Cancer Men: Indirectness, elusiveness & sideway scuttling.
I need help understanding how and why cancer men are indirect and elusive. I have had on and off contact with a cancer man over the last 8 months. I really liked him but things got very confusing and I soon lost interest and decided to leave him alone and not contact him anymore. Since then he has come out with a couple of what I call ‘weird’ excuses to contact me. Anyway I was wondering whether this was normal behaviour for a cancer man. If so can anyone shed light on their experiences? Other things he has done that confuse me are that when ever I have seen him he has asked for hugs before I leave. These are long hugs where I have to pull away because he keeps holding me. I did think this was a good sign that he was interested but I am no longer sure. Is this part of their indirectness or just manipulation, does this mean anything. I have done lots of reading about the cancer male and have learnt lots and am interested in becoming more patient and to look for their subtle hints.
Haven't you been reading all this about cancermen? Their main thing is harm-avoidance... to be direct would preclude that.. could get hurt. All the sidesteps are to insure his hearts personal safety... all the clues are to let you know that he's interested.. if you are, be aware of and read the signs.. and act.. don't wait for him to act first, he may not.. and buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride, but one that can be soooo much fun!!
Manipulation is not a priority, most cancer me are generally guilless... the only priority is to avoid hurt. Do exactly what you say... be patient and look for the hints...
Ahh yes the old fashioned testing of the waters. He probably won't come out until he knows it's safe...with you being an Aries do you have the patience to handle him when he goes inside his shell?
Thanks for your note, I have just realised my name here is quite confusing, it was meant to be Ari's Girl, eg Ari Gold from Entourage. I'm actually a Gemini. Not a great match I know, but I am willing to be patient and watch everything that comes out of my mouth. I'm a very busy person so I think I can handle his weirdness as long as I keep myself busy. I'm just not sure if I am reading more into his weird actions than I should. A fine example is after not speaking for a month or so he text me asking if he can borrow a dvd off me because his friends had started watching this show and he wanted to see it. I dropped it off to him a couple of days later, he was not home at the time. However after about 8 weeks he has not started watching it. So not sure why he asked for it if he did not really want it that much. Just not sure if I should pay attention to these little weird things or not...
It's hard to say. In my situation, I also notice a lot of things like that. Then again (and I think this is the same for other cancer men) he seems to love attention from women, so it's hard to figure out if these actions are specific to me or if he does it to everyone. How often do you see him? If you don't see him often, this advice is useless, but I've started to pay very strict attention to how he treats other women. Like, once when I was frustrated and not paying attention to him, I helped him with something and he said "Thank you.....my dearest Maria." very softly. I was like "wow....okay..." and I thought maybe he was trying to let me know not to be too hard on him, that he cared. But then I went into the bar and he was asking the bartender for something, and he said "Angie, dear, pass me a cocktail would you??" So, I was like "Oh. Well. He says that to all his friends."
So....yah. It depends how often it happens, I guess.
I just had to reply to ArisGirl's dilema with her Cancer interest.
People born under the sign of Cancer are first & foremost family, friend oriented. Home & hearth are everything to them, almost to the exclusion of all others.
While Cancers may have a wide variety of acquaintences, to be considered a friend is special, indeed. To be loved by a Cancer is to have security, serenity, peacefullness. As well as the knowledge they will often put your needs before their own, defend you to the end. For as long as the relationship lasts, that is. They are kind, loving, generous, generally very gregarious; like to have fun, enjoy the company of most people. An evening at home with a few close friends is just as fufilling to Cancers as is a housefull of people-- they are very good hosts.
Now for the flip-side of their coin: Cancers are very wary of others. They do not wear their hearts on their sleeves; quite the opposite is true. Their true feelings are held very close to the vest. It usually takes quite some time before they decide they want to share those feelings. Once they do share them and let you in, heaven help you should you tread on them! It may take some time before they feel comfortable allowing you to get too close again. What does a crab in the ocean do when it feels threatened ? It retreats into it's shell untill the danger has passed. Such is this sign's coping mechanism when things get confusing or too much for them to handle, period.
I'm a Pisces, a good match with Cancer. Water signs generally fit well. Being aware of any sign's idiosyncrasies is helpful.
I've been in two relationships with this water sign; one short-term, the second for two years. Neither one lasted for the long-haul.
The two years I was with my Cancer were without a doubt, two of the most fufilling years of my life. He was wonderful-- allowed me into his world, showed me places of interest he thought I'd enjoy. Introduced me to his family (whom I adored). Showed me a kindness I hadn't seen from other men. Loved me. It was all good-- right up untill he slept with my neice in our bed while I was at work. Then denied it happened.
Thanks for the reply, it all helps so much.
We don't see one another often as we live in different states. However it has been so helpful to learn so much about them. I whish I knew all this information before we got friendly months ago as he gave me what I would call blaringly obvious hints and signs that I didn’t get and just ignored at the time. Like once we were just hanging out and random as he just said that the last girlfriend he had was x months ago and they were together for x months. I was sitting there wondering 'what the? why he shared that info' and did not really reply to his comment. Now I see that he might have wanted the conversation to go somewhere. Another thing is whenever he wanted to see me we would hang out at his place and watch movies. At first I found this weird and thought that maybe he was too embarrassed to be seen out with me. Now I think that was a good thing he invited me into his private space. I struggle to see the little signs and look beyond so much which is weird as I'm doing my residency and the little things are what I look for. Not sure when or if I will see him again as he lives far away but I was thinking about it after reading things and thought I should understand anyways.
How interesting? I never even saw the Aries misnomer...lol! I just knew you couldn't be an Aries and deal with a cancermans trials... also how convenient for you that your cancer is not local... that way you do get to experience some downtime from the madness... I'm sure he's lots of fun (or could be) whenever he's around.. and since you say you're doing a residency... why not focus on that? And just let this friendship be fun when available?
I understand it would be great to have a stable relationship that you can depend on being involved in such a rigorous, time and emotion consuming profession, but until it's a solid thing, this relationship isn't going to give you the solid ground you are seeking. But, like I said, it can be a great stress reliever... if you let it be....
Plain and simple.. Cancermen are nutz! Sometimes you feel like a nut.. sometime's you don't.
Use that as your guide, and don't be stressed.
lol feeling like a 'nut' is exactly how I would put it!
LOL.. then go and get that nut, baby!! And give it all you got... and whatever happens you gave it your best!
Oh my, what is it with us Gem's and Cancers! Do you think its because we never know who we are going to be talking to when they come in the room and we like variety?
I have a cancer man myself. (I am 6/14 and he is 7/04) He has a lot of Gemini in his chart and I have a lot of Cancer, If you run some of the free compatibility reports here you will find out that, yes this pairing can work, but it can take some work too. But then, the best things in life are hard work to acquire.
The challenge is right up your Gemini alley. Trying to figure him out was fun and kept me interested in the beginning while he was sending "I want you" signals and not really acting on them. I can't tell you how many times I felt rejected and neglected, only to realise I wasn't being any of those things, he was just taking time to regenerate himself.
Your potential long distance relationship could be just what you need to get this newest Gemini/Cancer pairing off to a good running start. You can let him know you are truly interested in him, his feelings, his thoughts and mind. Find reasons to call and e mail once a week at least, and visit once a month or so. Find out what he likes, and do little things for him. This is what tells him you are interested and thinking about him. They love that. In fact, they love to be in love. They love to be a couple, they love to cuddle, and lavish affection. You will never know a better lover and friend I promise you. It's the getting to that part that is hard.
If you say to him, "you know what would make me happy? Talking to you and e mailing on a regular basis, because you brighten my day so much when we do." He will be thrilled to make you happy. this is step one in getting his attention.
Tell him you are so glad to be friends with him. (friends are not threatening to the heart, girlfriends are) start s l o w with him (something we Gemini's are not used to doing right?) We can size up a person and know POW potential boy friend material, but these guys, sigh, we have to let them see for them selves that we won't hurt them and we are good for them.
You mentioned he had an x girlfriend. was he the dumpee or the dumped? If he was happy and she left, it will take a little longer for him to let you in. But Oh My My, when he does it's wonderful in there. It is (at least to my thinking) what every woman wants from a man and more.
I do have to throw a caution to you. Cancer men have the potential to be clinging and jealous. If he is this way, you may want to search for another cancer that has that part of his personality under control. Lucky for me, mine was that way when he was in his 20's but has since realised that women don't really like whiny little kids. (lucky me)
I read every book, ran every forecast on this site, and generally made it my business to know what his nature was like. It helped, and so I am passing that advice on to you. Find out his birth time and city as you will need this for a more accurate forecast.
May the heavens smile on you, may you find your true love.
This is my first time on this site so please bare with me. I just really wanted to comment on the cancer man. I myself am drawn to cancers i have no idea how or why this happend. I married and divorced a cancer, my son is a cancer and my best friend is a cancer. And now my current love is a cancer. I am a Libra. Anyways i was in a similar situation with a long distance relationship/friendship and I never knew what was going on between us. I was crazzy about him and sometimes a month would go by and i wouldnt see him. I egnored all the signs and drove myself crazzy with doubt. He was always fun to be around and great to talk to on the phone but he never shared much about himself. I waited and waited and let me just say this was not a matter of months. 3 years later after many trying times we finally decided to have a serious relationship and move in together. Witch meant for me i had to move away from my home town. But after 3yrs this man that i thought i knew opened up to me and spilled his life story his feelings and emotions caming pouring out. And every since we have had a great relationship. He has gone back to not being an emotional person but once a Crab has let you into there heart they are very protective and almost possesive. If that is something you are ok with then just hold on. Its all a test. They like to test to see just how loyel you are. I know this from my Crab best friend. Just keep letting him know your intrested and your there for him. Always be a good lissener and don't push him. Everything is done in time. Let it just happen.
Okay. I have to make a comment about the Aries thing
Going after a cancer guy has been the biggest strain on every one of my Aries traits, it's completely true. Everything we are scares the crap out of them. But controlling myself is something I've needed to learn forever, and he's finally teaching me (completely indirectly, the poor guy) to do just that. That's why going by zodiac sign for relationships is kinda sketch. If the person is strong and willing enough, anyone can be with any other person. They just have to be prepared for the crapload of extra work that's going to be involved.
So....I think you said you were a gemini? Yah, that's going to be tough, but it's also completely doable. You just have to (like everyones pointed out) do your 'research' and try your best to be as flexible and patient as possible. I think gemini's can be pretty flexible....it generally isn't an Aries trait to be patient, though :S. I go insane all the damn time, so don't feel too bad. Also, I think Cancer's will drive everyone nuts unless they're another sensitive water sign. People just don't get what the big freakin deal is!! Especially fire signs! It's like....wow. Get over it!
You have a lot to offer him in terms of the different way that you think and do things, so look at it like that. And good luck! BE PATIENT. Wow! You will learn patience like you never thought you could know.
Thanks for your comments. My am trying to learn a new level of patience and what I would call understanding. I was out in a bar with some girlfriends and had been drinking and the Cancer guy came out from home to the bar to say hi (he was totally sober). When he arrived I was talking to a couple of guys with my girlfriends. He came up and tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention and we started talking and I stopped talking to the other guy. The bar was loud so I had to stand close to him to have a conversation. I told him it was really nice that he came down, we talked about stuff but it was a really nice conversation as there was lots of eye contact. We were just standing there close to one another (not touching but close so we could hear one another) and in some parts of the conversation we just stood there smiling and looking into one another’s eyes. It was really nice and kind of special. He asked me about the guys I had been talking to and said one of them kept giving him weird looks and that I should go off with him. I told him I had no interest in him and that I had only been talking to him for about 5 minutes. Anyway our conversation continued with the intense eye contact and special looks without needing words. Then he said he needed to go to the bathroom. While he was gone the other guy started talking to me so I text the cancer guy and said 'hurry back and save me'. He said he was on his way home and was not feeling well. I tried to phone him and he did not answer so I text him and asked why he did not say he was leaving. His excuse was that he smelt alcohol on my breath and it made him feel unwell but that he was sorry.
Ok so I totally don’t get his excuse. He came all the way out to see me then just left, I was in a bar so you would expect me to be drinking. Does anyone think that he bailed on me because the connection became too much or something, that he felt too much? So confused!
He did open up to me a little in the bar though, I asked him what he had been up to lately, he said he had been staying home lots and not wanted to go out and basically saying he spent lots of time in his shell. He said that he didn’t like going to work functions and the whole work socialising thing was not him. So it was nice to learn a little about him but so confused about why he just left me there.
Guess I'm gettin ready to get a taste of my own medicine... met a great guy and was feeling him and then learned that he also is a cancer! So I guess I'm in for some of that crazy elusiveness that everyone talks about. But, being a cancer myself, I'm gonna read it as it means, not looks, and have fun learning about me and this guy. Keep you posted on how the ride rolls....
Ugh you guys my cancer exboyfriend started contacting me again from outta no where. I still love him so this is killing me. I am not sure if this is just to check in and see how I am doing or if hes thinking about being in my life again. Before we were together as boyfirend/girlfiend we had a long, long history of friendship. But I fell in love like an idiot! Now here he is after months of being gone and breaking my heart. What the heck am I going to do?
You know what, I am rethinking connecting with that cancer on any level, caused me to recall a relationship I had with another cancer...born on the same day as me... that was lovely for a lifetime, and now ...we don't even speak, or speak of ondanother. I might be cutting my own cosmic throat, but I am going to save myself some pain and forget it!! LOL
Fool me once, shame on you.. but twice, and I asked for it! And I'm not going there!!! it's fun to think about being in this great relationship, but when you think of the stress the fun wanes...
And furthermore, on a more Karmic Cosmic level, I sincerely apologize to anyone out there who i may have cause pain being unaware and aloof, as cancermen tend to be... I didin't realize, or intend... just feared the worst...
Loveinmylife, the cancer connection has been very enlightening to me and for the most part it's help me understand that I am not the problem here. Knowing this man (as best as one can) for 5 yrs. come and go didn't bother me so much until this past 6 months when he came back with much intensity, found that he was falling for me and I him. Constant contact almost daily, burning my phone up with text messages voice mails and phone calls. Then he decided to speak more of his feelings towards me and with that, slowly started fading away. Talk about frustration and confusion, the wave of emotions that you go through having such deep feelings for this person, asking yourself, why oh why would you take me to the highest high and then act as though you haven't a clue about what happened?
I can't do any more to reassure him of how I feel, I've done everything possible, been extremely patient because I didn't want to push him further away. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out. I look at it this way, if he cares/loves the way he said did, he'll come forward, if he doesn't, it's his loss. I'm going to stand aside and let him wonder.. what a shame it has to be that way when you love someone. I can't imagine him wanting to grow old and be alone, I didn't think Cancer's were about that.
urgh! LOL why is is that I always hear this from people? Am I really that difficult? LOL My relationships never work, I always get hurt. I gave up on relationships 6 years ago. I love just being single. I'm a Cancer with Leo tendencies. July 18. I like to be independent, but I also enjoy company at times. I like being complimented alot, I can say that much. It's hard for me to describe. Apparently I'm just too difficult to figure out. I prefer it that way.