My life has had drastic changes
Can anyone tell me where I am heading?
Where do you want to be heading?
Hi, Captain. I want to be heading toward a happier healthier life. I have been working very hard to make life conditions better by moving to a bigger place. My last place was really tiny (400) square feet, and as much as I loved a lot about it, it was way too small.
My mom passed in July and of Alzheimers, and I watched her suffer terribly for several years. Prior to putting her in a nursing home, she went to work with me every day for five years. I thought I would feel like a weight was lifted when she passed, but it has been harder than I ever imagined.
You have been very helpful in the past. My birthdate is 5/21/1951.
In 2014 Barbalee, your thoughts and energy need to be directed to career opportunities, business, work, and security. This is a year to build a foundation, make important connections, keep your nose to the grindstone, and save your money. Expansion in this year will be slow but positive. Try not to feel too restricted. This is an opportunity to consolidate and retrench, as your life will become very active and expansive in the year to follow. Build firm friendships and strive toward balance in family relationships. This is a good year for engagement and marriage, a good year to follow a routine, pay off debts, start a diet, or quit smoking. In other words, you are well advised to get your house in order in terms of relationships, body, mind, and spirit. It is possible that long awaited opportunities will come your way before the end of this year as a result of your hard work and there will be much satisfaction and feelings of accomplishment. Just be careful not to get into any kind of rut. Listen to your soul and be willing to entertain many and varied possibilities. The challenge of 2014 for you is to be aware of limitations but to not let them control you.
After the passing of your mother, you are bound to be feeling lonely so leave yourself time for socializing as you will be in need of some supportive company from loved ones or friends. Fill the emotional void with other people. Your biggest challenge is learning to balance giving and receiving - understand that offering help to others and receiving support back is fundamental to your psychological growth.
You are someone who has much courage in the face of opposition and a can-do attitude in the pursuit of your dreams. No challenge is too much for you if you believe in yourself. This is because not only do you have wonderful ideas and talents, you also have the discipline to persevere.You are not just a dreamer but also a doer who rolls up her sleeves and does whatever it takes to get the job done. You are in fact at your happiest and best when you are battling your way physically, mentally and emotionally toward progress. It is very important for you to get into the driving seat of your life because if you can find the inner strength to take action, the chances are extremely good that you will succeed.
Until the age of thirty there would have been an emphasis in your life on learning, study and communication and because of this you would probably have been an alert and quick learner at school or college. Your ability to learn quickly may have worked against you however as you may have found yourself restless or bored with formal education or training and your early years may have been difficult as a result because others could not relate to your ingenious turn of mind. After the age of thirty, however, there should have been a turning point which shifted your perspective toward emotional security and stability and it is during these subsequent years that you are most likely to come into your own. Your visionary and practical tendencies augur well for finance-related careers, but also for the more unusual realm of technical invention. Your sensitivity may also draw you toward humanitarian work and your desire to improve the human condition to careers in social reform, politics, law, and educational research. Your creativity may also draw you to a wide range of artistic endeavors, in particular art, music, writing, and journalism.
Barbralee, your life path is to learn to take time out to recharge your mental and physical health. Once you are able to take stock of your motivations and behavior, your destiny is to tenaciously investigate, develop and implement your often stunning ideas.
“To understand others, I must understand myself first”
Good luck in 2014!
Thank you so much Captain for taking the time to answer my question. You have been spot on with your assessment.
This last decade has taken such a toll on me. I divorced my ex-husband of 31 years after discovering he is transgendered, and living as a woman now. One of my sons couldn't handle my getting a restraining order, and other issues, so he cut me out of his life for 4 years. I fell in love with a man that I thought was my soul mate, but after almost 5 years, he moved out of state.
Actually, the day he moved my son came back into my life.
My whole life has been so very hard. My father left my mom when I was six months old. She remarried when I was five to a man who seemed to love myself and brother and sister, until he had children of his own with her. He verbally abused me my whole time living with him, never heard a kind word, and all I wanted was to please him.
I married someone just like him, who had affairs, etc. I stayed in part because I didn't think I would be able to financially give my children the education they deserved. They are terrific, by the way, Coast Guard, one is a helicopter pilot, the other a rescue swimmer. They are the best thing in my life.
After my divorce, most of our mutual friends couldn't handle the situation. I lost most of my friends. I have to admit that I became pretty much of a loner. I do have lifelong friends in other parts of the country that I maintain contact with.
I have made a lot of positive changes, and thought that this move was going to help me move forward. But with the push of moving myself here, I completely drained myself, and literally, got all of the boxes here and went to visit my sons for the Holidays. I got sick while there and came home to a place full of boxes, and sick for 6 weeks.
I am trying to be optimistic, but everything has taken such a toll, and I am depressed and tired.
I am lonely and trying to get my act together, and maybe, I might just try putting myself out there to date again. But I am so afraid!
Thanks for listening...I think you are a wonderful person.
I forgot to mention that my real father died in jail after murdering someone. I always wondered if I inherited some kind of craziness myself.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of my life I have fought so many issues, on so many levels. In spite of this, I have really tried to keep a positive outlook and a smile on my face. In my worst of times, I have seen that a smile can make a difference.
This ibs a fraction of my life. I know I have a third eye opened to the world, But I still remain, why am I here, what is my purpose is life?
Your father had his own issues and problems and certainly they were not passed on to you. You are two very different people.
Your purpose in life, Barbalee, is to find someone or something to which to devote your life. Yet you do have a tendency to go overboard and to tie yourself down to a single quest, to devote yourself totally to one person, principle or cause, or even to embark on the search for greater understanding of your life questions. Sacrifice and struggle are no strangers to you, since the devotion required of this path is uncompromising. You tend to be somewhat enigmatic and solitary, and are fond of puzzling over conundrums or philosophies at length. Often this is just a way of sorting through what matters to you. Soulful, with an unusual personality, you may have to search far and wide for the object of your devotion before you find it. Your journey begins with a spiritual search, often prompted by the feeling that something is missing in your life. Your devotion to your cause can bring you public acclaim for your single-minded attention and courage, even though you may have suffered social rejection at some earlier point. Your core lesson is to be able to hear what your heart is telling you and to release any tendency towards self-pity. Your goal is to find a person, cause, belief, principle, or deity to which you can unreservedly devote yourself, using your gifts of discrimination, sensitivity, and humour to achieve success. But you must also learn when it is time to let go of one cause and move on to another because you have the talents to help very many people.
You are blessed with self-awareness, personal depth, and soul quality. Your challenge this lifetime is being still long enough to settle on what it is you love. You will find much fulfillment in forging a role wherein you fight for the rights of others. There will be losses and upheavals in your life, true, but they only come to teach you to take things seriously and not to play games or live too frivolous a life. You need to lose all obsession with sick family relationships and the toll they take on you. It seems you have done much learning of these lessons and should no longer need to fear struggle and strife in these areas. You just have to allow yourself to be happy since I feel you carry a lot of blame, fear, and guilt for things that have happened to you and the choices you have made. You are also learning that it is not advantageous to be the centre of attention and that it is better and healthier to take a dose of quiet observation, contemplation, and discrimination. Greater self-awareness helps you to bring your more devotional qualities to the fore. If you don't allow yourself to be distracted from what is truly important by that which is merely available, you can make great progress on your lifepath.
What you really want is to be right all the time and to be perfect in the sense that you - and everyone else - is following 'the plan' 100% of the time. But you want everyone to be in total, perfect alignment with 'the plan' you think is right. First you need to accept that you do not know what 'the plan' is. You must turn away from rigid physical and material planning and refocus on the larger spiritual vision. Through trusting and surrendering to the wisdom of the Higher Power, you can watch life's circumstances with the conviction that what is unfolding is indeed part of 'the plan'. Then the way becomes clear. You are filled with calm and feel in alignment with 'the plan' because the spiritual vision is the energy of perfection you are seeking. Your North Node rules enlightened states of consciousness, the oceanic feeling of oneness with all life. At times you have slipped into an enlightened state - a state of total connection with the universe. Your life purpose is to nurture that state and make it part of your daily experience.
Your Achilles' Heel is your compulsive need for order and a fear of abandonment. ("My survival depends on everything being in order according to my view of how life ought to be and how others ought to behave.") It can lead to an unending search for perfection that is a bottomless pit. Life and other people are never in a static state of perfect order long enough for you to feel secure, and your expectations can lead to continual tension and anxiety. You postpone trust and joy by not letting go of control. Accept that the Universe's plan is better than yours and that things are unfolding properly, regardless of how it seems. The only place you can create perfect order is within yourself by surrendering to the Higher Power and trusting that everything is indeed in order.
If there is anything else you would like to ask me, Barbralee, I am here at your service.