Please Help! Lost all dear to me...undeservingly so.
I need help please. Over the past 5 years I have suffered terrible loss, rotten luck, and cannot get ahead at all. Always something negative at every turn. I cannot afford a reading right now, but was hopeful one of you might "see" something or could offer advice. I am so appreciative, as I feel as if I just need to give up on life, I am so tired and beaten down.
My abusive ex always threatened me, and said if i ever divorced him, he would make sure I never saw my wonderfiul boys again..(I have two sons with him). Well, I filed 4 years ago, he has kept his word. My sons will not have anything to do with me, he has brainwashed them againt me, as well as my family. My ex is evil, manipulative and so slick. Divorce is not final, he is prolonging it and it has drained me financially.
I want to add that I am a giving, kind, loving warm person. I never hurt others and help anyone I can. I try to live respectful of everything, including myself. I am always honest. I'd give the shirt off my back to anyone in need.....why me???
A month ago, the love of my life (I met him after I left my ex), informed me he was in love with another woman, but still and always will, love me...blah blah blah. We were soulmates, I thought, he my best friend. I am having such difficulty getting over this.
My heart is empty, my beautiful sons, of whom I lived for and was a great mother to, want nothing to do with me.
My soulmate is gone....
I cannot find work...
I am broke and broken. Lost, lonely and hopeless...though I do try to find something positive each day to allow me some hope to hang on...
Please help...I am close to quitting this twisted fate of a life...
Many thanks and good wishes and blessings to you all.
01.17.1968 @ 8:32pm
So very sorry to hear of your recent troubles - you did the very best thing possible - you sent out an SOS. I too have been at the very end of my rope and felt like there was nothing to hold on for. Every path seems to be two steps forward and three steps back. I will tell you the same thing I was told when I found the salvation that I needed - sometimes you just have to feel the hard feelings and go through the bad times. (Yeah, it didn't make me feel any better at the time, hearing that, but it really does help you to see and understand the strength you have within.)
Some times the magic is that there is no 'MAGIC'. But there is a healing that comes about by putting one foot in front of the other day after day, especially when you feel like you cannot go on. Then, before you know it, you've come a long way away from the despair, and you're able to see the hope within your situation. I think that is magical. Please don't give up on yourself. Your children need you as a shining example of love in their life. While you may not have the relationship you want with them right now, the future isn't yet written. No one can take away your love for them but you. Show them the true strength of the love of a mother and the strength of a determined woman.
Oh, and one more thing, get good legal counsel - if you and your children have been abused by your ex, any woman's shelter can give you a referral for any legal help you need.
thank you for your inspiring words...you are absolutely right.
"future is yet to be written...", so true, never looked at this like that.
i have had 4 different lawyers, used all my money, of course i'd do anything i could for my children...the case is stalled in the courts.
BUT i do have hope that one day my boys will come around...and they do know deep in their hearts and souls, that i love them with all i am, and tht i was, and am, and will be there for them, no matter what.
i feel that maintaining a positive outlook, regardless, and being strong, and persevering, will in itself teach them that i am a good, decent , respectable person, even faced with such desparity. Maybe they will even learn a lesson!
"Character is built in the face of adversity"....so very true!
-thanx bunches again for your words of encouragement..:)
Laylo - I pulled a Tarot card for you and it is the Hanged Man, now before you fret, let me explain that this card is about self-surrender and living within the moment. It is also about self-sacrifice. The very symbol of the hanged man is that he is strung upside down, hanging by a rope - not a lot you can do when hung up that way - other than relinquish control for a bit and let things happen. I believe the message to you is to try not to think about things that you can't do anything about right now and focus on areas where you can make a difference. Set some priorities and let go of everything else knowing that sometime by releasing or "surrendering" to circumstances, sometimes that has the surprising affect of actually bringing the outcomes you desire.
I have recently gone through many life transitions myself and if you don't mind me making a suggestion, I think that you should work on getting a job first. I struggled to find even the most basic job after my divorce and ended up working retail for very low pay - BUT - the affect it had on my self-esteem, the structure and purpose it gave me, and the interaction with other people was priceless and I just built myself up from there. While you are looking for a job, use some of the extra time you have to volunteer somewhere. Many organiziations can offer you volunteer opportunities that will also help you develp job skills such as clerical work or public relations. These experiences are fantastic to talk about when interviewing for "real" jobs and who doesn't admire someone who is involved with community service. Volunteering will also allow you to meet new people and help shape a new attitude about your life.
I just got a full-time job I will start on Monday. It took me two years of diligently keeping on top of job postings, applying for everything that made sense, I did volunteer work, picked up some computer classes thanks to a government sponsored program for displaced homemakers (I was home with children for 13 years prior to my divorce) and I worked a part-time job. I literally didn't have time to think about bad things in my life because i was so busy, and next thing you know I realized, "hey, I've got a LOT going for me, this is pretty cool!!"
Good luck Laylo, don't give up, just make a plan and go for it!!
...wow, thank you for this excellent advice!
I will definitely keep plugging along, and find a job, whatever it may be.
Your stories are so inspiring! Thanks to all of you. I love to be reminded of the beauty and magic in human spirit.
Interesting tarot card...makes total sense. I do focus on things I can do nothing about, I admit.
I need to recite the Serenity Prayer it seems fitting.
I appreciate your time and encouraging words.
...as my Mom would say.."...this too shall pass". And yes, it will...:)
DEAR LAYLO~ YOU'VE BEEN THE RECIPIENT OF SOME EXCELLENT ADVICE, INDEED.
GET BUSY, WORKING, DOING THINGS YOU ENJOY, AND NOT THE LEAST OF THESE
PRAYING. BELIEVE THAT THE GOOD LORD HAS A PLAN AND SUBMIT TO IT. I'VE EXPERIENCED WHAT YOU'VE DESCRIBED, AND IT'S TRUE THAT "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER." I KNOW NOW, THAT I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH, DURING THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF MY LIFE ~ AND YOU WILL TOO. GOD BLESS YOU.
I cannot ad much more than has already been said except :
TRUST IN KARMIC JUSTICE.
By this I mean ur ex will pay for all he has done sooner or later, and by this i also hope ur sons will see the light and realize their mistake.
Last before i keep still is:
YOU´RE STRONGER THAN YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF TO BE.
Blessed be sweetie
ps. i am here for you, we all are!
Hello Laylo, I am sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. I just wanted to say that as a mother to a son myself, I know deep within my heart and soul that your sons will never let go of their mother, no matter who or what is causing adversity. I believe there is a Karmic tie between mothers and their children and these bonds survive the most difficult of circumstances.
I totally agree with Jenever7's Tarot reading for you, this sums up your situation of having little control at the moment but urges you to look at this in a new way and to focus on building yourself up again so that in the future you are coming from a stronger position. Your sons know in their hearts who you truly are and will not be under your ex's control forever. You need to be there for them in the future as they will need you. I know this is going to take a lot of strength and stamina to progress due to your circumstances now but as Emereaux, Jenever7, Katfoundit and Bente Stoker have already said, you ARE stronger than you know, the future isn't written yet and Karmic justice will come to your ex. Things will change, they always do. I hope you are lucky finding a job as this will bring blessings in disguise as well as the money factor!
Don't forget that you still need to heal all of the hurt you have suffered, the pain needs to be released so that positive energy can take it's place. One method I use is visualisation. In a quiet place, try to still your mind, ground yourself to the earth by feeling your bare feet touching the ground for a few seconds, then feel the energy that fills your body, imagine the negative (hurt) energy as a dark colour and the positive healing energy as a light colour. Focus on your breathing and begin to take in deeper breaths of healing light energy (which comes from the earth), whilst breathing out the negative dark energy (which goes back into the earth to be transformed and healed). Imagine the dark energy becoming displaced and the spaces being filled with the positive light energy until there is no more dark left. Spend some time on this on your first try, as you learn this the process speeds up. If you are religious say a prayer and ask for help and protection from your guardian angel. I hope you can understand this and that it helps you if you try it. I wish you all the love and strength in the world.
Remember also we will always be here for you when you need us. Love and light. B.
Laylo, I kept thinking about you last night - so glad you've received so many positive responses, and that your heart seems lighter today! You're never alone, even when it seems there is no one around - always remember that.
I see that you are a torn person, I can only give you some ideas on "how to" you have to heal you, it all starts with you. First get some help, go to see a counselor, in your area since you are down and out, they have centers for folk like you and I. Once you get your low self esteem matters in control all else will fall into play, do you understand to what I am speaking of? Your Ex is not in your world now and should not ever come back into your world. Your boys will come to love and respect you, once you seek help for you. Then down the road go to church, not the one per say you and your hubby went to find your own to get spiritual connection you need. In the long run all you need to know is that GOD is with you and has not ever for saken you. If you feel you that you cannot not do this for you, then you will "not" be ever able to get the help you need, remember "God helps those whom help themselves". here is a website I like to enlighten me, Laura: www. starchildglobal.com, this opens your intuition and you can learn so much more on "you". I pray all goes well, abundance of blessings to you.
im overwhelmed by all your wonderful advice and replies....im very moved.
i thank all of you from the bottom of my battered heart...:)
Thats great to hear !!(( Laylo 68 ))
but how are you feeling for today ???
well, not so great.
see, i didnt mention that i live with my brother, he travels with his job. he has a teenage son. he is a single parent, his ex wife has had very little to do with my nephew.
so, i have been here for 3 years now helping out...im like his pseudo "mom", he's my "pseudo" son.
anyhow, recently, the ex, his mom, has decided to become involved in his life..(great stuff)...but
she needed a place to live, so my brother moved her in.
they arent romantically involved.
we only have 3 bedrooms...
they all treat me as if i am an alien now, after being his primary caregiver for 3 years.
my nephew doesnt like the setup, she's sleeping in his room, etc., and has changed all the rules.
i have literally been treated as if i am not here. i feel totally ridiculous now, as if i am in the way, and unappreciated.
anyhow, im pretty upset, but feel my work here is done. sadly.
so, im no longer needed, again, and am suffering yet another loss.
im moving asap. but need money to do so, of course.
will it ever get better???
Awwwwwe Wow, Yes I agree it is time to move on, Your Nephew will always remember you & at how you took good care of him & yourBrother
Your Brother & Nephew will always remember you If you decide to move out..
Your Nephew deserves better.... But he'll soon enough come to learn just how selfish his mom really is.....
Not everything is lost Sweetie, you get to gow into your light & goodness...
the road ahead is bright & beautiful......
As for a place to stay... where will you be looking ??
WOW! Does ur brother know of the changed rules suddenly?
Hi, My advice to you is to be careful with who you get involved with. A lot of the time, happy go lucky or caring people get manipulated. You were in a bad place w/your ex and it's going to take " some doing" to get in the right place again. Have you thought about going back to school. The economy is rough right now so don't feel like that is your fault. You didn't mention the ages of your kids. I have a feeling that they will return to you. I think you should work on asserting yourself. Some people have a tendency to "walk all over you." You need to learn to "nip it in the bud." A lot of the time it's a matter of going thru something like to teach us the reality of things. Don't brush things off and not deal with them because they have a way of showing their head again. Anyway, long and short, show your assertiveness and persistence and I'm sure things will turn your way.
READ AGAIN.. LAYLO POSTS.....
this man is not laylo's EX.... The EX belongs to her Brother.. & his Wife.....is suddenly back into hi life & their sons.....
& as for the brother knowing about thechanges.... Well Geeeez
.. i guess you missed that part as well.... laylo explained that she felt ignored and un- appreciated.... i guess her brother had to sense something changed.... Am I right ...
Mille, You need to read the original post (1st post) paragraph 2. Don't know who your referring to when you mention "this man." I don't miss very much--Thanks.
Daliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. Not my Fault that ppl don't know how to express...
Laylo is discussing another matter.. her EX was the 1 post Yes i agree.....
but shes now talking about her brother's EX .... how does that fit when she is asking for advice for her brother & Nephew.. her last posts were anwered.. & wo with that ... confusion is born.... lol lol
i too Don't miss much...... Dariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. let's try to respond to the next post.... & when one needs to respond to an older post.. please make that known......
As you can.... how quickly a one topic can get Confusioning... LOLOLOL
Laylo. How old are your children? How long have they been displaying signals that they are being turned against you? Do you think that the things their father have said about you can be disproven with time and love? Do you get to see your babies?
As far as your nephew, let that be a lesson to you about your own babies, no matter what you children will always be yours, they will love you, and unlike any other will give you many many chances to make things right. Let your nephew's mother find her place in his life. He needs her and vise vers. Sadly it may be that your job, as fill in mother, although valuable and important is done. When your nephew is an adult, he will remember you fondly and apprecieate what you gave. I would however talk to my brother if I was feeling unwelcome in his home after service to him and his family.