How can I help my seven and a half year old?
To anyone who can help,
I am wondering what else I can do to help my son. He is pretty obviously going through some stuff with the visitation he is having with my ex husband after not having that connection for so long. He is a very loving young man, but he has become defiant and disobedient as well as rude and disruptive to his teachers and classmates since last October...I don't think this is a coincidence. However I cannot prove this in court because he has never come out and said "My dad said I don't have to mind." and I don't think that is the issue...I think he is acting out because he is confused about the changes and doesn't know how to react... I am hoping for him and his brother's sake that my ex stays clean (from meth), but I don't know if he will or not and I am worried that my son is concerned about him leaving him again...what can I do? We have him signed up to see a counselor, but they can't get him in there until November 11th...please help.
Thank you for any help you can give,
the best thing I ever did was sit down with my son and let him know it is ok to be confused but his behavior was not tolerable. We would drink tea and I just let him talk and ask him what he thought about his behavior. I also did not lie when he asked about his father. Yes he saw a counselor a couple of times. Kids eventually figure it out and now my son is 18 and went off to the military and planning his future. Just remind him that you love him and when he wants to talk, you are there for him. and the just let him talk.
Thank you very much for your insight. I hope things work out as well for my son too...we do talk all the time and I do let him (and his younger brother) know that we can talk about anything anytime they need to or want to. Thank you again for all of your help.
It does get easier. I am closest to my youngest and now that he is in the military he writes me every week telling me how much he misses and loves me. So it is worth all the pain an aggravation of him growing up.
It will pass. He has to go through a process of stages. The best way for you to help is be strong...children can sense a parents focus. If you are worried he will only feel more out of control.You set the vibe. Allow him his emotions but also give him boundaries and put him in touch with having fun. If you live as if life is much more than his fathers chaos he will learn how to cope. When he is lashing out ask him if he afraid of something. Your x is careless with his life but is out of touch with that ........your son may just be more aware of that and it scares him. YET children are more unconditional with love and that is a tug of war. See your son as strong....he will feel that vibe. If you are afraid he will feel that fear. On a realistic level, if he does open up and admit not feeling safe you can then address that through the counselor and take appropriate advice. He needs to feel you will protect him but in a headstrong way without fear and drama. You can not control everything and he can grow through this. I feel in two years there will be a positive turn about for him. Try not to dwell on the rough spots of this fallout. Do not expect it to heal overnight. Encourage a healthy release for his energy........a sport of some kind or a discipline, team related and lead by a role model.....he needs to be around that energy so he knows his father is not all a man can be. It will get better but expect some bad days. Remember to tell yourself "this too shall pass". BLESSINGS!
Thank you so much...it is wonderful to hear from you. I am hoping my ex is being honest and will stay on the clean path...but I truly feel that he is not finished being dishonest and deceptive...I really just don't want to watch my children be hurt by my ex again...I know I can't protect them from everything, but my heart aches when I watch my ex lie to the children...I still feel like he is hiding something....I guess time will tell...Thank you again for your insight and blessings to you..boop boop be doo!
Hahaha...hope you know what that means.
From my experience with observing friends of my son who were drugheads, waiting for change is most often a a wait that never ends. Some people stay stuck for a lifetime.
As hard as it is, leave all hopes and expectations and attachments to the ex behind, and allow your focus to remain on healthy thoughts of how to help your babies. Such wonderful advice and wisdom came your way- you are truly blessed. Read it more than once as time goes by and more vision will open to you.
Hang in there, continue your vigilance with providing joy and understanding to your children. They will remember it in the future and thank you for being the stabilizing guardian influence in their lives.
You are a wonderful loving Mom. Blessings continue, and angels strengthen and guide you through this journey.