Looking for love... in all the wrong places???

  • I have gotten good feedback from here before, so I am attempting find some insight again. I am now separated 4 years and divorced going on 2 years. After the initial 2 years I was involved in a relationship for about a year where the man did not want to love me back although he cared about me as a "friend". I have dated alot and rarely make a good connection that lasts. I am now seeing a guy that I dated in high school. We live 12 hours away from each other and I have been contemplating a move that will allow us to be together. I see the move as a fresh start or me in many ways. However, I still seem to be fighting fear and doubt. It is difficult to keep the negative thoughts away after my past experiences. I guess I am hoping for some feedback here that will help e know if this is a relationship that I should be investing my time and energy into. Does it really have the potential to be the relationship that I want, or am I kidding myself? The current guys birthday is June 9, 1971, and mine is Feb 12, 1971.

    I welcome and appreciate any feedback or insight that anyone may have.

    Blessings, love, and light to all!

  • The two of you may have to be careful that you don't bring out each other's nervous side. The relationship can sometimes be unstable - however its essentially vital and flamboyant nature is appreciated by the both of you and by those around you. Rather theatrical impulses can emerge here and the two of you are likely to put on a good show - in fact, performance is likely to become the focus of this outgoing relationship.

    Although a love affair here may be filled with desire and passion, the orientation of the relationship is primarily mental. Fantasy and quick communication will characterize the affair, and you will not only enjoy each other physically but will heighten your pleasure through an acute consciousness and awareness of whatever is going on. Be careful that the mental aspect doesn't go too far with analyzing and criticizing which can interfere with a natural expression of feelings. Marriage or a long term affair must be careful not to pull in negative energy, since your relationship can be very magnetic to other people, but they might be just the wrong types for you. Disturbing or seductive influences may prove divisive, threatening your relationship's survival. There is definitely a self-destructive element at work in the relationship, a dark side that may not be evident to the two of you but that may nevertheless emerge to satisfy your own deep subconscious needs. The strength of this relaitonship is in its fantasy-rich flamboyance and communication. Watch out for signs of resentment, or suppressive/self-destructive tendencies such as jealousy. Your partner can be inconsistent and tactless and he can also take things too personally at times - he may just stop speaking to whomever he thinks has offended him. He can feel he is not being heard or understood as well.

    You MissyMill are definitely the marrying kind but may have hidden fears of it not lasting or that your partner may tire of you that can undermine the relationship. Although you have no trouble falling in love, you do need to be careful that your work and goals do not eclipse your relationships or that you take them for granted. You prefer to get involved with people who are mentally stimulating and who are interested in self-improvement as well as having a good time. Your somewhat detached exterior can make it hard for you to open up sometimes but, once you are able to do that, you make a sensitive, loyal and (when you aren’t working too hard) fun-loving partner. You can often be more in love with someone than they are with you, however, so make sure this relationship and partner are the right ones before making any big changes to your life.

    Your partner is very like you and can fall in love easily but, as with everything else, he can rush into love and make the wrong decisions in the heat of passion. He can also put his relationships in jeopardy by not investing enough time and energy in them; he needs to understand that relationships, like flowers, need work and tender care for them to flourish and grow into something beautiful. You will both need to make sure you devote enough time and attention to this relationship if you want it to work.

  • Thank you Captain! You are spot on again! Everything you say makes complete sense to me. That self destructive aspect you mentioned has already reared its ugly head, and he has not spoken to me since we had a disagreement last night. I tend to overact to things which comes from the over-analyzing of everything he says and does. When I am feeling overwhelmed by everything, I have difficulty maintaining rational thought and actions. It appears that he does not handle this well either. I expect when he gets over it we will talk again, and things will be ok. I just worry that he doesn't see his role in it and how something he says or does may set me off. I am always working to better myself and easily assume the blame in everything. This is the same dynamic that existed in my marriage of 20 years. Which I see is the underlying cause of the fear and doubt that experience, as you described.

    Sometimes I think I am better off not being involved in a relationship... but I also not meant to be alone. I agree that all this makes me question making the move. However the move does offer me potential for a better job. At this point I am thinking that my career needs to be the focus of any move that I make, and not the relationship.

    Thank you Captain. I always appreciate your response, and any additiona feedback is welcomed.

    blessings, love, and light to you!

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