Please help - job reading & insights
My job contract is about to be renewed.
Have applied for other jobs without success.
Part of me was prepared to ride out the rest of the year at least, for the sake of financial continuity,
But I felt a clear strong sense early this week that I do not want to be here. I've had enough.
Will stay till I find an alternative, but I really want to leave them and their issues behind.
Wanted to see if they would convert me to a permanent employee this time around, but they haven't... I don't think they mean to.
May I have a reading into whether there will be any good work opportunities outside of this company soon and for the rest of the year? When might I be able to leave for good...and how things will play out here in the meantime?
Is this the type of work you want to continue in or do you have a passion that you have always wanted to pursue? This then is a good year to get what you want work-wise. Understand that the Universe holds all options open to you - you just have to believe in your own power and ability in order to take any of the amazing possibilities that lie in front of you.
I do agree with what you're saying - I feel the 'air of possibilities' around me.
Thought I had found an alternative career path - but I'm not sure anymore. Feels like too many obstacles for it to be 'IT'. Perhaps there is a better match I have yet to discover.
I want to leave the present type of work, as well as leave the present job & environment. I am open to finding similar work in the interim, to keep earning, and to move forward into more clarity. But ultimately I want to be doing something else. And I must leave the present environment asap. Have tried applying for both related and unrelated work to no avail. Am I on the right path, and an opportunity will come soon, or am I missing something?
Separately, i have been experiencing a lot of fatigue. Some of it is understandable, considering the events of the last few months. I have been resting more, and eating ok, but I still feel totally depleted. Some weight loss, perhaps that is temporary... Are you able to see what's the issue, or if there is nutrient deficiency that I can work on etc?
Danceur, I have always felt this pull in you between the material world and the spiritual world. You will always have one foot in both worlds and your working life must also reflect that for you to be happy. You can bridge and integrate the two worlds in creative ways, such as making money while bringing out more beauty, happiness or awareness for humanity. So your job must also satisfy those creative urges of yours. But you may chafe at the call to ground yourself in the seemingly mundane issues of life and personal discipline. Yet you have enough objectivity to accomplish this task. You can learn to come to terms with physical and material reality. You must however resist the urge to escape/isolate yourself or descend into the throes of self-pity. The two aspects of your personality are often at war, with your head guiding and your heart denying, or vice versa. So you must find a way to satisfy or at least to find a compromise between your mental and emotional needs.
You possess an inborn mysticism. Yearning for a deeper connection to the divine, you can find it difficult to be wholly present in the now - or even in your own body for that matter. Desiring transcendence and yearning for truth, beauty, and joy, you can really suffer from the harsh realities of life and the misfortunes of others. You want to do something to help others, but may feel powerless to do so. So you need a job that is metaphysical, creative, helps others, and one that satisfies your desire to translate your progressive dreams into reality. You also need a goal that is worthy of you. Since your ideas are usually well thought out and highly developed and you are articulate and intelligent, you are well suited to being a teacher, whether professionally or informally, and your students will come to depend heavily on you for guidance. To others, you can show a steadying and reassuring presence which can translate into healing. Thus, something like a metaphysics, art, dance (since you benefit from physical exercise as it is very grounding, even if it is in a mild form) or Reiki teacher may fulfill all your needs. You should look up what courses of study you would need to do and what organizations you could then apply to if you chose this direction. You may even decide to work for yourself.
You can be indecisive over making decisions, so try organizing your thoughts and information through using a decision tree to put everything into a logical structure and priority (more info about this on the internet). To become more decisive, you must first create the structure for arranging information relevant to a question so that the answer or course of action you seek is made clear. Such a simple and practical skill as putting things in order can work wonders for you.
Once you have trained your mind, you can begin to establish better emotional boundaries between yourself and others. By recognizing that you have vulnerable psychic boundaries and, because of your psychic ability, can be frequently emotionally buffeted by the actions and feelings of others, you can begin to create better internal and external structures to protect yourself from sensory overload and make decisions easier. Psychic shielding for you is a must. As you become more adept at organizing your thoughts and crafting inner structure, you will also create outer regimens and routines all of which will serve to bring your life into better balance. Moreover, you can learn how to manage the connection between your mind and emotion and your body through sport, dance, yoga, or martial arts. You will be immeasurably aided by a physical fitness regimen since it not only helps clear your thinking, but because it also clears your emotions and brings them into alignment with the physical world. By learning basic skills such as decision making and organization - in essence, dealing with life more effectively - you will enjoy greater stability and inner peace, though the process may be difficult at first. With a more practical orientation, you will be better suited to help those around you. In fact, your inherent spirituality demands some commitment to serving others. You will never truly feel fulfilled unless you are able to help those in need, or contribute in some other way to making the world a better place. Thus, having injected some structure into your life and getting a better grip on reality, you may devote your spirituality to an art form, a craft, a skill, a field of endeavor, or even simply to your own form of service to others. Communication of all kinds, but creative writing in particular, is well suited to you, since you can pour your unique brand of inspiration and ability to craft the alternate reality you see in your mind onto the printed page.
Regarding your health, I feel you need four things especially to be in peak condition - lots of good quality sleep, good sex with a loving partner, peace and harmony in your environment for your soul, and more fun/less work overload. You also need to see a doctor if you are worried about your health since you may neglect seeking medical advice until your symptoms turn chronic. Of course, the stress you are feeling over this work issue will contribute to your weariness.
Wow - thanks Captain - this is very insightful!
I have tried very hard to incorporate structure into my life over the last few years and am getting more grounded as a result. However, I still struggle with identifying my aspirations, as it relates to a job - especially since material and financial concerns have now been thrown into the mix.
For instance, I want to be able to start over, learn a new trade and create a different life. This entails a reduction in income/earning ability (understandably) for a good number of years. Part of me is willing to do it. But the other part feels the greater priority is to maintain a certain income level, so that I can move out of my family home. We can no longer get along and it is very toxic. But renting a room (not even an apartment) is expensive.
I know I'm in this fix because of a lack of groundedness and ill-advised decisions in earlier years. I have gotten wiser (although as you say, I've always got 1 foot in either plane), but it is daunting to feel the urgency of everything and to be pulled in different directions. Everything is important. How do I make all materialize? Do I just pick one and go with that first?
You are spot on, when you say that I need to do work that allows me to traverse the plane between heart and head, tangible and metaphysical. And how I'm very susceptible to energy. Being an insular, private person, i don't think of myself as a helpful soul. And yet, you are right - there is an inherent need to help/serve/soothe, to make things better. At the same time, I'm wary of giving too much because I tend to absorb others' pain (although I am getting better at emotional boundaries).
I have done a little bit of some of the things you mentioned - dance, writing, care-giving. But I seem to be drawn towards physically oriented occupations only (from dance to therapeutic fitness or massage and healing work); sadly these career choices seem to be a dead end, given my chronic injuries (yes you are also right, regretfully I do tend to wait till things get chronic)...and now age.
I am hoping to find an alternative career that doesn't depend on my physical fitness. Something which I can start to work on now, while my body is healing. But this is where I keep getting stuck...
Yes, you do need to fix on one priority goal at a time - you cannot do everything at once or nothing gets done. What is your greatest need - to find fulfilling work or to find a more harmonious home? Or what? Pick one and work only towards that goal. Don't scatter your energy. If you need to do any study, you may need to stay where you are until you qualify. Maybe there are alternative healing classes where you are? Also, ask yourself would your need for physically -oriented activity be satisfied with simply more exercise in your life, not necessarily through your work? Then you could choose a path of, say, teaching, and fill your leisure time with movement.
But you do need to change - humans stagnate if they do not face the challenge of change. Your soul needs this. Don't put the excuses of monetary or security considerations before that.
Finding a career path and working towards it are so important to me. Need that meaning and purpose. And to increase my employabilty. I do know it will not be possible for me to train for a different career, take a huge pay cut, continue going for physical therapy and shoulder rental costs.
Yet it actually feels more important to be able to move out and rent a room - and be able to afford that permanently. Something has shifted energetically, and I have reached a point where i cannot reconcile staying put anymore. Once I am no longer needed as my cat's caregiver, I need a chance at my own life where the only issues are my own and I don't have to consider or be around the needs of the family (as selfish as that sounds). I am crumbling under the weight of responsibilities and my health is suffering, while others are able to plot their own future freely... and I'm just turning into an angry person.
I was happy 2 years ago, I want to be happy again. And free from this back injury.
Captain, I feel like I've messed things up. Like if I had figured out a career path or worked towards that years ago, I would have also moved out long ago and be financially independent - and I wouldn't be caught feeling that I desperately need to do everything now. I don't know why it seems to be my path to find out who I am and what I want, ultra slowly. To learn everything the hard way. The proverbial late bloomer. This suffering has brought tremendous spiritual growth, but I do wonder, at what cost...
I cannot change the decisions I've made and the time that I've lost. Just want to find the best way forward, and still be able to live on my own, settle on a meaningful career and find a mate. It feels like it is super important for me to get the sequence right this time...although I want very much to believe there are no mistakes and things will work out anyway, as long as I take a positive step forward.
You need to pick just one goal right now (returning to good health, finding your own place, getting a new job, or meeting someone special?) and focus all your energy and resources on that one single accomplishment. Once achieved, you can move on to the next one. Don't try to do everything at once or you will do nothing. And don't waste any energy on self-pity - you are following the path you chose and, really, attaining spiritual growth is the best thing you could have done in your whole life. It is what we are all here for, ultimately.
Thank you so much for your advice - I so appreciate it
And you are right about spiritual growth. It's just been so tough when everything else has not come together in the same way.
To answer your previous question,I think I'd love if my job included movement - because I'm physically oriented. Movement feels very natural to me. That's why this back injury is particularly devastating for me. I was very active in dance classes years ago, and even then i still felt my (then) desk job was not fulfilling. And right now, being desk bound hurts my back.
A friend became a part time dance fitness instructor in her 40s and she participates/trains for performances and events too. I'm not entirely convinced I can teach - because I'm so introverted, but movement brings out the fun side of me. It's hard work but it would be tapping on my interests and talents and I think I would enjoy a job that has movement - whatever it is. But again, I need to look at alternatives that aren't dependent on fitness.
Aside from this, I came across a job with a previous employer, and it's the school that now offers the physio degree I thought I wanted to take. The job entails assisting the team to manage the operations/administration of the programs in the health faculty. I'm not directly qualified but believe I can do it. Thing is I did not like the corporate academic culture (very rigid and too formal) - I do not fit in in such places, though I did leave on good terms.
Also, this job may entail much longer hours and more work - but right now, I can't (not with my care-giving duties). My time is not my own.
Earlier this year, when I was considering enrolling for the physio degree, I did want to email the Faculty Head for advice. I spoke to him a few times years ago, when I was a temp (different department), and he seemed like one of the nicer faculty members then. It feels like an interesting coincidence that this job is now available. Or perhaps the Universe is telling me to keep the option of pursuing the degree open - in case my back injury resolves itself - as I already have a contact there.
I think you are the proverbial square peg trying to fit herself into round holes and hurting herself in the process. You don't have to take second best - work towards what would really suit you and what you would love. That corporate academic culture would stifle your soul. I get the sense that fear (of the unknown?) is what is pushing away your reaching for your dreams.
Thank you - I didn't see until you said it. I have spent my whole employment life trying to fit in to what is considered employable - and it is only in the last few years that I started to have standards. And it's only now that I'm also contemplating what it means to find something I really want. I was jobless a lot, and have a phobia of future unemployment - if I stop playing this fitting in game. But the thing I keep forgetting is that I have (to some extent) stopped playing the game already. I stand out as being different in the workplace, I do not conform, and I just do my own thing to a large degree.
You are right - underneath the real and tangible difficulties and concerns, the other big issue is confidence. I'm afraid I'm not cut out to achieve the life i want. I know intellectually that I am, and I have tried many things in spite of being afraid. In some instances, eg Dance, I saw that I was actually much better than I could have imagined. But somehow I have never lost the fear of not being good enough. If only there was a way to extract it out of my psyche. It's like an old script that is not relevant but keeps replaying in a loop.
Deep down, I want a drastic change - a different life, a different path, goals and future. My soul wants to run off and just try stuff and not care about rent money, etc. Just leave everything behind and start a new life where no one knows me.
The only way to beat a fear of failure or not being good enough is to keep trying things that you fear in order to build up your confidence. Try not to fear failure, but to see it as a necessary learning experience - that we ALL have to go through - in order to learn and grow. If you don't find out what doesn't work for you (through trial and error), then you'll never know what DOES work for you. Life is a process of experimentation, of failing in order to succeed.
What would happen if you dared to go for that drastic change?
I have been gradually opening up to new experiences and slowly trying to tweak the mindset. Am at that point where I'm too far away from who I used to be, to go back, but then I can't see what's ahead either, so there's some fear that I don't have what it takes. Esp when what I want (or at least the concept) is so much bigger than anything I've accomplished. Gotta keep chipping away the ice block ..and not get frustrated on what looks like no progress, or fear that I am not good enough to get there. All easier said than done, but I will keep at it.
Honestly, I think i would be terrified and thrilled at the same time - but much happier in the long run - if i made those changes, albeit incrementally.
Because I've gone against the grain (in terms of what I ought to have achieved at my life stage), I've altered my perception of what is possible for me. I try to remember that it's really about enriching my life and just experiencing what life has to offer... sometimes it helps temper any fear I feel in the moment. I just would love the physical reality to also catch up. It feels like I've been laying groundwork so long..some material success and emotional happiness would be nice
Then stop procrastinating and just do it, without too much over-analysis and inner turmoil. Stop convincing yourself that you need more time to adjust. Just do it ...or you won't ever do it. Age will not make it easier. Stop postponing your happiness. Instead of erecting roadblocks, go full speed ahead. Ultimately, could the future be any worse than what you have now - unhappiness, frustration, dissatisfaction, lack of confidence, low self-esteem...? When you dare to take a risk, the Universe will support you.
Thanks for the advice, Captain! Really appreciate it