guy who likes you can be a great distraction and who knows...... you may like the new boo better.
oh a as far as signiture fragrances victoria secret has a few lotions, shower gels. Ed hardy is nice, kimora lee's godess is mine (the boys go crazy for it), beautiful by este lauder, just to name a few.
It will drive him crazy smelling you but not being able to touch and hug you. He will feel his teritory has been invaded by the new boo and will show the signs, but don't give in too soon, wait at least 2weeks ideally 3. And if you are off work for 1 week that doesn't count, he has to feel like his words cost him somthing that could have been awsome. Good luck girl
Dear Hermit, you know that if your girl wasn't committed that you would see it in her eyes. No faking love wih you guys, and why should she when she forgives you time and again for your antics?
Some girls just care clueless, lol. Just ask her if shes' missing ya, or whatever you want to know. Or, I just tell HIM what I want to hear him tell me, i.e, "I Love you", etc...", We all get insecure, your vulnerability make us melt bc we know that we can reassure you and lay all your fears to rest. I read somewhere yesterday that that makes us feel powerful, in a good way:)
LOL sexygem, awesome! I remember a long time ago, he did tell me that guys talked about me at the restaurant. We were snuggling and he said, LOL these were his exact words "a lot of guys at the restaurant would give their left nut sacks to be in my place." I was like...wow! okay! So I guess i'll have to play on that. My new boss hits on me a lot, but he's friggen nasty and I don't respect him at all so I'm not touching that with a gas mask and a cattle prod.
I'm just worried that he'll think everything I said to him was a lie if I seem like I'm moving on too fast.