What is happening to me?



  • Hi everyone. I have always been able to find kind souls in this forum who have helped me over the years. I have been through alot in the last 5 years, divorce, unemployment, empty nest... I was in a really bad place a year ago. Since then, I moved to another state and started a new life, new job, continuing my education, reconnected with family and friends as well as made new friends. In doing so, I have been more positive and happier than in years. Yet, The last few weeks I have been under a tremendous amount of stress, and I feel the old depression, loneliness, fear and sickness that I used to feel has started to wiggle its way back into my life. I have been an emotional case for days now. I am struggling to keep the positive things in my life, and continue to banish the negative... but it is getting more and more difficult...

    I am truly hoping someone has some insight into this situation. Love and blessings to all.



  • MissyMill, this happens when you keep on returning to and living in the past, fearing that things will happen to you in the same old way as they used to 'once upon a time'. But you need to focus all your attention on the present moment, not the future or the past which don't exist, except in our minds. Look at all the good things you have in your life now, count your blessings and use self-discipline to keep yourself centred in the present moment, which is a great place to be. it is only fear that pulls you back to the past. Tell yourself that trouble and difficulty is all behind you and appreciate all that you have come through and are being given NOW! Whenever you feel scared or depressed, do something that will immediately lift your spirits, like taking a walk in nature, playing with a child or a pet, being with friends or family, or just even buying yourself an ice cream. Put some fun into your life. Laugh! When you are having fun, there is no time for fear or depression. It's up to you to make yourself happy and you have all you need to do it. Live in the NOW!



  • Thanks you Captain! Everything you said resonates well with me. I do find myself revisiting the past, and it always brings me down. I think this particular situation is related to meeting a man that I really like. After a 20 year marriage that ended 5 years ago, a 1 year relationship that didn't go anywhere, a few brief interludes with others that I liked, and a long string of dating where I could not make a connection. I finally connected with someone, and that feels good. But there are things about him as well as my own issues that brought the fear to the surface and caused a great deal of anxiety. I am working to banish that fear and depression from my life and welcome love into my life. I keep a pretty busy schedule with work and school, and usually don't have time for the fear and depression, as you stated. As of today, I am feeling better about things. Perhaps I just needed to process things. Thank you for such a supportive response. Love and blessings to you!



  • As to love, there may be a part of you that is resisting making a connection, wanting instead to remain free and without any commitments or compromises to make.



  • Yes, I can see that aspect of myself a well. I do like the freedom and indepemdance... but sometimes its a lonely road. I have been praying for someone special to come into my life... but maybe I am just still not ready for it.



  • What sort of partner have you been thinking about? You may be self-sabotaging if you are wishing for a full-time companion when perhaps a part time one would suit your needs better. Or at least someone who is very independent and self-reliant, and won't be 'under your feet' all the time.



  • I have considered the self-sabotaging scenario. That is a good possibility. I think a part-time companion would be a good fit, if I can get my thoughts aligned and figure out how to do that. I tend to get very wrapped up in someone that I really like, which is why I probably don't easily make connections with the men that I date. When I do make a connection, I do the insecure obsessive-compulsive thing, and practically make myself crazy and sick with worry. I really would like to know how I can make that change for myself. I am thinking this current situation may be a test, and an opportunity to figure out how to do that... I'm just not sure how to handle it. Thank you again for your insight. The more I talk about things, the more clarity I get. Love and blessings!



  • Face your fears, for a start. Write down everything bad that you think might happen to you in a relationship, why you get so wrapped up in your partner. Are you afraid of losing them if you make a deep connection? Work out exactly what you fear and see if you can trace those fears back to some trauma or incident or parental mistakes when you were younger.



  • That is some great advice, Captain! Although I have not written anything down yet, it has been on my mind. My mind runs pretty rampant with all the possibilities... in the end, I am just afraid of hurting and being alone again. It took me a long time to get over the last man that i cared about, and it still hurts if I allow myself to think about it. I have tried to remain optimistic and keep the faith that the universe has someone special for me, but I get tired of waiting and of being alone. so, I kind of flip flop between wanting a someone and avoiding them all together. I guess I get all wrapped up in them because I feel like an addict needing a fix. I have read several books on love addiction, and I am a text-book example. You'd think that as aware as I am of all these things that I could maintain more control over my emotions and my actions...

    Thanks again for all the feedback! Love and blessings to you!



  • What would be so wrong with being alone? What is it about that state that scares you? Having no support or not liking your own company or needing someone (other than yourself) to love you or give you approval or what?



  • There really isn't anything wrong with being alone. I grew up in a large family, and marriage at a young age, so I never really spent much time alone prior to my marriage ending. I get more accustomed to it as time passes, and sometimes I like to enjoy my own company. I am social person, so I really enjoy the company of others. I guess I want someone special in my life for the same reasons that others do, but I have come to realize that there is a very good chance that I will be alone the rest of my life. When I say alone, I simply mean without a partner. I am very independent, and I value that, but at the same time, I just want someone special to share my life with. So, I am not scared of being alone, I just don't like feeling lonely.



  • Do you see how you are asking for two different things - company and freedom - so that it prevents the universe from giving you either? What exactly do you want - a part time companion or someone who will be with you full time but won't try to 'cage' you? Or what? You need to know in your mind exactly what you want so that it can be drawn to you. Write it down on paper if that helps to solidify your goal for you.



  • I appreciate your assessment. I get when you mean. When I really think about it, I really do think that I want a full time partner, but yes, I want to be able to maintain my independence. In my marriage, my ex was very controlling and manipulative, so I know I need to be with someone that will allow me to pursue my own interests. I think what I am looking for is someone to complement and enhance my life without needing to be taken care of. Thank you so much Captain, for helping me realize that. Love and blessings!