Daliolite last edited by
Whatever you pick-up regarding my son who is 31, a Gemini. We've always been close. He's trying to part from a habit and make changes. He's mentioned coming home to do this. I love him very much. I guess just looking for a psychic impression that you may receive regarding him. I feel I dropped the ball in some ways when he was growing up mainly a couple of relationships that didn't work or were not healthy. Also, there were a few moves before I got settled after I divorced. I really don't have anyone I care to talk w/about it in depth. I've been going to my higher power. Can't talk to my sister as she says if it were her son, she'd part ways no problem. Me and my sister aren't close and she's never really helped me either. I've been sending out affirmations of love and help to my higher power. Whatever you pick-up, if you need more, let me know...
Blmoon last edited by
First, a great big hug! I know exactly how painfully alone you are in this and... no... do not expect to get realistic feedback from friends or family. It's easy to give tough love advice when the heart and soul are not attached.There are always two realities, the spiritual and the earth. You must consider both. Your big question is WHY WHY WHY! Don't get stuck there......regardless of what his childhood was like...if you take on too much regret and guilt you only FEED the addict in him giving it what it thrives on.....lack of personal responsibility by blaming others. Despite life circumstances not everyone takes on a victim energy and become addicts. We all deal with our hard knocks and must take responsibility for having choices and seeking help. Some people are BORN with addictive tendencies AND mental illness. I do see that at least one of your past relationships was with someone who had a severe mental illness but was not dealt with. In fact your wounded self has been attracted to men with untreated issues. and here is where the spiritual comes in. This painful situation with your son is actually an opportunity for YOU to heal and once you heal he can heal.Your higher power must balance an earth reality. Your higher power is telling you that this situation is more than any earth mistake and both of you must take responsibility for owning SELF LOVE. The addict lies. The addict is not the person but the illness. If you have boundary issues and lack entitlement to be a good person than an addict will bring that into the light.. An addict will cling to the people who give too much and sacrifice too much. You need your male half of your being to be the man you never had or knew....so how can you grow those attributes. You have to grow a protector that protects the female part of you that gives to your son. If you do let him in it must have a concrete no negotiating PLAN...not promise but a plan already in effect. Make your intention real and write it on paper he can sign. An addict is not likely to heal on his own or he would have already. He has to be in some kind of treatment program. Committed and documented. Also, he must accept that he has to earn trust and if you do question him and he gets defensive he is not allowed to be offended. That's a big one. For you it heals that guilt gatherer you can be. He is not allowed to bring drama into your home. He is not allowed to whine about your cruel rules. An addict must severe their ties with people who allow them to behave like an addict. If you find he has not done that you will be paddling upstream. I n your house rule letter address all that up front....each rule has a GOOD reason. You must lay out ALL that is not negotiable and follow through with consequences.......you kick him out. Your healing goal is to avoid FEELING HELPLESS AND TRAPPED. It is about both of you and it is no easy fix, He may stumble and fail, and so may you but keep moving forward. Believe in the lesson and not the regret. Nether of you DESERVE this.......he is not loving himself. And when you are too self sacrificing you are not loving yourself either. Try not to get advice that makes you feel bad. Follow your intuition when NOT in fear and work on yourself....it will spiritually connect him to healing as well. As a parent it's not all earth drama but adult children react to a parents OWN healing and growth. Unfortunately, the greatest fear a mother has is of losing a child, you want to protect him but there is always that moment of you can't love him to death ether if you enable him to get stuck. Also, you only said HABIT and regardless of what that is....it is an addiction that is destructive. You can do this....your advantage is your spirituality. Listen and pray a lot and expect info to fall in your lap to help. Remember besides being your child he came into a life HE CHOSE and he had agreements with others and soul growth goals....just as you do. BLESSINGS!!
Daliolite last edited by
Thank you. thank you. Actually, I sent him a text this morning asking him to outline the help he needs. We need to sit down and write out a plan. He said he needs somewhere to stay. Of course, it'll take more than that. He doesn't smoke or drink but has a drug problem. Thank you. Yes, I've been with several men w/untreated problems. I don't have any addictive problems. I think there's a lot of people w/this problem and I don't think I had the filter to discern at the time. I did get out of these relationships w/o spending a lot of time in them. Of course I've learned but I'm responsible for this. I've acknowledged this w/him several times. I think it's important for kids to know their parents realize their (major) mistakes. I know my parents made mistakes and never came close to acknowledging. My lesson is that kids deserve a lot. I'm glad that he's come to me and maybe I can help him. You've given me valuable insights. Want you to know that I appreciate it so much...