A Bit Concerned About Family-Psychic Please Help?

  • Hello everyone!

    I haven't been on this site in AWHILE-but I can honesty say I've been great and have been enlightened to a more positive life and better outlook. I have an 8 month old son and wonderful boyfriend who I love dearly. I moved to California with my little family to build a life up for myself. I let all of the pain and hurt from my past (especially with my family) go. I've just been a little concerned about my mother (her bday is July 23rd 1973) who seem like she is going to break and abandon my younger brothers and sisters. My mother has her controlling, mean, self centered and abusive tendencies but she's also a very sweet and selfless, strong woman who has given her all and been through so much. My issue with her is that she is very stubborn. She never believes she is wrong and has an intense reaction to critcism and can be very cold towards others feelings. The last time I physically seen her, I had a mental breakdown. It hurt but I let it go. I just focused on my own development and see that shes not ready to change. I focused more on understanding rather than hating. Doesnt mean I think she's right. I just see her as a human being. My sisters and brothers are all stressed out from her and my father. I can feel their pain from miles away (I am an empath), the thought of them makes me smile but kills me on the inside. Everytime I talk to my mom, I feel like she is about to snap-Is there anyway I can make her understand what she is doing to herself and my siblings? And how can I help my siblings? What can I say to make them understand?

  • This year could be a break-through time in relationships for your mother. Yes she will either break or break through. Maybe, if you and your siblings could understand her better, you could accept that she is what she is.

    Your mother often wants to hide away from the world which can be a dangerous place to her. She feels a big need for privacy away from the pressures of life. She wants to find an environment in which to feel safe, protected, cared for, and doted on - a place where she feels she truly belongs. But she must be willing to let go of the idea that one special person - or group of people like her family - is going to provide it just because she thinks she needs it. Instead, she must take charge of creating what she needs for herself. Her downfall is her dependence. The desire to be taken care of can lead her into the trap of an unending search for security, where she develops emotional dependencies on others. But she can never get enough reassurance from others to feel safe, so she never gains the security she thinks she needs to be a capable adult and take charge of her life. So she remains child-like, hoping that some grownup will look after her. She cannot be a good mother until she grows up herself. She must throw off the need to get away from it all. She can feel resentful if she feels her own needs are being ignored or neglected by others. Boredom is her personal hell. Deep down she feels her family is holding her back from having a great life out in the world. Feeling insecure, she can manipulate and control other people, usually by getting angry or by withdrawing. She may be unable to say how she really feels. Addicted to drama, fearful and self-doubting, she remains at the mercy of her desire for freedom, variety and adventure.

    But Asia, you are not here to change anyone but yourself. That is your only responsibility. Maybe when you show your mother a good example of a happy balanced person, she will want to be that way too. Basically, your mother feels she has no life and that she is dying of boredom and frustration. She wants someone to come and take care of all her problems. Can you think of ways she can find more freedom and adventure in her life? Because then she would be a much nicer person if she sees more of her needs being met.

  • Boredom is her personal hel*l.

  • I see Captain! You hit it right on the head about my mother. I accept her for what she is more than my brothers and sisters do. They're young but I try to guide them into accepting her and changing their reaction to her as I did. I think I should be more of an adult towards her and talk to her woman to woman without fear. I am miles away and with me building my life I think Im just trying to prepare myself for any anticipated reactions. I think I will try this approach because I want to be the best example I can. For the most part Im focused on myself but I think about my family. Im just trying to go the best way about this-miles away.

    Outside of all that, I have a beautiful 8 month old boy. He's fiercely independent and sometimes I don't know if Ive bonded with him enough. I just wanted to know if he feels how much I love him and what can I do to improve on our connection. He was born on August 16th 2014

  • Asia, what you now have in common with your mother is that now you both have children - that is where you can meet and share.

    You and your son: the two of you are very different and there will be power struggles and differences of attitude and opinion in this relationship as your son grows up. You can probably already sense his strong will - he is a born leader and will at times suffer from an inflated ego. There will be tantrums as he tries to get his own way. Bonding may be difficult with a child so different to you, but be careful not to judge him too harshly. He can be loving, warm and generous too. You will need to allow him his independence and his dignity, but keep him firmly under your control while he is young. He will need strong discipline to rein in his more combative and wayward tendencies. You will need to teach him good morals and ethics as he can tend to be a little naughty and self-centred. Teach him to think of others as well as himself and to put himself in another person's shoes.

  • Yes! His strong will is very evident! He is fiercely independent but I love him regardless-Ill never judge him. We may be different but I'll support him in every way. I try being motherly to him sometimes he likes it and sometimes he just wants to do his own thing. I don't know if he wants me smothering him so much lol but I was wondering does he like me or appreciate my efforts?

  • He knows you love him but he does not like being smothered. You have to allow this child his freedom to explore the world and do as he wants - as long as he is safe and well. He will always be a risk-taker, so teach him to be cautious as well.

  • Thank you so much for the help. He is a handful but I love my son dearly and enjoy him so much with his free spirited self! I kind of felt like he doesnt like too much smothering but I can let him go. Its the only way. I want to have the best relationship possible with my son and always do my best to keep it that way. Also how does he feel about my boyfriend (his father born Feb 6th 1988)-I think he admires he dad alot but my boyfriend is a bigger disciplinarian than I am. How is there relationship-it seems as if he respects his father?

  • Your child's father will be able to teach him how to do things the easier way and thus save him a lot of trouble and heartache. Your son will tend to barge through any obstacle like a battering ram, whereas his father can help him find another simpler way around any difficulty without confronting it directly and perhaps in a more diplomatic or more innovative fashion. (You instead will have to be the one to impose discipline on your son and teach him respect and empathy for others.) Your son's intensity can be tempered and cooled by his father's more relaxed attitude. Hanging loose is not your son's specialty so his father will need to teach him how to be less fiery and more cool. This can be a very exciting and enjoyable relationship. The pair can like each other very much and love their relationship. The only trouble that can occur is if your son becomes too bossy and controlling and his father too irresponsible or not serious enough. Both father and son will tend to be aware when the other person is trying to manipulate or coerce the other. But the relationship's natural quality can ease tension all around. Your son will be the leader in the family as he grows but his father can be his friend, advisor, and confidant.

  • Ok thank you so much for your insight Captain! Their relationship seems to be pretty great. He admires his dad a lot. Roman is always more relaxed around his dad than me at times. I think its because I'm his mom and babies tend to know that mom is always their for them lol but thanks again! I sincerely appreciate it!

  • By the way, just out of curiousity. My boyfriend is cool its just he his temper can get out of control. I'm just starting to treat him accordingly-Ive already told him. How I feel about his issues and its a slow process (he grew up with a lot of trauma) but I am growing impatient. Is he trying to change or does he just not care?

  • Asia, when things don’t go your partner's own way, or when his love and generosity are met with contempt and selfishness, he can get hurt and emotional. Sometimes disappointment and disillusionment can make him behave in dramatic or insecure ways which can irritate rather than endear him to others. Although he is insecure at times, however, your partner's generous and usually positive nature makes him a real charmer. He does need to be careful that in his role as a people pleaser, he doesn't court popularity for popularity’s sake and doesn’t become too accommodating and lose touch with his own emotional needs or act inappropriately. He must understand that friendship and love is not just about accommodation but also about trust, respect, generosity, and boundaries. His self-worth must be based on more than just popularity - it must come from his own self-love and self-respect. Your partner can be extremely concerned and anxious about his appearance. Often there is little need to be concerned as he tends to be blessed with good looks, but this doesn’t stop him obsessing. Despite wanting to please other people, he doesn't feel entirely comfortable around them, due to big lack of trust issues and his fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Long walks in nature and being around people who love him is the best medicine for his stress. He does need a certain amount of privacy and solitude in which to process what he is going through. If you could create a private space for him in your home where it's peaceful, safe and harmonious (maybe with candles, a water fountain or plants) where he could kick back alone for a while, it would help him immensely. Mind-body therapies such as meditation or yoga can take his focus away from the exterior to the interior. If he does find himself feeling negative, wearing or carrying a crystal amethyst will help to lift his mood. He can tend to stay in his mind a lot so he needs to learn to get comfortable with his emotions and to have open, honest and direct communication (and the associated trust) with family and friends. He has to be willing to be vulnerable and share all his feelings and thoughts with someone he trusts. Otherwise he will never be fully able to let down his guard, let go and enjoy life.

  • Ok and thank you Captain! This helps alot. He does has a amethyst Crystal that he used to carry around. I think I will definitely have him use that again. He's a great guy and has made a major change since being with me for almost 3 years now and I can honestly say despite our ups and downs our connection and dedication to getting better is always strong. I've never been happier. Im just super analytical on problems due to my perfectionism. I'm working hard to not over think out on issues. My final issue that I want to address is my issues with his mother. Now she's been through extensive issues in her life and has low self esteem and a submissive mentality that I clash with (she was abused by his father and was on drugs for a long time-they both have stopped with the abuse and drugs years ago) I like them both but I dont always like the things they do. I usually stay respectful and try to be more understanding since their customs are different. Its just that their values and actions sometimes clash with my life.

    His mother sometimes seems like she has an issue attending to my son. I understand that she is tired and has diabetes but sometimes I think its a personal issue. Im not sure if she even wants to bond with my son, is lazy or just is too tired to really do it. Ive been needing alot more support and help since I go to school. What is her issue with my son? And what is the best way for her to understand that I would like her to help me out more with him-(mind you she is hyper sensitive and defensive)?

  • Your son has very strong energies and is very high-spirited, and this woman is just too drained by other people to be able to cope with him for long. Your son is your responsibility and you shouldn't expect other people to automatically help you out with him, even family. Try and find some professional child-minder if none of your in-laws or direct family can help. Also what other people choose to do or believe should have no impact on your life unless their views are directly impacting on or interfering with you and your family.

  • Thank you! I guess now I can focus on what I can control in this situation. I think I'm just going to focus on finding professional care-he is my responsibility no one else's thanks Captain. From now on, I'm not going to expect anything from anyone.

  • Thank you! I guess now I can focus on what I can control in this situation. I think I'm just going to focus on finding professional care-he is my responsibility no one else's thanks Captain. From now on, I'm not going to expect anything from anyone.

  • Hey Captain, me and my boyfriend we're curious about couples consueling because we both have temper problems and sometimes things get physical. I want to give a shot at it because both our tempers can spiral out of control especially with so much going on around us. I believe we love each other and can be a happy couple but we both need to learn how to communicate a little better especially him when comes to anger. Does my boyfriend really want to change?

  • Counselling is a good idea because you both have issues you need to work through. Your boyfriend is reluctant to admit he needs outside help, but you must convince him it is for the good of your son and your relationship.

  • My boyfriend recently confided in me and told me he believed he needed to go to consueling. He is extremely stubborn but that meant alot to me. I just have alot going on in my life that leaves me stressed constantly-especially my lack of independence. I want to get a job and work for myself in case anything should happen to me. Right now I depend on my boyfriend who isnt the most responsible at times. Plus when his anger kicks in he stresses me out even more. Theres so much negative energy in the house from time to time Im scared that it affects my son. If it is, what can I do to comfort my son. He seems to be strong enough to ignore it but I want to do everything I can to comfort him? And does my boyfriend connect with our son well or does his anger get in the way?

  • You and your partner need to talk these problems out physically and emotionally in front of a counselor, not a psychic.

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