Is/was my husband cheating?

  • Hello,

    I apologise upfront for the TMI: my husband and I keep our condoms beside the bed, but one is also usually kept in a drawer in the living room. We went to use the one in the living room, but it wasn’t there. My husband said he didn’t have a clue what happened to it (we definitely hadn't used it). It never occurred to me that my husband might cheat, but after this event I counted the condoms in the bedroom: there were 20. Some time later we used one, so there should have been 19 left. I decided to count them again about a week later and there were 21. Among them was also one of a different colour, which I thought might be the missing one from the living room. What I thought might have happened was that perhaps my husband had intended/hoped to cheat on me, but then it didn’t take place, and he put the condoms back in their place. I asked him about it and of course he denied any knowledge and even accused me of tampering with them on purpose. He also said I had miscounted the first time. I counted them about 7 times to be sure, so I absolutely did NOT miscount them.

    I hope you can help. Thank you,


  • This is more than just about missing condoms. That you would instantly think your husband was cheating and that he would accuse you of tampering with them on purpose means that trust has been lost in this marriage. It will take more than a psychic's reassurance to fix this issue. You both need to talk honestly with each other about EVERYTHING that is bothering you and maybe even seek counselling if that doesn't help.

  • I didn't instantly think my husband was cheating. About a month has passed since the missing condom and at first I was just curious, more than anything. I would not have thought of it at all had our marriage been ok. The fact that we have some serious problems is the reason why I could understand (but not forgive) if he sought "love" in the arms of another woman. We didn't argue over this issue, we just calmly discussed it. Our relationship has not changed (externally, anyway) since our discussion. The point is there is a concrete anomaly in terms of the condoms, and I can't figure out why. In 11 years of marriage I have never once doubted my husband's fidelity, or done anything such as check his phone or count condoms, until a month ago, but mainly yesterday. My husband refuses counselling. We have talked openly about everything. Over and over and over again.

  • You talk openly but you still suspect him?

  • They are not mutually exclusive, and nothing is as black and white as you seem to make out.

  • Honestly, I would forget about the condoms and focus on the real issue which is the status of your relationship. If you have discussed your problems over and over then you are either at an impasse or you need to lighten up and try to be more playful with each other - do things together that you will both enjoy and shelve the serious conversations for a bit. If you can't do that then once again you may be at an impasse.

    Infidelity is never the cause of a relationship breaking apart - it is one of the symptoms of it.

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