Help! Single mom burnt out!

  • I am a single mom of 3 and my kids are burning me out! I cant keep up with anything. The housework, groceries, bills. I work my freaking ass off and am so dead tired I cant manage my life or my emotions at this point. The only time things go smoothly is when they are in school and even that is challenging. I can feel myself cracking inside. My youngest son will not stay in bed bc he sais hes scared. I have tried everything and the only thing that works is sitting in his room until he goes to sleep. I am so sick of soing this by myself I am about to explode. Well, actually I did explode earlier tonight and I screamed at all the kids telling them all I do is work and take care of them and I didnt even get to take a shower bc they want to eat every 5 minutes they make a huge mess and disrespect me to my face when I tell them to do simple things like pick up after themselves. I have tried it all. Taking away their favorite things, earlier bedtimes, timeouts and last resort spanking ( whcih I totally hate) . I cant take raising them on my own anymore its too big of a burden and their dad sucks. he thinks hes so cool and lives at his moms smokes weed hardly pays child support and picks them up a few hrs here and there but doesnt discipline them or teach them anything. I dont need any parenting advice I need some encouragement please.

  • Aw, jaysus, don't know you too well lovinmylife, but have seen some of your very helpful advice on here these past coupla days. I can't sympathise directly, but I was a Navy widow (term for wives whose hubbies abandoned them for half of each year!!) with one biological child way back when, so I can appreciate the stress you'd be feeling right now. I had enough with my little Gemini princess who loved to change into all sortsa things from one day to the next; so much so, a friend of mine who HAD three kids said I didn't need anymore as she was like 3 or 4 rolled up!! How right was she.

    Look, all I can say to you is YOU'RE HUMAN like those darned unappreciative and unaware children of yours. They have little to no idea of how you feel, eh? They're kids - too busy with their own immediate needs. But I found with my little one, once she was old enough to understand, that if I showed her I was human, could be fallible, etc, she was better for it than when I acted like the tough, single parent who could cope like superman all the time. This does nothing in the long run really; at least so I found.

    So I reckon you're doin great. You're showing them strength and independence, while at the same time letting them know you have your limits as well. They need to see the emotional, truthful you and you've done that.

    They say it's always darkest before the dawn, so I guess that's what's going on here for you, too. A real test of emotional strength which you'll get through like other challenges you've faced in the not too recent past. This may feel like the worst and most challenging though; like the last piece of the trouble-puzzle that doesn't want to fit.

    HANG IN THERE. You're doing a fine job and I can see a little blondie/fair haired one in that group of three who will (if not already) be a real support to you in his own way - the quiet one out of the three - is that right? He'll come over to you, sit on your lap and cuddle you to make sure you're okay. And he'll keep doing that right through his life. Help is coming too; in the form of a distant relative or long-lost friend; someone who needs somewhere to bunk for a while, and they stay with you - but this person will be more like a soothing balm rather than an unwanted houseguest. Not far off either, September or October ... we'll see ...

    Anyway, don't know if any of this helps you, but I wish you good luck, some peaceful times real soon and the rewards you've earned all landing on ya in one fell swoop - provided they land in your lap and not your already laden back!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo)

  • Cris you are like a breath of fresh air to me. thank you for responding so quickly. The youngest of the three is blond haired lil guy that is wreaking havoc but he is also very sweet when he wants to be. My middle child is the quiet one. He is a lovely capricorn guy who has a heart of gold. and guess what while I was waiting for a reply he told me he was sorry I was having a hard time and I told him I was sorry too. Then he told me he would sit next to my little boys bed tonite because he doesnt want him crying anymore and he feels bad for me. Now I feel guilty bc my son is doing my job. Ugh theres just no winning. How did you no all this stuff anyways? God Bless you. I will tell you I had a houseguest here last year. and he made all the difference he was very much the soothing balm you are talking about. I wish for those days again deep in my heart. But thats just a dream. Thank you so much your words just made all the difference. Hugs to you.

  • Mate, I'm so glad to have been of help!! And please, please, don't feel guilty about your child wanting to help! Guilt never helps anything AT ALL, it kills joy and that's it (unless you are a criminal, in which case, suffer - which you're not)!!! Make the most of this helpful child - whose hair colour I got wrong so it appears!!! But the fair headed one will settle down eventually. Is he a Pisces or Scorpio - they're never all that easy, especially little fishies. Anyhoo, I do still feel this houseguest will return, so just tuck that one away for now 🙂 Now you go off, have a long bath (depending on how late it is wherever you are) and relax in the knowledge that you're doing one of the toughest jobs in the world VERY WELL INDEED as your helpful child has just shown you 🙂 xoxoxoxox

  • the blonde haired boy has a scorpio moon he is an aries. They are all really sweet kids. Oh you have been so helpful. You are an earth angel!!! thank you for your kindness. That is what I really needed. Sometimes I just need someone to be nice to me. ( :

  • Don't we all? All too often though, those people-being-nice-to-us are all too absent ... Just glad to be of help! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  • Hi there lovinmylife, I think chris is totally correct and don,t be so hard on your self ,it is not easy to raise 3 children on your own ,I can remember feeling like you do completely overwhelmed with 3 young boy,s to raise , a husband who ran off to England with an other women, no support just a lot of responsibilities, of course that was many yrs ago. If it is any comfort to you I want to tell you they are still the rock of my foundation, they are all sucessful. they remember those hard times and we all chose to rise above it . I can feel from some of your writings on the posts I have read that you are stronger than you think, and things will only get better for you, perhaps you just had a very bad day. Think positive look at your beautiful children and know that they will always be there for you as you are for them. I know because I have been there. Sending you a BIG HUG & encourament Leonida

  • Thanks leonida you always have said great things on here as well. I feel I am developing some real good friendships on here. Its is definantly challenging and sometimes my patience gets too challenged and I start to feel like a monster. Well I am trying to take full advantage of the calmer moments in my home and be greatful that I have my kids everyday and can see them whenever I want too. not everyone is so blessed. Just trying to get a new perspective now and you and cris were very helpful. I am always open to hear you guys experiences because I have total respect for women that have lived this life longer than I have. Thanks again you guys!

  • dear single mum

    hold on in there. i live alone i'm 60 its hard when you feel no one cares you could die and no one would even notice. you are young hang on in there and ask your mum to help if she is willing so you can have a break from routine wish you were my daughter would be right beside you fighting things will get better it takes time thats seems a long way off but it will come believe me you take care count to 10 and try again sylvia x x

  • Thanks sylvia that was really sweet of you to say bc my mother is not involved so I have to seek help from nice caring people such as yourself. You guys are all my "mom" as far as I am concerned. ( :

  • Dear single mum,

    I hope you are okay? and your kids too? I really do feel for you as my older sister is going through the same thing as you - single mum with 2 young kids, working full time, lazy father who is trying to take her to Court over the kids, and a mum that does not help but is critical. She is always tired and drained and feels she does not get enough support at all - financially and physically. I try to help her as much as I can but spend time listening to her crying to me over the phone about how difficult it is for her. You both are similar and what you dont realise is that you are both lovely, very strong and beautiful people who are doing the most toughest job in the world and have nothing but love for your kids. Dont worry too much, just hang in there! I try to tell my sister to give them little chores each day to help her. This would allow them to learn about responsibilities, and as they get older they will learn to take off a lot of the burden from you too. You will reap the rewards as they get older in that they will always remember you raised them 101% by yourself and you never know oneday they may become famous and you will reap the benefits of their success.

    Stay strong and hang in there, you are truly an amazing woman!

    Love sarah


  • the human body is designed to handle a certain amount of stress. when you experience 10x that amount on a daily basis with no real relief you become depressed, anxiety ridden, physically ill with mysterious problems that won't seem to go away, etc...

    You may want to consider taking an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant until things get easier for you. You may just need it for six months or six years, who cares as long as things get more manageable for you. You may also calm down enough to be able to think clearly and make great decisions. I feel for you. good luck 🙂

  • Thanks Sarah, your comments were really sweet. i feel so loved on here. ( :

    I agree with you too bluwatermama, only thing is I have been on antideppresant meds before it was when I was dealing with the death of my dear grandmother several years ago and it was definanntly more than I could handle at the time while I was pregnant with my 3rd child and dealing with my infantile ex husband. It was the mildest for they had and I really hated those meds. Stayed on them for a year while I went to counseling once a week. Eventually I didnt feel the need to take them anymore I felt like a walking zombie. No emotion at all. No ups or downs. I feel capable of handling whats in front of me now. But I have moments like this one where I feel I need to reach out for support as I do get overwhelmed from time to time. Right now I am enjoying an extended break from my kids and help comes through like this from time to time and its just enough to get back on my feet and take care of the never ending resposibilities of being a mama. Thanks to you and evferyone else for caring enough to give your encouragement.

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