BLMOON - Request from Ladycdf
Hello Blmoon - It's so funny that the song Blue Moon pops into my head from time to time. Figure it's time to update.
You have so many people, so I will remind you. Before you discussed with me a pretty serious need for me to come to terms with trauma - two abusers. To face and forgive in order to stop bringing hurt into my life. Well... I've had a miracle. My step father APOLOGIZED to all of us children for harming us. This occurred the VERY DAY that I meditated and begged for healing from this. He said that he had been in church and it occurred to him that in order to be forgiven that he should ask for forgiveness. This is someone who has never apologized. The weight lifted in that moment and I cried, and so did he. As for the second abuser... it's possible that I understand, but also I will say that once I let go of the issues with my step father, suddenly I have no patience for my mother. She did not abuse me, but she did nothing to stop it. I am still unsure of the second abuser.
You gave me information regarding a man Michael dob 5/18/67. I know that I MUST go forward with my own life and must heal. In order to be healthy with relationships in general I must be strong. I already know that I am probably meant to be my strongest ally. You said that, I already knew it really. I know that I will be stronger than the men I am with. Though he is following a different path at the moment, my head understands but my heart simply does not. I can't imagine the rest of my life without this person in it. I feel that he thinks about me all the time and pulls at me. I have physical manifestations that are new to me and realize that it must be him.
I am almost "afraid" to let go completely. Can you help me?
Love and light and blessings galore... Carole
How wonderfull--you got that apology! No matter how the odds look we get surprised. Follow your healthy self and let the rest work itself out. Healing is your focus now--you must come first--let him keep up--or not. No looking back. Maybe he'll surprise you maybe he won't but if you move forward with your best self you win regardless--trust in that. Blessings
Wow such a fast reply! Didn't expect that. Thank you. I suppose maybe I didn't ask the right question about this man. Odds are... what with us? Does he feel me as strongly as I feel him? Is it him or not? My head rings, my head tingles, and I sometimes end up on an emotional roller coaster although I am starting to learn a little about recognizing it and trying to get it under control. I don't feel I can pull him into my reality right now, but... my heart loves him completely without reservations. It doesn't actually feel like "looking back" it feels more like I miss my best friend and want to share these things that "we're" missing.
Does that make sense?
BUMP! Blmoon. Hoping for a reply to the above. Thank you hon.
No he is not obssessing about you pulling at you--in fact he is detached with other things--turns off and on. You need to continue working towards healthy boundries. The chemicals realeased in your body when feeling him close is like an addiction. It's a love addiction that distracts you from a deep pain and emptiness but it is a good time in your life now to grow past that. To continue to imagine he is more connected than he really is will only end in pain and feelings of abandonment and betrayal. It's not that he does not have feelings for you but he is capable of turning on and off--he attaches himself to others like you who will "feel" for him at a safe distance. (he needs healing too) You'll understand this more as the months pass by--it's too overwhelming right now to imagine cutting yourself off from the only safety net you know--Distraction by love attachment--it's like a drug for you. Wean yourself off like the habit it is as you are ready for a more true and stable love. No more rollercoaster with him at the wheel. YOU are at the wheel. You cannot heal the pain and obssess about him at the same time. You've come so far--keep healing!
Interesting. I don't know about obsession. I don't purposely pull him into my brain. In fact, my life is completely void of him - nothing left not even one digital picture anywhere. And I plan to move soon as possible, too. It's like sometimes he's just so strong around me and it literally knocks me off the path for a day or so when it happens. It's helped that when I recognize that feeling I try to distract myself and find things to do including friends, hobbies, exercise... Starting my job will help, too.
I don't want you to think I am sitting around day dreaming about his man. He just pops in there really really strong sometimes. And I already know that I am a sponge for feelings and impressions even at quite far distances like between me and my father. The issue is that I am learning about it and starting to make sense of it. It's always been there but I was always confused by it or didn't recognize the clues until the last six months.
I don't know whether "fear" was the correct word. I suppose my feelings are almost indescribable in words. I just know that being inside this head and body... I feel like an alien to myself.
No I didn't see you at all obssessing all the time. I see you doing very well and urge you to keep doing what you are doing.It was just a reminder to keep your boundries strong.
Thank you. At least I understand the boundary issue now. It's been an issue my entire life, particularly in my professional life, but now I know what I need to do and am ready to re-enter the workforce next week.
Yes, I do know that he can switch on and off, but he also has one heck of a time letting go of his past. I feel like maybe I've become part of his past that he can't let go of now, if you know what I mean. I know he chose to be with his children. I know he needs to do that in order to protect them. I just don't think that the path will turn out to be for his or their highest and best happiness. Yeah, not really "my business" now.
But as you pointed out a while ago, I do agree with the feeling that he'll pop back up. Where I'll be and how I'll feel is unknown. I do know that if that happens he will have had to do some searching for me by that time because I will be in a different city with different phone numbers and email address. And I blocked him from Facebook so he can't find me there, either. (I had to for my own mental health since we have some common friends and family members that we communicate with.)
Today was a little tough. Wednesdays for some reason are an issue. But it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past.
Any further feelings and thoughts are appreciated as always. I don't really talk about this to many people whatsoever trying to stop talking about it and sending it energy. But people I have "this feeling thing - intuition?" in common with, help me.
Just wanted to let you know I did read your response. I'm in need of rest and playtime so will be taking a break. As for feeling things--intuition? It's work to manage. That's why I'm ready for rest and playtime!
Have a nice rest... see you when you return from your rest. Hope to talk again. Light and love.
Hello Blmoon. Haven't been on in a while, would like to catch up. Much has happened in my world. Do you have time to connect with my situation once again? Let me know then I will give my question.
Love, light and blessings.