Blmoon, please help
Seeking your advice on this matter.
Have coped living with a parent with mental illness for over 30 years. Although it is not diagnosed, it wasn't until I ended up with a partner with a Personality Disorder, 6 years ago, that I recognized some of the same traits in my father.
As part of my own healing after i left my partner, I begun to detach from my family (in particular my parents). Keeping interaction to a minimum has helped me to put my father's behavior in perspective and take things less personally - while still living in the same house.
I really thought he had started to mellow down in the last 15 years, but it appears to be starting up again.
He is very volatile and narcissistic and paranoid - makes everything about him. I can explain things in a nice way, but somehow he will take offence and turn it into some other issue. Everyone's point of view is wrong, except his.
He is always the victim/martyr or the hero. Even apologies (whenever given) sound like he is doing it out of magnimity for someone who is unworthy. Acts like a hooligan in public with strangers when he perceives any wrong-doing by others. And yet, because he is high-functioning and very intelligent, his peers and others would not see this more 'primitive' side of him.
Talking to my sister, we realized that between us, almost all of our partners (and potential partners) have had mental illness or shown tendencies of it. Like somehow the energy is following us around. I feel sad that in spite of us having grown and healed so much, that we are still attracting such people into our lives. We know we deserve better.
My mother presents as normal, but if she didn't originally have her own form of mental affliction, I believe she has also developed it, due to 40 years of partnership with her husband. They provided for our material needs, but nurturing wasn't part of our childhood. Hence I feel estranged from both of them. I used to wonder why neither of them bothered to get to know us as people. Now I understand that with narcissism, there is no place for the 'other'. Their concept and knowledge of us (our interests, personalities) is stuck in our childhoods - outdated. They often invalidate our opinions and sometimes gang up on us.
Growing up, they projected their insecurities and issues onto us. I'd been afraid of doing things because of the script i kept hearing. It wasn't until my 30s that I started to develop my own identity and started releasing fear. Ironically, it's the relationship with that partner, that was the catalyst for this transformation. It's been a really positive change for me and yet it also comes with the challenges of starting from scratch at such a late age. Because I never recognized my strengths or knew what I liked or wanted, I've drifted along in employment and not been able to attain financial independence. I hear the call to become more spiritually aligned and that is helping in the healing. But as for a career path - I haven't quite figured out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
I've reached a point when I want to totally let go of this situation with my parents . No doubt our troubled childhood has really sullied the path and decisions we have taken. Still, I feel that it is within my power to change the path ahead. And I feel a sense of urgency more than ever, because they seem to be trying to drag us back into their drama. I wish I had a normal relationship with them that most people have with their aged parents. But I feel totally estranged from them. And a strong sense that as long as I remain in the periphery, the tainted energy will continue to affect my life negatively in the way of a lack of opportunities, and stagnation. Sometimes, it just feels like some weird Karmic situation, the way we have all suffered by being around one another.
I actually have a stake in the ownership of the home, but lately I've been made to feel like I don't even belong. So I've taken it as a sign that I need to plan to move on, and move away. Because of financial circumstances, I will need to stay put in my family home for quite some time to come, probably years. However, I was wondering if you are able to provide any insight into how and when I might be able to extricate myself from this situation - and what i can do to shield myself against negative energy in the meantime? I feel like identifying the correct career path and gaining momentum on it will also help - if you have any insight on this?
Would also appreciate some advice on attracting 'healthy, normal' love partners into my life. I've been alone most of my life and I feel called to let love in again. I'm trying to, but I also feel discouraged when I attract the 'wrong' people.
I read your concerns and felt the need to help.
You are now ready to start the transition into your own life. To shield yourself from negative energy you need to find a place that teaches yoga and meditation. Go on the internet and look in your neighborhood. I feel there is a place not to far from your home. This will help you find balance and some inner peace in which you will project forward and start to draw a healthy normal love to you .I hear the name of Jim around you and also Jenny and a Sam. These are people that will be of help to you in the future.
Living with parents that are off balance and ill can be such a challenge . People ask why they have to endure this treatment and I myself know something about this, I believe that you can be a spiritual person born into a family that needed you to help them try to become spiritual in their own way. If they can not change, than the burden so to speak falls on you to live and learn from them, that being how you would not want to follow in their footsteps and live your life with their mental thinking. You can sage your room or house with sage incense and pray that your dwelling and the people in it be surrounded by God white light.
Let us know how things go for you dear and remember that you do have angels you can call upon too to help you.
Thank you so much Shuabby!
I'm not able to do Yoga because of a back injury. But I have recently started listening to guided meditation on chakra balancing while I do my daily gentle stretching. At the very least, I think I'm breathing better.
I will always be grateful for them bringing me up, and I know they do not understand why I'm so distant and it hurts them. And I'm sorry for that. I do want them to be happy - but I would love for them to find it in themselves. I cannot be that bridge. I feel the Universe is has been pulling me away towards a separate path altogether - to find myself. And to stop trying to fix or understand things. I'm tired of the drama/crazyness, conflicting messages, projections...and I want to let go. It's just harder when it's your family of origin - it's harder for them to understand that it's for their benefit as well, to not hang on to me.