Why did things happen this way?



  • I keep going over and over things in my mind. I am trying to find understanding in why my current situation has played out like it has. I moved 3 states away... back to my home state after 20+ years. This move was incited by a man I dated in high school. After careful reflection I realized that I wanted to make the move for myself and not necessarily for him. He practically begged me to make the move... so I started applying for jobs and getting interviews in my home state where I was not in my prior state. I felt I was being led by spirit to take a leap of faith. So, I put my place up for sale, and it sold a week later for my asking price. Then I got a job 2 weeks later. Although it is not the job I had hoped for in my field, I am happy with it so far. However the relationship with this man did not go so well. after 2 weeks after i moved, he started ignoring me and said that he wasn't feeling a connection. I know I was having trouble adjusting to everything and I was very needy and clingy toward him... and very emotional. Since then I have pulled myself together and am functioning much better.

    We are currently living as room mates, separate rooms and all. A few days ago, I keept feeling a pull to his room. Kept walking in there absent mindedly when going to my room. I wasn't doing this before. So, I felt like I was being pulled by spirit, so I asked when I went in there. His kindle was laying on the bed and I felt like i was supposed to look at it. I ended up accessing his Facebook account as there was no password on it. I looked at his message history and found that he was talking to 4 other women this whole time. Telling them all the same things he said to me that made me think he was serious about a future with me. I know I should not have invaded his privacy, and I didn't really go looking for it as we had resolved to just being friends and I was ok with that.

    I asked spirit why I was supposed to know this and I felt like I was supposed to tell what happened to me to these other women, so I did through messaging on Facebook. I have been corresponding with 3 of them about the situation and we are all becoming friends, so it seems. We are all meeting for dinner tomorrow. I am not sure I totally trust them, but I am going along with getting to know them as we all agree that this guy is a disgusting pig and are providing support for each other for the betrayal we feel. One woman is still being manipulated by this man and told him what I had done. As a result, he and I had words and I am now looking for a new place to live.

    I guess I just don't understand why he wanted me here if he was pursuing other women. I had my concerns about the longevity of the relationship anyway, but decided to give him a chance. I know I should have trusted my instincts. I just wonder if someone can give me some clarification on this whole ordeal.

    Thanks in abundance and blessings to all who read my post!

    MM



  • Dear Missy, hi, just if I may say a few words like I would with a friend over coffee. You are a very strong woman and very capable one at the same time with a great heart.

    it seems like this man is just playing around and unfortunately in the process hurting others and involving too many people. A manipulator. Sounds like you are a person who likes to get to the bottom of things and spirit helped you to discover what you needed to know and to move on from a situation that is not too healthy for anyone. You trusted him (a long time friend and a new love at the same time).

    Talking with these other women or on here or with your other friends is all very good. If you feel like crying, or screaming or anything that allows you to get your true feelings out then do so because you don't want to cover your hurt or disappointment in this situation. Just allow time to feel what you need and yes get away from him. He has been very unkind and irresponsible in this.

    Look at all that you have accomplished with job, home, move etc and how awesome you are and you need the same in your future mate :). From your other thread I can tell you are very kind, generous, giving and thoughtful. You will get this over with and truly this is a whole new beginning for you and who knows and despite this situation and with your wonderful attitude a whole new life and situation is ahead of you. Smile and look forward to that. Spirit is guiding you and as you said trust your own intuition and instinct. Our feelings sometimes get in the way of seeing the bigger picture but not for long.

    Hugs to you. Enjoy your new surroundings and explore the new possibilities 🙂

    Pls. I know that you know all of this already but sometimes it just feels good to read it!



  • You are meant to be where you are. This manipulative player was the "magnet" that pulled you there. He obviously felt that he'd get away with what he's been doing, evidenced by him leaving his kindle lying around where it could be easily found. He believed you'd NEVER poke around in his room. Subconsciously though, he wanted to be found out. He has serious issues with commitment, and these stem from a very bad break up he experienced and hasn't recovered from.

    This now would seem like you made a mistake in moving there. But you didn't. Like I said, you're meant to be there as this place will stretch you in ways you didn't think you were capable of, and will be where you find what you've been looking for.

    So in some ways, you have him to thank, even though it seems like the exact opposite at the moment.

    He needs counselling; months of intensive counselling. Maybe suggest this to him just before you move out.

    Believe it or not, you'll remain friends with him.

    Life's a funny thing sometimes ain't it?

    Cheers!

    C



  • You've already received wise words of advice, consoling and helpful... i just want to say that i am with you MissyMill, wish you all the best and hope everything will turn out well for you. i know it will.:)



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  • Hey Missy,

    Think sometimes these situations function as catalysts to awareness/growth that we may not have gained otherwise. Trust in yourself and in your path. For there are no wrong turns - just new beginnings and possibilities 🙂 Hugs!



  • First welcome to the betrayal club. It is a right of passage that really has great spiritual meaning and you will never be the same...in a good way! You will learn the great lesson of betrayal and how no one can betray you unless you first betray yourself. Once you get that it will bring you closer to your intuitive connection. The significance of this will make sense as long as you stay out of guilt, self loathing or shame. Be in full forgiveness so you can see clarity.There are spiritual books that describe the passage of betrayal before a great leap into awakening and personal power.. That said, I get a very strong message for you to run....fast. Do not put this off, this is a man who is so hungry for power and control and in a dark way carrys a deep anger towards woman. Also, he left that laptop out on purpose.He is a wolf....and you have not seen that under his sheep's clothing. Stay away from him. Once a person shows you who they are believe them! You must not even speak to this man or see him again. To NOT do that will be an act of betraying yourself. Mother yourself, father yourself! Protect yourself! BLESSINGS!



  • Thank you all for your support and insight into my situation. I get a great sense of love and understanding from all of you. I agree that this whole situation has brought me to new place both mentally and spiritually. I do feel that in spite of everything, I am able to forgive him for this. It's an odd feeling to not hold any resentment in spite of how he made me feel. I guess in a sense I feel sorry for him and that he has to do those things to make himself feel better about himself and to dissipate his loneliness. He truly must not be in a good place in his mind. I also still feel that he really did care for me and wanted something, but was unable to make any kind of commitment. Truly, it is too late for him now, as I will never again succumb to his charms.

    Blmoon, I have to say that I do not completely understand your post. I understand what you mean about the betrayal aspect. However, we are still roommates til I move into my new place, I cannot completely sever contact with him. I do still want to remain friends with him, but on my terms only. I do not see the wolf in sheep's clothing, but rather a wounded and lonely pup looking for comfort. I have said some really horrible things to him, and he still talks to me. I would appreciate any clarification you may have on that.

    I have to say that the support and positive energy I have found here has been instrumental in helping me through all of this. Love and blessings to all!

    MM



  • Sorry you do not see from my vantage point. Your magical thinking is exactly what got you into this situation........you are betraying yourself by feeling sorry for him. Feeling sorry for him from a distance is safer.Knowing what you know about him did you not ask yourself how he gets away with it? A insecure sad pup may be....but to ignore his dark side is lying and betraying yourself. The fact you said horrible things to him and YOU feel guilty and lucky he still talks to you? He doesn't care what you think! He is detached or he could not lie. I can not even begin to tell you how wrong your thinking is on many levels. Are these not your words?

    .......I guess I just don't understand why he wanted me here if he was pursuing other women. I had my concerns about the longevity of the relationship anyway, but decided to give him a chance. I know I should have trusted my instincts. I just wonder if someone can give me some clarification on this whole ordeal.........

    You truly enjoyed the lie so much....it fed you and you do not wish to give that up....he has YOU and his other victims pegged. Is he a sad child pup? Or is he a lying cruel heart breaker....with no concise when it comes to his needs? Has it occurred to you that a person can be both? And it is YOUR responsibility to yourself to decide NOT TO ignore the part of a person that does not work for your dream. You do not have to respond to this..........let me know in a few months how the lamb of your heart fared living with a wolf..........a sad pup wolf is still a wolf. My blunt harshness is the very sword of yourself....yin and yang that needs pumping up. You have too much heart but not a strong male head to protect. THAT is how this happened to you. BLESSINGS!



  • MissyMill,

    I did a reading for you, I pull from your feelings to help you see what you are feeling from a different perspective

    your happy you found success and you can enjoy the little things

    there was a loss of control...emotional

    having trouble juggling two things at once

    you wanted something to work...got stuck in a narrow view

    there was a choice...with temptation and it drew you

    you want contentment and happiness (its like you saw signs so it has to be so)

    your plans are ruined...some tears

    but you know what is supposed to happen will, this will allow you grow

    a guy who can be dangerous if crossed, be cautious

    you will be ok, but get ready for a battle...you take some bumps but come thru

    it will feel like a loss and it will make you doubt yourself...

    (trick is to trust yourself, maybe this is just a lessen you needed. I don't think you could have avoided it. Stay happy, keep letting the little things make you happy and you will be fine...just dust off the bumps when they come. Keep being you, I enjoy your readings, so keep trusting yourself and you will work it out.)

    hope that helps,

    Nick



  • Thank you Nick! I appreciate your reading. You are right in that in spite of the situation, I have found some joy inside myself. I am truly taking care of me first for a change. I have resolved myself to doing things differently and seeing things from a different perspective, I am moving into my own apartment in a couple weeks, and I know that will put some distance between us which will be good. However, I suspect in a few weeks or months that he will be lonely and come back with empty apologies in an attempt to win me back. But, I truly know that I am soo done with him. This whole experience has brought me to a new place mentally and spiritually, I have finally found some balance. I have learned that I am truly better without a man in my life, as I do tend to lose control emotionally. Perhaps with some more healing I will be ready to meet my life partner when the timing is right. In the mean time, I know I have to take care of myself... and remember the lesson that this has taught me.

    Bless you Nick!



  • Hi MissyMill, i was just wondering how you are doing and if things are ok in your life. Lots of positive energy your way! Take care of yourself.



  • It has been interesting going back and reading through this thread again. Things that I did not understand then, I can more clearly now. Especially the words of BlMoon. They seemsd a bit harsh at the time, but now I can see the truth behind them. Just to update anyone, I am doing fairly well now. I moved out, and immediately got the job that I wanted. My daughter has also moved back home, something else that I wanted. I am beginning to understand my personal power and learn hoe to use it. Blessings to all those who contributed.

    I rarely talk to this guy any more, unless he makes contact. Just as I anticipated, he has made a few attempts at trying to get my attention again. Yet, I am completely immune to his tactics. I continue to be friends with him, mostly because knowing that I have the choice to not succumb to his charms is very empowering. I allowed him to take me out to dinner a few weeks ago. We talked like old friends, but it was nothing more than that. It feels good to know that I have this part of my life in place as well as many others.

    I feel good about myself and all that I am doing... But as humans, we always want for something more. I still hope to meet my life partner and have another child. I believe that is something that I will have, but I am getting older, and the more time that passes... well, it's sometimes hard to keep believing... perhaps because I have become content with my life if that never happens. If anyone has any feedback on that, it would be greatly appreicated.

    Love, blessings and positive thoughts to all!



  • it's good to hear you have sorted things out.:) With time, from a certain distance, we notice things that were invisible to us before, emotions are no longer so strong and we are able to look at a situation more realistically... You seem to be in a good moment in your life when you can start afresh also in your love department, just stay open and the right man will appear in your life, a man who will be worth your attention and affection. Thank you once again MissyMill for the reading you did for me some time ago, it really resonated with me. You trully are gifted. All the best to you! 🙂



  • Great to hear from you!! So the chapters played out and the story unfolds. Isn't life magical and full of many layers? Keep your eyes on the horizon and keep on keepin on! BLESSINGS!



  • MissyMill, I read your posts and briefly over the others'. Perhaps I have a different view or take. When you decided to be friends but live together (as separate) I don't understand why it upset you so much for him to contact others. I think it would do harm to inform each of them. I think in some way the relationship took on a financial crutch for the two of you when it didn't work the other way. I know of people who date on-line and send each respondent the same response. I moved out of state when I married and that was a mistake, as well. I could have had a good life there (without him) however wanted to move closer to family so moved back. I don't know what he promised but I would use more caution and put head before heart. Perhaps you were ready for change. Enjoy your new life with your daughter!!



  • Thanks Daliolite for your response. Just to clarify things, I learned that he was talking to all these other women, even fooling around with one the whole time that he was acting like he wanted a relationship with me. He mislead me, and it was very hurtful. One night I was in my room, trying to sleep and he was on his phone talking to one of these women, calling them baby and saying the same kind of sweet things that he was saying toe just a couple weeks prior. Perhaps I was more angry at myself for playing the fool... Anyway... I decided not to be a victim, and stepped up and got away from him. I embraced the changes that I had made and am all the better for it now. Beleive me, I have learned from it. I will never be hurt like that again!



  • Yep he has a problem. Sorry you had to go thru this.