In Need of Relationship Insight

  • Hello everyone,

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years (His DOB February 6th 1988 Northridge, CA 6pm) I feel as if we are really in love being that we have been through hell and back together. We have a one year old son together. It has been alot of hell though when it comes to his temper. I feel as if he can be emotionally abusive. Im not exactly sure sometimes because my energy and empathic abilities get muddled but I know the way he acts when he angry isn't ok. We have alot of external issues outside of that we are in a really living situation with his parents after a year of homeless and little hope. Both of us are stressed like crazy but I don't feel we should add stress on to each other. I don't think he cares about that and has been self asorbed lately. We both deal with each other's anger problems but his can really exacerbate the situation and he can end up being very cold, selfish and mean. Im not sure if he is a narcissist, doesn't care or is just very stressed. Im not sure but Im at the point where I want to leave him. I really do care-but he isn't my responsibility and he needs to know I need him to be here for me sometimes as well. May someone please give me insight to my relationship and my boyfriend? I truly need to know. My DOB is May 6th 1992 9:28pm Dallas, TX.

  • This is a photo of us-we are in the middle.

  • This is a photo of us from a few months back

  • Here is a more recent photo of us (taken last week)

  • Asia118X

    You both are fixed signs meaning that you are independent thinkers. Like to go your own way and do your own thing. Asia you have very good insight into how you both interact and the how and whys of it. Captain would be good to consult for your chart information.

    I feel that you give a lot to him on an emotional level and he is at this time being selfish, a bit immature also. I hope that you have outside family that will help you to leave , if not than look for shelter offered by churches , community.

    You have tried and I am not trying to make him into the bad guy here. He has gifts and he is not making enough effort to use them. He feels like he has musical gifts and something about math here that he is good in. He needs to ask for help and not be to proud to do so , and get himself back on a positive track. He is living off his emotions and not controlling them at this time.

    You feel like you have some artistic talents yourself and hairdressing and fashion would be a good path to explore, there are grants given to go to school for training. Empowering yourself is a positive path to walk.

    I wish you both the best of Luck

    Mist of Emerald

  • Thank You MistofEmerald! You hit it right on the head for that one! I don't think he's a bad a guy at all-just being very selfish at the moment by living through his emotions at this difficult time in our lives. He understands he just struggles but I see his progress. And honestly he has made alot of progress being with me. We have both agreed to go to consueling individually. I feel his struggles we're long before me (habit) and he must journey that alone in order to battle his anger. I feel I need to go for management of stress. Me and my boyfriend are looking for outside help as we speak but we are also striving to manage the situation on our own due to a long struggle of getting help from people who probably didn't want to..

    We both are artistic, free-spirits. Ive always love to express myself artistically-I'm big on writing and shooting videos. I aspire to be a major, influential filmmaker. My boyfriend is talented in almost anything lol but he is passionate most about dance and cooking. I've inspired him to think bigger. He just isn't managing his stress well. We are willing to take baby steps to the higher path and empower ourselves. I guess we'll start looking in places we haven't before.

    Thank you MistofEmerald for you insight and kind words. I sincerely appreciate it!

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  • Bump! I really would love some insight. I know every relationship has its ups and downs but I am not sure if I am the problem or if my boyfriend is being emotionally abusive. I would really love a review on all of this. I know Mercury is in retrograde but I need to know if it is safe to go to a shelter or just be patient

  • Asia,

    The two of you mirror each other in a very important way and it is an issue you have a tendency to try to sweep under the carpet or avoid. There is an imbalance here with emotions that needs to be treated with medication. Also, is he drinking too much?

    This is also a mirror with regard to your mother and her relationship with your father. Remember how frustrated you used to get with her? She would put up with his abuse and continue to let him back into the household and you could not understand why. And now you have created the same relationship for yourself.

    Be strong. Do what's best not just for you but for your son. Ask for help- there is help out there if you are courageous enough to not only seek it out but to remain steadfast in your decision.

    Trust what you know in your heart and have faith that you will overcome this challenge.

    Be Strong,


  • Thank you! This has been a transformative experience for me! But sometimes I think it has run its course. I understand he is frustrated but its pushing him to be self absorbed and someone I don't recognize. I sometimes don't know what to make of him because his actions are confusing. All I know is, i don't have the energy for it anymore. Is there any insight you can give me to how he feels and is he taking advantage of my patience?

  • Asia you need to focus more on what YOU are feeling and what YOU know is best for YOU and your SON. You are giving your power away when you worry too much about what he is thinking and feeling while you are being mistreated. Patience is a tricky thing. A lot of times people use this term, "patience", when they are feeling trapped in a situation and fear taking the steps to get themselves out. We need to have patience when we are building something in our lives - manifesting our dreams. We take the necessary daily steps and have faith that in the end we will get there. We should not have "patience" with emotional abuse or any other form of abuse for that matter. It is not "patience" when we place someone else's needs above our own, it is lack of self worth.

  • Very true! I am prepared to take the necessary steps it is scary though! I have been focused on how I feel alot more over the past year which has made me come to the decision to help myself. I'm just planning things out thoroughly but thank you! I should have never been patient in the first place but I really wanted my family to work out but I hope we could actually take a break amicably because overall I want us to function as parents. Thank you though Watergirl! You really have helped-I am pretty secure in what I know is best now. I sincerely thank you and appreciate your insight!

  • You can do this Asia. It is time for you to come into the power of YOU. If you are not being treated well, walk away. And as you walk away do so with the knowledge that although there may be love you have for this person, it does not mean that you should stick around to be mistreated. You can walk away peacefully. Sometimes life is hard! But our greatest strengths come through walking through the fire. You have the opportunity to break the cycle of your family dynamics - break the karmic cycle that probably started long before your mother and father. If at times you feel weak and unable to do it for yourself, think of your son and do it for him.

    All the Best to you, Asia


  • Ok thank you and I should! I want to break the cycle before it has too much of an influence over my son. I am independent and strong. I can do this on my own-I would love all the support I can get too. I haven't had much even from my own family but it does make me stronger I guess. I can't take being mistreated anymore but I am trying my best to get finances together. I don't want to go back into my mothers home due to her abusive tendencies and stressful environment. I am actually waiting to move back to Texas with my friend once they get their finances straight. Once I move to Texas, will more job opportunities open up for me?

    And by the way, I saw my boyfriend (soon to be ex) for who he truly is today. His emotional abuse came in full fledge this morning. I couldn't help but cry because of how overwhelming all the energies where. He flipped out on me this morning for playing around with him and was still upset at me after I apologized. He started shoving me out the room and in the process broke my glasses (the 3rd time he has done this) and breaks the door. He kept telling me the whole time that I was making him like this and this was all my fault. In the shower he is punching things, throwing things and stays in there for about 2 hours. He jumps out, and tells me he is leaving to work (even though its like 3 hours early). It hurt me because he acted so nonchalant about what he did to me. He tells me to shut up, stop crying, stop the waterworks and that I should have never played around with him. He told me to leave him alone and he skated off as I cried saying I couldn't speak to him like a normal person. And this is after two days of him being ok (even though I still have the breakup in my mind). He also threatened me that he is not coming home early tonight. I saw the manipulation, lack of respect, control and lack of compassion. I was truly heartbroken but I saw what I needed to see. I was so ashamed of myself for crying (because I like to come off as tough) but at the same time I am glad I got this all off of my chest. I hate the way he makes me feel when he is angry. I can see how much negative energy he brings into my life and how much he brings me down. I was having a completely normal day before all of this happened (I was imagining my life without him and how happy I would be building a life with my son). I realized that no matter how hurt I am that is most important. I hate his family as well. I don't feel any support from them but thats ok.

  • Asia, I am just being shown that you still really haven't made up your mind to leave. You say you are and in your head you know it's what you need to do, but you are still hanging on emotionally and it's just talk. Fear, worry and anxiety have a tendency to take over in you. You must truly make the decision to walk away from the harsh energy you are in and find a more gentle, supportive environment. Do not continue to hang on to someone who mistreats you simply because you fear you cannot go out on your own and do it without him. When the anxiety and worry creeps in, just stop and breathe until it passes. Once you truly set your intention to move on the Universe will support you - you must trust this. Another good way to overcome the fear is to just focus on the small steps rather than an end goal that seems out of reach. Chop wood, carry water as they say. Start saving money to prepare. Start searching online for jobs and apply for them. Don't just focus on Texas....apply for things in your area as well and just be open to what the Universe sends your way. Believe in yourself and trust that you are spiritually supported.

  • Ok thank you Watergirl18 and you are right about the emotions thing. I still cling on emotionally but my mind knows its probably best for now. I have so much energy going on around me constantly whether its negative energy from his parents or from him. I haven't done alot of things on my own and was constantly put in fear by my family. But I guess baby steps are best for me now, its a start. It helps calm the anxiety down for me. I had a feeling that I could also make it out here. I just been disappointed with the job search that has been going on for MONTHS. But I shouldn't get so deterred but I shouldn't get stagnant either. Its hard where I am at especially being around his family thats why Texas will help me clear my head because Ill be around a friend. But in my heart I don't want to be in Texas forever or even feel like going back for that matter. I am just trying to figure out what is most important and how to start. Idk Im sorry I am all over the place

  • Asia, I didn't say that you wouldn't get a job in Texas, just that you should keep all your options open as that is how we best open ourselves up to receive help from the Universe. It's like living with blinders on if we get too vapor locked into a certain thing. Right now just focus on getting a job - any job anywhere - that will allow you to support yourself and your child as well as the help you need in getting it. Start with some morning affirmations like "the job that is best for me is coming to me now" and then be open to the signs and synchronicities that come your way. Even if something doesn't seem at first to be what you want, if it comes to you out of nowhere or events seem to fall into place to bring it to you then TRUST it. If a job does come up in Texas, then maybe you will just go back there temporarily. Or perhaps something will pop up where you are. Just be open and trust.

    Do not rely on your friend in Texas to rescue you, though as it sounds like they need to get themselves straightened out as well. Help can also come in ways you have not imagined. Have you sought out assistance from government agencies or charities?

    Remember that we receive help and guidance from the Universe but it doesn't come if we do not do our part. We can have dreams, but without action they are just fantasy. If you had a friend that really wanted to lose 20 pounds and after a few months was upset that she had not lost any weight, but you knew that she had been eating fast food and not exercising, what would you tell her? Or if she had been eating right and exercising but was upset that she hadn't lost 20 pounds after only 1 week, what would you say then?

    Chop wood, carry water. Complete the tasks that are in front of you step by step even if it feels mundane and you aren't getting anywhere. When you focus on each step in front of you eventually you will look up and see all that you have accomplished. Life isn't always easy. If it were we would never learn anything and that is what we came here to do!

  • Just reflecting on everything here from a year ago focused on a confronting myself and my fears on a deeper level. I'm committing to a better me every step of the way. I want to detach my ego from the learning process. It's been a rough ride but I'm ready and willing. I started a mantra for myself saying O am all I believe I am and more. I just want to say thank you Watergirl for your care honesty and insight. It's crazy that this is a year ago but time does fly and life is too short to not live it the way we imagined and being grateful for all the magic life has to offer including the magic we have. I've considered the fact I may have anxiety or bipolar disorder. I'm not going to lie I suspected an imbalance many years ago and the environments I've been km didn't help but that doesn't matter it doesn't make me any less of a person. I want to handle it without medication. I slightly afraid of medication? Any tips?

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