How do you know when a cancer is 'testing' you?

  • Oh Maria, I hope you haven't sent the message yet..... If he is behaving himself the message may confuse him, wait until he is acting up, if it isn't too late.

    If it is don't worry about it, explain you were hurt and confused at the time, maybe a little upset (about something/someone elese) and took it out on him but even still would like a little clarity, REMEMBER to inphasise that you just want to know what he needs from you to make him comfortable so that your friendship/connection isn't damaged by your confusion.

    It sounds sappy but you're actuallly putting your foot down and expecting answers o yes and be sure to have the concerned parent expression as oposed to the wounded lover.

  • Oh no, I haven't sent it yet. I'm waiting for the right moment. LOL this stuff is tricky, eh!?

  • And holy crap, I cant believe people in the states are dying from H1N1. Thats scary and sad 😞

  • Thanks sexygem... That is exactly what I have done and how I ended up back with him - but after only 2 days he is still doing the same thing as always... He promised and showed me that things were changing and now it hasn't eventuated again... I know i am completely over reacting but with the build up of the past it is hard not to over react.

    I seriously lost it yesterday after wishing him a good day n he was at home doing nothing and couldn't even think to say you too.... So I have cracked it again and am thinking it is definitely time to move forward with my life with out him in it... I really don't know what to do with all of this...

    He is messing with my head and after all that has been said in the last 2 weeks I just can't believe someone who loves me is just so blaise about our whole situation... I honestly think he just wants a casual relationship but is telling me the opposite...

  • na, hiprincess, I went thru a lot and we really did "break up" (we weren't together lol) for about 3 months before I saw a change, at the same time I really am unable to deal with a one sided relationship anymore I think he understands that. Keep seeing him if you want to and also try to find some other guys who may be more in tune with what you desire in a partner. If it's all too much for you I can tell you after 3 years there has been a vast improvement in the communcation but he is still the same unpredictable charecter as always

    Yea maria that is crazy, I tried to call him last night he didn't answer... if it wasn't for all of the post on this format I would have blown a gasket feeling like he was being intentionally cruel. I left a message that I am here for him what ever way he needs me to be, that I just wanted to know he made it in and was doing ok, and that if he doesn't call me back, I'll try him again over the weekend. SHOCK and SUPRISE no return call , but I know what I'm dealing with now and thank all of the input from everyone reminding me of who/what I'm involved with

    I am soooooo sorry about my comment abuot people encouraging maria to be a doormat, I was hormonal raring for a debate (gemini nonsense) See what he has to deal with? Now my nice twin is out and I want it to be clear that weather I agree or disagree I appreciate EVERYONES it is not just helpful to one but to all. I've been playing the nice, accomodating, forgiving, doting doormat for so long that I forget it IS an absoulutely neccesarry part of getting and keeping a cancer happy. but a great drink of lemonade needs sugar too.

  • I mean lemons. lol. Sugar and lemons

  • with him not calling, also remember that not only is he a cancer, but he's a dude. When dudes are upset, they go in on themselves and want absolutely no outside influence at all, even from their woman. They have to deal with their grief/problems by themselves. If they really need help, they will ask. But in the meantime, its to the CAVE for him, LOL. I've heard this is especially true for cancers. It's like the CAVE times TEEENNN!

    Have fun 😄

  • Thanks again sexygem... I have been going through this with him since Feb 09... we had a great relationship before that... It really feels like a power struggle thing going on for what we both want... I told him I had been asked to go on a date not if I could date... N said if you don't want me then I really have no choice... But he again pulls me back to him... I just can't handle this push pull thing we are doing... I stepped back and just let things happen and what does he do - goes out with his mates all the time.. So i crack about that n things change for a week or so n then back to the same old same old... We have had 2 x 5 week stints where we have not seen each other n every time he is the one who initiates the getting back together... I am starting to feel like i am just a nice warm hole for him when he is getting over a big weekend or what ever..... But when I saw him yesterday - it looked like I had ripped his heart straight out of his chest... So i am completely confused as to what is going on inside his head... N he doesn't tell me - actions are his BIG thing.... So i am just expected to know - but I am VERY insecure within myself so that doesn't help either...

    Maria... YOu are so right with your last post ... Sounds like you are getting to a point where you are making progress with this guy - happy happy for you 😄

  • OMG! I feel everyone's pain. Especially you VIRGO99!

    I felt like my Cancer was playing with my head. I couldn't take it anymore.He threw me completely off balance... My whole entire life went haywire. I was nothing but nice and honest with this person. I gave him more than he deserved. I felt like he wanted me to beg for his attention.. What for? He didnt give me what I needed emotionally. He basically left me feeling empty... Like my soul was being torn out.

    Yes... Its that serious.

    Last time we communicated, I cussed him out and said my good byes. Hopefully I didn't hurt his sensitive Cancer feelings too much, but I was nice for too long. Surely what I said to him couldn't sting enough in comparison to how he made me feel. He can go mess with someone else's brain. I still want him.. He still haunts me, but I can't do it to myself anymore. Its too painful. I had to just let it go. I'm hoping to forget him soon, but sadly, I don't think I ever will.

    Good luck to you all with your Cancer men.

  • Yea Mstarx that dude took you DOWN, but don't fall too far down. Yea it is like they want you to beg or something I remember back in 06 when I cussed mine out something fierce, he told me that he didn't tolerate name calling and wanted nothing elese to do with me, so I cussed him out some more called him a few choice names all appropriate under the circumstances we didn't speak for over 3 months. I called him to wish him a merry christmas and he wasn't even trippin any more. Deep down they KNOW that they've DRIVEN you to lash out and hurt them, even if it is just a suposed stupid a** test. Who needs another headache girl, keep on living, learning, and loving it is trully the BEST revenge, no matter the sign.

    Hiprincess, I hate to be one of these goody 2shoes stand by your man advisers, but if you ask me, (and you haven't) he really does care for you, y'all just have to keep talking, keep telling him what you need and when he hurts you. Next time you quit him, make him work harder to get you back, I know it's hard when they know how to touch you inside and out with just the right amount of strengnth and tenderness but resisit until, he doesn't take you for granted. A few months should do the trick for you as well. You don't have to be mean or stay away from him just scale things back to a platonic level until the two of you can work out an agreement. Got my fingers crossed for you girl.

    Maria when I got home he'd left a message on my machine thanking me for the call and the card ( I put one in his locker at work) he said he'd call me later, but I don't think he will, I think he was just checking in. As you know this is MAJOR progress, from the elusive cancer speciecies.

    Thank you Hermit I used your sudgestion and said " I would hate not knowing that you were home upset, or worse didn't make it in at all", instead of " at least call and let me know you made it in ok" I know it made a big difference, he left a loong message complete with details thanks, appreciate you.

  • thanks again 🙂 I do know he loves me and i him it is just communication issues and probably my insecurities... which are made worse by his cancer traits...

    mstarx - i completely know how you feel... I have been there too - just try to focus on yourself and see if you can be happy with you 🙂 everything else will follow - that is my firm belief on life - even tho i forget at times 🙂

  • So, I'm done 😄

    I stole AquariusWomans line and asked him straight up, that when he's ready for a relationship, whenever that is, if he'd consider me. He said there was no possible way he'd know that now. So I said "alright, so basically 'no'?" and he said "No, not necessarily. I just can't give you an answer, because I don't know." I said "Know when your ready for a relationship, or how you feel?" He said "Both". Then he said in the meantime it was best I moved on. So I said 'alright.' and that's what i'm gonna do.

    I'm still considering sending him a message telling him that I want our friendship to be like it was before and all that jazz, cause I couldn't say it in person. It was already really hard hearing all that. He was nice about it, but still. I mean it was all things I already knew, but I wanted to hear him say it. And so I got it, lol.....yay?

  • Yay? Ideed, It's a bittter sweet feeling of empowerment and loss. Wait before you send the message, give you and him a second to real, before you make any moves, I'm proud of you girl for not letting him sllip out of giving you a solid answer. When you're ready to "be friends" again just act like nothing has ever happend he will too. Let him bring up the next discussion of relationships andTRUST & BELIEVE me eventually he will bring it up again. Not happy with the loss of what use to / could have been. He is feeling the pinch too girl. Yay?

  • MariaRia, I know that you are hurting. These guys can pinch REALLY hard! Your working together makes it even more difficult to get over him. I once read that Cancer men are the most difficult of the zodiac & not to get involved with one if possible.

    You are very young and resilient, don't let him ruin all men for you. I would not rebound with another, though. Take the time to explore what you really need in a relationship. May I suggest going to a SLAA 12 step meeting or group therapy/counseling? There is a good book, title is smthg like, "Don't Call that Man", don't judge by title, lol.

    You learned and helped us learn so much, am grateful for you for starting this thread. I'd rather hear the truth, even if it hurts me. You have a lot to offer when you get over him. I respect you for your courage, you rock!

  • sexygem - yah waiting is a good idea. I work with him tomorrow, but it'll be super busy and I have plans after so I doubt we'll actually get to talk. And then I work with him on sunday, too. I don't know if he's feeling the pinch....I hope so. I guess we'll see, with how he acts. It's just so weird, how he wants me to 'move on' but he seems to get so jealous when he sees guys flirt with me. Meh, whatever. LOL.

    quixotica - LOL, thanks hon, but I don't need any therapy or counseling. I'll be just fine. I'm actually already planning a whole crapload of stuff to do, trips to go on, etc. I'm really excited for the rest of this year, it's gonna be pretty badass! And i'm glad this forum helped you, my last one seemed to help a lot of people, also.

  • Hey. Have been reading a lot on this forum and it seems like u guys have a lot of experience with these cancer guys issues. I was wondering whether you could help me with this. I have been dating a guy for about a month and in the beginning it was full on. He texted every day, asked me if I wanted to meet his parents, wanted to see mine, wanted me to meet his friends, wanted me to spend as much time as possible with him. After a couple of weeks he got quite depressed. Loads of bad things have been going on in his personal life and he got a serious cold. He is extremely stressed due to work and other obligations, but he was still texting me, only less and less. I met with him about a week ago, because I had tickets for a game. He came with me, he told me he was sick and he did not seem very happy. I talked to some other guys at the game, just talking about the game, and then he got a little pissed off. After the game he said it was ok, and I thanked him for coming with me but he was really distanced and did not touch me anymore etc. After that he did not text me for days. So after 4 days I texted him to ask him how he is, if he feels better and if I can do anything for him. He texted back, said he was very sick and stressed. We texted a little and he asked me how I was, but further nothing. Now that is 5 days ago again. Haven't heard anything from him! Nothing! I don't understand why there is such a sudden shift in his behavior. Even if he is sick and stressed at least he could text?

    Now what do you guys think is this because he wants to solve his personal issues for himself and deal with it and will then contact me again. Or did he freak out because everything went too fast (although HE was the one who went fast and wanted things to be full on!!!!!!) and now does not want to talk to me anymore??? I don't know what to do.

    Should I just not text him and leave him because he needs his space and sort things out and wait for him to come back to me??? Or should I text him in a couple of days just to say that I hope he is feeling better??? I'm getting kind of confused because some people say don't text him and he will come back to you when HE is ready. But other people say you should let him know really briefly that you are wondering how he is doing so he knows you are still thinking about him,

    Some advice on this would be great because this is the 1000 time I have been hurt and it really makes me sad! Thanks!

  • I would say call not text, leave a message and wait for him to return your call.

  • Dear Bunny.....I too had an experience where things were wonderful in the beginning and then he felt that I was "still looking" because he saw my picture on yahoo messenger that he hadn't seen before and apparantly it worried him and he feared getting hurt by me. He cut off ALL communication with me for exactly a month. During this time I sent e-mails and texts merely saying I hoped everything was ok and that he was ok. I finally decided that for my emotional well being I needed to cut him loose and sent him a farewell email.... he immediately wrote back and wanted to discuss where things went wrong. We emailed furiously for 3 days about our feelings and expectations. We are now back on track however he only communicates by text messages. I am ok with this as I want to move slow after that scare. He is a Cancer and so am I....2 peas in a pod which has their good and bad traits. Ours is a long distance relationship, 2 different states. We have been communicating for 8 months sans 1 month of silence. We have professed love for each other and it feels right. I am going to "risk" getting hurt because if he isn't the love of my life then he will have been a valuable lesson to have learned. Good luck to you my friend..... hang in there

  • I am sorry to be the bearer of reality but if you re-read what you wrote & remember that love is blind! He is "sport-fishing" and you are available & convenient when other plans fall through. He is watching you as a test of how you interact with others (men) and how they are perceiving you.

    If you want to keep driving yourself crazy, keep fooling yourself. STOP reading between the lines trying to figure out how he feels about you, he is honest and straight-forward. LISTEN to what he said because that is how he feels.

    If your into games then try to make jealous and DON'T BE AVAILABLE randomly or when he calls, be busy or tell him you are but if he wants to make a date for another time..... My advice is to move on. I am a cancer who has fooled my

  • I am sorry to be the bearer of reality but if you re-read what you wrote & remember that love is blind! He is "sport-fishing" and you are available & convenient when other plans fall through. He is watching you as a test of how you interact with others (men) and how they are perceiving you.

    If you want to keep driving yourself crazy, keep fooling yourself. STOP reading between the lines trying to figure out how he feels about you, he is honest and straight-forward. LISTEN to what he said because that is how he feels.

    If your into games then try to make jealous and DON'T BE AVAILABLE randomly or when he calls, be busy or tell him you are but if he wants to make a date for another time..... My advice is to move on.

    Take it from me! I am a cancer woman who has fooled myself or 2 years to long...move on. USE the Law of Attraction, it really works. FOCUS on it and feel it. Also I just finished a great book called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man", By Steve Harvey. It explains the way men think and what it means.

    Good Luck!

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