My crush is getting married



  • I just learned of this news this morning and I am in extreme emotional pain. He is my bosses' boss and I always thought he had a thing for me, but dare not make a move because we work at the same company and he has too much to lose. I never made a move on him because I knew he was with someone already and it was also unprofessional so I hid my feelings for a year and a half. I can't shake the feeling he was "the one" but the timing and setting was off... I keep thinking, what if I told him how I felt a long time ago and he decided to be with me instead? What if I could have changed our future, but I lost my chance? Please advise what he thinks of me and how to proceed... I know the cliche answer is to "move on. there's plenty of fish in the sea." He is perfect to me and helped me in my career so much... I can't bear to be without him.



  • when things are meant to be they happen naturally, without bieng force or manipulated, maybe as a person he liked you, when a men feels a atraction for a women he acts on it,,, this was not the case, look forward to meeting someone in the near future, where things are meant to happen under the guidling love of god,,,



  • Hi Ariespiscesaquarius,

    Ramonita is correct - I know that's not what you want to hear and I'm sorry. We women have a tendency to fantasize and turn simple things into dramatic and complicated stories or meanings. Men are much more cut and dried and often don't understand how we get from a casual glance to a torrid love affair. You were attracted to him physically, but also attracted to his power - a part of you that likes being dominated for lack of a better word. Once again, your view of the nature of your relationship was distorted and I hate to use a trite phrase but self-love is an issue. It is going to take you some time to "detoxify" yourself from this fantasy and let it go. Be kind to yourself, but first allow yourself to accept the truth. Focus on your own sense of power. Prove to yourself that you are a strong, capable leader - even if you are only the leader of yourself.

    There is also a message here about the attraction toward unavailable men. This fantasy love kept you safe from connecting with anyone else. You got to experience "love" without the risk involved with a real relationship. Do you have a track record of being attracted to men who are already attached to another or just emotionally unavailable? Something to take a look at in addition to the attraction toward men of power...

    Take care.



  • I should rephrase.. he did give me his number and reiterated the fact that if I needed ANYTHING at all to contact him. There's no reason to contact him since he is not my direct boss and he knows this. He jumped through many hoops to get me a higher salary and promoted when he knew my current boss at the time did not like me and had no plans of moving me up in the company.

    He would find ways to be near me, stare at me for long periods of time to get me to notice him in a very obvious way, touch the middle of my back, lean in close to talk me, and stand very close to me. Now I am aware there are men that like to flirt and string women along as an ego boost when they're already taken, with no real intentions of anything serious. There were just too many signs, he would get painfully shy around me at times and even avoid eye contact, start preening himself when I am near, start talking to everyone around me except me to get my attention, etc. It was as if he was making his interest obvious by the staring and waiting for me to make the move since he can't due to his high position, and the fact he was expecting a baby and engaged to this woman when I first met him. If he is the responsible, level headed and realist type, which I think he is, he would stick it out with her even if he did like me. I'm sure he was thinking if he made a move, he would've came across as a scumbag cheater, a guy that would ditch his family for an underling at work, career scandal, and lose his job and respect. There's no happy ending in this if we both work at the same company and I think he is aware of this.

    I want him to be happy even if it's without me, and wouldn't want to be a homewrecker and ruin a family. There were just too many signs that he was attracted to me... and I know not all guys make a move on women they like, especially good looking reserved guys like him that are used to having good looking women throw themselves at him wherever he goes (yes, he is that good looking).

    Yes I have a history of being attracted to both taken and single men. Let's be honest, most of the good men are married or taken, and if they aren't there's usually a short window of time to get in before they get in another relationship. It's difficult to find someone good that is available... and you're right I have a fear of connecting and falling in love and giving someone else that much power over my heart. I've been in a long term relationship before and it felt like a divorce when it was over, but I'm at that point if I met someone worth it (like him), I would open my heart fully.



  • Yes, he was a flirt and if you looked at it honestly you would admit that you were not the only woman with whom he flirted. Good looking, successful, charismatic men are normally like that for many reasons but one is simply because they are able to - women are eager to oblige! The fact is that the whole time he was in this other relationship...they had a baby and now are getting married. If he felt "stuck" or merely "obligated" to be with her then he wouldn't be marrying her. Sorry, I know the truth hurts.



  • in life what goes around eventually comes around, i am not saying u have done something wrong,

    what i want to express to you is give the most sincere love to everyone u encounter in life, love comes in many forms, friends, family , spouse, love will be returned to you, work on the things that watergirl mentions to you, about bieng attracted to the unavialabe , afraid of commitment, work on your self, love yourself,, love will come, this time i mean the love u are presently looking forword to, i wish u lots of love, may the universe bless u,,



  • Ariespiscesaquarius, He did do you a lot of good and can be grateful for that part. I would try and forget the romantic part. Would it be hard to maintain a prosperous working relationship w/o getting involved. On some level, need to separate the two.