Unusual life



  • I have a very unsual life; married for 14 years, husband runs hot and cold between genuine goodness and aloofness in the nurturing and sustaining of our relationship. This has been going on for the last 14 years and I want to know if now is a good time to break this cycle and leave for greener pastures? I never really know what personality I'm going to get when he comes home from work and I am mentally and spirutally exhausted. He is an aries and I am a gemini and we are 11 months apart with me be the older; can anyone offer insight into my situation? Lorie



  • Relationships are tricky and even the best marraiges have rough patches. what are the good things about your relationship? What are the qualities that you still appreciate about your husband? I was married 7 yrs and I left that marraige for good reason. I am not saying your reasons arent good enough but you need to waigh out the pros and cons of this relationship. I mean you have managed to keep it together for 14 yrs so you both must be doing something right. Its normal to fall in and out of love when you have been with someone a long time. Are you relying too much on your husband to fulfill you emotionally? Do you have other people in your life that know you both well enough to give a constuctive opinion? I want you to really pray about this. Give it over to God ask him to help you and your husband. God sees both of your hearts and he has the authority to change things for you dramatically. There may not be greener pastures. There are no garuntees that you will find someone to commit to you again should you walk away from this. Try to see if there are still qualities about him that are practical enough to stay. Does he come home everyday from work? Does he talk to you and let you in his private world? Is he a good provider? Is he abusive, controlling, or have a drug problem? If hes moody sometimes I dont really think its that big of a deal. Just dont be around him when hes like that get involved with other family members of friends when you need a break. You cannot depend on another person not even your husband to provide you all the things you are needing. that is why we have other people in our lives. He may see that you are taking care of yourself and want to be a part of that and naturally become that passionate man you fell in love with. It is still your responsibility to nurture yourself. You also still need to have some boundries and stay away when hes bringing you down. Geminis as you know are naturally moody. Its not personal against you but you can gaurd yourself from his nasty moods and show him with your actions that you respect his need for "alone time" when he starts to act that way.



  • I agree with you 100%, that is the approach that I have taken for many years; otherwise, I would not have had the balance needed to sustain the imbalance for so long. I can't help but feel sometimes that aries, are just self-centered and hot-tempered and just as easily cool and aloof without a care in the world. The reason for my disdain is that every few months or so it is like he goes into a cave and just darts out his head for quick snippets of engagement. My mom is an aries too and I find that she tends to do the same, all is fine when we are conversing about a subject that directly affects them and if not; they lose interest and even tend to tune you out. I am lively and talkative, and once I passed age 40, I got more down to earth and now have more inner peace. I would just like more conversation and engagement with my aries husband, mom and aries niece too! Prayer has also sustained me for many years along with great friends and a rewarding career!



  • im sorry I misunderstood bc I thought he was a gem and you were the aries. Okay yes I agree we can tune our loved ones out from time to time and I catch myself doing it too. Its an irritating personality trait I know. My friends tease me sometimes bc they will be talking and my mind will start to wander and its not to be rude its really actually flaky on my part. i have a gem moon whcih makes that trait a little intensified at times. I can relate to what you are saying and I can see why you would feel this way. Its just my opinion that I feel that this relationship is worth salvaging. its just hard being the woman because we are naturally more relational than men and they arent even aware half the time that there is a problem. And im not so sure that going into his cave is really an aries trait but its definantly just being a guy. Thats how they recharge is by slipping into their caves when they are working through their emotions. Women on the other hand want to get close to the people around us and talk everything to an oblivium. lol I think you will be okay but it sure does help to be able to get on here and vent and talk through issues with kind hearted people on here.God knows I do my fair share of venting. Feel free to respond any time. ( :



  • A lot of men don't seem to speak what they're feeling too well. He may be going thru stress etc. How do you think he feels about your marriage. Has he ever indicated that he wants out. Why not try to open up in a nonconfrontational way and let him know that you care. Maybe later ask if he'd like to go for relationship counseling. If he doesn't express feelings, that may be hard for him. Maybe, go the route yourself first. I don't believe in ending a marriage if it is just communication. But, because of the lack thereof it has turned into an emotional issue for you as well. One thing for sure, I wouldn't be confrontational. Do you work.



  • Patience, your story sounds like mine to the TEEE! Mine is also an Aries, what's up with that? Jekeyll N Hyde!



  • Thanks for the suggestions and the input. We have a lot of other factors too; a meddling mother-in-law that is constantly coming to my house and stealing my things. I banned her from coming to my house last year, but my aries husband is under her control. Literally, I keep cleaning up the salt piles and erasing the pentagrams and all sorts of other concoctions that his mother puts in the house. She is into some bad spiritual stuff and we have never had the kind of problems in our marriage; or at least not this bad, until we moved to the same country as his mom, Morocco. I have been prayful, consecrated my home to the Lord, had a pastor come in and speak words over our house and just Friday I found that she came in again and stole more of my personal belonging's. We had a major fight about this today and he has asked me for a divorce and I said yes. I find this to be a relief and I am just wanting to return to peace in the US with people whose language I can understand and who are not allowed to come in and steal from me. His mom, I believe has even lined-up another wife, when I asked him, she didn't deny it and she was gone to the US for two months; in just 10 days since coming back from the US she has managed to convince him to possibly marry another local Moroccan woman and honestly, I am numb and do not feel a thing, no anger, no pain, no hurt, nothing. All I want is peace and to go back home to the US and to not be around his crazy, controlling mother. We were so close and happy until 10 days ago when he ate at his mom's house the same day that she returned from the US and he has been combative to me ever since. I just surrender ALL to GOD and choose to,"Let go and let God!"



  • Thanks for the suggestions and the input. We have a lot of other factors too; a meddling mother-in-law that is constantly coming to my house and stealing my things. I banned her from coming to my house last year, but my aries husband is under her control. Literally, I keep cleaning up the salt piles and erasing the pentagrams and all sorts of other concoctions that his mother puts in the house. She is into some bad spiritual stuff and we have never had the kind of problems in our marriage; or at least not this bad, until we moved to the same country as his mom, Morocco. I have been prayful, consecrated my home to the Lord, had a pastor come in and speak words over our house and just Friday I found that she came in again and stole more of my personal belonging's. We had a major fight about this today and he has asked me for a divorce and I said yes. I find this to be a relief and I am just wanting to return to peace in the US with people whose language I can understand and who are not allowed to come in and steal from me. His mom, I believe has even lined-up another wife, when I asked him, she didn't deny it and she was gone to the US for two months; in just 10 days since coming back from the US she has managed to convince him to possibly marry another local Moroccan woman and honestly, I am numb and do not feel a thing, no anger, no pain, no hurt, nothing. All I want is peace and to go back home to the US and to not be around his crazy, controlling mother. We were so close and happy until 10 days ago when he ate at his mom's house the same day that she returned from the US and he has been combative to me ever since. I just surrender ALL to GOD and choose to,"Let go and let God!"



  • Well that changes things alot! WoW, actually what you said changes everything. RUN. Get your stuff and get the heck outta there! I have experience with being uder serious spiritual attack and let me tell you it is HORRIBLE. So not worth it. Omg you dont need the greener pastures you would be better off living on top of horse manure.



  • Mentally and spiritually exhausted? New wife arranged by his parents? RUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!

    All of that wich you have said is really really something that you should not accept to be a part of your life. RUUUUUUN from these people and go back home to the US.

    Congratulations with the divorse and good luck in finding peace in your self.


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