PS......I just opened an e-mail that comes once a month from Nina Roe. I laughed at this one part! Just for you I pasted it below.
When we trust and accept that there's a higher power in the driver's seat and that we may not always (often don't) know all the stops along the way, we are far more powerful than if we think we can drive the bus on our own.
If something happens that you don't expect and may not even like, trust that it's your angels redirecting you because they have your back. Something better is in store.
@blmoon WOW very timely message from Nina
Yes, my dream was timely as this week I have felt so very depleted and nearing the end of my strength. The office energy is difficult enough for me to deal with and this week two friends who were going through things were coming to me to dump. One is just struggling with having being passed over for a promotion and gets angry with the person who got the job she wanted. On the one hand, she is oversensitive and overcritical because of the missed promotion. On the other hand, the person who did get the job is trying too hard and over-asserting authority. The 2nd friend is going through something very difficult - something I have been through - and I wanted to help her as best I could. But it left me feeling so drained that I became physically ill. All of that on top of the stress of trying to get these 5 contracts completed by 9/28. I am starting to go into victim mode - lamenting why I have not gotten myself above this fray. Trying to hold onto the dream, but it feels very distant now. I truly hope you are right that something good will be happening for me soon.
We had an event on property yesterday - our police department has an annual banquet to honor outstanding officers - videos of going above and beyond and how they have helped, etc. I was walking a client through the space last night and felt so much presence from beyond - lots of tingles. I think they may have been honoring those who have fallen as well. Or maybe just others they tried to help who died anyway? Or I am just crazy, haha. The mediumship thing seems to come up a lot for me but all I ever feel is the tingling of their presence - no communication. For instance I'll get in a cab and the driver will tell me how his mother just passed a few days earlier and woosh! I feel the energy surround me. Or a co-worker will talk of her deceased father/grandfather and woosh! I feel both energies around me. What is the point if I can't communicate any messages? And so this sensitivity doesn't seem to have a reason - all it does is drain me to the point where I have to spend all weekend recovering and restoring my energy for the next week...
Oh, and I also found out this week that they will be moving our office assignments around next week. I will be going into an office that is even LOUDER and has two people in it that completely drain me. One is technically a friend, but she is needy. The other is aggressive and says nasty things to me all the time as if trying to provoke me. It's upsetting. I know despite what they say they are just trying to break up me and my 2 other cohorts that get along really well. All three of us are doing our job and making our goal so I don't understand why it's an issue that we are friends. Just more BS for no reason...
@blmoon, I hope you had a good week. How is the teaching going? I was able to get myself out of victim mode and get used to the office change - at least mentally. The physical move will be after the end of the month. The challenge is to find a way to create an energetic boundary without insulting those around me. It's a chaotic room so this is a masters course! Send good thoughts my way - one final week before the end of the quarter and I am SOOOO close to reaching my goal. Hope you are having a lovely weekend - weather is starting to cool down here so I will be able to enjoy the outdoors with my pup again
@blmoon, hello again - how are you?? End of quarter was yesterday but did not make my quota. 2 of my contracts that were supposed to be back yesterday did not come in. Oh well...I'm tired, but c'est la vie Trying to recharge and gather my focus for the remainder of the year. Hope your new job is going well!!
Hi. Well you were right about October. I have been going through an internal visit of past events. I have to admit it has me feeling a little low. Next week is a big trade show here in town and I may be bumping into people from the past as well. One possibility is my shapeshifter...I would rather not run into him, but some of the internal visits have included him so maybe I will. Ugh. I will be having dinner with one of the people I worked with when I went to San Francisco which should be nice .
Outside of the shapeshifter I have also been going through a review of my career. This also has me feeling a little low. Why does everything from the past have to be so dang depressing??
Still curious about the suddenly busy November - it will be here soon enough!
Hope you are doing well...
Was just so thinking of you! I remember spirit gave you a pretty definite reading for three months and wondering if you were getting through October . I'm going through something similar with odd dreams that put me in the past! Usually my dreams connect with something recent so they make sense but lately they had me stumped as it was as if I was in that emotional state from a past trauma. You know when you wake up heart pounding it's so real. AND oddly since it was so far back in the past (Chicago years) my interaction with the people in the dream was like it was THEN. THAT really had me stumped because my mother in law was in one bad dream last week and it made no sense why because later in life we had a very good relationship and she apologized for early crap. We had a very loving bond later and I loved her very much. So WTF. I remember Spirits advice to you that any revisits may feel like the past but not to worry that it was not at all a real repeat. I had some other instances as well where I felt a worrisome "is this a possible mistake repeat about to happen? But so far it's not and I actually end up realizing just how much I have changed. I prayed and meditated a lot. So far the response I've gotten is I'm getting traumatic revisits as part of my determinations to really heal. I was told that at a Cassadaga service awhile back that I was healing down to a DNA level. I can see were when you are thick in the middle of traumas or wounds that when you are surviving and moving forward you don't spend much time dwelling on it. Anyway, I sure can't wait for November to get here! So far my description for October is "uncomfortable". Last night I dreamed again I was in Chicago, my husband was there and I was wandering the ghetto! Just weird. I was in nasty houses, I met nasty people...just moving a lot and wandering. Sometimes it was scary, sometimes I was looking for my husband who seemed to have been lost somewhere. And at the end of the dream I find my way out of the ghetto and near the train that separates the side of Chicago that faces the huge Lake Michigan I was trying to tell someone why I didn't get off the train and just walk to the lake instead of taking a left and wandering into the Ghetto. I said if I walked towards the lake I was afraid I'd be trapped. HOW odd of a thing to say!!!l? Have no idea why I was in the freakin ghetto. And it was very real. Although, I have been listening to a lot of Everlast lately.....I love Whitey Ford...his music is so gritty. It's very poetic. Very real. A lot of my writing gives a voice to people without a voice. Oppression is a complicated thing. Anyway, I almost dread going to sleep! I am still going to sleep healing music. My best advice for you is to not believe any of it is real. Luckily, I had a friend I could vent with after I had that dream. I calmed down and it passed but I can see how you would feel low. Maybe you are doing some residual pain cleansing yourself and if you just hold on and let it pass there is a payday at the end of this UNCOMFORTABLE month! I will check in if you just need to talk. Otherwise forget the message boards here right now. Lord, too much desperate for a man problems for me! Hang in there!
@blmoon , hi there. That is a weird dream! I wonder what message it was sending you...
My experience of October has shifted. The dreams and memories of the past are no longer sad thank goodness. The past 9 days has been very hectic with work but I was reuniting with many people I used to work with and it was happy times. Finally a PLEASANT trip down memory lane! I’m exhausted today and glad to get back to a normal schedule though.
One of the girls I work with now resigned yesterday and I am thrilled for her. She received a job offer that has great potential for her on many levels. She was being treated very badly in our company and she is a truly positive good-hearted person so it’s such good news that she has this new opportunity.
The man she reported to was the “temp #1” who finagled himself a promotion. His ego has gotten much worse. My current boss (the one who got the job I interviewed for) finally experienced his true nature this week. I had tried to warn her about him but she didn’t believe me. She was in tears afterward. I wish I would have been in that meeting- he would not have gotten away with it!! I think afterward he got a talking to by those above him though. I really hope they are finally seeing him for what he truly is. The big boss lady overheard me talking about him so I’ll probably be in trouble next week but I don’t care. Everything I said I would say to his face. I speak truth freely...
Looking forward to the rest of the month being slow as so far it has not and I’m supposed to be resting up for a hectic November!!
Let me know how your month is progressing too...
Things have changed here to. The dreams have stopped. My guitar class has been very rewarding and I have put a lot of passion into it. The results are showing and my students are doing much better than I expected! It's a long day but I feel I am up for it. The only fly in the soup here is the man funk thing. Man child is still way too pitiful for me. The whole dark room and old TV show reruns gets old. Even though he's at the other end of the house I can feel it! I believe he's turned into "Brian Wilson". How many years did that guy stay in bed? Anyway, my boss asked if I would pick up some other hours at a lower rate just for a few weeks. I was expecting that. They are hiring new subs to fill in. A teacher's husband committed suicide! Holy Crap! Then she found out he was having an affair and had wiped out their bank account. So in light of that creepy FD up news my life is just fine. Actually, a school is always short handed. Several subs are pregnant. At first I told my boss I'd get back to him because two hours a day outside my full day at a reduced rate 4 days a week was not really something worth committing to but I would consider doing it as a favor for a few weeks. I called a friend for feedback.....we vent on each other and I call her when bed man is on my last nerve and she calls me when her crazy sister is on her last nerve. Anyway, I prayed and meditated and decided if I got out of the house everyday I'd get an idea if that's the adjustment I need to consider for my mental health. My friend suggested the same thing. So I did that one week and it was magic for my mental health because by the time I got home after two hours of regular classroom duty with the pre-k class I was too tired to care about anything and it removed me from bed man's vibe. Weird how the universe offers up these clues. I definitely will not be doing this permanently but at least I know that for me to get past this situation with him "retired" I have to get out of the house more. He is still trying to go to work a day or so just to get his xmas bonus but I don't know if he will make it. And I stopped caring really. Getting the guitar class and social security has given me enough security to not feel I need him buck up. I'm hoping in January I will get another high paid gig like guitar. I definitely do not have the stamina for going back to regular teaching pay with the younger kids. I got asked to sub three full days next week and before I could say no they got some one else. I think for now I'm really into the mind body spirit maintenance thing. Listening to my needs on a realistic level. Not spending more than I got on all levels. So far the guitar class has truly fed my Spirit and I've juggled my need to over achieve all the time. I feel more balanced. And in that way I have found my BLISS and abundance has followed! I feel this whole year has been a test in the marriage department as we have gone in opposite directions and the game has changed but I feel I'm adjusting to that as well. What you describe going on in your workplace I feel like it is all exactly as expected! I feel something important for you on the 28th. I also feel the big ego guy will be humiliated. I feel like I seen all this before. Or maybe it's just that I really do know these people you bring up. I wondered if the girl who left is the one I picked up who had a sweet vibe and you two had a lot in common but she wasn't being outspoken . She likes her peace and I thought she was a lot smarter than anyone else and more on your level. Those are the kind of people who give you a call when they land somewhere better. I still don't see where you are going but I'm still positive you are moving ahead. I feel my guitar class is not my last stop either and before the end of the year I will get a surprise. For a couple days I started getting that "lotto feeling" again. I get a vibe from your sister nephew situation......it's taking a turn. You are going to hear something but it's not full disclosure. I hear "sugar coated" or like something said one way but you see through it. I get EGO. Someone will be twisting words to save their ego. I see a fake smile. The advice for you is the same to keep your distance but at the same time don't play nice if it's not real. Silence can say a lot. BLESSINGS! OH PS....someone in your office is going to confide in you in a beneficial way.
@blmoon my mother waited a long time to retire for that same reason. She convinced her boss to allow her to work 3 days a week so she wouldn’t be with my father 24/7. Haha! He is very controlling (but she is too!). She is now completely retired as of last month - haven’t talked to her yet to see how it’s going. I need to take my parents in small doses
Make sure your hubby is taking D3. And throw those curtains open so he can’t sit in the dark! Brian Wilson....you crack me up.
If all else fails, find a hobby that gets you out of the house
Work is still weird. My friend who seems to be constantly harassed by the bosses (and does NOT deserve one iota if it) has been getting pummeled more than usual. I told her a few weeks ago that she needs to start asserting her boundaries and she finally is.
And my assistant was fired Friday after I left for the day. Didn’t talk to me about it or even give me a heads up. Grrrrrrr....
She wasn’t perfect but the job doesn’t pay well at all and you get what you pay for. I just had to learn her communication style and be patient and we were fine. But others complained...
I felt something brewing all week but I’m not sure that was it as I still have an uncomfortable feeling.
My brother in law reached out last week (the one with the nephew we have been discussing). He needed something work related. I helped him out - at first he was his old self and then got cold again. Prob cuz he got what he needed from me. We had a concert at our hotel Friday and I got tickets at the last minute. I sent a note to him and my sister asking if they wanted them (only ppl in the family who like country music). I got a cold thanks but no thanks from my sister. I’m not losing sleep over it (wink).
Wish I could get rid of this uneasy feeling!!
You know your sister and her hubby are still waiting for you to say something. To at least apologize. They should have been happy with a mutual truce and to just have a relationship but she is hell bent on having a last word but that can't happen if you let sleeping dogs "lie"? Anyway, that must be the sugar coated olive branch extended that really wasn't working. Although I think it will continue. I get the feeling your brother-inlaw is sick of hearing about it and just wants it to end and was hoping you'd just give her what she wants. She backed herself into a corner by venting to others too much. Really, others have lost interest a long time ago. And the vitamin D thing is no joke. He was diagnosed with a deficiency before and I am sure he is again. He had to take a high dose script. I take a dose off the shelf and always have a bottle in the drawer. I keep telling him he needs to take some or at least get tested again. I guess I will tell the shrink to order the test next week when he goes in. I used to pack vitamins in his lunch but that gets old when he starts skipping them. I stop once he does that too often because WTF. His nature is too much into enjoying being fussed over so at some point I just have to say well if you don't care I don't care I ain't your mommy. In fact months ago he asked if I'd start putting a baggy of vitamins in his lunch again and I said yeah right. Today is the 28th so I guess tomorrow could be a surprise for you. I am DONE with the extra days at work. In fact I took off Friday. The class I was helping is too needy and we had a sick kid and the young co-teacher didn't have the backbone to send him home. after over a week. She was sick and missed two days first week I was there then another kid got it and Thursday I could feel it coming on. What happens is mom fills the kid with medicine so they are not snotty and coughing when they come in but everyday like clockwork they got a river of snot at noon. I told my boss and she said she'd take care of it and I did see her call the teacher over on the playground. So I'm thinking he will not be in on Thursday and I get there with a killer headache and there he is. I said to the teacher why is he here? And she says ...oh his mother said he's ok! I said but YOU are the boss. They do have a sick policy. Then I said nicely to her, look I'm just saying if you want to stay sick for the next two months do what you want. I went home and had a talk with myself because I am not going back to that same ole. I was the go to person to make phone calls to pushy parents who otherwise eat the meek. And I know how to do it without the hint of insult. I went to bed the rest of Thursday and decided if I went in Friday I would be sick and it would really take my energy from my guitar on Monday which is really going well. Besides, that teacher did not deserve help if she is going to be slack ass on germ warfare. So, I realized that no I do not want to be the fixer of lame situations but yes, I need to do something to distract me from bed man. I meditated and prayed on it and pulled from my Saint Michael cards and got my answer. It required a different perspective. As always! When looking from a complaint state of being it often blinds us to the possibility of a blessing. I thought about past instances were I accomplished things more out of necessity than ho hum effort. I went back to my most challenging times with the marriage thing and remembered I just plain set a goal and worked so hard and was so focused I had no room for distraction. So, went through a list of submission calls and I have a very bold goal so it's back to my manuscript. Here's the thing, big goals are very hard work and lot's of disipline and really it's a lame out to let out of control crap waste energy. Controlling others is an endless thankless swamp. I am a caretaker and a healer but it is never empowering to piss in the wind. Also, I need to get back into a work out schedule. I have been slowly getting back up to speed but during past times when my marriage was not working I either danced or ran and sometimes both. So, looks like November is about to get real. Actually, November is always an empowering month for me. I think yours is about to take off as well! BLESSINGS!
@blmoon yes, I remember now you speaking of he olive branch I should be weary of! Asking for a work favor was s strange way to go about it though...
The vitamin D thing was an intuitive hit so I’d be willing to bet he’s low again. Why are grown men such babies???
Stay in tune to what your needs are with your mind-body-spirit balance, especially when it comes to extra hours at work. You already know this but stay vigilant. I am having those issues right now too. I felt like I was having an honest to goodness breakdown today. Overstimulation. My nerve endings feel raw and my heart is racing from the anxiety. The office they moved me to - I have been doing my best to create my own space but it’s impossible. The 2 girls are both so LOUD with narcissistic tendencies (look at me! Pay attention to me!). They crank their music and start singing at the top of their lungs while I’m on the phone trying to negotiate a contract. It’s so immature and thoughtless. It’s just too much for me. And the boss is oblivious. She thinks they are creating synergy. What a joke. It’s like trying to work inside a tornado.
Maybe what happened on the 28th was behind the scenes and I haven’t heard it yet? The boss did say something yesterday that could be considered confiding in me, but it was something I already knew (she just didn’t know I knew!). I really hope something good happens in November. I can’t take much more of what I got in October!
Hang in there and I will do my best to do the same...
@blmoon How's the teaching going and are you successfully removing yourself from your recluse energy in the home?
November has started out a little strange. Not quite "busy" but things have occurred. One, had a complaint come in from a client - something I saw coming and tried to avert but I was ignored. The snake man (the old temp #1) tried to push the blame back on me, but there was a conference call which my VP set up. I was super calm and stated the facts in logical order (every step I took to help in chronological order). He tried to throw in things to get me emotional but was unsuccessful. I was very proud of myself. At the end of the call he sounded like a petulant child because he had not way out - no place else to point the finger except himself. My VP called me afterward to thank me.
My friend that just left for a great job - she was the #2 to Snake Man. People are pushing me to go for the job and I just keep saying NO. It would make sense logically as the title would help me get to the next step, but I know what I will and will not tolerate at this point in my life and working with that man is a hard No. Whoever he finds to take that spot will just end up being his scapegoat for everything he does wrong and I feel there will be a lot of karma tumbling in on him soon.
I had breakfast with my parents yesterday and broke it to them that I would be spending Thanksgiving alone - going somewhere with my dog. They didn't fight it much because of the situation with my sister. It's not about her - I just feel the need for some peaceful quite time in nature. My office setting has me feeling like I have PTSD and going to a loud family gathering is NOT what I need right now.
Hope you are staying healthy amid the petri dish of all those sniffling kids!
I have been thinking of you! My guitar class is going very well and being offered that couple weeks of doing what I really didn't want ended and it was validation of some wisdom. I'm very busy redecorating! Once this starts it has a domino effect! I tend to get very comfy with my home and possessions. I easily hold onto things with happy memories and avoid change. Sounds small but honestly it is liberating at some point to compliment my own personal growth with a new change in my "nest". Don't know if it is a Taurus thing or universal. I suspect universal but on a Taurus level I probably resist changing. I took down light fixtures. One I was so attached to because I wanted it when I couldn't afford it but a bestie got married and paid me to do her wedding photography. At first I refused to be paid but she sent me a gift card. So it always made me smile. We are talking at least 15 years ago! Anyway it's replaced. And I took down curtains I made . I always remembered the day my son who passed ten years ago had come over after seeing them said wow! The circus is in town! He did a little dance! Then he said he loved them but yes I'm colorful. Anyway, I replaced them with white plantation blinds to go with a calm light gray wall! ME with a light pastel wall! BUT I got a new red leather couch and chair coming. So, change is here. AND this is so funny, because my bed man was with me and I only planned on replacing a ragged but comfy chair. He actually suggested a couch. Anyway, I was haggling for a longer no interest deal and the guy says is there anything else you want to add and OMG suddenly my mouth opened and I heard myself say out loud to bed man "would you like a new mattress, a really good one? WTF? Anyway, it's funny even though that mattress cost as much as my couch and chair. I shop at an outlet and am a true Taurus shopper. Love my high end but want that bargain. I'm sure my special order couch did not meet the color expectations of some buyer so ended up in the outlet store. I was thinking of you because of that November busy change highlight and wondering if you were getting any NEW insights. My November started with a relevant Chopra 21 day meditation about energy. It is so perfect for me right now. Seems I have been very focused on maintaining energy and stopping energy leaks. Got a big new piece of the puzzle! The jest of it is that it's not enough to just survive or endure energy zapping places and situations. The key to actually flourishing is through FULFILLMENT. Without some little chunk of fulfillment in our lives we do not have an energy supply to take us beyond the energy zappers of situations. I get it now. This one day guitar class is so personally rewarding it energizes and even lessons the awareness of other crap. Of course it's more involved but each meditation hits target for me in a timely way. I am hoping you are getting some light bulb moments as well. It sounds like you are as well on a trend to defend and hold your ground in a confrontation in way that deflects undeserved responsibility and you are in power now that forces others who like to shirk off responsibility onto others . I feel your boundaries are in a good place now. The issue with family reflects this too. You are taking care of yourself in a way that doesn't suck you into arguing your case. Good energy! I think the workplace as well is calling for you to flex that muscle. A good new moon start that will most likely present a worthy change by full moon. I hear "behind the scenes" That right now for you seeds are being nurtured around you. Things are going on outside your radar. You may be getting intuitions of something coming your way but you should feel calm about it. I don't get any warnings for you at the moment. If something comes to me I will post. I'm busy right now and sometimes I get more connections at night. OH...I did get some crazy surprising news! My youngest who is turning 40 next month and has always made it clear no children...even though he is my most childlike. He finally left a not so healthy relationship which I knew would run it's course in relationship to his growth in self esteem. He's in a good place. New girlfriend and he announced baby! It's early yet so haven't shared too much but talk about surprises! I have my youngest grandaughter here painting an artwork right now. I will get back with you!
@blmoon, Well CONGRATULATIONS Grandma!!! What exciting news! I know you have other grandchildren but can only recall a boy who I think is a bit older and the girl you had over doing some art. So happy for you...
And I love what you are doing to your home! I have always been drawn to tonal neutral colors with a pop of one bold color to accent. I think the tonal neutrals are just relaxing for me and help me to calm my nerves after a long day of work and being out in the world OH and the new mattress for bed man - hilarious! You were in a very generous mood!
I do get what you say about not just surviving/enduring energy zapping places/situations. I have been struggling with how to escape this for years now (you know!). I still have not found my outlet though. As a non-creative person it is difficult. I think my pup is my source of love and joy.
So your comment about something “behind the scenes” and happening “outside my radar” is very interesting. Recently, a rumor has surfaced that the owners of our company will be selling the two properties I have been working for in order to buy something else. If it’s true it could be fabulous news - the owners are the source of the toxic culture we have. It would also explain some moves they have made recently with shifting some of the executive leadership around to other places (places that won’t be sold). The sale won’t really affect me directly but I’m hoping some of the bad seeds will disappear. Do you think this is what you were getting? Of course, it's also possible that the new owners will get rid of everyone - including me - and bring in their own people. One never knows in these situations. Then again, it could all just be a RUMOR, lol!
You are not the only one trying to predict the rumor mill what ifs. I see a lot of conquer and divide planning but it's all hanging on uncertainty. You already know how this shake up climate works. Specially, when people start getting let go or moved around. Some folks roll with it but many can't stand not having an exit plan or worse some folks feel the need to suddenly come out of the shadows and prove themselves. Tooting their own horns and throwing others under the bus. I think you already got the intuition to just avoid all that and you are in a confident place. The energy around you is competitive, anxious and some built up frustration and anger from those folks who bite their tongues too often. As a sensitive you really are in the war zone of too much confusion. The lions of the jungle do more planning than dwell on fear. So, I'm feeling a few are looking around for joining forces with winning allies. They are picking winners to take with them or to join them within a new structure. You are a on a few power players radar. So, in that sense you will be getting some very mixed up vibes! You got those watching their backs for you and in a sense they feel like poison arrows, you got others fear and anxiety swimming around and then you got these bursts of positive thoughts saying wow something good is coming to me! I feel for you! My best interpretation is psychic chaos. This is your call to pull up all your centering tools and energy mastering skills. Perhaps this is part of that very busy November prediction. Also, you mentioned you can not imagine fulfillment choices. That's normal as no I had no idea the guitar class was the answer. But I think I found it by my journey towards being more focused on boundaries and being more selective and so many little changes over the year leading up to that opportunity. So in that light it was a domino effect of growth. I believe this is in line for you as well and it is ok that you may not know what this is that will give you just enough fulfillment to not just survive but keep you exceeding. Spirit immediately jumped in when I read your no talents remark. I know you have lamented that notion before. So, really I was mostly asked to answer that misconception. For you to not connect the idea of fulfillment to the need for some talent you DON'T have. A sense of fulfillment is a much more available state of being. I know that working full time can make you feel like it's a harder grasp or that somehow the two must be one but I am now amazed how that is not so. That just one little outside block of true fulfillment can be enough! Ideally, yes it would be perfect if you made a living that was completely fulfilling but now I see that may not come all at once and you start were you can at first. I think not having fulfillment in your life is connected to many small concessions and safety related choices. I'm sure the instances you are able to truly help others with a psychic reading bring fulfillment but unfortunately it as well can just feel like a given and it is not always often enough or it is not always validated how we spread healing. Open yourself up to the truth that there is fulfillment available to you and in your prayers ask for direction to help to keep you on path towards it. Don't try to know what that is. But believe in it and know as you keep growing spiritually it IS a direct result of your growth to receive it. I don't think it was random that just as I discovered the power of fulfillment that I also got the twenty one day Chopra meditation on the subject! Keep it on your radar and you will attract the info because it truly is God's intention you receive all you need to use your gifts. And your special gift that gives you a sense of fulfillment is not tied to anything you DON'T have or the misconception of lack you believe limits you. BLESSINGS!