@blmoon The fish tank sounds lovely!! I can just see the deep blue moonlight you described Sounds very relaxing and peaceful...
And the mattress - I doubled over with laughter!! The thought of him leaning up against it because it's too much work to hop on is just hilarious
I'm glad your boys joined you for the holiday and that you enjoyed your day
@blmoon Hi again
So today is the last of 5 days off for the holiday and it has been strange. First, it was great to rest and not deal with family chaos. But then I went into unrest, haha! Being away from the office has made me realize how miserable the environment makes me - it took me 3 days just to recover my energy. I just need my own space instead of sitting in that room of drama queens. Yet there is nothing I can do about it which makes me frustrated. I'm tired of this seemingly never-ending cycle of going in and out of jobs that don't work for me. May I ask - do you see me staying put for a while or getting out of there? And if the latter, something I can be happy with and stay put for a while?
I'm very tired from class today and felt sick all day! Give me some time to rest up and I need to reread that reading you got that took you through Dec. You definitely are in the lull. I will get back to you. I get your challenge. You know what you need and you are aware of the energy cost of being trapped in an office with others. Right now I see the trap of complaint without the needed energy state of solving your complaint. I'm sure Spirit will not leave you hanging on this one.
@blmoon you're right, I'm sorry. I was just having a bad moment. Having some time off made it painfully clear how bad it is there. I believe you said things would be happening in November, but maybe it's just not the things I was hoping for December was a lull and a time to enjoy the rewards of my work this year. Honestly, the first part of my life I stayed too long and/or took on too much work. Then I kept leaving when I was being treated well but the things I went to wound up being more of the same. I think that's why I'm in that space of complaining but not knowing what to do. I just need to toughen back up.
No sorry needed! I recognize the energy you had posting felt just like I did that last day of putting in the extra "daily" time doing that favor for the school. And calling off the last day! As if I needed that reminder( NOT) that the reality is I will never be able to be ME and .survive being trapped in a room everyday with people. It would force me to be on battle mode, defensive mode, surviving mode! And if I had done one more day it would truly compromised my guitar class for Monday. I do acknowledge my limit where fulfillment gets compromised. You were too wiped out to even enjoy the fulfillment of time off! Instead you felt no dream spark left. I went through our posts and wow...I had forgotten my own Chicago dream! I hope I put that one in my journal! AND I read your dream and you should revisit that one as I feel it was your dream spark still alive. The one where you are driven to a winter wonderland? And rereading that three month reading it does still ring true but yes I can see where November's hard work would be something you'd hope for as brand new and rewarding when really on the surface you felt like you were just trying to stay ahead of the chaos and remain empowered. The December prediction sounds about where you are at. I also sensed reading it that this IS an end to something. Not a loss just the end of a journey. Here's were in the past you may have PUSHED hard to make something happen but this time is different and I read the line that Spirit said you just don't care. A surrender but a good surrender and not anything like past feelings of defeat or failure or all that comes with feeling trapped by a repeated complaint. Also that image of the little Charlie brown xmas tree! Says a lot. When a full reading rolls out fast I do not engage my mind so looking back it is interesting! So I'm getting that needing something big to happen to feel like you are getting somewhere will shift and it may seem subtle and hidden but this shift is very BIG. The simplicity of just being your own good company with your furry best friend and all that UNCONDITIONAL love, and the company of your guides and Spiritual realities will have a purpose. I'm assuming the chaos at work will shift accordingly as well. So it looks like January is your start....like a metaphorical Spring and if you read your dream you will see that you got that prediction! You had a insightful judgement about why winter would be not winter. Anyway., I hate the lull myself so hang in there. I'm signed up for a vision board making event tomorrow in Cassadaga and my inner child is excited! BLESSINGS!
@blmoon Merry Christmas Blmoon
I just read through your post and had to laugh about the surrender part...
Just wrote this down in my journal this morning after stumbling across it in an unexpected place:
A PEARL OF WISDOM
If a problem has a solution, it's not a problem. If a problem doesn't have a solution, it's a fact. In other words, there are no problems, just facts that can crush your will to live.
In the next vanity card I have provided a follow-up pearl of wisdom which handily addresses this issue.
Fair warning, you might be disappointed.
ANOTHER PEARL OF WISDOM
Facts that one finds disagreeable require acceptance. An unconditional surrender to what is. To do otherwise is to pursue suffering. That being said, like the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of suffering is an inalienable right.
I was right, wasn't I? You're disappointed.
I have been so wondering about you? I'm not disappointed at the moment just blissfully tired. Had Christmas eve gathering that was very wonderful. Also, got most of my redecorating done. AND my oldest son talked me into going to Texas! I have not gotten out of my bathrobe all day! I am trying not to solve problems, or tasks at the moment. They exists for sure but why entertain them? I have no idea yet what's my new year plan. Haven't discussed any job future withe my boss. I think they know what I will do and NOT do. My advice card for today puzzled me but after reading your "thoughts" the card has a ring to it! The card is the one that asks you to examine your beliefs about how prayers are answered. Do you expect a sign for every prayer? Expect validation or is your trust solid. I do catch myself waiting for a sign when perhaps my intuition is enough. I spent today too tired to think much and mostly got hello's from my departed loved ones and in those joyful bits of memorable rehashing of good times....I had the sad moments visit. Had some tears but then said ok on to the next happy moment. VERY aware of my right to feel pain and it was ok because they go together. The highs are higher and the lows match. But yes it is one's right to linger or pursue suffering. Your last wisdom was a little too black and white for me as acceptance is relative to need and other variables. Acceptance is the start to both an and but also is the the beginning sometimes to an action that moves past a problem. To avoid a problem that we accept as trapping us requires an acceptance with an action at the end that is able to see solutions that are not visible when we only see the problem. Yes, it does crush us as we impose suffering on ourselves. Anyway, Happy New Year! BLESSINGS!
@blmoon Glad you had a good Christmas despite the moments of remembering those you have departed
It was not me asking if you were disappointed - that was part of the quote
I think the quotes rang true for me as this is the space I am in as I approach the new year. Looking back over the past decade, I find myself feeling that maybe a more pragmatic approach is what is called for - at least in my case. There really have not been any good periods or even moments, just struggle. I think hoping for something better to occur or for some good to come along with the "bad" has made me feel worse rather than better. If I just accept that for whatever reason my life is meant to be a struggle I might have a better time of it. I seem to have no control over it anyway so surrender is the best option. The challenge now is to do so without it "crushing my will to live", hahaha.
The only time I had a hard time with "time" and measuring my life was in my early fifties! I kept feeling like time was moving faster than all my dreams or expectations. I wasn't old but wasn't young. It was crappy! I was very stressed about time and felt I missed a lot of boats! I did too much analyzing my past and then had depressions over judging my learning curve. Of course hormones didn't help then. I forgot all about that cross roads! But your energy reminds me of that time. I also felt that change when men stopped looking! haha! Or when younger men call you mam! Actually it was mostly in my head! It was very superficial. At sixty five I do not think that way at all but I guess you have to go over the loss before you can appreciate the gift of age. There is a freedom. and I learned that vital energy, youthful energy is not about age. Yes you must work at it but I learned that others, including men of all ages respond to a woman's energy and being sensual and vital is attractive. I guess early on I feared being invisible and out of time! I know it's a cliche but if you grow well you do become your authentic self in your sixties and it is freeing. I don't remember how I got rid of that self judgement curve that had me in regret mode. I think that was the road to self love and forgiveness and accepting that we are always exactly were we are supposed to be. I stopped measuring myself. I am who I am mistakes and lessons learned and it's pretty amazing I have come this far. It was a shift! But yes, my early fifties sucked. And then at 55 my son passed. I survived! You have always grown. Stay out of the past and just allow there to be more and not a decline ahead. You will feel better soon. Too much vacation!
@blmoon Good lord, if having 3 days off is too much vacation then that's a problem in and of itself!
I wish it were a mid-life crisis. My problem is not with the passing of time or looking back on my life - although I confess I have had those moments. Starting a hormone replacement program has helped greatly in that regard. My problem is that I am TIRED (despite the hormones!). The new year is supposed to approach with a sense of enthusiasm, fresh starts, new goals. I'm just exhausted. And this is where the past comes in - not from a passing of time perspective, but as an indicator that nothing ever changes and I can just expect more of the same this year. The only thing left to pray for is the strength to get through it. I know how this sounds, believe me. But it is my truth.