Trapped between two leo men. Help Please!

  • Hoping someone can help me with this odd situation. I'm infatuated with not one but two leo men. One of them is a leo-cancer cusp. I will refer to them as Guy A and Guy B. I've begun a sexual relationship with Guy A, and have developed a emotionally dependent relationship with Guy B. Guy B and I have not been physically intimate. Both men are significantly older than me and the worse part is they are both in relationships. I feel awful about the whole situation, but cannot seem to stay away from these two guys. I need some insight into these relationships and what these guys want.

    My birthdate is: 01/08/1992

    Guy A's birthdate: 08/17/1971

    Guy B's birthdate: 07/23/1963

    Any insight and advice is appreciated!

  • Katavi and Guy A:

    This relationship can only work as a love affair - it mustn't start to resemble a parent-child thing or it will fall apart and become destructive. This guy has a temper like a dormant volcano. Love will take time to develop here and your passion for each other, though of a sexual nature, is not immediately overwhelming. But it can grow as the relationship deepens and bonds of trust are formed. Taking responsibility for one's actions is crucial here. It cannot be ignored for long without repercussions. The relationship may tend to get a bit over-serious and your friend will likely try to dominate your life, but he can also be attentive and caring. The relationship will end when you Katari want to do your own thing without leaning on your Leo for support or guidance or when he grows tired of looking after you.

    Katavi and Guy B:

    This relationship can bring out both your more flamboyant and theatrical sides. Dressing up and going out to clubs or dinner will be top priority. Your Leo may be a little unhinged by such exciting activities but your dependability and responsibility can anchor him. You are intrigued by his energies and should be able to handle his mood swings and occasional depressions. The relationship is not possessed of any great insight and in fact can be rather dishonest or twisted, but the two of you do understand and can satisfy each other's needs. Your friend has a gift for helping others resolve their inner conflicts and a strong desire to help them progress and he can easily be taken advantage of so be sure your motives are pure. Romance and sex can be powerful, exciting and intertwined here. The relationship can be taken seriously enough for a commitment like marriage but that step should be carefully considered, since a subtle shift can take place after the knot is tied - financial matters will become more important, domestic and job pressures can increase, and cracks can appear in a once rock-solid relationship. You Katari would express your upset with silence while your Leo would be more emotionally volatile.

    Katavi, what you really want is an environment or home in which to feel safe, respected, protected, and cared for - a place where you feel you truly belong. To achieve this, you must be willing to let go of the idea that one special person (like an older man who may resemble a parental figure) or a group of people is going to provide it just because you think you need it. You want someone to listen to you, to hear you, and to understand you. Maybe no one was there to help or to guide you when you were younger, but you must take charge of creating what you need for yourself now. By pursuing a goal that energises you, or by finding an ideal or set of principles that builds your self-respect, you will develop feelings of belonging in whatever circumstances you find yourself. You need to find a focus beyond your scattered emotional needs and those of people around you. When you bring yourself into alignment with a higher principle or spiritual belief, you feel protected and nurtured.

    Your Achilles' Heel is dependence. The desire to be taken care of ("If there's no one to take care of me, I won't survive") can lead you into the trap of an unending search for security, where you develop emotional dependencies on others. But you can never get enough reassurance from others to feel safe, so you never gain the security you think you need to be a capable adult and take charge of your life. Run the risk and assume full responsibility for the consequences. Take charge of your own life and security, and create what you need for yourself. Once you take responsibility for yourself and find a goal that's important to you and stand by it, you feel secure and in control of your own destiny.

    Katari, you have a tendency to be controlling in love; in some circumstances, you may become obsessive and jealous. You need to check this tendency as it can destroy relationships. Having said that, you can be extremely warm and generous in a relationship when you feel secure enough to let down your guard and trust someone else.

  • **** = sex.

  • Hi Captain

    Thank for your insight. Your description of all three of us is spot on. I realize that I have a lot of work to do in terms of building my self-esteem. I have two questions that I would love your opinion on:

    First off, can you give me any insight into what Guy A and B want out of their relationship with me? While both are sweet and attentive to me, I often wonder if they truly care. As they are both older than I am, my fear is that their involvement with me is just a product of a midlife crisis. I want to know if they're using me as a way to feel young again, or if they truly care.

    Second: The three of us work in the same place. Because of this, I see them on a daily basis and we often have to work together. Both of them are in a position of power over me, which only makes this whole situation even more tricky. Right now the three of us are getting ready to work on a creative endeavor together. This project is something I feel passionate about, and I believe it could help me gain some self-esteem. Should I include Guy A and B on this project? I fear they might be a distraction, even though they both have skills that I think will be helpful in the project. I tried to bring another woman into the project and got mixed reactions. Guy B was fine with the other woman coming on board, but Guy A got upset and threatened to leave the project. We haven't even gotten started yet, and there is already drama! Any advice?

    Sorry this was long, but I appreciate your insight!

  • Katavi, you need to be asking yourself what YOU are getting out of this situation. Be honest - are you looking for marriage or a promotion or a father or what? You need to be aware that most affairs with married people do not lead to any sort of commitment from them.

    Guy A is happy to be having a much younger woman in his bed and of course it is stoking his ego (and believe me, guys boast about each other's 'conquests' to their friends so you could get a very bad reputation or else one or both of the wives could learn about you and the blame would likely fall squarely on YOUR head). Guy B as I said is drawn to helping conflicted people so in that way he cares about you.

    This could go very badly for you at work, especially since these men are more powerful than you. Do not include either men on your project! If your relationship with either man turns sour, you could find yourself out of a job or working in very awkward circumstances with them. You need to very carefully examine your position here as things are not likely to work out as you want them to.

  • Hi Captain

    Thank you again for the insight. I feel like I'm using both of these men as a way to deal with my self-esteem issues. Both make me feel beautiful and smart (both things I've been very insecure about), but I know the relationships are not healthy. I've been thinking a lot about leaving my place of work, and them, entirely. I love where I work and I have some great friends outside of these guys; however, I fear my situation is going to to from bad to worse if I don't leave...

  • Katavi, no one can make you feel good about yourself but you! Your self-esteem probably took some hefty blows when you were younger. But that was because whoever made you feel bad had their own self-esteem and insecurity issues and thought putting other people down would make them feel better. But it doesn't. Don't take on someone else's issues.

  • Part of me doesn't want to post this, but I don't have anyone I can actually talk with about this. So, I've been staying away from both men (no meet-ups, phone calls, etc.), even though both have tried multiple times to contact me in the past few days. Guy B had to leave for a retreat halfway through the week so I haven't heard from him at all. Guy A on the other hand, has been aggressive about seeing me. There was even one point this week where he flat out demanded to know when he would see me again in front of other co-workers! (I pretty sure the co-workers thought this was about a work thing, but still..) I did not respond to this, and ignored him all week. Well, due to the project I'm working on I had to stay late at the office tonight, and Guy A found out about this. He also stayed late, and began telling me how much he loves me and how happy I make him. He even told me that he doesn't care about his girlfriend anymore. Well, stupid me fell for all these lines; one thing led to another and we began to fool around. About halfway through our foreplay he decides to tell me he blew off his son's birthday party to be with me (did I mention he has a kid with his girlfriend? I know, makes the whole situation worse..). At this point, I was appalled and decided to leave. He was pretty unfazed by this, and said he would see me again next week.

    I know I'm a terrible person, but does Guy A care about anyone besides himself? Between him and Guy B, I think it's time I start looking for another job...

  • No Guy A doesn't love you - he is just using you for his own selfish needs. He is a dangerous man and you need to tell him that you don't want to be involved with someone who has a partner and a child to be responsible for. I warned you he had a volatile temper.

    A new job would be advisable if you learn your lesson from this situation not to get mixed up with guys who are already committed elsewhere. Men who cheat on their partners will cheat on you too. You will find a nice guy who really loves you when you are not so desperate for someone else to raise your self-esteem. Becoming independent and able to care for yourself will help you feel good about yourself.

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