Troubled 12 year old grandson

  • Can anyone tell me about my grandsons' future with me or without me? He is a very good kid one minute and a very bad one the next, he seems to be an old soul and had a bad night. He was taken away by the cops in handcuffs tonight. I think he needs help I cannot give him, but I love him very much. Please help me.

  • What is his date of birth?

  • 10/28/2003

  • It may seem a bit hard to take in right now, but your grandson's breaking of the law and rebelling is actually good for him in that he is learning not to blindly follow the rules, and that he can use his creativity and originality to work his way around them. Some people might even think he is a law unto himself. But it is part of his life lesson to take some risks and it's better that he does it now rather than later on when he is older and more likely to get into bigger kinds of trouble. Of course, he has to understand that actually doing something illegal is going too far. He is learning to go his own way, to do his own 'thing' and not seek his sense of self-worth through other people. He needs to feel better about himself so he tries to exert authority over others, which can result in continuous power struggles. He can also become upset with himself if he can't live up to his own too-high expectations. He has a lot of insecurity and a deep fear of being shamed or looking foolish, so being taken away in handcuffs by the police might well shake some sense into him.

    The good news is that once he finds his vocation in life, his career will become all-important and he will knuckle down and devote himself to it. He will actually turn out to be one of the most organized and well-prepared people around. His work will most likely centre around a dedication to improving, serving or educating others in some way - and building: a home, a relationship or a business. He may find himself drawn to the world of science and technology, but his desire to benefit others may also attract him to social and humanitarian reform, community or charity work. Other possible career choices may include philosophy, psychology, cooking, farming, construction, engineering, sport, writing, music, or education. He will gravitate to work that allows him some privacy, that challenges his intellect, and that appeals to his high-minded sense of meaning and purpose. Finding his vocation will be all-important for your grandson as otherwise, if feeling misunderstood and judged harshly by others, he could turn to drugs or escape into an illusory world of fantasy, becoming an isolated hermit. If you can help him at all find his career path, it would benefit him tremendously. He needs to boost his sense of self-trust and self-worth and can do this by finding a purpose and being good at it. Helping him to express his feelings more will be of great benefit to him, too as he has trouble showing and dealing with his emotions.

    He will have to be careful to also devote some attention to his personal life or it will suffer. When he is older, he may come across as overly serious or preoccupied and, if he hasn’t got friends and family to give him a sense of perspective, he may become emotionally isolated, completely losing his spontaneity and ability to have fun. He is an extremely private person with an awesome creative imagination, yet he also wants to feel connected with other people and the world. Very soon now (if not already), your grandson will begin to move into this more serious and intense stage, and can turn into something of a workaholic up to the age of twenty-five, when he will reach a turning point that will highlight a need for more freedom and adventure. At that time, there will be opportunities presented to him to expand his horizons, whether through travel, further education or study, and it is important that he takes advantage of these opportunities because they offer him the chance to become a more fully rounded and fulfilled human being, rather than just a human working.

    Your grandson is an inquisitive boy with an insatiable desire to explore. Fascinated with the tiny details that can make all the difference, his logical mind gives him the potential to make a pioneering contribution to the world. And if he can learn to expend as much energy discovering and preparing himself for the wonderful adventures life has to offer outside work, he will also be able to create lasting connections with the world. He does tend to be a bit of a late bloomer, however, perhaps taking a while to get his professional and personal life off the ground. He may retreat into a fantasy world, looking for the 'perfect' job or relationship at times. He must learn to value himself and his abilities (his creativity, originality, high standards and sharp logical mind) more and understand that there is nothing and no one 'perfect' in this world. To do his best is all that is needed.

    2015 was a year for your grandson to be a bit selfish since it was all about him - to him. He moved into a whole new chapter of his life, doing things differently, changing, and it was rather disorienting for him. In 2016, he should settle down more and be looking to connect to other people. He will be trying to find ways of creating more harmony, stability and balance in all areas of his life. Indeed, he will be searching for ways to make life easier for himself, for example by letting go of a specific type of emotional behaviour which is preventing him from enjoying life fully. He will begin to find his way, and hopefully he will be feeling more at ease with the changes he went through in 2015.

  • Dear TheCaptain: Thank You so much as this sounds like him.

  • Dear TheCaptain: Jake was living with us and we got into a volatile domestic fight, he was not there, but I some of the family called the cops and I had to give a report. Jake also refused to live in the duplex we moved into as he said we were trying to kill him. His lungs kept closing up on him and he could not breath. DHS yanked him out of our house and gave him back to mom which did not work before but I was hoping this time would. It did not and she called me to come get him, he stayed with my other daughter that night and the next day everything fell all apart. I took him to two of his attorney appointments and two DHS appointments and DHS took him away from me and put him in a respite home. I went to court the next day and they did grant him to stay at this place until further notice. This poor boy is mean and very nice at times and is only twelve, built like a 16 year old. Can you tell me if I stand a chance of getting him back? Mom said she doesn't want him but wants to have contact with him. (YA right) Will he be stuck in this home or go to another foster home? I am worrying myself sick over him, life is not fair to him right now. I am also worried about the 10 year old girl in moms house but not so much with the 15 year old boy. I feel like mom is back on drugs or is more mentally sick than what any of us know. I feel like I should tell someone who I think the real father is for him but always wanted to stay out of this too. If my husband or I do not get A job this week we will have no where to live. I don't understand all of these challenges at the same time. Don't know what is going to happen or what to do? Do you have any insight for me, I am really scared and worried. I would appreciate your help. Thank You and God Bless.

  • Julieme 48

    i am writing to you because the suggestion i will make to you, i pray that u follow to achieve the very best results in your grandsons live, he is so young,,

    many times in my life, when i have had a problem in my family with a family member that i cant not resolve, i go to pray to god, i open my heart to him, i tell him what hurts, and how much it hurts,,

    prayer is a powerful weapon, it protects us, it heals, i would even say it cures,, recently, i seen the movie the warroom which is based on a true story, this movie strengthen my faith, trust in god with all your might,, i have absolute faith, that your grandson will turn out to be a great human bieng, with god all things are posible, ask god to bless him at all times, when he is leaving the house, tell him god bless u, god will turn him around,, u can pray for your daughter also, may god unite your family in love and peace, God bless u

  • Juliem, you need to get a hold of your fear and try to believe that everything will be OK. Fear will lead you to make the wrong decisions both for yourself and for everyone else. If you do not get a job or lose your home, there are organizations that can help. Trust that what is happening is what needs to happen. Reach out for help to other people. Jake needs to get right away from his situation. See if you can find any organizations (like Big Brother, Standupfor kids, etc.) who can get Jake out into the countryside, maybe living and working on a farm. He really needs stability right now and while you and your hubby are looking for jobs, you cannot completely provide that for him. Hold on tight because things are going to get easier and better for you as the year progresses.

  • You might also try enrolling him in a gym (the YMCA or other rec centers) or martial arts course or getting him involved in some outdoor hobby like camping, hiking, bike riding, jogging/walking, paintballing, boy scouts, rock climbing, a sporting club etc. Just let him try out different activities but never force him. In a couple more years, he could even try a military cadet corps or similar. A lot depends on what's available in your area. Where you live, there may be a youth bureau that has sports offerings where fun and good sportsmanship are emphasized, and the volunteer coaches are tuned in to helping each child feel comfortable and make personal growth.

  • captain, i agree with you that all these things are excellent, i also believe that god is our greatest helper, and we should look upon him, he will lead the way,, we ask, we let go, the universe answers our every prayer,,, trust, faith, go along way,,,,

  • Dear Ramonita:

    Thank you for your words and God Bless You!

  • Dear TheCaptain:

    Thank you, really was not what I wanted to hear, but it is exactly what I thought I would hear. God Bless You and all your help for mankind. We need you!

  • Dear TheCaptain: Jake is now out of our situation as he went back to live with mom. She called me to come get him and he spent the night with his aunt and the day at school until I picked him up. We went to see his attorney and Department Human Services, as they are his legally. They took him away from me and put him in a foster home. He does not want to see his mom and I don't know about me, but I have been trying to see him and it is not working out. I miss this young boy with and older soul.

  • Jake needs a settled family situation so perhaps this foster home will provide it.

  • Dear TheCaptain:

    I am sure you are right but I still miss him. Thank You and God Bless You

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