Arian Female's Nightmare-Cancers! Help!

  • Help! I am an Aries female, in every way possible, and I think I am falling for a very moody and confusing, handsome Cancer! I do not know what to do about it! When I am with him he makes me feel so safe and beautiful and amazing. He talks about how he wants to be with me all the time and likes me so much it scares him. But when we make plans sometimes he completely bails without even a phone call! I punish him by not talking to him for a while but he does not even seem to realize he is in trouble. He sees me and acts like nothing has happened. He just acts ecstatic like he is the luckiest man in the world. Other times he won't answer my calls or texts but when I don't answer one of his calls he acts like I don't like him anymore. When we kiss and look at each other it feels so right like we could be with each other for a while but when we aren't together I get uneasy about his true feelings for me. He says he is scared because he has such strong feelings for me and has been fucked over by girls in the past. But I have been fucked over in the past as well and am just as scared for my feelings with him. Being an Aries I have really had to be patient with him so far, as well subdue my fiery assumptions, and I don't know how to continue like this.

    Is this guy leading me on and trying to make me into one of those girls that will stay with a man no matter how he treats her (or is that my Arian need for total independence calling out in warning?) or should I stick with it for a while? All my friends say "he's just another douche leading you on" but I feel really strongly about him. And after reading about other Cancer males it seems they might all be moody and retreating. This Cancer has me so confused I don't even know what question to ask. Any advice on Cancer males or how an Aries female can stand by?? If it helps my Moon is in Libra, and I am a Gemini Rising. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

  • Well honey the question may well more be how can ANY female regardless of sign stand by and take this yo yo tug and pull a cancer male does.

    I have no full answer because they also puzzle me. HOWEVER, i do know men withdraw when they have shared much of themselves. They get scared thinking ohOOOHHHHH did i share too much too soon? Shit what if she dumps me now, oh oOOOHHH better pull back and regroup.

    Many has spoken of the puzzlement that is cancermale, 2 huge threads has been administerred, and many of us ladies has found friends because we were in the same boat.

    That being said, i dont think he i leading you on. I do think he says the truth. Have you EVER voiced how you feel about him and you to him in ANY form? if not, you may wanna get to it.

    Praise yourself lucky hat yours at least speak to you, not many do but has that Quiet One on shoulders. Aggravating and makes you wanna smack their head in with a shovel LOL

    I suggest you lay you feelings down for him, let him brew and await his response. What have you got to loose?

    Good luck honey

  • Oh man here we go again! Lol. I can really sympathize. If you dont have the patience for a cancer man's sideways approach to relationships you may want to set your eyes on someone else. Been ther, done that, got the tee shirt. Cancer men take a long time to figure out there feelings for you and figure out if being with you is worth the risk of them potentially being hurt. if you dont have the patience to wait for him to decide what he wants from you with the possibility that he can go back and forth on this. One day hes head over heels the next day hes hiding in his shell, then I suggest you get out while you can. I was crazy about a cancer guy that dragged on for years and years. He finally came around last year after not seeing him for a couple years and said he realized he was blind to us and wanted to make up for lost time. This started when we were in middle school I am now 30 yrs old. I thought I was on top of the world bc I had never forgot him and was so in love for so long. Well it turned into my worst nightmare bc We had a few months of complete bliss. Then all the sudden he dissapeared again. I could feel him pulling away and wow did it hurt. I completely freaked out on him and he stopped talking to me. Never felt so hurt and betrayed my whole life by anyone. He could not see what he had done wrong. He ended up telling me a few months later that we should only be friends because we never work the other way. Watch him closely and dont sleep with him until he is really commited to being with you because they have that magical quality about them can make you feel like you are the only person in the room then outta nowhere they go sideways around all the things you need to know. As aries we are very direct and we need people to be direct with us. ITs hard to understand each other sometimes. I have a gem moon btw we prob have alot in common.

  • I could have written this post- this sounds exactly like my cancer guy. How old are you and your guy? From what I've been reading, cancer guys tend to be a handful until well into middle age.

  • This post is deleted!

  • Sagilicious- I am 22, he is 25.

    So, I have somewhat exciting news! The night after I wrote that he took me out and told me he is still scared but he knows what he wants and he's going to go for it! (meaning me!) and he told me he has been having dreams with me in it where were with each other for a long time and he even admitted he had a dream we were getting married!!! yeah! haha... hopefully he doesn't retract back into his shell after that because I know me, being an Aries, will not be able to take someone being that straight forward and then disappearing!

    Thank you for all of your help! I'll keep you posted.

    He makes me feel so dreamy!

  • Oh my ArianGoddess, I truly understand feeling dreamy, but be prepared for the vanishing act, for it will certainly be confusing and you'll wonder..was it something I said/did. Nope, it must be a cancer!

  • Oh my god! He totally flaked out on me yesterday, no call. He so did a back step and went into hiding didn't he? And I am somewhat leery as to what he is doing when I'm not around, and what his true intentions are (even though he says over and over he wants to know me for a really long time). It really bums me out but at the same time I can't see myself not in his life, or him in mine. With most guys I would definitely get away from them if they flaked on me the first time but for some reason I feel like working on my lack of patience.

    So, what do you guys think I should do now?

    Call him today and see if I can get through?

    Wait for a couple of days to call him, meanwhile waiting to see if he calls me?


    Don't call him - or accept his calls for a couple days and then play it by ear?


    I'm not used to waiting around for someone...especially a guy! haha. but I really dig him when he's around.

  • I reckon while you "wait" for him to call you oughta do y thing. That way wating may not seem as long and it may not be "waiting" per se.

  • ArianGoddess,

    I am not surprized at all. They all seems to come out the same "cancer factory"

    Whatever you do...... DO NOT call him!!!

    That was my biggest mistake.... i don't have the patience playing these mindgames.

    Do not sit and wait around..... carry on with your daily life.

    Good luck to you.

    Hey Bente

    How are you doing???

  • So I'm definitely just doing my own thing. I'm not going to count on him at all which is kind of sad. He called me 3 times and of course when I called him back he said he wants to see me tonight - i said maybe (im never making set plans with him again). but i have a feeling hes just not going to come through...why does he make so much effort to talk to me just to pull away at the last minute anyways??

    It's awesome you all know each other on here! haha I am excited to log on to see if there's more advice waiting for me!

  • Well ArianG

    He is scared. Place urself for a min in his place and ask what u ask of him. I think he is scared he is moving too fast. Aggravating i know. like 2 steps fort 5 back.

    i think playing a game like that is wrong, i think saying what u want n need is the ticket. if he cant deliver say adios.

    HOWEVER if u feel in ur bonemarrow n u just KNOW without being able to explain he is the one, then keep poking him.

    Taureen hey you., Im doing pretty ok. That is if i dont swallow into pity yo yoland LOLOLOLOL

    Hows you?

  • So it begins. The rollercoaster ride! I would say decide early on if you want to get on the ride but it seems like you've already decided to stick it out so try to have other things going on so he knows that you're not sitting around waiting for him to make time for you, so he knows that he has to fit into you're schedule rather than you into his (wish i had done it this way).

    About why he does this? I would guess he's still not sure about what he wants, despite what he says. His actions say it all. You can make the decision for him or just go with the flow, your choice. Either way, stay strong and don't be a doormat.

    It still amazes how alike these guys are.

  • I hav a few post up about my cancer friend, we've been involved for years, off, on, back, forward, in, out. Things didn't get better til I realized that I had the power. What i think gets lost in everyone wondering about the whys of the in and out are that the same way and time he is in and out with you he is in and out with someone eles, who may or may not have been dealing with his moods for much longer. Like him, hell, love him but don't commit or invest any further emotionally until he says I love you and and want to be with only you. That's no gaurantee it will work out, but at least you'll know where you stand, (Nowhere until he tells you otherwise). Update for those who've followed my story. Scince I put my foot down, he hasn't withdrawn at all, it's been almost 2 months. I'm still being strong, and he hasn't bailed like I was afraid he'd do, infact we're closer then ever. I don't sudgest taking a strong stand with a cancer until you've been involved for at least 6 months, because it won't work until they're use to having you around.

  • ok this all makes soo much sense. I don't even know where to begin.

    He just said to me like 10 minutes ago that he never knows what he is going to do from one moment to the next because the way he is feeling in always changing. But that he knows he likes having me as a constant. I'm thinking, "a constant for how long?" I am totally not going to trust this guy until he absolutely proves it.

    The worst part is that he was living with his dad but they quarreled and didn't have anywhere to live so an ex of his 'took him in'. This was right before I started talking to him. He says not to worry they don't do anything and I am the only thing he thinks about all the time but when I asked to come over yesterday finally and meet her he was like no i dont want you to meet her. It kind of weirded me out. He said 'i'm an adult i can live with an ex without doing anything with her and i don't want to disrespect her by bringing in a new girlfriend or girl i'm seeing into her house.' Side note: supposedly he is trying to get his own place.

    What do you think about all that?

    I am a senior at a university, working, and have an active social life leaving barely any time for us to see each other. It makes me sad but I think it might be just a little bit short of enough time for him because he visited me at my school and my work in the past 3 days!

    And we still haven't even slept together because we have nowhere to! haha.

    Congratulations SexyGem.

    These Cancers are all the freaking same, huh? Thanks again!!!!

  • More or less yes. But then again aint they much different from other zodiac males. Its the male men macho ego thing-. go figure that one out LOL

  • Aries, Cancer ya ouch- I'm there too. I can't even say that my cancer is mine, known him for years and started getting to actual talk about a year ago and we're both interested in each other but it hasn't progressed further than emails at this point. Definitely teaches patience if that's a lesson you are looking for, but I have to say I'm on top of the world when I do talk to him. I understand that he has legitimate reasons for keeping back and he's been straight with me but he does back off which drives me nuts because his reasons would never stop me from doing what I want to do. (We work together) The thing is those steps go forward slowly, but they do go forward so I continue- I'm also not interested in anyone else so the challenge of it intrigues my aries personality. Take what you need if there's something to learn from it, for me I needed to learn patience and I am with this situation. If yours is making a comment about not disrespecting his ex by bringing you into her house maybe he should be changing that statement to respecting you by introducing you on neutral territory. Going out for a beer should be non-threatening and you'll have a better idea on if this is going to do damage to your relationship. You deserve respect too right? If you try this, be gentle- if you show that your interested in another aspect of his life without making it a big deal it'll be easier on both of you. He's probably assuming that it's jealousy, I know I would be, I need to be the one female in the relationship but she may be just one of the guys, who knows. You really should meet her if she's going to continue to be a part of his life. Good luck, these cancers are tough cookies for us aries, take heart though, you're so young, being single at your age is so much easier than it is at mine. I was married at 22, BAD choice, damn pride!! Anyway I hope you get what you need from this, life's hard enough without bs.

  • OK... He just told me he has a 5 year old son and did not want to tell me unless he knew he wanted to get more serious with me. And that is the reason he is always flaking and blowing me off.

    umm.. ok?

    I feel like this is a decision that has been forced upon me. He should have been straight forward with me in the beginning so that I could say yes or no to this situation before I got into it. Now I like him a lot and I just do not know what to do. I am a senior in college and also work and I have plans to move to India. But I really can't picture this guy not in my life, at least for right now. I just don't know if I can handle going forth with our relationship knowing that every decision I make doesn't just involve me and him but his son also. It's hard. Not to mention that just guarantees I will never get to see him as much as I would like. It wasn't a warming up, disappearing act. It was a 'let's see if this girl can fit into my life' and i feel like he didn't once ask 'can i fit into this girl's life?'

    man I am pretty broken up right now. can't seem to think about much else.

  • ohhhhhhhhhh myyyy goddddddddddd!! you are all talking about my mannnn! he is cancer n am a virgoooo... he is making me go crazyyyy! the more he acts like this, the more am attachedddd! the second he's with me, he acts like am the only best woman on earth! he treatss me like a queeeeennn, then few days laterrr he disappearsssssssssssssssssssssssssss, n i hate ittttttttttttt... then i calllll n we go out then same thing over n over again! i am afraid i will let go... i like him soooo much! n it is hurting me 😞

  • ariangoddess point blank he is a liar. he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. For some women this is ok, are you going to be cool with a man who's living with another woman? If the ex let him come stay with her either they are togeter or she like the rest of us is doing everything she can to prove to him that she will always be there in hopes that he will love her. She's not just being a good friend. He will never introduce you, becuase the last thing he wants is for you two to start comparing notes. And like my mother use to say if he aint getting it from you, he's getting it from somewhere elese....she has time opportuinity and a spot to kick it. When you have a history physcial in nature and the nights get long and cold, eventually things happen if they aren't already.

    Finish school move to india date other men AND him, he problably makes you feel like heven on earth (cancers have that touch). keep enjoying his company but look out for you too. To keep yourself from going all the way to the other spot, get some emergency escape 'friends".

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