Blmoon, me again
Well life has been getting better, I am finding ways to keep busy, but I still have trouble getting out in the world and meetng new people.
I spend so much time at work surrounded by strangers, that when I am off I seem to stay home with my family.
I have been having dreams, or a should say nightmares every night about Ron.
He always loves me and is great and then shows up with another women and breaks my heart, I dream it every night and wake up crying before I even realize I am awake.
I don't talk to him and try not to think of him, I just get the feeling he misses us, but knows he blew it and isn't strong enough to say it to me.
He is still with her and I think he will stay with her.
Okay the reason I am writing today is my next door neighbor.
They moved here from another country about 15 years ago and at first were great and seemed very happy and nice.
Since Ron left, any time something goes wrong at there house they yell at my sons
They had 2 little yappy dogs, always barking 24 hours a day and one night when Drew came home he saw that the dogs had gotten out and were running around the street and the neighbors were not home.
He was able to get one back in there back yard, but couldn't get the other one so he asked his brothers to help.
They were trying to be good guys and help, but couldn't catch the dog.
The next day the dog was found dead, it got hit by a car far away from us and the women came into my back yard and yelled at Tyler saying she knows he killed her dog andaccusing him of other things like cutting her hose and writing on here fence.
He was very upset and told me about it.
I assumed she was just upset about her dog and Drew told her he had tried to help so we let it go.
Trevor and Tyler bought each other a very nice basketball hoop that rolls to the curb for Christmas.
They love it and play often, its good for them and makes me happy to see them out there.
One day the ball rolled over and hit her car, and out she came screaming at them to stay off her property and that they dented her car and cracked her wind shield.
I know for a fact they didn't dom that , you would really have to throw a rubber backetball hard and even then I don't think it would dent a car.
They let it go again and the other night Trevor was plaing out side with E who is only 7 and she came out, got 3 inches from Trevors face and started yelling and telling him he is a criminal, she is calling the police and she knows he put acid on her car.
He is 25 and would never do such a thing, it upset him again and e wanted to go home he was so upset.
Blmoon, I know my kids and I raised them great. It is a testament to them that they stand there with her screaming and don't do anything to her,
I went over the other night to try and talk to her and to explain that my kids are all grown men and would never do anything and that if she had any problems to please come over and talk to me instead of yelling and screaming at my kids.
She opened her door call me a bunch of names, told me to shut up I am nothing but a checker at Safeway and none of my kid or me have any education and she doesn't have to talk to me.
She was swearing and yelling and calling me names and then she said, and your husband left you becauser you are such a bi...h
I don't know what to do, she lives right next door to me and is the worst person I have ever met.
you caught me at a low time and hope you did not feel dissed. Update me on your situation and I will respond. Feb. has been a trying month for many, so a lot of tiredness and emotional blasts from the past will ease up as Feb. leaves us. Hope you are already feeling more good energy! BLESSINGS!
Well as February leaves and march comes in things have gotten worse for me.
I have another new boss and she is very hard on me.
She is always making me do things for her that cause my job to be undone and I talked to my main boss who usually sides with me and she told me that I have been getting a lot of complaints about my attitude and I better shape up.
I don't understand any of it. I am friendly and helpful, but when youm are dealing with 6 checkstands at a time, people sometimes feel you are not giving them the attention they deserve.
I know for a fact no one could do a better job, but it is so stressful to be talked to like a child.
And then I come home to a house I can't keep up with by myself. There are always messes everywhere, and I spend my days off working harder than I do at work.
I am getting so depressed I don't know who to turn to.
My heart hurts so bad and I don't see a light at then end of my tunnel
I was wondering about you. My husband had a heart attack so been at the hospital for two days. Things are good right now. Give me time to get some sleep and give your post a fresh look. So far your post reads like my chore mountain these days!! I'll get back to you. And exactly who are these complaints coming from? That does not sound like you! It's like you revisited the past....I remember that young boss who was so disrespectful to you....
I just wanted to say I am so sorry about your husband,
Hi there, I just wanted to add my name to the many people who are praying for you and your husband.
I can not imagine how hard that must be for you, you have always ben here for everyone and we will all be here for you.
Thank you, it does matter! I was feeling much stronger only to wake up and find that my husband decided to take his meds himself .......after I asked him to not touch...he has 8 he came home with and they are at different times and dosages confusing. I just found out the most important one was not right dosage.....just got off the phone with pharmacy. I had to count all pills to try and figure out what he took as he put x's on anything! I should have locked them up last night with his psyc meds but he was agreeable and I was tired and it had taken me two days to figure them out. Anyway, life goes on!
ps....these nightmares are GRIEF....let them release.....your pain is deep. Do not expect to just wake up detached from love. AND this dry spell that feels lonely is also part of grief.....so many changes! You need time for your spirit to heal and your new life to grow. This will pass. The neighbor AND the incident at work are a blast from your doormat past, afraid of confrontation and being too nice AND being and empath....harsh emotions towards you are extra upsetting...thats who you are. Everyone took a little journey through the past last month. It is passing. BLESSINGS!
I don't understand why this pain is taking so long to go away, it has been over 5 years now and something in my heart just won't let it go.
Maybe I am just afraid to try again, as the paincame close to killing me last time.
I have flashbacks all the time of our life together, and I don't get why he doesn't miss us, his beautiful family.
I know he is sick, but why doesn't he want to heal and have a real life.
I never thought they would make it together and they seem to be doing great.
I hear a song, pass a holiday and my heart screams, why, why dosent it hurt him too?
Sometimes I feel like maybe it was a game to him and I never meant anything. He got his hiouse his wife and his 3 kids and now he can be who he really was all the time, and it makes me so sad to think it was all just a game to him.
There is nothing great about their life. Thats your fear. And you sound like you have Post traumatic stress syndrome. I have that after my son died. It is permanent and I have meds for it. Just a low dose but a life savor. Have you seen a psychiatrist for an evaluation. I also sense your dealing with change of life. I had similar symptoms that lasted several years....all hormonal. A feeling of blandness...no joy....a loss of excitement for future dreams.....tiredness......feeling life had passed me by....feeling too old. All I wanted to do was get through work go home and do nothing! It lasted several years then finally just went away.