Ready to give up or sell my soul to get out of this hole...



  • Hello everyone,

    Let's see i am long time member here and all of the events i have been through in the last 3 years has not been so good. 10-23-2011 my dad passed away and after that i lost my house, moved into an apartment, lost the apartment, lost my long term job in February 2013, lost another house, went living in motels, family and friends. Things started looking up and i bought a nice suv, lost my contract, had gotten a job in another field and lost that due to the manager and my daughter's mother. Homeless after that and still homeless. I lost custody of my daughter due to being homeless and than my suv got rear ended and now nothing. I am on the streets with my mom and my puppy. I am carless and right now i am about to give up because i am stuck in an area where there are no jobs for my field and since i have no home any other job i get my daughter's mother keeps interfering with that i end up losing. People tell me it is not worth it but literally for 6 - 7 months homeless and the last 2 months no car, i don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have been contemplating selling my soul with no answer and i don't even believe in any of the traditional religions. Idk i am about to commit suicide because of this.

    Thank you,

    Charlie



  • Charlie, all you need to do is change your attitude. You are stuck in victim mode where you feel helpless to stop bad things happening to you. You need to step up and own the responsibility for the choices you have made in your life, choices and decisions that have led you to this point in your life. Once you understand that you are the creator of your own life, you will stop giving away your power and be able to use it to change your life.

    Many people think about their lives as something that just happens to them instead of something that they can control themselves. They drift through life reacting to the actions of others instead of taking steps on their own behalf. Such people are like rudderless boats on the ocean, completely at the mercy of the tides to take them wherever they will. People who don’t know where they are going usually end up where they don’t want to be. If we don’t take control of the direction our lives will take we leave ourselves to the mercy of others, often with disastrous consequences. The difficulty is that it often feels easier to leave all the decisions to someone or something else. If we can make another person responsible for our situation or our circumstances then somehow we can be happy without having to make any effort. Unfortunately it doesn’t really work that way. We can give other people authority over us if we wish but we can never make them responsible for us, our actions or our happiness. These things can only ever be our own responsibility.

    Whenever you are faced with a problem, be it emotional or practical, take a deep breath, focus your mind clearly and objectively upon the situation at hand and remind yourself that you are responsible. Then ask yourself what you intend to do about it. This may involve something designed to change the situation itself or simply to alter the way you feel about it. Remember that there are always options and choosing to give up your own choices usually isn’t the best course of action. And stop waiting for other people to solve your problems for you. There are two good reasons for this. Firstly in most cases they can’t – not entirely. Other people may be able to change your immediate situation but they probably can’t prevent difficulties from arising again. Then you find yourself in the same old position of needing to find someone willing to come and pick up the pieces again. The problem of dependence hasn’t altered. Taking time to learn the skills you need to solve your own problems usually works much better in the long run and makes you much more popular as people no longer avoid you for fear of becoming over involved in your problems. Remember – you are responsible. What are you going to do about it?

    You can only realistically make choices if you believe that you have some control over your situation. The first step in accepting responsibility is to acknowledge your ability to choose.

    If you don’t take steps to get what you want, other people will take steps to get what they want and that isn’t always going to be in your best interests. You owe it to yourself and to those around you to take control of your life. Otherwise life just gets harder for everyone.

    Of course this is all easier said than done. If we accept that we have choices and responsibility now, then we also accept that we had choices and responsibility in the past. This can lead some people to feel extremely guilty about the way they’ve behaved in the past. If they allowed their lives to become traumatic by inaction, possibly with unpleasant consequences for others as well as themselves, it may seem easier to go on believing that they had no option, no control and so no responsibility. This way of thinking is often no more than a convenient lie we tell ourselves to avoid guilt. The reality is that, in the absence of major organic disorders or unprovoked attacks etc. from others, we really can’t not decide. To pretend we can is only a way of deciding to give up control to someone or something else.

    An alternative way to think about past mistakes is to acknowledge them for what they are. We are all born with no idea about life or the way to keep ourselves happy. As we get older, we learn from experiences and change our strategies for living. Part of this experience is that we make inevitable mistakes. This is not only our right it’s unavoidable. It’s part of being human. Past mistakes are nothing to feel guilty about. On the contrary, the act of recognizing and learning from them is something we should all be very proud of. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes us to learn the lessons of responsibility so long as we do. Everyone learns at his or her own rate – that’s also part of being human. The important thing is that we get there in the end. If you are starting to acknowledge your part in past difficulties, perhaps for the first time, give yourself a large pat on the back. You’ve just learned a vital lesson. That YOU are the creator of your own life.



  • Hey Captain,

    The thing is i know and take full responsibility for my mistakes however, ever since i lost my permanent job i have applied for over 100,000 jobs a couple of interviews and i never let anyone know my current situation at all. Than on July i got rear ended and my car was totaled over it. I did not cause the accident, I was at a full stop. I have tried thinking positive because I do know we are in control of our destinies but where i am getting at is i have had nothing but extremely bad luck, i am tired of it. Consider this being homeless without a vehicle to sleep in and when i try to help others out as i have just to be shit on. Today is my father's bday and the sad part is he passed on and ever since his death I have been punished with extremely bad luck. I know I had made mistakes and i take full responsibility for them however, to be punished for every avenue and have my life ruined because i was stopped at a red light. I am stuck in limbo. I have tried branching out to get a no because of my experience and where am i left? Illegaly sleeping in a park because i have job prospects up north in another state and actually no means at the moment.

    Now why is it everything i try ends up the same? It is insanity and here i am sitting in the cold wind, no food all because i helped others out and they got me out of their lives. My mistakes have been trying to help others who does not give a shit about me. I am at a cross roads because i have thought positive and than bam another thing happens. Hell i was rear ended two times in 25 days, both times i was stopped at a red light! What do you call that?

    Charlie



  • You are still blaming an outside force for your troubles - bad luck. You want to believe you are being punsihed when you are not. Everything that has happened to you happened for a reason - for you to learn something that will make you grow stronger and wiser. I want you to sit down and make a list of everything bad that you think has happened to you. Your father's death is not a bad thing - it is just a fact of life that no one we love lives forever.

    The angels want your attention and your Higher Self knows it. So it puts you 9nto situations where you have accidents or lose your jog/girlfriend. The Universe is trying to wake you up from the sleep you have fallen into. If an event keeps happening to you, you need to look at it closely for the lesson. What were you thinking about at those red lights? Rear-ending tends to move you forward. Could this be a sign that you were stuck in a comfortable rut that wasn't challenging you? Were you stagnating? See the lesson and it doesn't need to be repeated. Ask yourself what your motives have been for helping people? Were you doing it out of the goodness of your heart or - be honest now - did you want something eg. love, ego gratification, to gain approval or reward etc. in return? You need to examine your life more closely. Chances are you have not been living an authentic life, doing what you really want to do but doing it because you think you SHOULD do it or to win approval or attention or love. Had the pursuit of money and possessions or status become too important to you? When major change happens in our lives, it means a major change of outlook and lifestyle is needed. We never do anything that doesn't give us some payoff, even if we are in an abusive, miserable or humiliating situation. What payoff is your current life giving you? It may be something like a lack of responsibilities or extra time on your hands or freedom or being out of the rat race, but there is some subconscious 'reward' for you or you wouldn't have allowed yourself to enter this state. If you can identify that need that is being fulfilled, you can find a less drastic way of satisfying it.

    You must get in touch with the real you and decide what it is you really want to be doing, something that won't necessarily reward you materially but will fulfill you in your soul. If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?



  • Well captain all i want is death. Sorry i have looked, i help people out of kindness not for anything honestly. I want freedom from where i am at. While i was stopped at the stoplights i was thinking of getting a job soon and now i just want to die. I am tired of being hungry, not showered in two weeks now, i literally have not eaten in 48 hours. And i am supposed to be happy? I feel like i am not worthy of life in general. When you get where i am at you will understand, i don't feel human or even anything related. I have grown to know a cold harsh truth about life, you cannot be good to get ahead... That is why i am depressed and just want to die...

    Charlie



  • Well, I guess you have given up then, Charlie. But your troubles will not all end with death. Death is not the end. Suicide is selfish and only brings pain to those who love you and more problems for you in the next life. If you don't face your problems in this life, they follow you to the next, usually with a physical handicap on top of that.

    How will your dog and mother manage after you are gone? You cannot honestly say that you care about others when you want to leave them to fend for themselves alone. There are shelters and organizations that can help you. Just ask.



  • Captain,

    I have given up because i have exhausted every avenue i know of. The shelter in the area i am in does not accept dogs so i am fucked there. There is no positivity to pull out of this one. I have been having chest pains all day today, and face it i have no other options. You have to be a complete dick in this town to survive.

    As for my mother, who i have been supporting for 3 years now, really does not give a fuck about me, considering the last time i had chest pains i called 911 was rushed to the er and not once did she care or contact me. I love my dog but what else can i do i have no food for her, no food for myself and zero way of getting any.... What would you do?



  • I would put my needs aside and find a good home for the dog. Then I would go to the shelter and ask for help to get back on my feet. Would you take any job to do so?



  • I'm curious, are you out in the cold with a lap top? How are you online? No food? Is there a Publix grocery near by.......they throw out perfectly good bakery all the time. They can't mark it down per store policy or give it away so they bag it up separate and clean and often good hearted people pick it up out back once it leaves the store and they give it to the homeless. Many people live homeless and share survival. If you have chest pains go to the emergency, they must treat you...it's the law.



  • My issue is i am using my cell phone and i am out in the cold. I am trying to land a job, i cannot keep any job in this town due to thw mother of my daughter causing problems by harassing my boss and calling the cops on me with erouneuos charges. She does not even have anything in writing but still tries to keep me down. That is why i am just done with everything. As they say when you tell the truth in court and the liar lies all the time the liar gets everything while myself telling the truth gets screwed badly. But what do i know in my area fathers are ATM even though i had custody for 3 years while the mother of my daughter drags me back into court weekly. I am not playing victim just stating facts and since i did nothing wrong to justify losing custody, unjust and illegally i did. And people tell me to be happy and positive? I have lost 2 jobs due to her actions. One contract where she called to validate employment playing my wife yet i was not ever married to her or anyone. I am not a dumpster diver either. I have my pride in not asking for money or digging in the trash. Hell even flying a sogn to get money. I did get dog food for my 17 week old blue nose bully pup. I had a phone interview for a job today and was told by the guy who i interviewed today that i am going to round 2. Which is good just trying to get money up for a replacement truck and things would be a lot better.

    I am depressed due to things I could not control. I wish there would be an easier way out. I can honestly say i have tried the past week to sell my soul with no answer which tells me the whole god and satan is all too fake. No heaven and no hell so to speak even though i have been walking in hell...

    Charlie



  • CHARLIE

    Gratitude is the only thing that will change anything. It is your perspective that is dragging you down. Stop drowning in all your problems at once. One day at a time. One moment at a time. How are your legs working for you? Because somewhere someone has no legs and would trade your burdens for some legs. How's your eyesight? I think somewhere a blind person would dive dumpsters for your eyesight. And your daughter? Is she healthy? Is she breathing Charlie? Because I buried a son and I'd trade ALL your burdens right now in a heart beat for a healthy alive son. Tough love here, honor your father and buck up camper, stop whining, there is no cosmic conspiracy to get Charlie....YOU are the enemy. God helps those who help themselves. Your anger is not going to bring anything positive. Count your blessings and it will attract more blessings. This predicament is your opportunity to live in the moment...it is all that is real. The past is gone and the future does not exist. Man up and take one step at a time. If your depression is that out of your control go to a mental health clinic. Dwelling on losses is just a pity party and no big wish and happy candles. Spend one day volunteering somewhere where you can put a smile on a suffering face.....count your blessings. Bless your toes, your fingers, a daughter, who has a future......be there to walk her down the isle, clap at her graduation. Imagine the good stuff. Gratitude, gratitude , gratitude...........your child is alive and beautiful. I buried a child....I'll trade you....I'll dumpster dive....make a tent in the woods gaze at the moon and find the stars beautiful. I have been broke....I've fed popcorn for dinner to me family, I've lost everything, I had a sister die in a car accident etc etc etc........and it all passed.....hard times pass....you grow a back bone and you get smarter...,.,BLESSINGS!



  • Charlie, look back at the bad things that have happened to you and ask yourself "What did I do then (or not do) that I can do differently from now on?" For example, did you stand up to your ex enough and not let her roll right over you? Did you refute all the lies she told about you with evidence? Or did you treat her too aggressively instead of diplomatically? All those road accidents that happened to you were meant to 'bump' you awake, into a new more progressive awareness. Only a perpetual loser keeps on doing the same thing over and over in the same way, expecting good results when there have been nothing but bad ones. You cannot control what happens to you (unless you make better choices) but you can control how you react to them.



  • I agree, if you find yourself without refuge or a solid friend it means YOU chose the wrong friends. Needy desperate people may make you feel good for awhile when you are there for THEM but the bond will be shallow and people who cannot help themselves certainly can not help you. Why do we make such friendships before we wise up? Because they do not demand much of us in terms of growth. They feed our ego but do little else to inspire us to own up to our potential. They allow us to stay in victim mode because that is their mind set as well. The people you counted on do not represent the world, they only represent your world. You chose them. The people you could have chosen to be there for you would have expected more honesty and less helplessness. They would expect you to take responsibility. Charlie, you leave too many details out. Getting rear-ended always is the other driver's fault. The only way you could have not been compensated is if you had no insurance or no licence. I get that you have always lived on the edge and tested the limits.....and when you gamble like that the losses are BIG. The time to create a security backup is when things are good. It is tempting to give into immediate self gratification when you should be really investing in being responsible. When you do have money you want the best. And you like to make your own rules. You are a gambler with life and count on sliding by without meeting responsibility. Now it has caught up with you. Make goals that once you are back on your feet, your blessed feet, that you will take care of business first, even if it means you have to get a cheapo flip phone with talk only. A good real responsible friend who WOULD be there for you during a brief crises will also demand you get real about any responsibility lapses on your part. A good friend who can offer you a room, some cash, and food has those things because they are taking care of business. I wasn't born with this wisdom, I was young once and have been there done that and stopped wearing the T shirt the day I stopped believing like you I had bad luck, and the world picked on me. Be brave and love yourself enough to expect more of yourself. And make friendships with people you can not BS. The ones who tell you straight up the things you don't want to hear. I am not speaking to you from a place of judgement, I have made about every dumb mistake in the book..........I got wise by having walked the walk. Get right with your spiritual connection and get on with it. BLESSINGS!



  • Charlie, Don't refuse help or assistance. Every one of us has had to have help some time in our lives--ok. Everyone needs a shoulder at times to. Sometimes tragedy happens in three's. When it rains it pours. Don't feel like you are the only one in this rodeo--ok. I know men are supposed to be providers but think about ALL the single parents. I've had to ask for help before several times. Stay away from people that want to take away. Go to a Catholic Church and tell them your situation or any church. Don't feel embarassed or have ALOT of pre-conceived notions. Do what you have to, to survive. Remember we're in this thing together and a lot have gone thru the same thing.