A MERE PHONE CALL
Again, this guy calls after over a year of no contact, at least from his end. He whipped back into my life last year, then out just as quickly with no explanation and I never heard from him again. I called him once to ask him how he was considering his grandmother was dying. As he had when he first called, he asked was i all right? Not just a casual, how are you, but ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
Now he calls again after all this time. My life was going along just fine, thank you very much. I was - and still am - adjusting to being on my own and being grateful for having the time, space and opportunity to do what I want when I want. This phone call threw me into a bit of a tail spin, and it's told me one thing at least: That my foundations are still shaky if a mere phone call throws me out. And that question: Are you all right?
I am wondering though: What does he want this time? Last year he wanted a relationship, age difference or not. Then backtracked two weeks later. So I'm scratching my head wondering what is on his mind this time, if anything other than a friendly phone call?
It isn't what HE wants that is important but what YOU want. Do you want an on-again, off-again relationship, a partner who is selfish and cannot be relied on, and who only contacts you when HE feels like it?
Nope, I do not. I've already told him not to play games anymore. I have given him no chance to drag me along. But there are questions I have about last year that need answering and he's the only one who can do that. That is what annoys the cr*p out of me here! A part of me wants those answers, the other wishes he'd just go away ...
Hope you are doing well
If I may offer my 2 cents from my own experience, perhaps it's just all part of the letting go process.
Not necessarily about the other person.
Perhaps it's about noticing which choice feels more peaceful, and letting your well-being always be your focus.
For me, I got tired of needing the answers and getting silence, and I gave that up. Then in time, I felt flow, healing and acceptance. Even though I do sometimes wonder, I'm happy even without knowing. It's not important anymore. I thought I was the type that needed closure, but I actually just want to be happy, and I'm realizing that we are the source of our own joy.
Thanks Danceur! I think what you've said is what I needed to hear. I have yet to decide what choice brings peace, but in saying that, I was feeling pretty happy about things before I heard from him. And in the last two weeks, I've felt those old feelings of why, what does he want returning. Also, it's the fact that he doesn't bother to keep in touch regularly. I sure don't need that!
I have felt I wanted and needed closure here, because it seems to me that when I start feeling okay about that situation, he looms up again either in my thoughts, or I see his name everywhere, and hear from him. Then, nothing.
I also simply want to be happy and not weighed down by someone else's selfishness. I am a giving person, but not when I get little to nothing back repeatedly. In my own mind, this is his last chance. He won't get another. Because I need to move on and enjoy my life properly. Not half live it.
Again, thanks so much for your input!
This is not about anyone else but you, Moonie, and how you feel about yourself. This man triggers your insecurities about how lovable you are when he abruptly cuts off the contact. It makes you feel unsure of whether anyone will ever love you again. That this triggers your bad feelings means that you don't feel completely good about yourself. And that is what needs work, not a relationship with another loser. Just because a man gives you some attention and then goes away again doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. He is flawed, not you.
It does seem to be the case that when we’re really starting to let go, an old flame/troublesome situation suddenly reappears. It’s happened to me a number of times
When we come into contact, it can bring up old patterns of behaviour in us which we thought we’d left behind. And we start to question ourselves again, thinking that we’ve regressed.
We really haven’t. I believe that in spite of how it appears, we have moved forward. And these situations actually shine a light on how far we’ve come – to remind us that we’re still growing, changing and healing. That’s why we feel the discord – because these are old energies… that are no longer compatible with whom we are, whom we’re still becoming.
It sounds like he is also finding his way. We all are. And we all deserve the chance to move ahead in our journey, to leave the past behind, to feel good and to honor our personal well-being.
Give to yourself first Moon, take care of the wonderful soul you are, and the rest will fall into place
I have someone very special to my heart that I hear from via email about once a year. We are both happily married and there is no desire to hurt our loved ones, but he touches base just to let me know he's okay and to ask how I'm doing. It has always been this way...going on 15 yrs. He will always be very special and loved, but we both know this lifetime is not one we will share. I think we know each other from a previous lifetime and we will meet again in another.
Love happens and people we connect to will always live with us in our hearts. But the true nature of love is recognizing the limits and boundaries that can't be changed and will not in this lifetime. It allows us to move forward in our lives.
I wish you the best and look forward to your joy when you meet someone who fills your life with presence and committment and love, someone that will be there to hold you and comfort you. You must let this one take it's place where it is meant to be so the other can enter your life.