My Grandfather was my father figure. I loved him and he loved me. When I was 12 years old he died of complications with his chemotherapy. The last thing he said to me was that he would play basketball with me after he got back from his trip to the Cleveland clinic. That still haunts me to this day. My mother took me in to say goodbye to him as he laid in a coma, I grabbed his hand and remember knowing he would respond to me. I begged and pleaded for him to tell me he loved me one last time, to say goodbye to me just to squeeze my hand. To move his eyes behind his eyelids. Anything, it never happened. It still haunts me to this day, i have long forgotten his manurisms and the sound of his laugh, the sternesd in his voice when I would do something unacceptable. I feel as a 31 year old man that I am still waiting on him to get home to play basketball with me. To add to my sadness (I have always been very sensitive to the paranormal as has my entire family) my mother, grandmother, and uncle have all been visited by him in their dreams (years ago). I waited for my turn but it never came. I need to know if he heard me that day, I need to know that he has watched over me, Has he seen his granddaughters, Is he proud of me? I need his guidance, I have always felt lost without him. I heard there would be people here to help, Please someone help me.
Adamn, this is nothing to do with your grandfather and everything to do with what you feel about yourself. You truly loved this man as a father. Yet your young immature brain could only interpret his dying as abandoning you, not keeping his promises (to play basketball), or to tell you he loved you (even while in a coma). You felt a deep betrayal, yet he must have shown you many times while he was alive that he loved you. But you expected that love to manifest to you even out of a coma. You weren't thinking straight at that time and are still looking back at those events with a twelve year old's approach and memories. Deep down you reject your grandfather and this is why he has tried to come to your in dreams but failed. You push him away like you feel he pushed you away back then. Your childhood experiences made you feel you weren't loved by him. You have to recall and understand the events with the knowledge and wiser more mature attitude of an adult. You must remember all the times you knew your grandfather loved you and did things to show you that. You must teach the child in you not to feel abandoned or unloved. Only then will you be free of negative emotions and be able to be contacted by your grandfather's spirit. He is dearly waiting for the chance to communicate with you.
I truly thank you for your reply but I respectfully disagree with me resenting my grandfather. I resent the doctor who treated him, I resent my mother and my family for not giving me a proper amount of time to grieve. I resent God for taking him from me. There is a lot of resentment but none of it was to him. He was the closest thing I have ever had to true unconditional love, if I resent him in some way it is lost to me and I don't know if I will ever be able to fix that. Because even today when I look back on my time with him I feel nothing but love.
Adam it is the 12 year old that resents the passing of your grandfather.
It was like he left you with no explanation. For a 12 year old who has lost a loved one it is scary and confusion. You stated that you did not have time to grieve what is stopping you now? Heed the captain's advice she is very wise and spot on.
Try this from a different angle, My Grandmother was my unconditional love. I wouldn't be where I am today without her love. It got me through some rough rides. Every time I make her eggplant her love is with me... Every Sunday I make a sauce and Macs...it is keeping her love with us, I tell my kids why and they feel the love that I was given. The you gonna geta...(how she spoke)...is now funny and I smile. Giving that to others is sharing that love and happiness, hold onto to that and your Grandfather will be with you, his guidance is the love he shared...which you can share...give that love and say why and he will be with you.