A question for anyone who feels inspired to answer



  • Dear Reader,

    I always thought I wanted a committed long term relationship but I’ve realized for some time that I just feel happier and lighter being on my own. I’ve been single for a few years and I do miss being with someone (a lot recently) but there is also an increasing disconnect on the subject. Maybe it’s a scenario/process of “moving towards myself” and letting go of wanting a relationship entirely (at least for now). And finally allowing myself to be reserved and a Hermit (in a society where it doesn’t seem acceptable when you’re quiet, introverted or introspective).

    I’ve had only a few relationships in the past, and I saw myself as a ‘girlfriend girl’. Used to be there a lot for partners, family and friends. But I’ve changed so much over the last few years and am now discovering myself from scratch. Actually it's probably been happening for 10-15 years, just that I didn't realize it until things (changes) really sped up in the last 1-2 years.

    Given what I understand of myself so far, I guess I just don’t know anymore how I would be able to create space for or sustain a relationship, when I’m giving the nurturing I used to give to others, to myself instead – and liking it just fine. And letting others take care of themselves. And just enjoying getting to know who I am, one day at a time.

    Although I'm happy to still listen as friends confide and participate in such discussions and I care about their well-being, I'm not sure I'm entirely interested/invested in what others are doing or not doing.

    I happened to see Charmed's post about fated love, and I'm curious if that is true for me as well, that (for lack of a better expression) I'm my own soul mate. And that I will just seek occasional companionship (romantic or friendly) in others, but find peace in my own "hermit-hood" for the most part. And that I’m meant to share the side of me that is fun-loving, caring, playful and full of light with those around me, not just with 1 person.

    Or am I (or was I) meant to be someone? And that given that we create our own paths, that I can either choose to be on my own, or be inspired to take a leap of faith with someone at some point – if and when it feels right.

    Would appreciate readings from anyone. Viewpoints are also appreciated 🙂 Thanks!



  • The theory is that we all do have an other half, that we as souls split up when we came to earth in order to increase our experience and learning. But out other half doesn't always follow us down here and can remain in spirit helping us from there. We who are on earth are all here to discover how to balance the male and female sides in all of us, those sides that have become unbalanced during other lifetimes. We are also here to strengthen our connection with spirit. It is my belief that when we are balanced in our male and female sides and have a strong connection to God/the Universe, that we find true peace and satisfaction and no longer yearn for anything or anyone else. Because a strong connection to spirit means that our connection with each other is also strengthened - we are all a part of God - and we will no longer feel disconnected or separated from anyone else. This I believe is the true version of love. Loving ourselves, God, and each other, we will no longer feel alone.

    To balance our male and female sides, some people find meditation, yoga, Bach or other flower remedies, acupuncture etc. helpful. Others explore their issues through introspection, essential oils, crystals or prayer. There may be a blockage that has its roots in an over-identification with parents or other people. The female side is the creator of our goals and shows us what has meaning and heart for us. Our female side helps us grow our own roots and develop like a strong and independent tree, feeling secure and autonomous in our life, home, space, work and living harmoniously and in a balanced manner. It is our intuitive feeling side where Love comes from. The male side connects us to our direction and purpose, helps us maintain good relationships with society and authority, helps us handle different forms of authority, assert yourselves while setting our limits lovingly, and connects us to the Light and enlightenment. The male side also gives us a perfect neurological system, psychological health, perfect brain function, healthy hair, teeth and nails. Through our male side, we have a strong will and take action to achieve our goals and connect with leader skills. It doesn't mean that, if you are a woman, you are less of one for exploring your male side and vice versa. Everything contains yin and yang energy! It's simply that we were brought up to believe (for centuries now) that men had to 'act' and women had to 'feel' and so we're all out of tune. Thankfully, a lot of us are awakening now and trying to find this balance in ourselves. Then maybe in the future everyone will be free to be who they are, not their gender.



  • Probably, at the subconscious level of all relationships, is the desire to find someone with the qualities we need to balance ourselves. This could be the basis for attraction.



  • Hi Captain,

    Thanks for that!

    Am still trying to process all of it. For the most part, it makes sense, especially about finding balance within ourselves.

    Would you be able to elaborate more on what it means for me personally? Is my 'other half' here in this physical plane and do I meet him at some point? Or is he helping from afar?

    To a certain extent, I'm not sure if my 'peaceful detachment' is a sign that I'm getting close to Spirit/Universe and the self - or if I'm just really a Hermit who just enjoys the occasional company of others. The only clue I have is that I feel good and more centered in general, now that I'm just allowing myself to be whoever I am in the moment - even though I incur the disapproval of others because I don't 'acquiesce to their expectations of how I should behave or what I should be doing.

    Also, I have a sense that I (and any good that I bring) was meant to be shared with others. Not overtly by doing stuff for them, but energetically and subconsciously - just by being myself and in the lessons I'm learning. That though I'm not a teacher or healer or interpreter, others are observing and learning from my experiences, at a subconscious level. It's also intertwined with the idea that as much as I think I like the idea of companionship, I cannot belong to or with 1 person, because it could disturb the momentum of this journey, and cause me to regress to the patterns/attachments which I'm starting to let go of.

    This is as much as I can articulate, don't really know what I mean sometimes.



  • Danceur, only you can tell where your soulmate is.

    Karen Black says -

    Great sex doesn't mean you're soulmates. Neither does marriage for that matter. While sex and marriage are wonderful things, ultimately, they're of this earth. Soulmate connections, they're not of the earth. They spring from the soul. We meet our true soulmate/other half when we are totally ready for them. Some people have to wait longer for their soulmate because their souls have something remarkable in mind for them. Bigger than they originally thought. Or even dared dream. That just means there's a bit more prep work involved. I do believe that your soul wants you to have a soulmate. That is, if you truly want one. You don't ‘need’ one to be successful in life. Your desire is the key. Those who are being asked to wait for their soulmate are experiencing a loving invitation in the meantime. One for incredible growth. What if the answer to the question of "where is my soulmate?" (and we have many soulmates - family, friends, even pets - so be specific and ask the universe for a romantic soulmate if that's what you want) offers you a choice? One which involves commiting to yourself first. There it is for you, a fork in the road. Which fork do you choose? To find a soulmate, a real soulmate, many of us are called to go deeper within ourselves first. Why? Because the ultimate soulmate relationship isn't about eliminating loneliness. It's about soul growth. If you're wondering ‘where is my soulmate’ before you know who you are or what you want in life,.you may end up attracting relationships that give you - maybe painful or repetitive - lessons about yourself. Your soul is rooting for you. It still loves you and wants you to have your soulmate if you desire one. If you really, really want it, your soul will answer: 'where is my soulmate?' Consider that the pain and struggle in your heart was created to get your attention. In essence, it's your soul calling out! It wants you to go deeper. If you're single, the first step to answering the question is turning the mirror toward yourself. It's answering questions about yourself like: Who are you? Why are you here? What's important to you? What's your soul's purpose? Big questions requiring emotional (not just intellectual) answers. But critical if you're consciously seeking a relationship that's beyond the ordinary.

    In his Conversations with God series, Neale Donald Walsch says it beautifully: There can be only two questions that are asked with regard to human relationships:

    1. Where am I going?

    2. Who is going with me?

    Do not invert the order of the questions.

    Do not - under any circumstances - invert the order of the questions.

    In other words, if you are you asking 'where is my soulmate?', start your search inside. How far would you go to have one? If you're resisting, is it really a soulmate you're looking for? Your soul knows! Know that it's leading you to fantastic growth. Know that your life doesn't stop just because you haven't found your soulmate yet. Make time for fun and friends, and time for reflection. Also self-nurturing. Pay attention to your body. What feels deep inside, like a pulling down? What helps you feel ‘more than’, like a pulling up? How can you expand your intuition? For that's one way your soul speaks to you.

    Find yourself first and your true other half will be drawn to your authentic vibes, no matter where he is.



  • **** = sex.



  • Our primary mission here on earth, I believe, is to understand ourselves at the deepest soul level and remember who we really are - divine immortal beings. We use work, relationships, play, education, experiences, etc. in pursuit of this ultimate goal. It is an illusion to feel that any of us are disconnected from anyone else or the Universe. We need to see past the illusion.



  • Hi Captain,

    Yes these are questions that are coming up in me now - Who are you? Why are you here? What's important to you? What's your soul's purpose?

    Perhaps at this juncture, I am not really seeking to find my other half. Even though I miss the connection with someone - the desire to understand myself is stronger. I keep cycling back to that. Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming.

    Maybe that is my real question. Beyond what I've described, is there anything you pick up about me, about my purpose or higher calling - and where I am at, on this?



  • Our purpose is to understand ourselves and you are certainly well engaged in this mission. Perhaps deep down you want to be as free as you can of all issues and as fully evolved as you can be before you attract and meet your soulmate. Certainly that is the optimal situation. Whereas most people try to connect with another person before they are psychologically and spiritually ready to handle anyone but themselves.



  • Hi Captain,

    I don't mean to be - maybe I'm just not very good at multi-tasking 🙂

    And on a related subject - how does one find a balance between being free enough (in the mind) to continually tap into a creative space, and being just as engaged in one's practical everyday life (work etc)?

    Now that I'm looking out for a new job, I sense a tug of war happening. I need to be working and I like being productive, occupied and gaining mastery of my work. But I'd also rather be lazy, unoccupied and free to dream, think, and be more aware. No schedules, no rules.

    This is probably common among those who have artistic leanings. I find myself on a different plane sometimes. Now more than ever, it feels really important to me to engage that side of myself. I suppose it's because it's now all mixed up with seeking to understand who I am.

    I do understand that work/a job helps me uncover who I am as well. But there is such a yearning to be an irresponsible day-dreamer too. How to find that balance?

    Used to think others misunderstood me. But now I realize it's because I have a smorgasbord of contrasting traits. Am not one or the other, but both..all.



  • Have you heard of a book called "The Artist's Way.....A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron? Blmoon recommended it highly to another poster and I think it could be helpful to you as well. The book is a course in discovering and recovering your creative self. Any of her books may help you.



  • Thanks Captain!

    Time to go to the library then 🙂