I thought I'd post this up on a separate thread, just in case you hadn't seen my response. Or, you've seen it and can't relate to it much or whatever! I haven't given readings for a very long time, so am spreading those rusty wings a bit, so ... I wrote what came to me! It's good to talk to you again, and I hope you're feeling a bit stronger and positive about your future. Anyhoo, here goes:
Firstly I'm getting that you're in your 50's or so ... is that right? Divorce is hard, and even if it might be necessary, amicable, or your choice, it's still a hard move to make. I left my ex husband when I was 48, and had to adjust to a new house, new job and the new dynamics of sharing my daughter 50/50 with him. All of that was hard, but I had the enthusiasm of a new life to take the edge off the pain.
However, it all came back to bite me on the butt earlier this year. I hadn't let go of the marriage ... or more to the point, the whole "we" thing. I'd been with him for 23 years, and my current partner was also with his ex wife for that length of time and had been suffering similar. We've been good at helping each other over these bumps in the road, although it hasn't all been a smooth ride! We both have abandonment issues and commitment issues and have been battling with those since we've been together. As I said to my 22 year old daughter: relationship issues don't change with age lol!
Enough about me.
Did you come home to an empty house and a note? I'm feeling a real sense of abandonment here; like you didn't know it was coming and he simply left.
Look, I can blow smoke up your skirt and tell you all the cliche things: that you'll be fine, you will come out of this stronger and happier, but at this point, none of that is going to help you. If you know of a good counsellor somewhere near you, I'd go along and talk. Talk, talk, talk. And seek out one or two good friends who can help you through this as well.
Did you keep the house? I'm getting that you're rattling around alone and that the house has become too big for you. Once the initial dust has settled and you feel more stable within yourself, a move will come for you.
I can't see a reconciliation with your ex husband either; it's like he's disappeared in a puff of smoke and taken what he could from you without a backward glance. I'm not talking material things either, but that could - or no doubt would - be part of it.
The main message I get for you here is: as hard and sad as this has been, imagine what a life spent with someone of his nature would've been like for too much longer. You're still young enough to find another life and another love. Remind yourself always that this divorce came about because of his issues, not you or yours.
You tried. He didn't and couldn't.
I see an interstate move for you, but not for a while yet. It's going to be a place where the weather is much more temperate than where you live now, and closer to someone who's important to you - children or parents or a very good friend you had to leave behind because of him. That old life of yours will come back around full circle and you'll find yourself surrounded by those who lift your spirit and calm you.
You will go through some rocky times emotionally for a while though. This is why I suggested counselling, if that's a possibility for you.
He turned pretty mean, didn't he? And it was a great shock to you. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but again, imagine having to look after him in his failing years. This way, you won't have to; he'll be someone else's problem! And I apologise if that sounds a bit insensitive or harsh. You've been spared, as much as it hurts and has exhausted you.
And stop whipping yourself for indulging in the odd habit that you feel is bad for you! You'll come out of that too, and the more you worry about it, the worse it'll get a hold on you. Remember you're trying to find quick fixes to numb the pain and that is entirely normal.
Phew, that's what I can give you at the moment Radiant! I don't know if any of this makes sense, and I hope that none of it has annoyed or angered you.
I'm praying this helps you some ... and wish you all the best on this part of your journey.
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Thank you for posting this. I did answer at the time but my post seems to have disappeared. Never mind ! I shall write again soon, no time now.