Wake up Ladies!

  • Hi I have to say It. What is up with all these intelligent nice women feeling sad over worthless men? Come on get it together! Do you not realize there is so much more to life than a man? Clearly you have love to give so why not start giving it where its appreciated? Do you not see that you must be stronger than this? I have been through heartbrakes too and it goes on and on. Then I realized I needed time on my own. Yes scary at first. But worth it HE77 YES!!! Stop worrying about what these men are doing and get yourselves together. I think part of the problem of whats happening here is that you are giving it up before these guys tell you they want you. See your vags are attached to your emotions so when you go to bed with a man you are attached to him spiritually, psysically and emotionally. Then he decides hes bored, confused, or wanting something else and you have to scrape your heart off the floor and wonder why its not working out. Start thinking ladies. Use your beautiful brains and dont let men become so much a part of your lives until they tell you they want you and you only. And there is evidence backing that up. They spend time with you without having sex, are truly concerned about your life, discuss your future as a couple and so on. Enough is enough already. These men are getting off way too easy. and its getting rediculous. Sorry I had to say it.

  • You seem to know quite alot about the theme.

    So I wonder how can you know you are in love, I have only experienced "sympathylove" I think I love the guys because they are in love with me.

    At the time beiing I do not belive in love, to me it feels like I wont ever need it and that frends are enough.

    I am quite young though, but how do you really know you are in love.

    I am starting to question what is wrong with me, I don't feel anger never have.

    And I don't even think I am ever going to fall in love.

    If you would be nice and answer this I would appriciate it. 😄

  • There is no single answer for what you are asking. Love is both complex and simple. The simple part is that you may feel love towards people in your life as well as recieving it. Most of us are working towards experiencing love wether we want to feel more of it or have the chance to express it to people that we care for. It could be something as simple as giving a hug or smiling at someone who is feeling down, this is an expression of love. The complex part is that sometimes we dont understand why we love someone or why we arent recieving love from who we give it to. And sometimes love leaves us. we fall out of love or someone falls out of love with us and we feel hurt confused betrayed abandoned and so on. You may be misunderstanding what love really is.I dont think its wrong to feel love towards someone because they feel love for you. that is acceptable and really sweet actually. You dont feel like you need a love-romantic relationship with a man because you already feel complete which probably makes you wonderful to be around. So naturally guys and friends are going to "love" you because you are not desperate or needy. This is not something to worry about. You have people in your life that you are experiencing love with in the simplest form. Thats great! You will fall in love someday and it will be wonderful because you are already so secure with yourself. Just keep doing what you are doing bc you are doing great!!! Love will come naturally for you and it doesnt mean big dramatic feelings of "needing" someone to fulfill you bc you already feel fulfilled. It will just be light and breezy and you probably wont even recognize it. You are on the right path as far as im concerned. Keep up the good work sweetheart.

  • Oh yeah and what im referreing to in the first post is women are giving themselves completely to underserving men that have made little or no promise of commitment and they are getting hurt over this. I am only trying to make a point that as women we need to be smarter about what to expect from special people in our lives and not lose our hearts and minds over men that were not offering very much in the first place. You can have special connections with more than one person in your life and by focusing in on only one person for love especially a man that isnt wanting or mature enough to handle commitment is a sure way to become let down and confused. If you take your time and let love grow at its own pace and are observing if a man is truly worthy of having you in his life than there wont be so much sadness and confusion. I have been through it made all those mistakes and I took ahold of my life and startig being more careful about my desiscions of who to date and who to walk away from and who to keep as a friend. Has saved me so much grief in the long run and my self esteem has gotten so much healthier because I am being more cautious. There is way too much heartbreaks going on that should not have gotten to that point in the first place. I am only trying to open up the eyes of whoever will listen to break these cycles of constant heartbreak its a vicious cycle to be hurt by someone repeatedly and your self esteem gets so low that you start to feel that you need the person that is hurting you to fix the relationship when you should be getting out of the situation and fixing yourself.

  • I posted something similar "Ladies take back your power". I agree on alot of what you say, but sometimes you can do everything you're "supose" to do and still get hurt. It's easier to know what to do with pain when it is not your own. I didn't sleep around with or get involed with someone who i didn't know, we knew eachother for years as friends. When we started dating he told me he loved me wanted to be with me even said he wanted to get married. We are still friends, talk about everything EVERYTHING but it has been difficult to understand him. There does come a time when one has to stand for something or fall for anything, and finally I said enough and not only do I feel better about my self, his attitude has changed 100%. You implied that if do what a lady ought to do you can avoid heartbreak, but that is not true. The only ones who can hurt us are the ones we trust enough to love, want, and need. Have you found a man yet, or are you speaking hypathetically? How do you distinguish having problems, which is normal, from someone just not being into you anymore? Would you walk away from a man you loved if he begged you to stay?

  • Sexygem all that you are saying is very true indeed and you brought up a good point that sometimes heartbreak is unavoidable. I hope I didnt offend you by all that was said. I am only speaking from experience and I am getting involved with a new guy and trying hard to play by the new set of standards I have imposed on myself. I am not simply saying walk away and be unforgiving either that totally goes against my grain. I only speak from my own experience and I have had to walk away from love and it was painful beyond words. If a man begged me to stay with him he better be able to show me that he is fixing the issue that is making me want to leave and really be sorry not just trying to save face. Sounds like you did the right thing by taking a stand for yourself and it seems to have worked out well for you. It was probably the way you handled yourself and the timing was correct as well. being hurt by a man that you have a long standing friendship with is the ultimate betrayal and I know that pain all too well. In my situation I ignored the fact that as much as I loved him he was not mature enough for us to make it in the long run. I was letting my emotion of how I loved him overrule logic and my basic instincts so I had a hard time even trusting myself. The pain was unbearable and lasted for a very long time. i lost a friend and a lover and its just not something I want to go through again. it was a very difficult lesson to learn and I am only trying to share what I have learned. I do not pass judgement or mean to sound like I am for anyone who gives her fave guy another chance. Really, these are only opinions based on my experience and its okay if you dont agree with me in fact I am very open to what you think about this bc I think you are a very smart lady and there are alot of folks on here that have different points of view that we can learn from. Again i am truly sorry if what i said was offensive.

  • Oh and yes I read your post ladies take back your power and agree with that. This was in reference to some other things I have been seeeing go on here and I feel really bad for some of the young women and am only hoping that some of you will be able to use this info to get out of a bad situation or even avoid a bad situation all together. Sometimes things go wrong in relationships and sexy gem is right not all can be avoided, love is risky business. I am also just tired of seeing women being mistreated by men that they truly love. I am all for "my girls" That is why I am rambling about this issue.

  • I was not offended just wondered how extreme you felt about not taking any bs. It's hard to tell when someone is bsing you or if they truly made a mistake. I apreciate your post, I'm glad to see something that is empowering, for a change, I agree with most of you points. I've been knowing this guy for a while and I felt bad for myself until I started reading these other post. Then I was like "I hope I'm not like this", Although there were some differences the more I read other's post the more I saw myself in these stories. The more I saw myself in them, the less tolerent I became of my "friend". I've been hurt a few times but always try to learn, grow, or take something positive from the experience, because I believe that most relationships start with good intentions. Becasue of this belief (no matter how foolish) I maintain friendships with many of my exes. Who knows what'll happen with this dude, he's behaving as he should right now, but I am strong enough to take responsiblity for my happiness and if I find he is bringing me more misery then happiness I will kick his behind to the curb.

    Far as your post I gather you're an aries, your words were a bit harsh albeit true, it my just be the kick in the pants that some of our sisters need to get find their inner voice, and strength. You go girl.

    I also want to encourage other women who have stories where they prevail in the end to post. It seems like too many stories about the good guy loosing are all we see, and it can make one feel depressed or angry for the "victims".

  • Oh I want to reply to skweezy. Don't worry, when you fall in love with someone YOU WILL KNOW.

  • Yeah sorry for the harshness a bit impulsive on my part but I will tell you I have had wonderful people in my life tell me similar things and I realize its not fun to hear but it was necessary. I guess I am so used to my loved ones being so direct with me I dont realize the harshness of my words sometimes. I will try to tone it down a bit next time, still working on that behavior. ( :

  • Love is a beautiful thing and no one should be denied it. Just go into a relationship with a cautious air (and please for Pete's sake, wait before having sex.) Sex only complicates things.

    The best way to tell if a man loves you is this, BE Yourself. Seriously. You have no clue how many men I weeded out before I found my perfect little Gemini. (my fiancee, together 2 and a half years and expecting our first child! :D). Just be yourself. If you cant be yourself around someone your sharing your life with, then forget about it.


  • I agree be yourself and be true to yourself. If we don't love and respect ourselves, how can we expect a man to love and respect us?

  • Ok, My best friend has been dating her (now finace) for over 7 years. They have a 4 year old son. She has begged and cried and waited for him to purpose. Finally she gave him an ultimatum, marrige or no sex. He stuck to his guns for a while, but he finally saw she was serious and willing to loose him. She's engaged. Although ultimatums don't always work, if someone truly loves you they will not be able to live without you, and if he would have opted to leave her, then she could pretty much bet that he never wanted to marry her anyway.

  • Ladies, I just completed a course, you may have heard of it but it's called,

    Calling in the One and it's a book that Katherine Woodward Thomas wrote and she has telecourse and other courses for people to help them clear those blockages. At first I was like, heck....not sure about this. I feel so much more empowered and I have cleared out old relationships that needed to end a loooooong time ago. I can't say enough about the course but the main thing for me is I took back my power. I was set up on a blind date and there wasn't any chemistry. Before this course I would beat myself up because I would make excuses about my weight or obsess over nothing. Now, I was like, well I wasn't attracted to himmmmmm! I am feeling like I am loving myself more these days and I am committed to making myself a magnet to attract someone who is right for ME.

  • Hey sealask, I have heard about that, I downloaded a free sample of what she does. i thougt it she had an intresting approach getting to the root of the problem but cannot afford it. Very cool stuff

  • Lovin, start with the book, which is about $13 and go from there. I took the 7 week teleclass and now just got accepted into the Diamond Circle which is with 12 other women for $2,500 and I was like, I can't afford this....but I prayed and the next day my work agreed to pay for it! Make it happen for yourself! I realized that I spent so much time focusing on my past relationships, the latest in particular that he didn't love me....so that is what I got. I shifted my focus on what I WANT from a partner and keeping that focus on someone that I really want to attract into my life.

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