HI, IT'S BEEN A WHILE!
It's been probably close to a year since I last posted on here, and it's heartening to see some of the old crowd still kicking around.
I can honestly say that my own life hasn't changed that much since the last time I talked to all of you. I still have the same questions, the same issues. That said, I do feel those questions and issues are existing alongside a slight shift in attitude.
I've been on my own without a partner since my relationship broke up in September 2012. I had some fun, dallied around a bit with the odd casual thing, but also got my poor old cancerian heart trodden on a bit. So I pulled back and decided to stay away from men completely and think about what I really want. But still haven't come up with an answer yet! My guides are up there - I can hear them - banging their hands on their foreheads saying WHAT DOES SHE WANT??? They want to give it to me, but I still haven't decided yet ... do I want a partner or stay on my own? Decisions, decisions.
In doing all that, I've been sad, happy, contented, frustrated (lack of s*x ... sigh ... ) and as this year opens its first bud, I'm wondering what sort of flower it will bloom into. One of my own choosing, provided I don't let self-doubt and that old chestnut, negative mind-chatter, get in the way.
2013 was a year of stepping right back and contemplating a whole lot about a whole lot of things. I've stood my ground through some challenges, gained and lost. No longer am I happy to accept what's not good enough, although in saying that, I don't want to go overboard and become overly judgemental, critical and picky.
I admit that after all the time that's elapsed, I'm not fully happy in my own personal life. There are aspects I'm happy with, no doubt about that, but others where I feel like something is not quite right; like I'm missing the boat or the point or a noodle or two lol!
Love of a partner eludes me, although I've been able to find a substitute in a slowly budding passion: Cockatiels! I now have five in my aviary with two chicks just out of the nest, and one baby in a cage in the house. I'm in the process of getting him a TAJ MAHAL of a cage though, because I hate even one bird being in a cage too small. But he's been hand-reared and a real sweetie, and very special after surviving being almost munched on by my old dog!
I lost my treasured cat a few weeks ago. He took off and hasn't come back, and in the current heatwave conditions in Australia, I don't think he'll be back sadly I also lost one cockatiel two weeks ago to what I think might've been a fox or owl attack during the night. Discovering him the following morning was gut-wrenching. But in his loss, my chicks ventured out of the nest and they've been out ever since, so I focus on them while I still miss little Frankie.
I hope 2013 was a good year for everyone, although I think a lot of people - including me - have felt pretty stuck. Like we were on a precipice about to leap off, but something was holding us there, just teetering on the edge.
Maybe this year might be the one where we leap off! Although I think there is still inner work to do. I saw a post on here which talked about people being more rude, harried and intolerant than usual, and I can honestly say I agree with that. I've seen it at work, and heard it expressed by friends more often than not. We are a very tired species methinks.
So if there are insights anyone gets from what I've written above - like am I missing the boat or doing something wrong - please pass them on, as well as HELLO! It will be nice to chat again.
I'm here to offer help as well as ask for it, by the way, but I am still working crazy hours and days so don't always have the time.
Roll around 2014! Let's try and make this a year to remember
Good to hear from you, Moonie gal!
The feeling I have gleaned so far from 2014 is that the year is asking us all "What do you want NOW?" It is asking us to stop dwelling in the past and doing things as we have always done them. It wants us to take a long hard look at what we think makes us happy and ask ourselves if it truly does. Have we moved on from what we usually or used to want without knowing it? It is time to put away from us all the "should do's" and "have done's" and revise our whole list of needs and goals and desires to see if anything has changed, if WE have changed, if we now require different outcomes to our lives.
Hey, it's good to talk to you Moon Swatter! I think you're right. The biggest message is not dwelling in the past and as a cancerian, that is a tall order indeed. I think I have changed what I thought I wanted. I no longer feel guilt for choosing what's best for me, and will stand up and say NO if the situation calls for it.
I hope all has been well with you, and that it continues to be so. I don't know about you, but I know I've been battling - if that's the word - between two sides of me. One wants a partner, the other doesn't want to be answerable to anyone. So I decided to shelve that idea altogether and focus on who I really am. In doing that, it requires a ditching of what I used to be.
How about you?
Maybe you could compromise and ask for a strong independent partner who will respect your equality and allow you plenty of freedom, while still being there when you need him? They are out there. I think in the past you have wanted 'weaker' partners whom you could nurture and protect. But like with the cockatiels, you are now turning your nurturing protective instinct quite rightly away from your partners and towards other things that need your mothering.
My friend, I think you're right. I decided long ago that I no longer want to nurture and mother a partner. I need one I can lean on; one who allows that but doesn't throw it back in my face like my ex husband did. At the moment, life is very lonely, but I'd rather be lonely than struggling in a bad relationship. And I talk to the animals; talk, talk, talk!! I'm getting another kitten in a couple of days because I love cats and hate being without one. Plus I need a mouser and a snake deterrent, both of which cats are excellent at. I miss Domino though; he was such a unique little moggie and only four years old. I've walked around calling his name, put fliers in letterboxes, but nothing ...
And what about you? Any signs of a partner in crime for you?
No sight of any soulmate on the horizon, but this year it could happen since the signs for me are that I must focus more on my own development, learning and life. It is time for everyone to become their own 'guru'. I will be the first to admit that when it comes to love and partnership, I am pretty clueless.
I miss cats too (or any animal, really).
Well, that makes two of us who are "clueless"! I thought I knew something, but obviously didn't and still don't. I'm torn between letting the heart rule or letting the head rule, but when it comes to love, I don't know that the head can be given too much rein! So, I dunno ... like you, I remain, yours sincerely and truly DENSE lol!
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Thanks dmick! Let's see what 2014 brings for all of us. In truth, I'm bloody tired from 2013, so hope the challenges aren't too exhausting lol!!
It's all this long Saturn transit - it's been with us for almost two years and it's hard. Here is what I compiled from the internet on surviving Saturn's rampage -
Astrologically, there is a very tough alignment at the moment that began back in October 2012. The bad news perhaps is that it doesn't conclude (mostly) until December 23 of this year...the good news is that it does really pass - there is an end to all this turmoil. Saturn cycles always seem as if they’re permanent, because Saturn manifests as people or situations which are frozen. It’s an illusion, though, so don’t live your life as if this is forever. This Saturn in Scorpio cycle is particularly hard because so many people were born with Uranus, Neptune or Pluto in Scorpio. In other words, entire generations of people are waking up to find a major part of their personality is affected. They will all be affected financially by this cycle as Scorpio rules banking.
A Saturn cycle has three stages. You will have seen the first big moment of truth from October 2012 through July 2013. In an attempt to avoid what they fear is coming, these stuck, frozen Saturn people and organisations you are dealing with now always stick to a system. The second stage runs August 2013 through May 2014, so you’re battling these systems right now. If you have planets in Scorpio, you are dealing with world economies and the sharemarkets which are manifesting Saturn. How do they do this? Classically through not moving or shifting, which is a standard Saturn response. Have you hit brick walls? Had a rote response? Met a formula, not a normal moving process? You’ve met Saturn in Scorpio.
The final stage of the cycle when Saturn moves over the final 10 degrees or so of his transit in Scorpio is the beginning of the end. The light at the end of the tunnel. Watch this unfold, June - December 2014 and a just little bit more again in June - September 2015 when the saga slowly starts to draw to a close. After that, Saturn will not bother you again – at least not in the Scorpio-ruled house of your horoscope.
Saturn is about freezing in the face of fear. That’s why people, individually or en masse, get stuck in this cycle – and that means you may be stuck as well. Delays are common, prepare for them. Don’t try to change them – it’s not going to work. Duck and dive around Saturn people and situations. Saturn is the ringed planet. Those rings accurately describe the defences of Saturn people, organisations, institutions and nations. Bricked in by their own fear, they ‘protect’ themselves with systems and set-ups which they build over a long period of time, quite painstakingly. How do you deal with these negative, self-sabotaging people, groups, organisations (or even entire industries or nations)? There are things you can do on a personal level to get through this difficult time (and the first thing is to not think of it as difficult, ha!). Here are a few ways to work with Saturn, not against 'him'. Remember, he can be your ally, not your enemy., if you understand what he requires
- Be positive and practical. Structure your time, even for leisurely things if you want to see
your time expand.
Get a day planner to keep track of your responsibilities.
Value and honor your time . . . spend it wisely and consciously.
Charge the appropriate amount for your work.
Challenge yourself with something new every day.
Don’t give away your authority (literally the authorship of your life).
Have a sense of humor.
Refuse to be ruled by guilt, fear, or shame.
Get regular dental check-ups.
Pay your bills on time and keep your material/financial issues together.
Have some kind of discipline in your life (health, relationships, money etc.).
Have 3 absolute no’s in every area of your life. During S in S, it's more a time of "Don't do..." rather than "Do...". which of course pushes buttons for many of us who question authority and value our freedom. This may be an energy which is repressive and depressive, or comforting and providing useful boundaries - it all depends how we respond and work with it.
Don’t have too many rules or too few rules. (LOL!)
Set limits. Limits can actually create freedom by giving you a boundary and a time to work within.
Know when to say when . . . and enough is enough.
Give up your grudges, your secrets, your suspicions, and your jealousies.
Stay humble and use every grain of time to cultivate wisdom.
Avoid taking on anything/anybody new and important, especially in the areas of your finances. Scorpio also impacts on areas including death, secrets, change, spirituality, insurance, legacies, other people's money, stocks, bonds, taxes, inheritances, wills, sex and sexual organs, death, surgeries, astral experiences, metaphysics, transformation, regeneration, the resources of others. Watch who or what you are committing to if you cannot avoid new projects, contracts, people or involvements.
Balance is crucial at this time. It is advisable to put the brakes on any questionable behaviour, even or especially your own. But it is equally important to resist Saturn’s bullying. Saturn can be intimidating to the free spirited. It may, if not balanced within our psyche, undermine weak self-esteem, heightening self-doubt and confusion. During this time, we are going to experience BIG adjustments, shifts and changes in circumstances that are most definitely beyond our control. The key is to be accepting and allowing of all the challenges. They are not negative - they are simply a wake-up call to deal with anything that is not quite right, or is past its 'sell by date'. Saturn's influence only becomes negative if we resist it, or do not work with it. When we exercise The Law of Neutrality, this can be a very positive restructuring influence indeed.
So ask yourself, are you afraid of change? Are you hiding secrets even from yourself? Are you with someone who does not really turn you on, just because it is easy, comfortable and provides security? Scorpio/Saturn will demand that you find some self sufficiency and fall more in love with yourself completely, before you connect with the right person. Co-dependency and unhealthy connections will struggle to survive in the current energies which urge us to be expansive, fully evolved, and everything we can be. Now is the time to explore your potential. It will not work if you are held in check by possessiveness, control, obsession, and jealousy. ANY of these Scorpio issues you may have been dealing with will need to finally be addressed and put to bed. This time is about coming into our own power and magnificence, where we make independent choices which suit who we are. Does this mean we must all become a little more selfish? In a way yes! We are being challenged to recognise that paradoxical truth that the more we love, accept and nurture ourselves, the more we have to give from the heart to others. Loving YOU completely, means you will have a whole lot more to share with and to give to the rest of the world. Saturn in Scorpio is an energy which requires us to be magnificently independent, and yet wholeheartedly connected. The paradox of this challenge is that it means we can all be so deeply connected, in a way we have never been before.
Saturn, the planet symbolically associated with time, challenges, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, heaviness and hard lessons is also positively linked with structure, accomplishment, power, maturity, reflection, order and prestige. The Cosmic Taskmaster can be quite heavy and challenging at times, but the gift of Saturn’s formidable wisdom will guide you for the rest of your life. It is now possible to give your life a shape and meaning despite any turmoil and confusion you are going through. The key is to sit loose, and trust that the outcome is going to leave you with what is REAL. We need to stay calm but determined, TRUST, and focus on our life goals. Saturn in Scorpio will instigate a process of separating the wheat from the chaff. If you remember that the goals to aim for are independence, maturity, responsibility, ambition, and self evaluation, you WILL come through it all with your dignity intact.
This information about Saturn is really interesting. I'd read some about it earlier, and it made a lot of sense. To be honest, I know my finances have been a focal point right throughout 2013. I've had to learn to say no, and to try and avoid those times when I feel like retail therapy is just what I need. I've learned to do the first one. The second one, not so good! Sometimes I actually NEED things, and when I look back on the last twelve months, I really haven't spent money on trivial stuff that wasn't needed. Here and there, sure. But not large amounts and not consistently. I'm still struggling though ...
As for emotionally, I've been in tears - on and off - since about November. I wondered if I wasn't emotionally exhausted or something. But that's how I've been. I'm menopausal too, so that hasn't helped either.
I wonder if I'm alone in feeling like that? But very weepy have I been for some time now. Yet a part of me refuses to go to the doctor because I don't want to get put on a cocktail of drugs. I don't want to be numbed by medicine. So I'm trying to ride with it.
And my sense of being so alone in the world has come to the fore too. It's really bugging me that I have no-one I can turn to if I end up in a sticky spot. No family, no friends who aren't otherwise committed and busy, so I'm at a wee bit of a loss there ... While a small part of me is proud of doing it all alone. And that's what concerns me because I'm also questiioning if I'm actually CAUSING myself to be alone because I don't ask for help much or at all.
There sure have been some challenges! I'd love to hear what others have been going through, because I'm near certain I'm not in that boat alone! WELL PLEASE, I'D LIKE TO THINK I WASN'T IN THAT BOAT ALONE COZ I'M IN MY HOUSE ALONE LOLOL!!!
Thank you Captain, for this great info! Very, very interesting and useful indeed ...
Being physically alone doesn't have to mean emotionally or mentally alone, thanks to the internet. You have friends here Moonie and we all can help each other when we feel alone. You can feel alone even while in the midst of many people. But if we all stay connected in the true spiritual sense, connected to the Source, and with our guides and angels, and all the consciously aware people on the planet, we will never be alone.
Financially I feel you may be focusing too much on lack, on what you don't have and can't afford - which only attracts more lack. By putting your attention on what you have, counting your blessings, you raise your energy to the point where you feel abundant and thus attract more of it.
I think you may have a subconscious belief that being alone means you cannot be hurt by anyone (else). The tears you are shedding are your grief, pain, and loss which you are still processing. Give yourself time to heal - spirit has given you the space in your life to do so.
To uplift your life, try this - grab any paints or crayons or whatever and some paper and daub on the brightest boldest colours to make some happy pictures that you can hang up around your home. Doesn't matter if they are simple and basic drawings. Paint whatever you like. Express your feelings, but only in the brightest happiest colours. Paint what makes you feel good. The paintings are just for you. Bright colours are so uplifting and you may even have some fun expressing yourself creatively.
I think I new I still hadn't quite "got it" when it comes to money/abundance. I get so afraid sometimes, and have ended up overdrawing on my account twice in one month. This is due to constantly forking out for my daughter who is at uni and I'm starting to think she should be doing SOMETHING to earn some money instead of me and her father constantly paying for her. We don't pay the fees though; this is being done through hex, but it's other expenses like her accommodation and her mobile phone. Plus her car. I'm getting so tired of paying for her car and her phone! It really drains my money. So I told her she needs to start restructuring her allowances and her fortnightly spending so she can afford her accommodation, and start contributing a bit more. I don't want her struggling too hard to get through her uni course though, but to me, she's not really learning any real value of working for her money. By the time I was her age, I'd been at work for three years and hardly asked my parents for help. I'd also been living out of home for over twelve months by the age of 20 as well. That one is a hard one, but for me, it needs dealing with because it makes my own life harder than it has to be.
You're not far wrong about the being alone thing. I had one last "discussion" with a member of my family a few weeks ago and I truly realised that they are no longer part of my life. I had hoped that they'd come around and realise that I wasn't the bad guy but ... no. And I keep having strange dreams that involve my ex husband. Don't know what the significance of that is either, but boy, do I wonder ...
I'll try that painting thing! I have found some joy by repainting the inside of the house, and got the outside front of it painted in October. That gave me some real satisfaction. Plus I've learned a wee bit of diy in getting out my drill and other things and having a go. It hasn't been GREAT (the workmanship that is lol) but I'm learning and am very thankful for youtube lol!! I didn't even know how to put a drill bit in the chuck until I youtubed it ... hehe
For now though, I'm a bit buggered with the heat. No doubt you are too? You're in Queensland if memory serves? Gee, this heatwave is the summers I remember when I was a kid in Sydney. No rain either, for all of January so far. How is it where you are? I do have a gut feeling that February will be a wet month though, so I'm hanging on for that, while I hope my dam holds out and I can keep my lawn and plants alive.
No doubt my own biggest challenge is to stop thinking that every person who comes into my life is going to leave it. So tired of goodbyes am I. And of being left without an explanation. That has happened once too many times, even with friends. It serves to make Jill a pretty jaded lily while she tries not to let that happen ...
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Well dmick, I think sometimes we get stuck living a life that fits in with others' expectations. Circumstances dictate how we live too.
I don't think you're being selfish about wanting your own space! Gee, as parents we give up a whole lot of space when we have children lol! Not that we care about that, but once they're grown and independent, I think it's a tall order to have to compromise our lives yet again. Still, that's the sort of world we live in, and some kids just expect it from their parents. There's those genuine cases though, where they need a bit of downtime and space to save up for - as in your daughter's case - their own place, or they're studying or some other thing. So long as it doesn't become a bludging session where you end up forking out all the time, giving up your time and space consistently while they have a lovely life at your expense, it's all good!
Like you, I miss having a passion for something. I feel like something's missing. I can't remember the last time I actually laughed and really felt it. Or woke up in the morning really looking forward to the day.
Guess that'll change soon enough. But it drives me insane sometimes.
Again like you, I'd love to have alpacas again, and even though I live on a property, my owners won't allow it. I can't even rent a paddock. It isn't really something that you can do without a partner or some sort of help though, so there's that as well.
Hence us feeling stuck! We want to do things, but are met with the way forward to those things being blocked. And I guess that'll change too eventually!
Congratulations in advance for your Grandson! It's always great news when a child comes into the world. I reckon I'll be waiting till I'm 70 before I'm a grandparent lol!
As for that friend of yours, isn't that amazing that she wrote you after all that time? She must be wanting to tie up loose ends, make amends for things she did wrong, all that stuff so she can live her own life in peace. That, and she just might be feeling truly sorry for letting the friendship be affected by her own stupidity. I wish my parents'd do the same, but that's a pipe dream and I reckon h e l l would freeze over before that happened anyway.
Strange too, that I had a meeting with an old work mate in November. Dave and me were like brother and sister; there was never anything romantic between us. The meeting in November was after not seeing each other for 30 years, and even though it was only a friend thing, I still can't understand why we met up, then he disappears completely and I haven't heard a word from him either by email or by text. Very strange considering we'd been emailing consistently for a lot of years.
There's your challenge for 2014, Moonie - finding your passion. You are only stuck because you don't know what it is.
Could be. I wonder what it actually is, because I'm tired of feeling like I drag myself through most days lately!
It seems like caring for humans and animals is your passion. But maybe you need something more personal too.
Well I work in aged care, and have done for 10 years now after being an admin girl for 20+ before that. I like the oldies; they're COOL! I do miss the alpacas though; that's something that sticks in my craw as one of those sacrifices I had to make when leaving my ex husband, although we had got out of the business a year before. I love those animals! They're amazing, intelligent and beautiful. I hope one day to be able to be with them again. Sadly here, my owners won't let me have them, I can't even rent a paddock which is a crying shame. Still, I've had a bit on my plate out here in some ways, so it's probably been good that I've had mainly sefl-sufficient animals to care for.
I think you're right. As for the more personal, well, that'll become clear I guess. I still want to write, but just don't seem to find the time or energy lately. I do things in dribs and drabs, but I've had some great suggestions about publishing. I was also reading your message about that over a year ago, and it got me thinking that I'd had the wrong idea about it all along. So one day when I'm not lured outside doing stuff, I'll sit before this computer and actually DO something towards that. It's about time.
You're going to think this is weird, but while tapping out this response, I'm getting the word "hip, hip, hip". whether that's the higher ups going "hip hip hooray, she's got it at last!!" or do you have a sore hip? Gotta ask!