well said Watergirl! I picked up too that helping her was also a gift to yourself. As for religion that's a big one. I grew up very old school catholic and a lot of it I questioned but when you are in it you are in it. The older I got the more religions I tried out.....most organized religions are determined to get you to join so it wasn't hard church hopping. I am by nature in love with learning. In fact I have to have it or start feeling not myself. I am a builder as well and must be part of building something whether it be physical or an organization etc. And when it's done it's done and I move on.I see a bit of that in you! Most of my achievements define my religion and I do not belong to any organized religion. If I do decide to attend a church it will be a Spiritualist church. I think organizing yourself with others works for them but I tend to be a loner but still enjoy gathering and often getting a message or being there for some one as Spirit tells me. I think each of us has a unique relationship with our purpose and bottom line is we can't always be a follower but will be challenged to follow our own intuition.........even Jesus left the crowd to endure the desert alone. I think religion is something each of us live and each of us have different gifts to offer. It is easier to have faith when surrounded by similar others ....and why many come here.....but just as important we each must be comfortable with and faithful to our authentic selves. That's MY Sunday sermon....; )BLESSINGS!
I guess I just used the wrong term "Losing my religion" really isn't about religion per se, it's more about being at the end of one's rope and questioning beliefs about life in general - not solely religious beliefs.
I agree with you about the need to feel as though I am a part of building something. I do enjoy that very much. The job I have now is tied into this - building things. Both literally and figuratively. I left my long-held career behind last October and took this leap of faith. Almost immediately after, the changes I had wanted to see started to come about (at the place I left). And the new job has not gone well, but it has provided things that have been good for me. I'm starting to get my faith back with regard to the future and how things will turn out. I keep getting little flurries of activity which give me hope - just waiting to see if any of it will come to fruition. Really, I just want to feel fulfilled by my work and right now, despite all the activity the fulfillment hasn't been there because the results have not come. Just need to take it one day at a time and try not to look to far into the future.
In the meantime, if I start to get frustrated or too much into my head, I take advantage of the amazing weather we are having and take my beautiful little pup to the doggy park. Watching him run and play - his enthusiasm and joy - rub off on me
I can relate! I'm being pulled to job search but feel the tug between what I think I want versus what the universe wants . I get that religion is tied up with purpose. And I see my own shortsightedness in your evaluation of yourself worth. Truth be we go through life never knowing many of the good deeds we spread. Today I pulled the perception card. The knowledge card and God help me I already forgot the third card!!! But it validated the other two. Anyway, I realise that their will be days we feel for lack of outside validation we somehow have not accomplished purpose. Just like being psychic and spreading messages probably everyday but getting no validation. We both probably have said just the right thing and yet we search still for a big purpose. Whether a job works out or not the best perspective for loving ourselves is to have faith that a lot of meaningful silent going ons happened. Maybe as builders we sometimes want an in your face Taj Mahal........ validation and grand expectations. Mediocrity and empathy are my nemesis. The ego at times is a bad dog better left under the porch! Anyway, Everyone is feeling the rumble. For me I feel very drawn to being my self without the influence of others. And the job thing....I have a habit of figuring myself better off in a magical place of money and security when I have the spiritual knowledge to know better. OK enough of that rant.... that will pass. You have always enjoyed my sense of humor so here's two latest haha's on me....I can not make this up trickster shenanigans! To start the job hunt I contacted my old job even though I was reluctant...I put in ten years and have left before and returned. My positions changed and the place is always building. At some point I end up feeling over extended. My fault. It's a husband and wife team of owners and they have different visions. The woman is really the visionary of this business and the husband is the bean counter and a bad bean counter because he will squeeze the life out of his employees to save a buck. Yet he has expensive tastes like traveling to Europe to hand pick his newest Volvo. The business is very successful yet his employees get no insurance or benefits. His wife is very generous otherwise but over the years I've watched her step aside the business end.Anyway I had a feeling they had no place for me at this time but felt I needed to ask anyway before giving out them as reference. So I'm off to a doctor visit next to the place I worked and running late cos my clock magically lost ten minutes! And seeing the old job I suddenly felt old disgruntled feelings.....I'm in the turn around on the the busy road ready to go left...but had the rightaway when I noticed a vehicle from the side street ready to turn in front of me and I cussed loud saying he's going to just pull out in front of me the jerk.....and he did....I almost hit him! And up close I see it's him...my old boss and boy did he look surprised like I had done something bad....and he had a new Volvo! I swear I could hear laughter. OK....joke on me number two. Like a lot of folks my house had been a battle ground . This time it stuck as normally I do not stay in anger....I blow big but let go and live in the moment which unfortunately my loved ones take advantage of. Well, this time I held onto my boundaries my gripe and lots of ticked off filled my house. It really was unusual on my part.......but I was in this big had enough place....maybe I'll disappear and leave no address energy. Anyway, then I went into silence mode and cried a lot. And at it's peak one evening almost dark our doorbell rings which is odd....no one just drops in. So I open the window so the dogs don't escape the door and a man with a thick accent rambles on about selling something for his church......I said say that again? He points to a wagon with a big box and says 100 rolls of toilet paper for 20 bucks. You are kidding I say to him......and I actually asked him what brand?....oh super soft quality stuff he says....come out and look. I swear my brain locked trying to process. I said no thank you but good luck and he says aren't you even going to come out and check out the product? I closed the window and again I hear laughter in my head....really? So did he hear there was one hill of a sheet storm going on here that I needed 100 rolls of toilet paper? Or was it for all the sad me tears I needed to dry? Oh what a generous universe.
sundanzer last edited by
Hey watergirl just wanted to apologise aboutmy comment in my last message to you.
it's challenging times for me and I suppose I was hoping for some advice and did get it.
just wanted to share my appreciationand hope you know it wasn't personal to you.
times are challenging andI just needed someone to be there and they're was.
The toilet paper one really had me “rolling” hahahaha! Honestly, who has ever heard of someone selling toilet paper door to door ...in a wagon no less??? Hilarious. I guess if you have too much “crap” for the toilet paper to handle, you can use the wagon to haul it off somewhere
Yes, the ole self-esteem has taken a hit this past year. I remember telling them during my interview that they were trying to break into a market that is hard to break into so it would probably take a good year, but internally I thought I would be able to do it sooner. It’s been rough. I don't like feeling mediocre, much less a failure. In my 20’s I needed validation from my employers and more specifically from my male, father figure bosses, but got over that finally. Then in my 30’s I had a job where I did extremely well but worked for a man like your Volvo guy who never appreciated it but was more than happy to deposit all the money I made for him into his bank account. But it didn’t bother me because I no longer needed the father figure validation. The last job (and now in my 40's) was super rough on me - not only did I not receive validation, I had to endure being falsely judged and accused. I remember someone telling me during that time that this was my final layer of that particular karma and I would never have to go through it again. So now I'm 50 and with this job, the employers are very nice, but somewhat clueless. They were accommodating at first, but after 6 months I could tell they were wondering about me. At 9 months they started to ride me a bit and I could feel their energy - thinking I wasn’t working out, not working hard enough, etc. During my first few months at this job someone was let go - they explained that he was “coming up on his one year anniversary” and had not produced anything yet. I remember thinking, “ok, so I have a year.” My one year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. So that deadline was looming over my head and last month I went through a huge slump - the anxiety of possibly being unemployed soon AND just not feeling good about myself because although I feel as though I have done everything I could, I have failed because none of my efforts have borne fruit. Shortly after, my boss flew out here from our HQ office and I took him to see a couple of clients. It was hysterical - they were SO MEAN to him! I think he realized what I’ve been dealing with (at least I hope so). Then someone I used to work with called and asked me to come work with them. Not a place I want to go, but it was nice to be shown that I will have options. Unfortunately, I have to turn them down before I know for sure what’s going to happen with my current job. All that being said, I DO have Taj Mahal expectations of myself - always have. Part of growing up trying to do something, anything to gain my father’s approval I guess. But at this point, Taj Mahal aside, I just need SOME results so I don’t feel like a total failure.
I wish I was one of those people who had something they yearned to do but just had to fight the fear of taking the leap. Or, better yet, an artist of some sort. Unfortunately, I can’t draw or paint or anything else of that kind; would LOVE to sing but don’t have the voice for it; writing would be the closest thing for me, but honestly I don’t have any writing talent either - no stories in my head waiting to come out! The last job I left was the career I had spent most of my time in and I did love it - just not the people I was working for. I tried so hard to get another job in the same industry but it felt like there was an invisible brick wall between me and that desire. That’s why I took this current job - I thought the Universe was blocking the other and bringing this one forward. Wishful thinking as it turns out.
Anyway, like I said, just taking it one day at a time as that is all we can do!
Don’t go back to work for Mr. Volvo!!!
No worries SunDanzer. I knew you would get angry, honestly that was kinda the point. Anger, yes, is a negative emotion, but it can be useful in snapping us out of other states that can be more damaging to us (like depression, self-pity, etc.). Inertia is much more dangerous than the negative emotion of anger in my opinion. If that old man contacts you again, you should react with the same indignant anger!!
I think I am being tested - seriously tested! This career change has been such a challenge and a mastery class for me in trying to stay hopeful and positive. It's been difficult to say the least. And today I had to laugh because I felt that I was doing a really great job at just focusing on the tasks at hand and not falling into fear and fatalistic thinking, BUT then I was literally trapped in a situation where I was surrounded by co-workers who were doing nothing but complaining, whining and moaning incessantly. I was surrounded and we were at a group lunch/meeting so I couldn't leave!!! I just kept thinking, how can I ensure this energy doesn't rub off on me?? LOL. The Universe sure does have a twisted sense of humor
It is a test! And when mastered you get to move on. To the next test ; )
You said it sister!
Blmoon, if you are still around would you be willing to get a read on a situation for me? It's work related - might have an option or two (might be too late for 1 of them) and not sure if the messages I'm receiving are to stay put and honor my commitment or go with the flow and move on.
I just had an interview as well! I was trying to get a read myself! Mine is more of a personal job as a helper for a mother with four special needs children. I jumped on it fast and the woman is actually a friend of a close friend of mine and she said I would be perfect. But then like you I start getting my brain involved and overthinking....I so want to be sure before leaping. I forget there is guidance that watches over me. A peace came over me and I feel safe that whatever happens is meant to be or not and finally just stopped thinking about it. I'l know this week.Weird thing is before the job appeared I kept pulling the successful partnership card and couldn't figure where it fit. THEN once the job offer appeared my card pulls feel confusing? But sometimes that's the way it rolls when we are a bit intense about an answer. What kind of cards are you pulling? Right now, I am hearing 2 directions are in front of you and one is pulling you backwards into the past but you will recognize that it IS finished business. The other is something fresher and a bit of a leap into the unknown.....unfamiliar so a mixture of fresh excitement but then a nervous feeling. I do feel it's timely to be moving on. Tell me a little more and I will see what more I can pick up. I see a number 3.....perhaps in three days? You will get your answer? I'm ready for bed.....will put a prayer out for you. BLESSINGS!
That job sounds like it's right up your alley I feel it is yours.
Will take some time tonight (hopefully) to give you some detail on my situation - there was a new development today which has promise, but won't know for a few weeks.
In the meantime, I need to share the following with you - I was laughing so hard this morning I literally had tears streaming down my face. He had my attention immediately. I love witty humor...
OK, I'm a bit tired so these may end up being random, rambling thoughts
First thing to mention is I started out my career in the hospitality/hotel and travel industry. I loved it. Spent most of my career in this field.
Then, mostly due to a break-up with someone (we worked at the same place), I switched to a job in the building/construction/architectural/design field. I did well and made a lot of money, but it was not really all that fulfilling. I wound up quitting and after a little over a year of unemployment - hoping something new and fabulous would hit me in the face - I went back to the hotel career. On one hand, it was great because I had missed it and it did feel more like a "career" than the "job" I had just left. On the other hand, I was working for some pretty deplorable people and went through some strange and challenging situations.
So, thinking that I liked the career, just not the current place, I tried interviewing for the same position elsewhere and even the next position "up" as I felt I was qualified, ready and able to do so. I hit a brick wall at every turn. So I started meditating and repeating "I invite my best life to come to me now." I also said, because I was tired of chasing opportunities straight into a brick wall, that I wanted this "best life" opportunity to come TO me rather than me having to chase it down.
A few weeks later I was contacted by an HR person at my present company. At first I did not reply because I knew that I had wound up feeling unfulfilled by the previous job I had in the industry. But things had become so bad at work that I thought well maybe this is my best life knocking at my door so I agreed to an interview. I had also written a list about what the next job would provide for me - not just salary and work hours, but things like respect, appreciation for my work and skill, etc. They exhibited all of these things during the interview process. I have to admit that the owner of the company and my boss are both very nice people and have not mistreated me in any way. The problem is my boss, although a "nice" guy, is somewhat inept and we are failing miserably. He also lets his ego get in the way (doesn't want to admit failure) so refuses to take our advice and do anything different. It's extremely frustrating. My one-year anniversary and review is next week.
So about a month or so ago someone I worked with at the last building/construction/architectural job I had reached out to me - her parents own a company in the industry and she works for them. She said they needed someone like me and asked if I was interested. They moved full steam ahead, but I just was not ready. I had told myself I would give this present job a one year commitment and then re-evauate. Also, my friend's parents' company is smaller so the scale of the projects they do is not as exciting and more cookie-cutter than creative. I also knew that there would be frustrations with them as well due to their size and not having all the staff they need for certain things. So I'm thinking this is the "past" you picked up on since it involved someone from my past. I also have had a few thoughts of possibly going back to the hotel and travel industry which is my past now as well. As much as I loved it, I think it truly is the past for me now because I don't want to go back to 60-70 hour work weeks and being tied to a desk with a very strict schedule.
The other option was to reach out to another company that is doing the same thing as my current company - only they are doing it better. While tossing that idea around this morning (of calling them to see if they would be interested in speaking with me), I got a call from someone in my office in a leadership position. We had discussed how great it would be if we could get a certain other person as our boss (who is closer to our area of the country and has more experience in our market) instead of who we report to now. He said that the two of them had spoken and he told him that I was preparing to leave and he immediately made a call to the Owner to discuss our frustrations out here. He called back and asked him to ask me "to sit tight for a few more weeks" as some changes were on the way.
The cards that I had been pulling were a mixture of stay put, honor your commitment and be patient cards with moving on, letting go, endings/beginnings cards. Always pulling 3 cards and always getting 2 of one kind and one of the other. Argh!
So I told them it wouldn't hurt to give them a few more weeks, but I wonder if the changes they are considering will be enough and if they will be able to pull it off in just a few weeks.
As I said before, I wish I was one of those people who had a "I've always wanted to....." sentence, but I don't. So, I just want a job where I can have a reasonable amount of freedom, financial success and stability, respect, and a feeling of fulfillment. The current job could provide that if they do make the changes that are required. As it stands now, if they leave us reporting to the current guy, it doesn't matter how hard we work, we will fail due to his lack of vision. If he is not removed, then I really do need to find something else.
Anyway, hope that wasn't too much rambling!
And I hope you watched that video - it really is very VERY funny!!
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!
I love Dr. Seuss! When teaching poetry to young children I use his books. I have a tee shirt with one fish two fish covering it...bright colors. Everytime I wear it strangers get excited and I sense want to hug it!! As I read your post I kept getting the next thought before I read it. I get it. When you got to your companies new offer...a voice yelled "because they know shes leaving" On that note....no a problem of that nature does not immediately fix itself. It's magical thinking. The rotten apple is still in the barrel. They are stalling and telling you what they think you want to hear. Pulling cards that contradict often means one needs a different perspective for one of them. The honor commitment card include the commitment to yourself. I think that is foremost. Patience encourages you to let go and realise Guides have your back on this one. Don't push. Show up with your truth and present it without needing to please. I prayed last night on your question and was shown the Feeling Safe card. I couldn't sleep right away so got up and pulled a card for you and yep Feeling SAFE came up! Doesn't get any clearer than that! I have more comment but have a headache gnawing at me! Talk to you later. BLESSINGS!
I know - Dr. Seuss is genius!
I know things won't get fixed quickly, but I do know our only chance in you-know-what is getting this new guy to report to instead of the current guy. So I will give it a few weeks to see what movement occurs (or doesn't occur). Also because at this point I don't have clarity on what my next move is or should be. I am asking the Universe to light the path as at this point I'm tired of aimless moves/direction. Hoping that Feeling Safe means not to worry and the path will appear. The thing is, it needs to be super OBVIOUS and my Guide and I have different opinions of what obvious means, lol!
How's your head Blmoon?
So for several months - since the Spring I think - I keep getting visited by a black crow. That really dark shiny black that has midnight blue when the sun hits it just right. Yes, I know the symbolism. He stares at me.
Now yesterday morning a large thud woke me up. A bird (not a crow) flew into my cathedral window. It was dead on my back porch.
And yesterday another bird flying overhead - black again, but this time as large as an eagle. Not sure what it was...
in my world the crow or blackbird represents the wild. I refer to them often in poems. You can coax most birds to come closer by conditioning....feed the birds and their offspring will learn to let their guard down. Blackbirds stay wild and are even difficult to photograph. I love them! My favorite people often have blackbird energy around them as well as coyote and of course wolf. They resist domestication and are artistic creators that always move to the beat of their own drum. Perhaps the large bird you saw was an Anhinga?