Need to find my way

  • My first love came back into my life after 14 years, we have a child together who never knew him. She does now and loves him deeply. here is a brief background. I met him the first time when I was 15 he was 14 (he is 37 and I'm almost 38) when he was 18 he went into the army came back started using drugs and drinking. He became addicted to both. I tried to support him and love him unconditionally until he became abusive and I found out I was pregnant. It took 7 months for me to leave and I did walking away leaving him behind.

    I'm now married (12 years) and have been unhappy for many of those years. I married a man not because I loved him to the depths of my soul, but because he was safe, little did I know he would end up being critical and verbally abusive. I have now told my husband that I am not happy and don't really know if that will change.

    When my ex contacted me to ask for forgiveness I told him that I had already had forgiven him. He is now clean and has been for the last 3 years. Our daughter and I were the last on his list to forgive.

    Now brings me to my problem........ I love him, we are spiritually connected. I don't want to be without him. But I'm scared to love not only him, but anyone (except my children). I'm a Leo and he is a Gemini any advice.

  • stay safe dont let ur heart be broken again live for ur children not these men harsh but true

  • To avoid the harshness of love and life by not living it, is not a life. Take what you learn from the pain of experience and gain from wisdom. To not know heartache is not to know love and to hide from it for fear of what could go wrong is just existing, and existence is only so long.

    If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.

    If you don't ask, the answer is always no.

    If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.

    If you know what you want never let fear stop you from trying to achieve it. Love is a very fragile thing and can be broken or crushed easily, but the magic we receive each time we possess it , far outweighs the pain of loss.


  • I have to agree with Doc. I've been living for my child for 12 years now and my marriage is a sham. A life threatening illness woke me up and I am now moving on with my life and accepting the consequences of my actions. I cannot live for others, always in emotional limbo. Strike out on your own (with your child) and see where life takes you and happiness will come naturally either with or without a man around. Live in the now. The past is gone and the future never comes so why worry about either?

  • Sometimes it's good to have people you can bounce your thoughts around with. Verbally abusive is not good. Neither are addictions. Well, there's baggage w/both. Why don't you get to know your ex a little better, because you have a child w/him. I don't recommend jumping into anything. There's a reason why he's back in your life. I have to be honest. I have been thru similar scenarios. And my advice is not to get involved. Be nice, but not involved. I do wish you the best. Sometimes a comfortable or familiar fix isn't the answer.

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