Checking on BlMoon
I hope your hubby is feeling much better, and getting a lot of rest right now. And you too, we need our beauty rest. (lol, then in that case, I better put the whoop a-- on this insomnia.)
Right now, just waiting for Spring to come on. Wish it would hurry up already.
I will talk to you later, getting some sleep right now.
I saw this but had just posted on the pond to you....by the way I've been given a who's more Spiritual? woop a ss by some "gangsta" sista! and kicked out of the pond. And the moon is not even full yet! My husband is doing well. We saw his heart doctor today and he has a really healing vibe. That's the most worrisome part of an emergency....the praying for that special doctor. My man is mostly sleeping and I'm getting stuff done!.....rearranged the chaos in the garage,,,,something so desperately needed. I love working at night. Hope you are feeling more energy as well. BLESSINGS!
PS.....if you need me you can find me here.
I am happy to hear your hubby is improving. Maybe rest is what he needs right now to recuperate. I am glad you have time for a breather, but don’t exhaust yourself. Get some rest yourself, because he will be needing you a lot as he recovers.
Yes, I noticed the Pond has turned into the local battleground. Quen and Icey have been friends for ages, and Quen won’t hesitate to throw down for her. They are both wonderful people and have been watching over the Pond since we started as Soulmates some years ago.
I tend to stay out of the things that occasionally pop up in here, and I have seen quite a few over the years. I prefer to be a peacemaker more than fanning flames, even in my own life.
I see that you are definitely a gifted person, you have helped many people on this site, and you are pretty much good people in my book. In my own case, however, I did think maybe you might have been just a bit rough on Icey. The things you were saying made sense, but sometimes being diplomatic helps advice to go over better. I hate to see all this bad blood going on with you and Icey. You are two people I like and admire a lot. You both have marvelous gifts and have been so generous to share them with others. I have learned so much from you both. I hope you both can manage to “smoke the Peace Pipe” and clear the air.
She has always looked out for us all, and it has been rather sobering and heartbreaking for me to see that she ended up in the same place many of us have been. I understand her trauma and feelings, before I met Michael, I went through the same thing with my ex-husband, Vail. He left me for another woman too. However, when he came back from the first Gulf War in the 1990’s, I thought he was someone else. Now I think maybe there may have a “walk-in” situation with him. He was so different, acted different, even looked and smelled different when he came back from that situation. A 14 year marriage with a child went down the tubes, it took me ages to get over that. Even though I was familiar with Michael from the Waffle House where my husband and I used to eat out a lot, I didn’t formally meet him until my husband left me. In hindsight, we got into a mutual rebound relationship, as he was escaping his own bad relationship at the time. I credit him with getting me through some of the worst stuff before my divorce became final, before his little secret came out. But I digress. Icey has had it pretty rough, ending a marriage is hard no matter what. No matter how logical it is to try to pick up and move on, and even though one might know with the head what one should do, the heart makes it hard to do more than grieve at that time and place. Even though I had gotten into a relationship with Michael, I was still traumatized with going through such a nasty and demoralizing separation and divorce. It took me years to get over the mean and cruel things that Vail did. But Karma caught up with his a-r-s-e and he is still paying for all the evil he did. I actually feel sorry for him, because he lost a 20 year honorable military career, his benefits and his reputation. He was dealt a blow just as devastating, if not more than what he did to me and others in his wake.
Sorry, I tend to go off into history with things, that’s why I try not to talk too much on here. My two marriages soured me on marriage, and that’s why I never married Michael, despite his having asked me a number of times.
I keep you in my prayers and keep me up to date on how you and your hubby are doing.
Love and Light,
P.S. Maybe we should just talk on this thread, I think Icey has asked admin to have the Pond thread closed.
LOL! I just posted and found your post. I had the same idea.
I never fight on here. There will be no rebuttal and I felt great sympathy but also she did vent on me in a intense way after I asked her not to. You know I just didn't answer after the first time. and i'M sorry but MY boundaries are clear. I have never on this sight been in continual war. I say whats on my mind truthfully and walk away. As for the person who defended her she actually did everything she accused me of doing! I have asked administration to remove all my posts and the attacks on me......so if you do value anything from me on the pond save it before it is deleted.. Sunshine, you have been through h ell yourself yet you have been nothing but sunshine! You can't always make excuses for others....it gets you into "doormat" relationships or codependent situations were you hang on too long and do not help YOURSELF.......just end up giving too much. Thanks for your good vibes. And I understand you have a bond with icy so I have no disappointment if it is hard to be stuck in the middle. You are a good soul. If I do not hear from you it's ok! And thank you again for your prayers! I actually feel energized with this moon growing and getting things done that have bothered me is so satisfying and I am taking my time. Normaly, my husband slows me down.....you know how that goes, since he's resting it gives me free time! How's that for sweet lemonade? BLESSINGS....and if I do get a message for you it will show up here. BLESSINGS!
I love the full moon, it is part of my Cancerian nature. I see and feel the difference when the moon is waning or waximg. If I didn’t live in the city, I would probably go lie out in the light of the full moon. I loved to open my window as a child and gaze at the moon for hours just fascinated by it.
I already saved everything I wanted off the thread, gut feelings told me that some time ago.
That is why my nickname is sunshine. I always make a point to be as happy as possible, life is wayyy too short , but even I have my bad days.
Michael’s mother called me today. I usually shield myself from her when she calls, so she has been keeping the conversations short...guess she isn’t getting anything off me. Her usual whining about what people ought to do for her, and repeating the negative news she heard on the local news, and gossiping. I keep myself busy doing things while she is talking and barely listen, it is always the same stuff. I feel sorry for her, I don’t think she has any ideas why people just stay away from her.
Today, I spent a lot of time on the phone with my advisor from school. I decided that it was in my best interest to change my major from Healthcare Management to Medical Administration, so that I can get my degree and graduate sooner. I can graduate after I complete 24 hrs of classes and do an externship in a medical facility, whereas I would have to complete 40 more hours of classes with the management degree before I can even think about graduating. I am ready to get out, 5 years of schooling, the fogginess and the concentration issues as well as just being burnt out has taken a toll on me. Besides, I will start having to get a handle on the 50K I owe now for this “education”. SIck or not I will need to get back into the work force eventally to pay that off. Though I must admit, that after doing all this, I find that I would much rather be home with my little munchkins. I need to concentrate on my health and the kids.
Getting things done is sooo satisfying. I know right where you are. I am trying to get moving into this new place completed. I need to finish washing down the walls in here. The painter didn’t paint, he spot-painted, so I cannot sleep in here, it feels as if someone is still in here, and I can’t be in total darkness right now, hence my insomnia. After I scrub the walls down on all three floors, I will walk through with some burning sage to cleanse it further, while the kids are out, so as not to trigger their asthma.
I agree with you, I have been a “rescuer” most of my life, and it has helped me suffer from “doormat syndrome” quite a bit. That is something I am trying to change, and bad habits are really hard to break. I will keep on working on it.
Anyway, I hope you are getting everything you want accomplished while the hub is laid up. Sweet lemonade is right. I look at it that way when I get things done while my kiddos are at school, particularly shopping. I tend to spend more money when they are along than when I am alone. Went to the grocery for 10 items tonight, took the little ones....$200 later, I leave the store. Sheesh! Not that I am trying to keep the lacking mentality, but one has to be sensible as well. Out the window tonight.....$$$⊞$$$→ → → (dollar bills flying out the window) “Bye, Tammi, it was nice knowing you-u-u-u”.
LOL! You have a nice evening, and don’t sweat the small stuff.....
Love and Light,
I can see michaels mother hitting the phone buttons calling calling calling but people do not answer! Finally she gets lucky and it intensify s her need to release. She is clueless that it can't be all about her. That kind of thing drains me. Really drains me and I get sick. I had a relative by marriage who I liked but she would call always with so much fear based panic. I know she felt abandoned by me but I had to stop answering the phone. And several years later she finally found a good therapist and got on a med that really helped and we are great friends and her phone calls are enjoyable. She really blossomed! Be stingy with your energy...you got a noggin to heal! Most of my dearest friends are moon driven. I have a girlfriend who rarely whines but would call on a "no moon night" and feel so TIRED and the passion was gone in he life......then all of a sudden she'd say..."is there no moon?" then we'd laugh and agree we hated the lull and mostly the resting....respecting cycles. I love to start something on a new moon, even if it's just a vision and then complete it by full moon. I'm almost there! BLESSINGS!
She is draining, I have learned to just shield, shield, shield. Mad as I was at Michael for not dealing with her and leaving her to me...it is hard to really blame him, she is a real piece of work. Sooo glad my mother isn’t like her.
That might be a better idea for me to start something on a “new moon”. Wonder if that will help me to finish things more timely with a minimum of procrastination.
Going to see my primary care doc on the 27th to read that MRI again and also the EEG’s and get his opinion on what is going on. Is it really a tumor, aneurysm or something else. Anything that deals with blood vessels being enlarged makes me think aneurysm, or thrombosis. Thinking I should just not let this scare me and be calm. I am almost believing this happened after that car accident. But the way I was beginning to feel before the accident makes me wonder if it was there before.
Discouraged playing my piano, the skills aren’t there right now. Too impatient, I want to heal fast I had plans to fulfill a dream of mine to enter competitions and get the opportunity to play with big name orchestras. and have an “amateur” concert career. too discouraged to practice much anymore. Playing the poor me game with myself...
Have a great day/night, whichever one it is for you.
You answered a question I had not asked out loud!! When you talked about career and job I got a sadness....one I can relate to! Altho my mate always worked , with four kids we never had enough. My life felt so unpredictable I always wanted that secure job that could pay the bills if anything happened to my man.....he was a wild one! Really, I was born creative, a poet, musician and artist and psychic . And it was always a struggle to make money and be with four kids!. I worked nights in a machine shop once to avoid childcare. As you know, childcare can cost more than you make. I mostly just got by doing odd freelance jobs so I could be with my kids. I remember in my late twenties I got on a list for nursing, the list was a two year wait. This was before the gov. started funding nursing programs before the aids epidemic. I was disappointed but later relieved as I can see know despite my care taking talents it was not my life path! When you mentioned your schooling I felt that same weight on your back.....the need to be practical and secure but your passion is somewhere else. I see you will regain your music skills although you will play a little differently it will be very good and it will feel so good that you will vow to do something grand. I'm confused by the spot on your brain. Did they suggest baby aspirin...blood thinners? My first thought was that it could be a bad picture. Spirit shows me that before the accident you were pushing it...I hear dehydration.....you get that a lot but think "I drink water!" You had light headness...dizzy spells with some mild spins...like woh what was that. Fatigue. You are like me....you have endurance and just push through. I took care of my father for many years and he had many strokes and for most part the first ones all healed with no damage. You would not be walking around if you had real lasting damage. Now they treat strokes with immediate therapy. That's how unsure they are. For decades stroke patients got rest rest rest then therapy...now it's the opposite.....they found that the faster a patient began movement therapy or speech etc the less permanent damage because the brain in effort to keep up built new pathways or healed the damage rather then let atrophy without use. Depending what part of the brain were the stroke was they'd work on that. There is a combination of herbs for vein strength the healhfood store carry's. I have some bad veins in one leg since my twenties that would inflame and bulge and would ache.....on my feet working pregnant in those funky seventies shoes! I can't remember the name but one of the herbs in it is butchers broom I think. If you ask they will know...it works instantly and the veins would settle down. Vitamin e also helps. Despite this advice, I'm still getting the image that your MRI was not a good picture. Spirit says since the affected area has indeed shown up in your music skills that you must push through all the more in that area. Listen to music as much as possible....because your brain was already trained to hear and translate to an instrument. Play what you can.....it will pay off. Spirit said this part of your journey is about SLOW DOWN. Priorities that match your gifts. To loosen your grip in relationship of feeling you must do SOMETHING to get something. Let things come to you more. That's a tough one!. Tame being restless to get things done. I get that too! At my age it is more surrendered but wish I had got it sooner. Your challenge is to balance your overly Responsible self with your SAFE inner child! BLESSINGS!
PS...spending time engaged with children helps the mindset.....to surrender and just BE. Without guilt!
psps...after sending administration my request with exact thread and post info they responded with asking me to send them the same info as if they never read it!. I believe I will let Spirit handle it!
NOOOOO! Me wait for something to come to me and not being impatient for it to happen now?!? Really?! LOL! You bet it is a challenge! I keep getting myself sooo frustrated, I want to cry. The responsible first child syndrome...that’s what it is. The oldest child with 4 brothers and 2 sisters and both parents working...guess who was the substitute mom while parents were away, quite a lot?? Being overly serious and responsible to a fault comes from growing up and not being able to be a child. Hard to change that one.
Another fine arts, cultural person....then you know where I am in the general scheme of things. I knew when I was very young that I wanted to be a pianist. Can’t imagine how, except I must have been one in a previous life. I was then the only person in my family who loved to listen to classical music, at a very young age. I remember asking my Mother when I was quite small to learn the piano. However, being very young, she really didn’t understand my seriousness about the subject, so when we all got old enough to learn music in school, I got a clarinet instead. I learned to play everything because I was bored once I mastered one instrument, so I had to go to another. Everyone in my school knew I was a musical prodigy, but down South in those days, being Creole was the same as being Black, one was not encouraged to excel in anything, and in fact, was actively discouraged, unless you were as stubborn as me. I taught myself piano while I was in college, and have had an ongoing love affair with it ever since, though there were quite a few years where I had to put it aside because having a piano was an expense that wasn’t practical. What did you mean by being in music but being different? Different instrument or different genre other than classical?
I would agree that the MRI wasn’t the best. The technician kept complaining that I was moving around while they were scanning me, but I wasn’t. the machine was shaking and rattling and making my head vibrate. She had me in that thing for over an hour and a half for a procedure that should have only taken less than half an hour. Kept taking the pictures over and over. I don’t doubt that there is something there, I hit my head in 2 places when I was ejected from my truck. The right side of my head, I lost all my hair from sliding when I hit the ground, and I hit the back of my head too, not sure if that was in the truck or when I fell out, I have no memory of anything except stopping at a convenience store that was about 5 minutes away from the accident site. I have no memories of the accident happening or of driving after I left the convenience store. I just remember an Angel coming to me while I was unconscious and telling me, “Everything is going to be all right, it isn’t your time to go yet”. He came to me twice, so I wasn’t afraid, just didn’t know what had happened to me. Meanwhile, the policeman on the scene, (lousy jerk) had called CYS to pick up my children at their daycare, because he knew that Michael was in jail at the time, Angels sent the daycare director back to the daycare just in time to snatch my kids out of CYS’s hands and she called my contact people to get them. I was Blessed all around during that awful time. I get that I need to be out of the work force for now.
YOu are right, I had a really bad dizzy spell at work the day of the accident, and I went to see my doctor after work, and had a dizzy spell right after I left his office half hour before the accident happened. I actually had a terrible migraine headache a few weeks before that that lasted an entire week. So something was happening even then.
I get you about working and spending time with kids. I have 3 actually. I have a 24 yo daughter named Crystal, but I call her Nikki, that hardly speaks to me, she lives in New Orleans with my Mother. She was small, about 8, when Michael and I got together, and with all his shenanigans due to his disease, she hated him and me too for making her life hard, like her dad really hadn’t made it hard already. We really haven’t been on speaking terms for some years, don’t know if that will ever really change. I have Crystal, Lauren and Logan. Michael wasn’t helping financially, so it was really hard for me, once Nik’s dad stopped paying child support to take care of them and work too, particularly since Lauren and Logan both have Down Syndrome. Lauren also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Logan is also Autistic. Poor kids, having to come here with all that on them...it is such a struggle for all of us. Yes, I made the decision to go back to school when my boss turned 65. He had made the decision that he was going to start slowly turning most of his practice over to his oldest son, who is also a Gastroenterologist, and he started getting on different Boards and Committees in some hospitals and the State Board of health, so the handwriting was on the wall that I would have to find something to continue to support these kids and me. that’s why I started school. Not what I wanted, but something that would help me support these kids and also be able to do extras like put them in a good private Catholic school that would help them make the most out of their abilities, which so far I haven’t because of the money. Its hard not to worry about finances with kids, I would probably be more Laisse Faire if it was just me.
I gotta tell you, admin has been slipping for quite some time, I have seen where spammers had been posting all over the forum hijacking people’s threads, and they ignore it, but are censoring words in posts that are pretty innocuous. They ignore complaints and I have been seeing this for a couple years now. They are far away in their own worlds, we are just avatars online...
Anyway, I have pretty much given you a novel to read, LOL!
Guess I better go post on my school site so the advisor won’t call and scold me.
Hope your hubby is recovering well, and you need to take care of yourself too.
Have a nice evening.
I am a first born trouper myself who despite two parents ended up with adult responsibility too soon. My father worked 2 jobs and my mother worked but mostly she was detached. No beatings or real abuse other then neglect and just being miserable about mother hood but a catholic she had five of us before she got bold enough to take the pill when it came out. I have had to overcome the result of that as it manifests in ways you as well encounter. Mostly, it is a free will choice but such work! Having to raise myself gifted me with CREATIVITY! And problem solving I get An A plus!
Oh spirit just popped in and says your daughter will reach out to you later. It will be after she is TRULY on her own and faces hard life challenges. She has Karma with your mother. Her Karma with you will come full circle. Spirit says you have always felt that way. By living similar challenges she will start seeing the WHYS from an adult head not a child's. As a child she only had judgments and anger and unanswered questions .....anything you could offer her made no sense to her. She is being offered the gift of compassion if she chooses .....that will be in her 30's. She justed started a new 7 year cycle.......her life is going to change. Although she has vowed to never let a man do her wrong the truth is she cannot fight her pathology and like most women we all become little red riding hood at some juncture and face the WOLF! Spirit says VERY ANALYTICALLY.....this is her nature. In immaturity it shows up as righteousness and stubborn tunnel vision. But with maturity and wisdom it is a gift of leadership or counseling. The ability to be a good mediator. This next 7 years will test her in a way that spirit hopes will help her make the connections to cause and affect and compassion for those trapped in their wounds. I have more to say but need to stop. I'll get back to you. BLESSINGS!
I had a really lazy slow day to start off. Skipped Church this morning, just laid around with the kids and watched their fav shows. Love to hear Logan singing Jake and the Pirates songs, and Doc McStuffins. He is soooo cute! And doggone it...doesn’t he look like the spitting image of his Dad! I look at him, I see Michael, from the way he gives that sidelong glance to sleeping with his hand tucked into the waistband of his pajamas. Lauren is so assertive and “out there”. she always gave Michael fits because he hated how friendly she was to people, and especially strangers, which does concern me a lot too. She has a belligerent attitude. LOL! My kids are definitely a funny cast of characters.
Analytical...definitely my daughter Nik. Analytical, judgemental and stubborn. Never wanted anyone to tell her anything, even as a young child. Highly intelligent and mouthy as heck. I actually have been thinking that she has Karma with my youngest sister, because she is actually my sister’s biological daughter. Nikki was given to me and my ex when she was 3 weeks old, we adopted her when she was 3. Nik moved down there to escape dealing with me, she had run away from home a few months before, and we weren’t speaking then, and I think she was hoping that being down there would help her forge a mother-daughter relationship with my baby sis. Didn’t happen, my sister is too self absorbed, and unavailable. she just getting off of having fought her 5th bout of cancer. She never cared for or raised any of her 4 children, they were all farmed out to others to raise, so I guess Nik was pretty disappointed to see that she was still basically ignored like her siblings.
She has changed a lot from the sweet, smart, loving child she was. She was well brought up, and down there, she has turned into one of those “ghetto inner city” folks. Very distressing to me to see and hear. Now she has presented me with a grandson. While I was down there for Christmas, I was awakened (probably by an Angel) just in time to hear her collapse in the bathroom. She almost bled to death, and if I hadn’t heard her fall, she probably would have bled to death in the bathroom. Everyone asleep except me. That was a horrifying experience for me. spent 2 days in the hospital. LOL! she didn’t seem to realize how close to death she was. I really hoped she would stay in college and get a nursing degree so she wouldn’t have to suffer the financial hardships I did during her childhood. Stubborn kid! I wish she didn’t have to go through those hard times, but I know she has her path to travel just as I have to travel mine.
I have been thinking about moving back down there, I have a number of reasons, family being one of the main ones. Also, I have not said anything, but before Michael died, I had started talking to an old school friend on fb, and he wants to get serious. I cooled that off when Michael died, I felt that it needed to be dialed back so I could mourn with my kids. I went home for Christmas and spent some time with him. Zachary also wants me to move back so that the relationship will progress. The fact that I am hesitating makes me feel I should take a closer look. I have things in place here for the kids and there is not much available down there in help and therapies. I am yet again analyzing overly the many reasons why it is practical to move home (family to help raise the kids is the biggest one), and why it is practical to stay here. Sometimes I could slap myself...I spend sooo much time trying to figure out what is the right thing to do, I end up driving myself to distraction . UGH!
Well, better get back into the online school, if I want to graduate.
I hope you have been tempering all your hard work with some relaxation. And I hope your hubby is doing much better. I will keep you 2 in my prayers.
Love and Blessings, Sunshine
There is a time for going home to heal but it's no picnic. Before you can truly see your wounds and pathology from a detached DISTANCE yet UP CLOSE AGAIN can you heal. I ran away from home at 17. A lot of people run in one way or another from family. before they can resolve or make sense of family dynamics. On the POSITIVE side you will see all your good progress. It will show more and that will be good. And you will remember irritations with people you'd like to forget. Considering your burden load right now it will take some strength. A man will enter your life if you go home. Spirit says it's free will and if you do move home know not to be surprised by anything or not to have EXPECTATIONS. It will be about healing with a divine team of guides behind you and you may find you self being pulled to surrender. To go home your test will be boundaries and PRESERVATION. The juncture you are at takes great will and preservation. The time is up spirit says....for being too much a giver. It's not just you....it's universal for many. At some point we hit ta wall and times up and life will push us, usually painful to achieve healing what holds us back. You are at a crossroads to make PRESERVATION a reality. You are going to have to get more selfish about more little things that add up AND the most BIG thing that drains you and pains you. BLESSINGS!
LOL! I am willing to bet that the pain and drain is Michael’s mother. She definitely can do that, and will whether I go home to Louisiana or not.
I do have my reasons for not wanting to go home, and getting into another relationship is scary, I haven’t had too much luck with the three I’ve had. Getting into another bad situation is not exactly the thing I want on my dance card, but, I feel like maybe I am overthinking. I have had lots of friction with my sisters in the past, and family drama is the biggest reason why me and my brother immediately behind me in age left home never to return except for the odd visits. The other 5 stayed close to home, ironic the 2 oldest left home. I do worry about the kids and life down there for them, but I have been feeling the pull to go home for some time now. I love the ocean, but being near it exhilerates and scares me. I hate hurricanes, been through too many in my lifetime.
I certainly have a lot of excuses for not going home, don’t I? I have a lot of fears, but I think my fears are more for the kids than for me. I will make up my mind about going home by the end of the year. By then I should be graduated with my Medical Administration degree. Stupid, but now that I have the degree practically in my hand, I just don’t want to get back into the rat race any longer. I want to be home for the kids. smh. got myself 50K in the hole and now I want to stay home. Can’t help laughing my butt off over this one and shaking my head too.Lots to think about.
Well, guess I have a lot to digest, I am still foggy about some of what you said above. Going to digest this and see what I come up with.
Thanks, BlMoon, I don’t know how you do so much here and at home too. It must be quite draining. Please take care of yourself as well.
I hope you have a great day.
I do not go on here very much. I really only have a few people who Spirit moves me to help. On occasion I may answer a post once.t I am soooo very careful about my energy because you are right my life would get lost! I have three ladies I am constant with ...one actually made it through her crossroads and does well and mostly my purpose is minimal. Another as well progressed to minimal and another is about to make it to the other side of her crossroads. I am very fond of them all! I only put energy where a person does the work....Spirit tells me "this one is at the tipping point!". In the beginning it is more energy on my part as the person is in fear......they are ready for change and ready to be in awareness so I encourage a lot and because I can give true psychic events, dates, even names at times the person trusts me. I also am a medium and can give info that others only guess. But it is hard work and bravery as well for the few I help so it is a fair partnership. I usually go on here with my second cup of coffee. I will do a post or two then I get my chores done. I may take a break and a coffee later and post once and I go on late late before bed....I'm very nocturnal. I do not know either how some of the advisors on here answer so many posts day after day....I think the same thing? Don't they work? Have a life? Sometimes I will disappear for a while as well when I need space or energy for something important. Spirit encourages self sufficiency not dependency so that's always the goal.....people have to do the work. Spirit says you do the work and just need their guidance. I believe I receive abundance for this in other ways. I at times consider doing this for a living. I live close to a famous spiritual camp. Or I could set up alone....I've had offers. My negative resistance is not having control over clients as most folks only hear what they want. I think I would find little pleasure in taking money knowing that person will walk away with no benefit just poorer. I never try to save anyone who does not truely want to change and some folks may act like they want your help and they say the right things but they do not put knowledge to work, they want a safety net and are not brave enough yet to look at themselves with awareness...their ego still gets in the way
awareness....knowing yourself is essential. What holds us back the most is REGRET and self punishment. We can not always change who we ARE but we manage that. So most of my journey with special ladies is about seeing and healing wounds that change patterns. People often think that we learn then fix it. But really we get aware and make choices. For me, I will always have an abandoned little girl in me . ALWAYS. But when SHE reacts I am able to get through the emotions.....step back......and say to myself...ok, why did that event bother me so? OH yes....my abandoned little girl came out. Then I make choices to trump her. That is true free will. BLESSINGS!
That is better in my opinion, just doing a few folks. I have seen folks offer readings and get swamped completely. I wouldn't do but a few if I could read those things. The few times I have been caught “channeling” that took a lot out of me. It just happened a few times and I wasn’t looking for it. That is hard for someone with so little experience as me, I can’t imagine how folks like The Captain and some others do this day in and day out.
I definitely trust you, because I don’t think Michael would have chosen you to bring me his messages if you weren’t genuine. He was such a skeptic in life about things such as this. Some of the books I read just was incomprehensible to him. He wasn’t a believer, so I know he believes now. I stayed away from him as much as possible when he was here, it usually wasn’t a good scene, now I am finding it hard to just let him go. I know he is doing great things now, I hope this isn’t guilt for how bad things had been with us. I bumped into a Monroeville policeman at Lauren’s school who had come to our house many times to arrest him years ago. That was awkward, but unlike the others who were condescending, he was respectful and gracious. No it wasn’t the policeman who killed Michael, though he was another one who had come to our house many times. That is a good reason for me to leave Monroeville, because most of the older policemen know me and the kids, because of the constant domestic issues we had going on. I feel notorious, especially after all the media hoopla over Michaels death.
I have been spending less time here too. School and other issues here keep me busy, and yesterday, I was having dizzy spells, so after I put the kids on the school bus, I went back to bed and just rested, which I needed. Handling my school business to graduate earlier is another priority.
Michael always called me Sunshine, and other people always said I was like a ray of sunshine, hence my name. I am trying to get that part of me back, it has been lost a long time. I am going to use the year I have given myself to deal with things up here, but I might be moving home, or at least close to home anyway. I keep leaning there, but my secondguessing mind keeps putting in all the “what-ifs”.
I am going to bed now, 3am, I guess I need to condition myself to be less nocturnal. Hard to be a night owl with kids.
BlMoon, I hope you and your hubby are doing well. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
Light and Love,
P.S. I never figured out what Michael was talking about when he said he had a special Christmas gift for us. Maybe I looked too hard. But I stopped worrying about it after a while. I figured just going home to visit was gift enough.
Did you go home and visit and it was peaceful? For a change? Anyway that is what he is saying so if you did think to yourself boy is this nice no drama he probably put out a few fires. The policeman who was kind is more of a protector nature than a warrior. H e has alcoholism and mental illness in his family! It effected him in a way that made him become a policeman. He is compassionate. A lot of policemen get hardened and do look down on the situation because of all the women who in the moments fear want protection but when the sun comes up and life goes on they often drop the charges. I know how the system works. And that man in jail is going to get out and then what? Life with an abuser is very isolating and the woman is now thinking he will really go bonkers now on her. The majority of police calls are domestic day in day out so they stop seeing people as each having a story. To them it gets very detached. They can't fix it and just end up picking up the same out of control folks. For them police work may have turned out to not be what they first imagined. The court system is very dysfunctional. Records get mixed up.....and so much slips through the cracks. I do not think our society has much to offer domestic violence victims as it is a toxic situation that is not black and white......they need to have treatment that is compassionate and healing. I could go on and on about how we fail the mentally ill in our society.....jail is our mental health system. I think every state should follow New York and make it against the law for someone with a documented illness to stop taking meds. that IS PROACTIVE. Then a family member can get help before thier loved one is no longer stable. Sometimes all it takes is missing two doses to send an otherwise functioning person into a downward spiral. I read an article recently about the increase in violence. Some say it's because of video games. That is why we have shootings in schools. Really? I grew up watching cartoons where Elmore Fudd carried a double barrel and shot other characters heads off, the roadrunner got an anvil on his head, the three stooges stuck crowbars up each other's noses and hit each other with hammers and we had no school shootings! Another view raised in the article that the shootings are more a symptom of how we as a society IGNORE mental illness. It also stated that out of all the mental illnesses that manic depressants (bipolar) were responsible for the most violence and the percent of them in the jail system is overwhelming. I'm tired today! I do have some messages regarding relationships but I need some rest.......now that I've worked out my tension release from the crisis I need to face how this has changed my life and our next plan.....to get through I had put all concerns aside other then my man surviving and now I need to deal with the changes and so I need some quiet inward time. BLESSINGS!
Sunday was Michael’s 50th birthday.....
smh, you pegged Officer Allison to a T. He is a compassionate officer, he actually runs an organization for women who are in domestic abuse situations, he invited me a couple times years ago, but I had no one to take care of my small kids. I didn’t take him back, he just kept coming back. PFA’s never fazed him.
I remember watching Elmer Fudd, Top Cat, The Three Stooges and the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote too. I am certainly not violent because of watching them.
I felt like you are exhausted. Rest yourself and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
I AM tired and told everyone I am resting. I am also being sent poison arrows by someone. Would appreciate prayers of protection. BLESSINGS! And I see positive news coming your way.