Cancer man says he wants to be alone...need some insight



  • I'm feeling hurt and disillusioned. My boyfriend said that he wants to be alone. He never said that we were breaking up but it feels like it.

    I agreed and said if that's what you want.

    Is this the end for us? Or will he reach out and want to reconcile at some point later on?

    Thanks in advance for any help/insight offered.

    P



  • Was there some incident that inspired this withdrawal? Had things been going badly between you? This is typical Cancerian behaviour - to retreat into a shell to lick their wounds or figure out what they want. You need to give your boyfriend the space and privacy he needs to get his head straight.



  • That is if your boyfriend has Cancerian influences in his profile...



  • Hi Captain.

    Thank you for your insight - his date of birth 19/7/58.

    We've been through this once before and I thought we've gotten over that. I have noticed that recently he seems very short tempered and depressed at times but he won't communicate or talk about it...is it another midlife crisis?

    Thanks Captain

    P



  • Unfortunately, this guy has very negative thinking, mainly about himself. He is prone to relentless self-criticism and may often exaggerate his imagined shortcomings. When he is indulging in a bout of insecurity, mood swings and impatience are likely, so it is extremely important for his psychological growth that he understands the need to stay centered. Spending more time simply being instead of doing will help boost his self-esteem, giving him the objectivity and distance needed to manage his emotions effectively. Building his self-esteem is of crucial importance because, although you may find him a charming, fascinating and creative individual, he is more likely to focus on his weaknesses than his strengths. He has a painful awareness of his own inadequacies and sets himself extremely high standards. From a very early age, self-improvement will likely have been a key theme for him. He has a strong need for emotional security and will often seek a close relationship with someone who is dependable. He likely became even more perfectionistic in his approach to life after passing his mid-thirties. Because of his tendency to be harsh with himself, he should ensure that he cultivates more realistic self-appraisal. So it is probable that his withdrawal is because of his feeling bad about himself, not your fault. The age difference between you may be weighing on him heavily however. Do you spend enough time with him or pay enough attention to his feelings, because I sense you can get very caught up in your work? Cancer people very easily feel neglected and none more so than this insecure guy. You do love a challenge though.

    This is actually a difficult relationship for love. The two of you will usually require an agreement to disagree. The energy here tends to be polite but guardedly confrontational - you two often may not see eye to eye, but acceptance of each other's differences of opinion will show respect and augur well for the relationship's future. Although honesty is a high priority here, undeniably manipulative tendencies become clear in your shared need to convince and influence each other. Your exchanges may appear witty, elegant and charming to bystanders, but may carry serious and powerful undertones for the two of you yourselves. A love affair or marriage here will involve seductive attitudes often being used to win or settle arguments. This kind of emotional manipulation is likely to cloud the original issue and blunt any impulse to seek out the truth. While the relationship may be pleasurable enough, then, it is also self-deceiving. Unless the two of you can build strong beliefs and goals, you may fritter away your energies in game-playing activities that keep you amused but do nothing to help your relationship develop and deepen. Give each other room to breathe in this relationship. If you try to cling to this guy right now, he will disappear.



  • Thank you Captain. I will give him the space he needs.

    Your insight and advice is much appreciated.

    P