Emotional rollercoaster

  • Hi all,

    This may sound like a rather silly thing to be getting upset about but I have found out today that my estranged husband is heading to Turkey on holidays for two weeks with "friends". I do not believe for one minute that he is going with "friends" and this is only the story he has told our youngest son. I have honestly come a long way since the break up yet why do things like this still have a way of slapping me in the face.

    I cannot understand why it still hurts me that he has moved on so quickly like we (his family) never really meant anything to him at all. His whole life since leaving has been lie after lie after lie.

    Sometimes I think that I am going crazy because I am still letting this person hurt me the way he does and I wonder if there will ever come a day when his actions will just wash right over me.

    Hope you are not mad, needed to vent somewhere.

    Love and blessings


  • It's me again....sitting writing this with the most horrendous headache and sore eyes from crying most of the day. I found out that yes my estranged husband did in fact go on holidays with "her" and two of her children. It has not even been a year since he left and he has so quickly and cold heartedly replaced me and his children with someone else and her children. How can some men behave like this? It makes me feel that myself or my boys never really meant anything to him at all.....

    I know people are saying that we are better off without someone like that in our lives but the sense of hurt and betrayal still lingers and I wish it would leave and I could take what he does with a pinch of salt but it is so much easier to say than to put into practise.

    Take care all


  • I think that a lot people are afraid of being alone, which makes them jump straight into a new relationship rather than being alone, taking some time to think and feel.

    However, it is of course possible that he has feelings for this woman.

    One year, well…when you have heartache one year is a short period of time. For him, well maybe he’s just a few steps ahead of you? I think people deal with broken hearts/relationships etc in different ways, depending on how we have been brought up, our personalities, prior experiences and of course also the reason for the break up. His way may seem harsh and cold to you, but is probably not more right or wrong than “your way”. Her children coming with them to Turkey is perhaps not that strange, maybe they are not old enough to stay at home alone etc.

    What would you like to say to him? What would you have liked from him right now?

  • I would like some respect for me and my children but given the fact the reason he left is because he was having an affair I guess I am asking too much. You maybe right about how he was brought up because I know for a fact that I was not brought up to lie and use people as he did.

    His way does seem harsh and cold yes but that is just me, maybe....

    What I would say to him is that he is a self centred person who has never once in his life cared about anyone elses feelings but his own......not even his own children.

  • I can feel that you are hurting. This must have been a very difficult experience for you, and your children. You have all the right to be angry, disappointed and sad.

    This is his loss, really. He is missing out on his family and that will strike back, sooner or later. Having an affair, cheating, lying is self centered behavior. You are 100% correct. You know this, maybe he knows it too.

    I will say something that I know is difficult to hear right now, ‘cause I’ve been exactly where you are now, but try to use your energy on you, and on your children. Make yourself blossom. Make your family happy. Live, and I mean LIVE, without him.

    Yes, you will miss him now and then, the kids will miss him and life will not be the same, it wasn’t what you planned of course. But life can still be good! Use your energy on yourself, stand strong, smile and be beautiful. Don’t let him drag you and your thoughts, energy levels and mood down.

    Write a letter or many, but don’t put it/them in the mail box, saying all that you need to say to him. Everything. Clear your mind in to black words, then put the letter in an envelope and seal it and put it somewhere safe where you won’t see it. It will still feel a sad afterwards, feelings just doesn’t disappear like that, but I promise you that it will be easier.

    Best of luck to you!

  • I'm not sure you've allowed yourself to get fully mad at him, instead maybe you're focused on the 'good parts' you're missing, but redirect and get mad, think of how he does not deserve your love, time and care any longer.

    Then move from there to healing, regaining your individual power and as said, to live, truly live again.

    Look within and know how to gift yourself your value

    because it is your health that will release you, lifts you, so that you can be back to the road designed for you and those kiddos of yours. Health, strength, and an individualism he robs you of when holding a power over you now. Don't give him it any longer, breathe and renew, become yourself and it'll be the best gift to give and receive, it'll have a wonderful influence on those who do deserve your returned love.

  • groovyger

    so much of life is not in our control. EXCEPT perspective. You have a right to grieve--feel the pain--let it wash over you and through you. Then comes choice. This is all we have control over is this moment right now. You can't change the reality of his choices but you can choose not to let that pain OWN you. Choose love. You have to make a real effort to dry your eyes and choose love. Live in the moment--do something fun and intimate with your children. Instead of letting pain steal this moment choose love. He is not all the love there is out there but if you ignore moments of active love gathering you do make him all there is. You actually spread that pain to your children. Let go of the pain. No one knows what the next moment brings. Life is preciouse and can be lost in an instant. Death comes often without warning so do not waste another moment letting that pain suck you away from living your life--the one you have now. Look through greatful eyes--you are blessed. You are feeding a monster that never gets full when you imagine his happiness. He is not so happy. You have chosen to believe the worst and ichosen to gather pain. Since it is all in your head any way why not imagine he is not happy at all. Maybe they fight like crazy. Maybe he really feels nothing but can't be alone so he chooses safety over passion. Maybe she drives him absolutely nuts and picture that! Do you see that your own thoughts are a choice. Choose the thoughts that feed your spirit or even make you laugh! Do not choose pain! Let it go. Take your moments for a good cry but then choose love--give your attention to those who do love you. You ARE loved! Blessings

  • Thank you all so much for the uplifting words.....I will start from today putting all your wonderful advice into my life.

    I am truly blessed with three of the most beautiful children, a supportive and loving family and now talking to all you special people on the forum. For you all to listen to the pain and hurt of a complete stranger and lovingly offer your advice is a true blessing indeed.

    My prayers go with you all

  • Dear groovyger and Blmoon,

    Thanks for your thoughts and writings! Blmoon has given me a reading several months ago. I am in the process of just getting started with being divorced from a 30 year marriage, that my husband says was wonderful ! Try and figure that out! I am having a real hard time letting him go. I still love him, and have been hopeful that he would change his mind. I am feeling these last few days, that he is not going to change his mind. We are 55 YO. He too has another woman (two years younger) she likes his money. I liked Blmoon suggestion to picture him unhappy. We talk very little, but, he doesn't sound all that happy! The girlfriend told me he wanted change! That is all I intend to leave him with$$

    Blmoon, if you are doing any readings I would love an update....I don't know how often it makes sence to ask for one, I am just looking for some comfort in communication. My BD 5/7/55, His BD 5/19/55.

    Blessings to all of you

  • Donnamae,

    I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds alot more confusing than my own marriage troubles. My husband just blamed me for everything and said I gave him a terrible last two years.....if you can call doing everything for him and always being there when he needed someone terrible then I am at a loss. I do not know how I would cope if I was in your shoes, having him give you no reason whatsoever for ending 30 wonderful years. I hope that you do overcome this pain and hurt and you can move on.

    My prayers are with you

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