Need help about a cancer-leo cusp man I was dating
First of all, I want to thank those who will take the time to read this very detailed description of what happened. I thought every little detail might bring light to the situation.
I'm Steph and a pisces female who fell head-over-heals for a cancer-leo cups (23 july) after about 5 dates.
There was incredible chemistry between us right from the beginning. I've never felt in such incredible desire for anyone in my entire life (I'm 35, he's 33). I only managed to wait on the second date to sleep with him. Too early maybe? Anyway. What happened: We seemed to have fallen for each other over one night. It was the first time this kind of thing happened to me. He wanted to see me the very next day. Actually he didn't want to leave my place. But I had things to do that day. I work from home. And I needed to center myself after this incredible experience. I think if I would have let it go we would have been together all the time for god knows how long, but I often need my space.
Anyway, I was a little freaked out and was afraid he was a player just wanting to get in my pants. Couldn't figure out if he was really into me or just into sex. So I told him via Facebook I wasn't ready to see him again right away. I told him about my fears, that I didn't want to be played with, that I was not interested in just one night with him, that what I felt for him was too intense for that kind of sad ending. He reassured me that this is not what he wanted. The next day we chatted again and he was in a bad mood, feeling like this conversation we just had felt like a cold shower for him. He started questioning himself and his own intentions and it was way too early on to be thinking about all this. I agreed. We chatted all night. It made him feel better. We agreed to meet again the next night he was in town which was a couple days later. He's a musician. He travels a lot. So we did, it was late cause he was just arriving from a show and we went to a bar with his fellow musicians. I saw a lot of my old friends from where I'm from at that bar because they had played in MTL that night too. I gave them a lot of hugs because it's part of the tradition where I come from. Friends hug each other a lot. And they are all attractive men my age. Did I make him jealous that night? Anyway. We drank a bit. We came to my place. We had amazing sex all night. And we spent the next couple days together and it was just plain amazing, except that he seemed to no longer want to spend a penny on me...That made me start to question a bit. I had to go to a doctor's appointment. He drove me there. I said I would text him from my cell when I would be done so I could come with him to his place that night. I forgot my cell phone at home. By the time I got back home, I never thought of checking my messages. He had written a couple times asking if I was done. After a while he just went home. Understandable. We spoke a bit later on Facebook. He said he was too tired and hungry for the moment but would call me later. He didn't. So I wrote to him "Goodnight" when I went to bed. The next day he explained that he was sorry he had fallen asleep while watching TV. I was a bit angry and knew I was overreacting so decided not to write to him at the moment. He wrote in the afternoon and my only reply was "I don't feel like talking right now". He wrote "OK I'll leave you with your things xox". Later that night, before going to bed, I wrote a message to him to explain that I had a rough day (which was true) because of an unresolved conflict with a roommate that came back up in the morning. I didn't mention it was partly because of him cause I thought it was just silly. The next day, he replied to me at 3 pm some vague message saying he was sorry to hear I had a bad day. At around 8 pm, I lost it at him. I said "That's it? That's all you care to tell me?? So were you really a player after all?? You're already turning into a ghost?? I don't need a party and sex buddy. I thought you were serious". This puzzled him. His response was vague : I wasn't sure what to do I thought you needed your space I thought maybe you were angry with me I expected an answer at some point but not necessarily this one". Then he said "I never meant to try to make you believe anything trust me"... So I replied : Was I supposed to be aware that you just wanted sex??? Sorry that is not at all what I had understood from our conversations" Then he said "No, I never wanted just sex. But now I'm confused because of your reaction." So we spoke a lot about it all and I apologized for jumping to negative conclusions. He decided he needed time to think about this. I gave him time to think about this. At some point, after about a week, I was tired of waiting. (mistake again?) So I asked him if we could see each other and talk that day. We did. He came for a couple of hours. While he was here, talking with me, he was cuddling with me, playing with my hair. We started with small talk. We laughed. We had platonic fun. Then, he started slipping it in. "I don't think it's a good idea to continue seeing each other because I am leaving soon for 2 months, and I am afraid it's just going to be painful for both of us cause we are going to miss each other too much, and plus, I am not 100% certain of my feelings for you. If I was 100% sure, I would do it, but I am not sure enough. I said ok but was devastated. We went outside for a smoke, came back in my room, and while he was getting ready to go, I stole his gloves and put them inside my dress. He loved the game, he tried and tried to get the gloves and eventually I just let him take them. Then we gave each other a hug to say goodbye. A long, passionate, incredible hug that I wanted to never end. I was crying but didn't want to cry too much in front of him. But I just wanted this moment to last forever. At some point I said : 'You were right, this would have been too hard, cause I just can't let you go!" At that point he said : ok I'm gonna go now. He kissed me and said : "See you soon" ..?? He left. A couple days later, I begged him to come see me again. That it was ok if he was uncertain of everything, that I just wanted to spend time with him regardless of the future. That we had tried to be too serious too soon. That I was just so happy and having so much fun when he was around. He took a week and a half to reply this : Hello miss, sorry about the delay... I was pretty busy and wanted to make sure I was making the right decision so I needed to think about this... I imagine it is too late and you have already moved on"
To that point, I had actually, yes, started to move on by telling myself he was just a player. I had seen him online on a dating site a couple nights before he wrote to me so I figured he was seeing other girls and I had just been one out of a bunch. So I didn't reply right away. I read about "The disappearing reappearing man syndrome" and acted accordingly to what I was instructed by those "specialists" of human behaviour. I figured he probably had just been dumped by some other girl. I didn't know better because I hadn't read about the cancer-leo cusp man behaviour and how this is part of their "normal" functioning. So I wrote something vague (and some of it untrue) to him, in the hope of bringing back some sparks that I may have killed by being all-over-him too quickly in the relationship. I wrote "Hi there! I can't sleep tonight and just remembered that I had forgotten to reply to you! I hope all is well with you! I believe you are leaving for a trip? Have a great time with your family and Happy Holidays! If you're back in town prior to the 18th of December, let me know!" So this had nothing to do with what he wrote, I know. But I figured I had freaked him out by being too into him too soon and wanted to cool it off. Now, I'm wondering if I just made another silly mistake.
For those who believe this man potentially has something for me (I must say : everyone who saw us together were commenting on how beautiful we were together. Everyone assumed we were a couple, including my friends, his friends and pure strangers). My roomates were shocked when they found out he had decided to end this. They were convinced he was in love with me.
For those who believe this guys was just interested into sex : He did stop spending money on me as soon as after a couple of dates. And.. he's pretty loaded. He's a professional, highly in demand musician. Which brings me to this other factor: He plays a lot, with popular bands, which means lots of fans and lots of options everywhere he goes. Why the hell would he want to settle to one lady?
So here are my questions for you all :
"Do you think this guy is, was ever into me?"
"If he was, where do you think I screwed up and how could I possibly gain back his interest if it was there?"
"Do you think he just played me?" "Do you think this is anything worth trying?" "Do you think I am being silly for loving a man who shows obvious signs of not being that into me?"
"If I swear the God I had never experienced anything so beautiful in my life, is it even possible that it was not love but just infatuation?"
Thanks everyone, sincerely.
I would like to add that I am perfectly conscious of my own issues. This is probably what killed it right? When I lost it at him for no good reason?..
The above post was not sent by me. To use my photo with it is fraudulent and really despicable tactics. Any person who would offer such a service in this fashion is a con artist. The Tarot site needs to close its security holes.
And Stephibulle, yes you moved way too fast on this guy and you scared him to death. It's doubtful he will give you another chance. Learn from this to take a relationship much more slowly and to try and keep an even pace with your partner. When you rush love, it can seem more like desperation to the other person. Love is not a race, it should be savoured slowly.